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Chapter 6

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The fog started to dissipate and John heard voices somewhere nearby. He tried to take note of where he was but his mind was incredibly fuzzy for some reason. But even with the fuzz he still could ascertain that he was in a comfortable bed. Most days he woke chained to the wall in his tiny, dark cell.

His tongue poked out and wet his lips as he tried to unglue his eyelids and open them. It was very difficult and he wondered why he was feeling this way. Of course it couldn't be the three weeks of beatings and torture he'd had here or the lack of food and water and good rest.

But now he was in a bed, although that had certainly happened before. It must be Thursday, tricking. Twice before they had tried to convince him that he had been rescued and was in a hospital being treated but they had never actually treated him and so the ruse had been over very quickly.

He lifted his hand and was happy to feel that there was no chain or cuff around his chafed wrists. He touched his face and his fingers rubbed the growth that hadn't been scraped away in weeks. He finally got the eyes open but had to blink a few times as his sight was more than blurry. He waved his hand in front of his face and could see the shape move but he sure couldn't tell how many fingers he was holding up. A few more blinks and he realized that this wasn't going away.

He thought back to the last thing he remembered and knew he had been stunned while still chained to the wall. They had obviously brought him here. He wondered what the game would be today. He'd play along for a while even if just to have a soft surface under him for a short time.

He turned his head and saw some figures moving across the room and noticed the room seemed a bit different from usual, although he couldn't really see it clearly so that could be it. The figures seemed to notice that he was awake and moved closer.

"Colonel, you're awake," a female voice said though it also seemed somewhat cloudy. "Your friends have been waiting for you for a while."

"Friends?" John croaked out, his mouth like sawdust.

"Yes, Colonel," said a voice that could possibly have been familiar. "It's me, Dr. McKay. I'm here with Ronon and boy are we glad to see you. We've been looking for you for a while."

"McKay…" John muttered and tried to wet his lips again. Within seconds a straw was placed between his lips and he felt cool moisture as soon as he sucked in.

John squinted his eyes and tried to focus. "What happened? Why can't I see you too well? Is Ronon really here?"

John didn't want to get his hopes up but was he really and truly rescued? He took another draw on the straw and no one stopped him. The last two times they tricked him, they hadn't allowed him anything to drink. But this time they were and the water didn't smell or taste bad.

"The Trust had you prisoner," the voice who had claimed he was McKay answered. "We got word from an operative who has been keeping an eye on them for a while. But they did a real number on you. Doc says you've got a concussion and that's probably what is affecting your eye sight. It'll get better. Don't worry."

"Just rest, Colonel," said another voice, a deeper one and John looked in the direction of that voice and saw a large blurry figure with lots of hair standing nearby.

"Ronon?"

"Yeah, it's me. You're gonna be fine. The concussion has you a bit confused. A few days of rest and you'll be right as rain."

John was more baffled than ever and his mind and thoughts were all scrambled. He couldn't have been rescued, could he? He wanted this more than anything but nothing had been as it seemed and what were the chances that rescue came on the day they usually tricked him. If Medusa was nothing else, she was predictable.

John closed his eyes and relaxed against the very soft pillow. He really could use the rest and figured even if this was a trick, he would enjoy it while it lasted. And maybe get something out of it.

"Hey, guys," he addressed the two shadowy people he could still see the outlines of. "Any food around here? I'm starving. How about getting me something to eat?"

"Oh, uh …" Rodney stumbled on his words. "I don't think the doctor wants you eating anything yet. Something to do with your stomach not being able to process it … you know some medical reason. But you've got an IV which should help."

But as he lay there he wondered what exactly was in the IV. He felt for the tubing connected to his arm and tried to see the bag attached to it. It was still all a blur. He moved on to his side and stated, "Back's a little sore. I'm just going to lay this way, okay?"

No one stopped him and so he draped one hand over the tubing and squeezed tight, stopping the drip from flowing into his blood stream. He hoped no one would notice. Then he closed his eyes and enjoyed the soft mattress.

He wasn't sure how long he lay there but after a while he started feeling a bit more lucid and thought about Ronon and Rodney being there. He could still hear them talking to each other and what they were saying was just general stuff about Atlantis and Earth but something niggled at the back of his mind and he tried to figure out what it was.

"Colonel," the voice of Ronon spoke up, "are you feeling any better? I know there are a few things we wanted to ask you."

That's when John realized what had been bothering him. Ronon had called him Colonel. Not once but several times. Ronon never called him Colonel. And he had also said the term 'right as rain'. How would Ronon have known that Earth saying? He knew he had never said it and it wasn't the type of thing he could imagine Ronon picking up and using.

"Still kind of weak and tired, Buddy," John whimpered to see if he could get some more time in this bed before they started on whatever they had planned for him.

"Well, how about you just lie there," the voice of Rodney came back. "But we do have a few questions. One of them is about this machine we came across when we found you. It's definitely Ancient and we were wondering if you knew what it did."

John looked in his direction but things were still foggy. He did see the shape of a person moving toward him. He didn't want them to see him squeezing the tube closed so he pulled the needle out of his arm and then pressed the tape that was holding it there back down against his skin to hide the fact. He had a feeling whatever was being pumped into him could be the cause of his blurry vision and muddled thoughts.

"So this is the machine," Rodney told him and John saw a small square rolled up next to him. "Can you just touch it and maybe I can figure out what it does."

"Why don't you do it, McKay," John argued back in a very tired tone. "You've got the artificial gene."

Now if this were truly McKay, John knew he would make some snarky reply about being a gene snob but no such rejoinder came back. A heavy sigh was all he heard as the man tried to convince him he needed to do it.

"Well, I can't very well look at the device and run it, can I? Come on, just touch the thing so I can figure this out."

John knew exactly what machine they were talking about since Medusa had asked him to play with it every day for the last few weeks. And he never actually felt it do anything. He had tried to contact Woolsey and McKay and heck, even his brother. He didn't know if you could only connect to someone with a true ATA gene and if so his brother must have a strong one too. Although that was only a guess. He really didn't know for sure.

But none of that had actually worked. Aside from his little fantasy dreams of Teyla, he hadn't felt connected to anyone. So now Athena was trying some other way to get him to use it correctly.

John reached out with his free hand, keeping the hand with the now disconnected IV under him, and touched the machine. As usual he felt it turn on but not much else happened.

"You know, I think this must be broken," John complained as he felt McKay bustle around near him. Then he got a whiff of Athena's scent and knew she was in the room too. But she wasn't making any noise or demanding he make the device work as she usually did. She wanted this bad enough to jump through all sorts of hoops. He'd see what she was willing to give him to have him cooperate.

"Not sure I have the energy to do much without some food in me. My mind keeps wandering and I can't concentrate enough to figure this thing out."

"Here's some more water, Colonel," Ronon answered and John felt a straw pushed between his lips again. He took a few drags and then a few more but knew water was not the only thing he needed. He needed food.

The last three Sundays had been great and he had gotten some watery stew but the rest of the time it was a small bowl of mush. And there were times, especially Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday when he got whipped, beaten and shocked that he didn't always remain conscious long enough to eat the mush. If he passed out from the pain for the whole hour break, they just chained him to the wall again without eating. And that had happened a few times.

"Thanks, Pal, but I really need something a bit more substantial than that. Not sure I've actually chewed anything in the past three weeks. My teeth need a little practice."

"Let me see what I can get for you, Colonel," the voice of the 'doctor' answered and he heard the door open and close.

He relaxed against the pillows again and pretended to sleep. He heard Athena moving around and McKay and Ronon whispering to her asking what else they should do. She never answered them verbally but John knew they must be getting instructions somehow.

It was at least ten or fifteen minutes before the door opened and he heard the doctor again. "Here you go, Colonel Sheppard, I'm going to allow you a small piece of bread but really you shouldn't have too much more due to possible complications with your concussion and some of the medications we're giving you to counter any infections you might have."

John thought the medical jargon was fairly appropriate but he'd had enough concussions to know he really didn't have one. They'd beat him in plenty of locations but never the head, though Guido had punched his face a few times. And he seriously doubted there was any good medication in the IV they were feeding him. He was beginning to see a bit clearer and his thoughts were much more lucid as time went by. A hallucinogenic was more likely.

"Sure," he agreed and reached out pretending he still couldn't see very clearly. He felt a small roll put in his hand and brought it to his lips. He smelled it first and it smelled like it was okay. He took a tiny bite and even though it was obviously just a plain roll, it still tasted like heaven. He nibbled a bit more and chewed slowly and enjoyed every bite. He made sure to take his time so he could stay here longer instead of being thrust back into his little, dark dungeon.

But as he was licking every last crumb off his fingers, they started with the questions again.

"So, Colonel," it was McKay, "have you used this machine before? Did they try and force you to turn it on?"

"I don't know if it was this machine," John tried to play dumb. "I can't really see what this is. But there was a machine they asked me to get going almost every day. But honestly, the thing must have been broken because I couldn't get it to actually do anything."

As John said the words he realized admitting this could get him thrown right back into his cell. So he gave his head a small shake and said, "Not sure this was the machine though. And it's possible I wasn't doing it right."

John felt rather than heard the shuffling of feet in the room and then McKay said, "Well why don't you give this one a try and see if it does anything for you."

John reached out his hand and felt the machine hum to life again and actually saw the lights glow on the front panel. He really did want to know what it was supposed to do though he was a little afraid since some of the Ancient tech they had encountered had resulted in disastrous outcomes. But so far he hadn't felt this do much. Athena had said it was supposed to get in the mind of your enemy. Well the Wraith were pretty far away and he hadn't connected to them yet. Obviously there was a distance factor.

He thought about some of the factions in the Middle East and wondered if he could use this to bring some of them down but as he sat and concentrated, nothing came to his mind except that he wanted to be back on Atlantis and have Teyla in his arms again. He almost chuckled when he realized she hadn't really been in them except for briefly before he left. But he'd dreamed of her so often the last few weeks that it had felt as if she had been.

He saw Athena move closer and he could actually tell it was her now; his vision had become much clearer. She tried to be sly about it but he saw her hand touch the pad where his other hand would have gone if he hadn't still been hiding his lack of an attached IV. He saw her close her eyes and concentrate and almost laughed because he knew he had completely disabled the ability for anyone but him to access this device.

He closed his eyes again and enjoyed what he figured would be the last remaining minutes of his so called freedom. Athena was not known for her patience and soon she would have him hauled back to the darkness that awaited him.

But it was quite a few minutes before he heard McKay demand, "Concentrate, Colonel."

"I am," he insisted though he really only concentrated on Teyla and how much he wanted to be back with her and the real McKay and Ronon. He wished they knew he was still alive but he understood that was just a dream, just like most of his thoughts these days.

"Maybe if I wasn't in so much pain from all the beatings and torture I had I might be able to concentrate more." John wondered if they'd buy that he still hadn't figured out what was going on. "Give me a few days of rest and it might be easier for me to activate this machine."

A disdainful snort sounded right near him and he saw Athena smirk. The jig was up. "I don't think so, Colonel, and deprive me of all my pleasure."

Her tone grew cold and she ordered Guido and Bruno, who now stood near the door, clear to John's improved vision, "Take him back."

The two brutes hefted him by the arms and dragged him from the room, unsurprised when the IV just pulled away. John tried to get his feet under him and limped back along the corridor, watching the way as they went. He thought he was starting to get the lay of the building a bit though only from his cell to this infirmary and to the outside door.

As they entered the larger anteroom where he got his daily treatment of 'pleasure' from Medusa, he pushed back against his captors.

"How about you let me use the toilet first, huh? I didn't get a chance to earlier during our little 'let's pretend' session. And how about my food?"

Guido leered at him and grabbed at his crotch. "I don't think so, sweet stuff, though I'll be happy to help you with that tomorrow during your bath."

John thrust his knee into Guido's crotch and replied, "I don't think so sweet stuff," and he managed to pull away for a few seconds. But three weeks of torture and very little food and water had made him slower than typical and before he had even gotten through the big wooden door, he felt a large meaty hand wrap around his throat. He was pulled back and roughly dragged then thrown on the ground inside his tiny cell. They spent a few minutes kicking him before they finally chained his sore wrists back to the wall. The door was unceremoniously slammed shut and darkness descended.

John knew it was useless to struggle, he'd never win in this situation but he was damned if he would just give up without a fight. He wouldn't give them the satisfaction of seeing him beaten and defeated. On that day he might as well just close his eyes for good and not wake up because then he would have given up all hope of ever escaping. And he knew he would need to be the one to escape since no one except the crew here even knew he was alive.

He leaned his head back against the hard stone wall and attempted to rest some more. But after the soft comfortable bed they'd just had him in, this was a letdown. He looked around the damp enclosure and waited for his eyes to adjust to the dark. He knew eventually they would and slight shadows would appear but for the most part it was always pitch black.

He focused on the slight shadows and allowed his imagination to take him to a place where everything was so much nicer.

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"Hey sweetie, you coming to join us?" John asked as Teyla strolled into the room and saw him reclined on the bed with Torren John asleep on his chest.

"Is it permitted or is this a boy's only club?" Teyla asked saucily and paused by the side of the bed.

John reached out his hand and took hers in his then pulled her down to the wide space beside him. "Nope, you're always welcome. And you can keep me company. This little guy is out cold but every time I try and move he seems to wake up. Looks like I'm here for the duration unless we want a cranky baby at dinnertime tonight."

Teyla propped a few pillows next to John and relaxed against them. "I would prefer not to have a cranky baby at dinnertime if it is all the same to you."

John grinned. "That's what I figured so I stayed right here. He's only been asleep for about ten minutes so it could be a while. You don't mind do you? Did you have something you were supposed to do today?"

"There is nothing more important than spending time with my two most beloved men. Everything else will just have to wait."

John slid his hand across the few inches to grab her hand and squeeze tight in appreciation. "Beloved, huh? And I fit into that category?"

Teyla leaned sideways and moved her face closer to his. "Of course you do. Why do you think I spend so much time with you?"

John quirked his head and impishly replied, "Oh I don't know, maybe to have a regular babysitter for TJ."

Now it was Teyla's turn to be impish. "I suppose that is one reason to keep you around. But I have also grown fond of your company and many of your positive attributes."

"Like my rakish good looks and charming wit," John teased back at her.

Teyla ran her hand down John's cheek and tilted her head from side to side. "You certainly are pleasing to look at and I will admit I enjoy your humorous banter. But mostly I was speaking of other skills you possess."

And she pressed her lips to his in a light but passionate kiss.

John smiled in understanding as he kissed her back. "Oh, those attributes. Yeah, I try and keep those skills sharpened but when you aren't around, it's a bit difficult. I have to go looking for others to practice on."

Teyla's eyes narrowed and she eased away from him. "You best not be finding others to practice with or you will be finding someplace else to sleep at night."

John pasted on a potent pout and lifted his hand to caress her cheek. "You know I'd never really find someone other than you, Teyla. You mean everything to me. I couldn't survive without you."

"I believe you could, John. You are extremely strong. But I appreciate the sentiment. I know it would be very difficult without you in my life also."

"Glad we agree on that one," John answered and put pressure on her head to lower to his again for another kiss.

Teyla settled on the pillow next to his and allowed John to slip his arm under her shoulder. He turned his head so his face was right next to hers.

"Thanks for hanging out, Teyla," John said with gratitude. "I love spending time with you and TJ even if all we do is sit here while he sleeps."

"I concur with you on that, John. Watching Torren sleep is a pleasant activity especially when we get to rest while we do it. There is so much that needs to be done on so many occasions and I feel that his life is passing us by and we are missing it. So being here with you this way provides me with some of that much needed time for watching him grow. I sometimes fear he will get so big and I will miss it completely."

"I know, Teyla, I'm afraid of that too. I get so scared that I won't be around when he needs me and then he'll actually forget who I am. I don't ever want him to forget me."

"Then we must make sure to have more time like this where we are here for each other and for this child."

John kissed Teyla again then rubbed Torren's back in comfort. The child shifted slightly then snuggled deeper into John's chest. John felt his heart almost burst with the love he felt for him. Holding him so close to his heart reminded him of how much he loved this child. And this child's mother.

Teyla's hand now joined John's to rest on top of the boy. They both stared at him and twin smiles lit up their faces. "We have been blessed, John, to have a child such as this. He is perfect in every way. And I am thankful to have you here with me so we can raise him together and give him all the love he needs to grow strong and wise and good."

John's arm pulled her closer to his shoulder and Teyla felt a cloak of warmth and love cover her from head to toe. This man meant so much to her and she was blessed to have him in her life, providing her with his warmth and love. She knew she would cherish it as long as it lasted.

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Teyla's eyes opened slowly and she snuggled into the covers as the memories of her dream washed over her. She could still feel the strong emotion of lying next to John while they glanced at the sleeping child nestled between them. It had been wonderful.

She turned and reached out but the spot next to her was empty and cold. As reality came back to her, she also felt empty and cold. She remembered that John was not coming back, not tomorrow or next month or ever. The feeling of warmth and love flew away to be replaced by despair and misery.

She wondered if these dreams were a blessing or a curse. They brought back the feeling of John's presence to her so vividly that she felt as if he were truly there. But then the cold harsh light of day dawned and she had to once again accept the fact that John was not around.

Her hand caressed the pillow next to her face and she felt dampness. She knew she could not hold back the tears any longer. During the day, she was strong and stoic and put on a brave front for all to see. But here in the privacy of her own room, she could allow herself to mourn.

The tears flowed and Teyla curled into a ball to hold herself tight, trying to keep the pain from overwhelming her. She knew if she was lucky, she would exhaust herself and fall back into a dream filled sleep and be reunited with John for however long she slept.

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