Chapter 34

Jane stared out the window watching the world streak by. She had taken advantage of a lull in the conversation with Maura to process what she had both said and heard. She thought there was never a better example of opposites than her and Maura. One nervous about moving forward for fear of losing what was had. One nervous about not moving forward for fear of losing what could be.

Jane thought about the irony that she may be facing the classic glass half empty or glass full paradigm. She was definitely the glass half empty. Maura was so the glass half full. Was she crazy to think that their now developing relationship could be the solution to the quintessential dilemma? That theirs could be an equation that would find two halves joining to make one whole? Was it simple math? The question made Jane smile.

Maura, noticing the smile drift across Jane's face asked, "What are you thinking about?"

Jane turned to look into the hazel eyes that were looking thoughtfully back at her. "Fractions."

Maura's brow furrowed as this both totally surprised and confused her. "Fractions? As in math?" this made absolutely no sense to Maura at all.

"Yes." Jane was still attempting to finish the particular train of thought she had been on and didn't provide any more detail to Maura. She returned her gaze back out the window.

Maura waited for something more to go on but Jane offered nothing else. Fractions? She now desperately wanted to understand the context in which Jane would be thinking about mathematical entities. "Jane?"

"Huh….yes?" looking back at Maura again.

"I'm waiting for an explanation."

"To what?"

"To fractions. You can't just say something obscure like fractions and then not provide me any context to help extrapolate comprehension here. I mean seriously, fractions?"

Jane smiled again at Maura. She loved that she knew that when the crinkled line on Maura's forehead crinkled down and to the left it meant that she was frustrated. She loved that she knew that if that same crinkled line on her forehead crinkled up and to the right it meant that Maura was mad. She knew Maura so well. She knew her moods, her tones, her facial expressions. Jane was beginning to believe it was why she felt comfortable believing that she could love Maura and be loved by her. She already knew her. Already knew everything about her.

"What? Dr Smarty-pants can't figure out what fractions are?"

"I know what fractions are but I don't know what fractions are to you. Jane you aren't making any sense to me. Please explain what you mean."

"You really want to know this?"

"Yes," she nearly hollered.

"I was thinking about how, given the right set of circumstances, two halves can add up to one whole," and she stared into Maura's eyes as she reached over and laced her fingers with those of Maura.

"Oh," Maura thought for a second. Then it dawned on her the hidden context of Jane's sudden utterance wasn't about mathematical entities. The hidden context was about them.

Jane watched the crinkled line on Maura's forehead go from a deep, downward, left slanting angle to a slow, sudden easing to a complete relaxation and nearly faded altogether. That was the face of Maura finally figuring out something that had been puzzling her. "So you see, fractions."

Maura beamed and leaned in for a kiss. Their lips met for a brief but tender moment. Maura settled back into her chair. She seemed to get lost into her own thoughts and the two sat in silence again for awhile. After a few minutes she straightened up a bit and returned her attention to Jane. "Are you nervous at all about returning to Boston?"

Jane, snapping out of her train of thought was now the one that looked confused. Had they been deeply involved in a conversation she hadn't realized had started? "Am I what?"

"Are you nervous about returning to Boston?" Jane couldn't help but notice the edge to Maura's tone.

Not fully understanding her, Jane asked "Why would I be nervous about returning to Boston?"

"Are you at all worried about what will happen to us when we get back to Boston?"

"No, I'm not nervous. I'm assuming that we are going to take this one step at a time. Starting with an official date," she said with a smile.

Maura shook her head. That wasn't what she meant. "No, that's not what I mean. Are you worried about how being in Boston might change how we are right now?"

Jane was slowly starting to understand what Maura was asking. "Are you asking me if I'm worried about how being home will affect us?"

Maura nodded her head. "I mean if you really think about it, this change, this development with us all started to take shape away from Boston. You and I were alone for the most part in New York without any distractions or influences from family or friends or jobs. But now we are going home and are going to be surrounded by our lives. Are you worried about that at all?"

Clearly Maura was worried about it. Jane looked at her. "I hadn't really thought about that. Things have been so crazy that I guess I haven't given any thought to things changing because we are home. So I can't really say if I am nervous or not. But clearly you are. Why? What are you afraid of?"

"We've existed in a vacuum for the last week Jane. I'm a little concerned that things will get complicated once we are home and we aren't in that vacuum anymore."

Jane hadn't really given too much thought yet to how things could change or be influenced by being back home. They had been lucky being able to start realizing their feelings for each other outside the normal day to day of life in Boston. Maura probably had a point. There was a chance that things in Boston could get complicated.

"Truth? I hadn't really thought about that. I think maybe things could get complicated once we are home," and she looked away from Maura as she thought about something.

"What is it?" concern evident in Maura's voice.

"I was just thinking…Ma."

One word from Jane conveyed so many things. Maura knew that as much as Angela drove Jane crazy, they were very close. Was Jane worried about how Angela might react to their relationship? "Jane?"

"Was your mother freaked out at all about the idea of us getting involved? Even a little?"

"No. She hinted that she had suspected or wondered about us over the years so she had been used to idea for a while. When I confirmed that I had feelings for you, she was nothing but supportive."

"Maura," Jane for the first time showed signs of panic, "what if my mother can't accept me, us? What if she freaks out? I can't….what if…."

Maura leaned over and rubbed her hand in small circles on Jane's back trying to calm her down. "Hey, sshhh, Jane it's ok. Your mother loves you. She just wants you to be happy. I don't think you have anything to worry about."

Still panicking Jane wasn't appeased. "She very Catholic, Maura. This may not go over well with her beliefs."

"Jane, as religious as your mother is, you are her daughter and she loves you. And, I have to tell you, she already supports the idea of the two of us being together."

Jane looked at Maura with disbelief. "WHAT?!"

"Jane," Maura said in a lower tone trying to convey to her that she should be a little quieter, "I'm telling you that Angela has already indicated to me that she would support us as a couple."

The disbelief and shock did not leave Jane's face. But at least she didn't yell this time. "What are you talking about?"

"When I called your mother the other day to check in with her the conversation turned in a way I hadn't expected. She was trying to be supportive with me by trying to tell me I was the perfect daughter. Well, that made me cry and she felt really bad about that."

Jane nodded, "She explained that to me. I told her that her timing was just off. Get to how you know she supports us as a couple."

"In an attempt to shift the conversation away from me she started to ask whether you were taking care of me. She mentioned how much better she felt that you were with me and how she knew you would do anything for me. And out of nowhere, she told me that she had a secret hope that we would fall in love."

"Oh my God! She did not say that!"

"I swear. She shocked the hell out of me. It came from nowhere. She said that we were perfect for each other and that I was the only person you ever let get close. So her secret wish was that we would realize that our love was more than a friendship love."

"What did you say?"

"This was all before I knew how you felt about me and honestly before I really knew I felt anything more than friendship for you. So I couldn't think of anything to say. I had no response and I just got off the phone with her. But clearly Jane, she will be okay about you and I being together."

Jane didn't say anything for a few minutes.

"Jane?"

"I just need a minute here ok Maura."

"Ok."

"Maura?"

"Yes?"

"Ever get the feeling that you and I are the last one's to show up to the party?"

"Yes."

"Me too."

And they were both quiet again.