Chapter 26

The kiss was slow and deliberate. Not too forceful, not too fast. But it wasn't quick either. It wasn't hesitant or fumbled. Tender. As first kisses go, it was rather perfect. Or at least that is what was coursing through the minds of both ladies. Neither was reserved and for the moment, neither wanted the kiss to end. But slowly, more from the need for oxygen than from a want for the moment to end, they pulled back from each other. Each stared at the other, looking for any signs of regret. None was to be seen.

Jane leaned forward and rested her forehead against Maura's. She sighed but with such contentment behind the sigh that it sent shivers through Maura. "Maura….."

Maura gently reached up and placed her forefinger on the lips that had just been hers. "Sssshhhhhh," she uttered quietly but soothingly. She tilted her head back up and reclaimed Jane's lips as hers. Round two was even better than the first. Pressure and pace a perfect fit for the two. This, too, lasted as long as they could let it last.

"Maura," Jane tried again. She was searching for the right thing to say. She inhaled deeply trying to take in as much of Maura's scent as she possibly could. Never in her life had something felt so right, so perfect. She hadn't planned this, she wasn't expecting this to happen and she couldn't even really place ever having a conscious desire for this to happen but it was happening. And it felt right and true. Truer than anything ever had before in her life.

Maura looked at Jane and could see she was searching for the words. Words. Maura had none. Feelings definitely. But not words. Bliss, contentment, desire all happening at the same time. And a satisfaction that not one emotion was negative or fearful. This was right. It felt like this was effortless, natural. There was such peace within Maura in that moment she couldn't believe that the moment could get any better.

But it could. Jane, not yet ready to try to formulate an entire thought, went for thirds. This time with just a bit more passion and desire behind it. Lips linked together and Jane raised a hand to caress Maura's face. Maura's tongue brushed gently across Jane's bottom lip waiting for access and access was quickly granted. The sensation of Jane's tongue in her mouth, lips still locked, made Maura lightheaded. And once again the kiss lingered for as long as both seemed to be able to allow it.

Finally pulling back Jane put together a coherent sentence. "I think I could continue to do that all night but we really do need to talk."

Maura nodded and took both of Jane's hands in hers. "We really should, shouldn't we."

So that was settled. They needed to talk. But neither made a move to start. The silence wasn't awkward. There had always been such ease between the two of them that even this apparent change in their relationship hadn't managed to put that in jeopardy.

Jane reached back down and held Maura's hand again determined to continue the touch of her in some small way. Jane spoke first. "I have to say something and I do not want you to take it the wrong way."

"Ok…"

"For the record I do not regret that we just kissed, but…." Jane was struggling trying to get out what she wanted to say. She didn't want to hurt Maura. She didn't want to ruin what had just been a series of near perfect moments.

"But…" Maura waited patiently for Jane to complete her thought.

"But I think I regret the timing."

"Oh." Maura pondered for a minute.

"Let me explain. I'd love the say I had planned this. That I knew this was going to happen. That I had an idea that we could even end up here. But I didn't. I'm not sorry that we are here but you've been through so much over the last few weeks and even today that I think I regret this is being added to it." Jane looked at Maura desperately trying to gauge her reaction to what she was trying to say.

"So, the timing not the act?"

"Definitely the timing. You've been on an emotional roller coaster lately from the confrontation with your father two weeks ago to the confrontation with him again today. I don't want any of whatever this is between us to be something that happened for you because you weren't thinking clearly. It may sound crazy but if this is what is to evolve for us I don't ever what to feel like I took some sort of advantage of you during a time of emotional distress."

Maura was touched. In that moment she was almost overwhelmed with a sense of security. Jane, who had always put Maura ahead of her own needs, was doing it again. She was more concerned about Maura's state of mind and reaction to the kiss than about anything for herself. There wasn't a concern about changing their relationship or what it all meant or would mean. Jane was standing in front of her worried about her and her needs. It made her smile.

She lifted her hand and caressed Jane's face. "Listen to me. Yes, I have had a couple a crazy weeks. However, I'm thinking very, very clearly right now. I'm not sorry for kissing you. I don't regret any part of this, including the timing.

"To be honest with you, if the last two weeks hadn't happened I'm not sure kissing you would ever have happened. You aren't the only one that didn't plan for this to happen. I didn't have a master plan here either. As much as I think you want this not to be tied into any negative situation, that's really not possible. But that doesn't make it means less or mean something different. It just is what it is or what it will be."

Jane breathed a sigh of relief. She didn't want to screw things up before they had even had a chance to develop into something, whatever that may be. What was happening to them? This was new. She hadn't been lying when she told Maura she hadn't planned any of this. What does kissing your best friend mean? Where does it lead? Slowly a thousand questions rushed through Jane's mind all at once. She found it very distracting.

Maura, picking up on a bit of unease, squeezed Jane's hand a little tighter trying to pull her back into the now instead of letting her drift into a sea of uncertainty. She felt herself drifting that way too. Jane had been right. She had been through a lot, especially today. But she was thinking clearly and kissing Jane was not a reaction to the emotional rollercoaster she had been on, it felt more like her reward for staying on the ride and seeing it to the end.

Realizing that they both were on the brink of falling into the mental abyss, Maura yielded towards an intervention. First, a fourth tantalizing kiss was in order. She moved in and found Jane's lips ready, willing and able to return her actions with equal vigor. Then, as she slowly pulled away, she locked eyes with Jane.

"Nothing needs to be decided or labeled or categorized or defined tonight. Let's get some sleep and we can talk again in the morning."

Jane nodded and let Maura lead her towards the bedroom still refusing to relinquish her hand. Once in the bedroom, they both got ready for bed without discussion and each claimed their respective sides of the bed. Only tonight, there wasn't a line down the middle to separate out territory. Jane curled herself around Maura as best she could. Maura interlocked her arms around Jane's as it rested across her stomach and she shivered again as Jane gently kissed the base of her neck. Both thought in that moment that this was the most comfortable sleeping position they had ever found themselves in.

With one last kiss on the back of Maura's neck Jane whispered, "Good night Maura."

Maura stroked Jane's arm with her finger, "Good night Jane."

They both fell into a deep sleep still connected to each other. Tomorrow would come soon enough.