Note: This chapter has been edited from it's original form for compliance with the M rating on FanFiction. For the full, MA version of this chapter please visit this same story on Archive of Our Own. The story title and chapter title are the same. The author name is DeepLittleSOB. The link to my Dashboard is in my profile.

"So where to tomorrow?" Lizzy lightly asks Sam as she drops a blanket and pillow onto her large couch for him.

"Uh, heard from an old hunting buddy of dad's a few days ago," Sam explains as he shuts down his laptop while sitting in her recliner, by now known as his 'spot'. "Said there was a ghost in a school in Virginia that he couldn't get to and asked us to look into it."

"That's not super far," Lizzy responds, shaking out the blanket and laying it across the couch all the while looking for any bright side she can as they prepare to leave her behind.

"Yeah, and it looks pretty cut and dry which is nice," Sam tells her. He's not surprised that he's sad about her getting out for a while, but it's more than he expected. He really got used to her being a part of their daily lives.

"That's very nice," Lizzy says in agreement, knowing cut and dry is rarely their thing. She takes a moment to watch Sam carefully, studying his face, and Lizzy grows concerned. "Hey, ah, you feeling ok, Sam?" she wonders when she gets a good look at him standing under the ceiling light of her living room. The bags under his eyes are much more pronounced than even the past few days and he looks paler. "You coming down with something?"

"I'm just tired," Sam brushes aside, lying to her completely. Lizzy gives him an annoyed look as she marches over to him and slaps a hand to his forehead.

"You feel warm," she warns him.

"Lizzy, I'm fine," Sam says while immediately yet gingerly taking her hand off of his head. It's just been a while since he's 'juiced up' as he likes to think of it. Of course, he can't say that to her.

"Take some ibuprofen before you pass out, just in case you're getting a fever or something," she instructs to him.

"Yes mother," he dryly agrees, earning him a swat on the butt as he walks out of the room and makes his way to the bathroom. Lizzy follows him out and stops before heading into her bedroom.

"Night Sam-I-Am," Lizzy reluctantly says just like she does every night but this time knowing it could be a while before she says it again.

Sam turns back, smiles slightly and huffs. "Night Lizzy."

Once he disappears into the bathroom Lizzy lets herself feel the pain. Of course she'll miss Dean, it'll hurt like hell once he's gone, but the amount she'll miss Sam is no picnic either. Especially after everything in Vegas she feels tied to him now in a way she wasn't before. A lot has been said about how they view each other and what they mean to each other. He holds a bigger place in her heart now than ever before.

And then she walks through the door of her bedroom to see Dean and the pain gets so much worse. He's sitting at the edge of her bed, hands folded and head hung low. When he hears her he looks up to her and she really gets to see what she's doing to him. The sadness is breaking him and the look in his eyes makes her want to say fuck it after all and head out with them in the morning. But that wouldn't be right, it wouldn't help anything, and in the long run it would be even less fair to him and their relationship.

Closing the door behind her, Lizzy pauses. Very rarely does she find herself unsure of what to say or do around Dean. Everything always came easily for them, probably because it was supposed to, but right now she's at a loss.

"You're absolutely, one-hundred percent sure about this?" Dean asks one last time, that tiny little speck of hope driving him to make sure.

"No," she admits while leaning down to rummage through her duffel bag, pulling out her IPod and standing again. "But I know I don't have a choice."

Dean nods and looks away, making her chest physically hurt. Her own sadness was bad enough, but right now she swears she's picking up on his as well, making it almost hard to breathe. She's been able to do that a lot lately, feel what he feels. She's starting to think it's a side effect of being pumped with angel genes.

Lizzy walks to her bureau and pops her IPod into the dock there. Maybe music as a backdrop will help make this suck less. Also, she isn't letting him leave without a proper goodbye and traumatizing Sam further wasn't something she wanted to do. She starts up her playlist 'Easy Listening for Non-Pussies' and the room fills with Dave Matthew's voice singing 'I'll Back You Up'.

She then moves to the bed and climbs onto it, settling in behind him and wrapping her arms and legs around his torso. Pressing her palms flat against his chest, she finds sanctuary in the feel of his heartbeat that she can just make out. She never told him she did this, but anytime she could hear or feel the even drumming in his chest she felt peaceful, safe, and at home. It reminded her that he's still by her side and he always would be.

"This isn't me leaving you," Lizzy assures him, cocooning him within herself.

"I know," Dean lies completely.

"Stop doing that," Lizzy asks of him, her head resting on the back of his shoulder. "I know when you're lying and right now you're lying your pretty little face off."

"How do you always know?" Dean asks her. She's always been inside his head but lately she's been reading him a little too well for it to be comfortable.

"Can feel it," she explains as she hugs him in tighter. "I'm like tapped into you, remember?"

"Yeah, not weird at all," Dean remarks.

"It isn't so bad," Lizzy assures.

"Just… come with us," Dean tries again, voice not even a little hopeful this time. He knows she won't.

"How would that be fair to you?" Lizzy wonders aloud, hoping to make her point clearer. "If I don't take some time to really figure this shit out, it will be worse for us in the long run. I can't end up resenting you for all of this when none of it's your fault. If I end up having a grudge towards you that could kill us."

"This fucking sucks," Dean complains, defeated as he holds onto her hands clasped around his chest, knowing everything she says it true. He'd die is she ever resented him for anything.

"Sure does," Lizzy concurs. "But it's just temporary. Give me a little bit of time and I'll be ok. And we've done this before, you on the road and me here. We can do it again."

"But I don't want to," Dean turns his head to look at her behind him.

Lizzy sighs and closes her eyes. "I know. I've gotten used to your stubborn ass always being around and bugging the shit outta me."

"And I've gotten used to your sarcastic ass always being mean to me." Dean tightens his grip on her hands. "Maybe I'm just being a baby."

"You totally are," Lizzy confirms. "But I like that your being a baby. Means you love me." She kisses the back of his neck as one of her hands drags its way up his chest to rest on his shoulder.

"Yeah. I do," he confirms. "I'm sorry if I'm making this worse for you. I'm just not good at letting shit go if you haven't noticed."

"What?" she questions between kisses. "You bad at letting things go? No way," she caustically says as her lips return to his skin once more.

"Shut up," Dean jests sadly as he feels her shift behind him. Lizzy moves so that her legs are tucked under her, leaning forward against his back and craning her head as her lips travel around the side of his neck, over his jaw, and finally land on his lips.

Moving his mouth against hers, Dean does all he can to commit this feeling to memory. The internal warmth he always experiences whenever she kisses him might be what he'll miss the most. It's everything he cares most about in life in one simple action.

"I think sometimes you forget," Lizzy starts to explain, eyes slowly opening and lips brushing his. "That I love you as much as I do."

Dean looks at her, her bright brown eyes searching his just inches away, and considers what she says.

"You're all I want," she continues. "Just this, and that's why I have to stay here."

Without another word, because what does one even say to that, Dean turns himself around and presses his lips to hers. He trusts her completely with this decision, even if he's taking it horribly, and needs to show her just that.

Dean slowly eases her back until he's hovering over her reclined form. Pausing for a moment, he looks down at her lying underneath him with awe. Every now and then he has these quick flashes of amazement. When she fusses over him getting hurt, when she's worries about Sam just as much if not even more than he does, when she speaks her feelings for him aloud, when she does something just too cool to be normal, he finds it hard to understand why he's earned himself this. Even after finding out how controlled her life has been up until this point, and all because of him at that, she never once thought about breaking what they have off. The thought just never was an option to her.

When he feels her hands running down the sides of his face, he focuses again.

"I so don't deserve you," Dean admits, lowering himself until he's propped on his elbows on either side of her head. She makes a face of sadness over his words and opens her mouth to rebut him. "And don't tell me that I do, because I don't. I'm sure of it."

"You're frustrating," Lizzy tells him as she once more wraps her legs around his hips.

"It's been said," he answers flatly and kisses her once more, not letting her answer back. She'd just be lying to him anyways.

Lips and tongues moving slowly, they take their time. They'd been able to do whatever they want whenever they want for months now, diving into bed or the backseat of the Impala whenever the mood struck. Now that luxury is going to be put on a bit of a hiatus and both fully recognize the change.

"I just love you so much," Lizzy sighs out in her moment of total cherishment as she brings her mouth next to his ear. Her emotions roll through everything as Dean lifts his head to look at her. "I swear... I could never leave you. Please believe me."

Without another word, as neither needed to say anything else when they were so good at communicating silently, he kisses her hard, his lips pressing to hers with a sudden urgency. He felt like he couldn't get enough of her. It was never enough of her.