Chapter 32

Morning seemed to come quickly. Maura stirred at the crack of dawn and was actually glad her internal clock was returning to normal. She generally was up around dawn and it was comforting to see things return to something more consistent. She took comfort in the warmth of her current sleeping situation which admittedly was anything but normal. Or at least the normal that had existed before her time in New York. She turned to face the woman sound asleep next to her. Just the sight of Jane peacefully asleep took her breath away. There wasn't another thing on Earth that was as beautiful as Jane when she was sound asleep.

Jane. How could someone who had experienced so much pain and terror also be the same person Maura had come to depend on for inner strength and courage? How was it that Jane was the rock for Maura when it should have been the other way around? The things Jane had survived to this point should have broken her completely. They would have broken just about anyone. Maura was convinced she, herself, would have been broken. But Jane, somehow Jane seemed to fight back and move forward. Maura admired her for that. She loved her for it too.

Maura understood where the hard-as-nails, tough exterior Jane desperately projected came from. She not only understood it but she also respected Jane because of it. Jane could have easily backed away from the world, her job, her life and used the tragedies of her life as the excuse or a crutch. But, in all the years Maura had known Jane, she never once traded in on her pain. Never once used a single situation to get special attention or weasel her way out of anything. In fact, Jane mostly refused to have anyone acknowledge any of the ordeals and she absolutely hated it if someone tried to call her a hero. She was one. She was Maura's hero. Only Maura knew she could never say that to Jane.

Maura found herself looking down at the scars on Jane's hands. Maura had for years wanted to protect Jane from any more pain, trauma or harm. Jane had been through enough for ten lifetimes and Maura had wanted to spare her from anything else. It was once they had established their friendship that Maura first felt the need to protect her. That had seemed natural. But now, lying next to her, Maura not only felt a need to protect Jane from future ordeals but also this overwhelming need to heal her from the pain she had already suffered. Maura had this intense desire to fix the broken part of Jane's psyche. She wondered if maybe her love could be the answer.

Maura knew Jane was still haunted by demons. They usually visited her when she was asleep and unable to keep them at bay. Maura had spent many a night comforting a terrified Jane after she would wake up screaming from a nightmare. Hoyt's death had helped diminish the frequency of the nightmares but they hadn't completely gone away. Not all the dreams were about Hoyt. Not all the dreams were explained to Maura. Some demons Jane wouldn't even name.

Maura had seen Angela try to comfort Jane in the aftermath of a nightmare. There was clearly a strong, loving bound between mother and daughter but after a nightmare Angela was never able to reach Jane never able to completely calm her. The same held true for Frankie. It was rare for him to be around when Jane was asleep but it had happened a couple of times and even though they were as close as any brother-sister combination could be, he too failed to penetrate Jane's guarded psyche after a nightmare and he could never fully calm her either. Tommy stood no chance.

The only person known to make any difference was Maura. Somehow, Maura was always able to reach through all the fear and uncertainty almost immediately and that had seemed to make the difference. If Maura was there, Jane snapped out of it faster, calmed quicker and Maura was also the only one who could ever get Jane to fall back to sleep afterwards. Maura never fully understood why she had a different effect on Jane that her family but she did. As she thought about it she wondered if maybe her power over Jane was love.

Whatever it was, Maura was absolutely grateful for it. She looked back down at the peace of Jane's sleep and wanted that to never end. She never wanted Jane to have another nightmare. No more nights torn open by her screams. No more nights ended with her sobs. Maura wanted Jane to have true peace. Jane had earned it. More than earned it. Maura wondered if maybe she was a key to helping Jane find it. As she stared at the sleeping beauty next to her she hoped she was.

Maura slide out from the bed and managed not to disturb Jane's sleep. She had things she needed to get done this morning but she wanted to get a run in before the morning was lost to chores and packing. She dressed and headed out but not before stopping at the bed, leaning over and placing a light kiss on Jane's forehead. Yes, she definitely would protect this woman and maybe, hopefully, even heal her.

Jane vaguely registered the sound of the bedroom door closing. She didn't have to guess that it was early. There was not too much natural light drifting into the room yet. Although half asleep she correctly guessed the door she heard was Maura. She let her arm slide over to where the doctor should have been found sleeping and was less than surprised to feel the emptiness. Five will get you ten says that crazy lady just went for a jog, Jane thought to herself as she rolled and stretched out at the same time no longer worried about hogging the bed. She thought about getting up and maybe trying to catch up to Maura but that thought lasted as long as it took for her to fall back to sleep.

She rolled over again about twenty minutes later this time much more awake and coherent. Sensing no further sleep would come to her, she made the slow effort to get upright. She hadn't minded being here, but Jane was ready to go home. A smile crossed her face at the notion of Boston, her apartment, her job and even her dog. Yes, it was definitely time to head back.

She wandered into the kitchen and started to make coffee. She was just contemplating whether Maura, or Constance for that matter, would be interested in a big breakfast when she heard stirrings from the guest room. Apparently the Isles women were both early risers. As the coffee brewed, Jane pulled down three cups. Two she filled immediately the other she placed next to the pot for when Maura had returned from her run.

Her timing was perfect. Just as Constance entered the kitchen Jane handed her the cup of coffee. "Good morning. How did you sleep?"

"You read my mind on the coffee Jane," she said thankfully. "I slept just fine thank you. Is Maura awake?"

"Your insane daughter is off chasing rabbits or squirrels or birds or whatever other creatures are crazy enough to out running around before 6 am," she said with a smile.

"She certainly has more discipline that me. I wouldn't jog this early even if I was recovered enough to be jogging."

"I'm not a fan. The last time I was jogging this early was when we were trying to squeeze in training for the Boston marathon. I hated every second of it."

"But you did it."

"Well, yeah but only because Maura wanted to. I'd have never signed up to run a full marathon if Maura hadn't wanted to do it."

Constance smiled at that. They sipped coffee in quiet for a few minutes.

"Will you be ok here by yourself?" Jane asked with sincere concern.

"Yes, I think I'll manage just fine."

"I know that my mother has rooted herself in Maura's guest house but she can easily shift to my place if you would like to spend a longer or more permanent stay in Boston you know. Maura would love to have you closer to her."

The compassion in Jane's tone touched Constance in a way she wasn't expecting. "That's really sweet Jane. But I wouldn't dream of displacing your mother. It makes Maura happy having Angela as a neighbor."

"But if you need a place in Boston don't think there isn't one for you."

"If I end up in Boston I'm sure Maura and I will be able to figure out an arrangement that would work for everyone. Besides, until things here are more permanently resolved, this is where I need to be."

"Fair enough," Jane offered and let the subject pass.

"You make her happy Jane." It was simple but direct. And absolutely true.

Jane wondered if they awarded medals for a person's ability not to spit coffee out violently during moments of unexpected comments. If they did, she had just earned at least consideration. She managed not to spit and recovered enough to be able to look Constance in the eyes. Not quite sure what to say, she opened her mouth and heard this come out "Not as happy as she makes me." Had she really just said that? She meant it but had she really, truly just said that to Maura's mother?

Constance smiled, "Seriously Jane. You make her very happy. You are good for her. She was never really comfortable around others and I have seen that change in her. It changed because of you."

"I think she managed that on her own."

"She never would have even tried had it not been for you. And your family. You were there for her Jane when her family, when I, wasn't. I'll be grateful to you for that for the rest of my life."

"You are here for her now. That's all that matters."

"Yes I am but your presence in my daughter's life matters Jane. More than mine does. It's obvious that you love her. And she loves you. I just want you to know that I think she is very lucky to have you in her life and I don't see how she could ever do better than you."

"Thank you. That means a lot to me but I told Maura the other night that you had that backwards. I'm the lucky one."

Just as Jane finished her sentence, they both turned hearing the front door open and Maura walk towards the kitchen.