Part 2: God's Hairball

"Whoa…" Finn rubbed his eyes. "Is this the…"

A lovely little disembodied kitty head glided their way and nibbled Jake on the ear, confirming Finn's suspicion.

"Yes, Fred the Human, this is indeed the Phantom World—"

"Spirit World," Finn corrected.

"Either way is fine," Quasipan countered, prowling his personal dimension, and encircling the two with predatory eyes as the lost feline body parts flitted in and out of existence against the dark, moist hairball walls.

"It's listed here in the Enchiridion as 'the Spirit World,'" said Jake, rummaging through Finn's backpack for a nice sandwich to sniff; Quasipan's domain was most decidedly not redolent of roses. "Your knowledge must be connected to the Spirit World somehow. It's probably equivalent exchange or something."

"Gross, does that mean this part of his brain's been scooped out, and so this is where all his hairballs end up?" Finn yecked.

"You dare backtalk the master of this world?" Quasipan hissed, and then he fell on his side, since he lacked a tail with which to balance his quadrupedal gait. Hurriedly he scrambled back onto his feet and sat down on his hind legs, passing his tumble off as though he had planned it. Gazing at the two mental bottom feeders he'd seen fit to invite to his brain's attic, he spoke: "The only way out is through me. I'm afraid you can't afford to cross me."

"Yeah, okay," scoffed Jake, "except for my secret SUPER STRETCHY EXPLOSION TECHNIQUE!" Jake performed a ninja hand seal and blew up in size in order to pound on the confines of the hairball, but with a snap of the digits of Quasipan's paw, the pooch found himself unable to expand.

"Huh? What's going on?" Jake scratched his head.

"I believe whelps like you aren't capable of any such stretchy nonsense," Quasipan decreed airily. "You see, a rather convenient upside of this realm of APPROXIMATE WORLD KNOWLEDGE, inside my brain, is that, should I choose to reflect on it, I would find that people who normally wouldn't be able to do unbelievable things, can't do them. You are a dog. A dog, as I understand it, cannot stretch. Therefore, you cannot stretch. And you, Fred: as the only remaining human, you are the greatest outlier of all… if you catch my meaning."

"…Oh no…" Finn blanched in horror.

"Perhaps the world would start to make a little more sense if you simply dropped dead, Fred."

Finn brandished his sword and recklessly charged forth, shouting "No way! I won't let you stop to think about it!"

"That blade looks quite brittle and beat up—it's high time it broke, wouldn't you agree?"

Quasipan cackled as the sword disintegrated in Finn's hands.

Another snap of the paw, and Quasipan was now prowling upside-down on the ceiling. "A nigh lord like myself ought to ascend to a slightly higher plane of existence than you lowlives, all things considered."

"Get back here, coward!" Jake jabbed his finger skyward accusingly. "Don't make me use my mind powers on you!"

Jake began to hover in place in a stance of meditation, rubbing his temples in order to prepare a psychic attack, and to shoo away the spectral cat head still nibbling on his ear.

""Dude, life's on the line, nooooooot helping." Finn was now bending his knees repeatedly in anxiety, hands balled up into fists.

Quasipan continued: "Humans didn't typically wear hats by the time they were wiped out, and certainly not a hat like that."

A snap, and Finn's hair flowed freely.

"I can but lift a finger, and strip you of all your experience and power and authority—And my, my, that hair seems to exceed the average length of a male human's by a wide margin—"

"Yeah, well CATS CAN'T SNAP THEIR PAWS," Finn fired back, fists ablaze and eyes indignant.

"Eh?" Quasipan's paws had been rendered mute, no matter how emphatically he snapped his non-opposable fingers.

Bingo! It worked both ways!

"And most cats don't have approximate world knowledge, either!"

Finn braced himself, expecting the pocket dimension to crumble. But nothing happened.

"I am MORE than a mere 'cat,' BOY!" Quasipan seethed. "Here, I am a GOD!"

Finn swallowed down tears as the impact of another psychic wave hit his head like a fire hose.

"You are here to amuse me, not to challenge me!" Quasipan cried. "And should you fail to sufficiently entertain me, I might return to dwelling upon the fate of the human race once more."

The last thing Finn saw before he blacked out was Quasipan's gratified rictus.