I am sorry for how long overdue this is. Things got hectic, I got lazy, and life happens. Nothing to do but to post and keep moving forward. On the plus side, the chapter is long and detailed. I hope everyone enjoys reading it.

And this time I will actually reply to reviews. I am so sorry about that.

Thank you for reading.

Serah is waiting by her car when it happens.

She doesn't know why or how. She is simply watching for Hope to emerge from within the campus building. She had promised another study session, complete with snacks and dinner, as he studied and worried over the looming midterm concerning anatomy. Her mind buzzed with old study techniques she had used: flash cards, the ten minute exercises, word association, and studying an hour before bed. Her eyes spot the flash of silver hair and she pushes away from her car, smiling at his approach.

Seeing him surrounded by friends makes her stomach clench. He is in the middle of three others, shoving away the hands of a brown-haired, bright blue-eyed boy, who sticks his tongue out at Hope. The others snicker, clapping Hope on the shoulders. The tallest even hands him notes. The two depart, but the other, "Noel!" Hope screams when the boy grabs onto his back, is still hanging off of him.

"What's the matter? You mad you got yelled at too?" Noel asks, snickering.

"Well, she wouldn't have yelled at me at all if you hadn't glommed on me at the last second!"

"But someone has to liven you up, Hope!" Noel jumps away at the smack Hope sends, chuckling. "How about I buy you coffee tomorrow as a make-up present? The world knows you need it."

"With extra flipping cream." Hope snorts, looking away and winking at Serah. "Sorry about him. He's kind of..." Hope rolls his hand, not quite sure what to call Noel. "I guess pest is the nicest way to say it."

"I'm no pest! I'm helping you too, aren't I?" Noel turns to her, and Serah's eyes widen. Her heart flutters and her mind reels to keep up. She's backpedaling before the conversation even starts, and sweat starts beading at her neck. "Between the two of us, we'll make sure this idiot passes the exam. Right, Miss Serah?"

"Idiot? This is the only class you do better than me!" Hope snarls, but it is ruined when he turns his face away from Noel and smiles. Hope's gaze catches Serah's and she watches his eyes widen a fraction. He glances at the car, swallowing before opening it up and throwing his things inside. "But we gotta get going, Noel. I think I forgot something at home, Serah!"

"Whatever, just try to get some studying done while you're at it! Pleased to meet you, Miss Serah!"

Noel waves and scampers off without so much as a word from Serah. Her head spins and she struggles to open her car door. The back of her eyes burn and her heart chills. The iciness starts to spread down her front, freezing her ribs one by one before pooling in puddles inside her stomach. She slips into the front seat and starts the car, but everything is distant.

She is spiraling, and she does not know why.

"Serah, what's wrong?"

The worry is evident in Hope's voice. He sees her spiraling too and does not know why.

She wishes she could tell him, but the reasons won't come to her.

"Serah, please, you're freaking me out." Serah goes to pull out but Hope grabs her hand. He shakes his head, eyes warm but firm. "You're shaking all over. Didn't you notice?" She looks down at her hands, blinking when she sees that he's right. Her fingertips tremble at the steering wheel and the cold trickles to her legs. When she breathes, she is shocked to find she can't see her breath. "Serah, please-"

Hope stops, gasping when he sees the first few tears rolling down her cheeks. Serah swears and Hope flinches at the words, mouth dropping open. A laugh bubbles in her chest, but it's squashed by another wave of unbearable, billowing cold.

"No, no, no, what did I do? What happened? Is it something else? Please, Serah, I can't help you if you don't talk to me." He pries her hand off the steering wheel, cupping her hands in his, and she blinks at how warm they are, and how easily he holds her. "Please," he whispers. He is so close and so warm that his breath brings life back to her face. Her cheeks are as hot as her eyes, and she gulps air.

This can't be happening, this can't be happening. Why? Why am I-

"Serah, let me drive you home," Hope says, reaching for the keys. "Forget the study session, we need to make sure you're okay."

Why is this...

The boys with Hope. Noel, promising him coffee. Swearing to meet and hang out and do things. Hope smiling and laughing with others.

He is so close and warm. But he is separate too. Far away. In a different world than her own, small one, and the thought is chilling.

Oh...oh...

She brings a hand to her mouth at her realization. Tries to drive it off by shaking her head, only making Hope worry more, his hands hovering over her shoulders. She doesn't hear his pleas to tell him what's wrong, so intent to drive off the image of him laughing with others. Talking with others.

Living with others.

He...even though-even though he's alone at home, he still has something out here. College. Teachers. Friends. He has a life, despite his loneliness.

But what do I have?

What do I have?

"Please, tell me what I can do, Serah. Please stop crying." Hope hugs her, squeezing the life out of her and breaking ribs. She's sure because they crack in his grip.

Or maybe that's just me, she muses, holding back a sob.

All I have is this boy. All I have is this boy's life. And I am stealing it away and it's still not enough. It's not enough.

I'm with this person, but I'm still all alone.

"I'm sorry," Serah chokes out, biting her lip to stop the cries fighting to escape her. "I'm so sorry. So, so sorry. I know I'm being selfish. I know I am. But-but I can't stand it. I can't stand it, so I need you around. But it's unfair. It's unfair. And I saw-saw that and I don't know what to do anymore, Hope. I don't know what to do, and I-I don't want to get in the way. I don't want to get in the way of your life. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."

Serah gasps for air, the words spilling out with her cries as Hope shakes his head and shushes her. She feels the panic in his movements, his entire body trembling with both her own quakes and his own fear. "Serah, don't say such ridiculous things." His voice is hard and he shakes his head again, hair falling over his eyes. "We need to switch seats."

"Wh-wha-"

"I'm driving." Hope pulls away from her before she can protest, only to open the door on the her side and drag her out of the driver's seat. He leads her to the passenger side and eases her in, snatching the keys from her shaking hands. "Don't worry, I won't crash your car. Cycles and cars are way different."

"Nn...what? What?" Serah groans, sniffling and pressing her hand to her throbbing head. Her hand fumbles with the seatbelt as Hope joins her on the driver's side, starting the car and checking all the mirrors.

"And if I do wreck it, I'll be sure to pay the bill," Hope says, glancing at her and offering a shaky smile. "So relax."

Serah can only hiccup as he pulls away from the college, burying her face in her hands and breathing hard between the fingers.

I can't believe this. I can't believe I'm losing it like this. Pathetic! Pathetic! What would Lightning do if she saw me like this, all weak and stupid and crying? She'd probably kick someone's ass, that's what. But who? I wouldn't be able to tell her, "Oh, I'm crying because I'm lonely." She can't kick my loneliness' ass! She'd try, but I don't think-

Serah moans and tries to bring her knees up to her chest, an impossible task between her shoes and thick coat. Her legs and feet keep slipping from the seat, and she nearly cries in frustration.

And poor Hope! What must he be thinking, seeing me like this? And why? Because-because I'm jealous of his friends? Jealous he has a life? Something stupid and petty like that? It's not like I'm twelve anymore. She sobs, rubbing her too hot face. I've handled way worse before. What about when I was little? When mom and dad were gone and Lightning had to work all the time?

Have I really gotten so weak?

"Just wait here a second, okay, Serah?" Serah jumps when Hope's hand brushes her shoulder, but he's gone before she can say anything. She swipes at her eyes and blinks up at his house, watching him dash inside. Her shoulders sag and she coughs, phlegm and tears churning in her throat.

"I'm sorry," she mumbles to herself. She glances at the wheel, reaching for it only to stop when she sees the keys are gone. "Wh-why'd he take my keys? I-I need to get going..."

"Because I didn't want you to drive off."

She squeaks, hands flying up when his head pops at the window. Hope smiles again, shaking his head and letting himself back in. "See, you're kind of fragile right now, so I didn't want you running off."

"W-who said I was running off?" Serah looks away, glaring halfheartedly as the house. "Maybe I just want to-to do a better parking job!"

"Because, when I'm bawling my eyes out, and there are people around, I tend to run off," Hope says, ignoring the jab at his parking abilities. Serah's mouth drops at the admission, her eyes darting to Hope as he settles back into the seat. "Like when Lightning saw me when we were traveling on Gran Pulse? I ran like hell, trying to wipe my eyes dry. She caught me, of course, and I felt like shit."

Hope's eyes mist over at the memory. "I don't even remember what it was about, but I knew I didn't want your sister to see me like that. So I ran. She gave me a really long lecture afterward about doing that, but she knew why I'd done it."

Hope's eyes meet hers and she's lost in them. They are penetrating and knowing and far, far older than a young man's eyes should be. "I didn't want to seem weak in front of the people I wanted respect from. Admiration. Pride. Approval." He ticks them off his fingers, a small smile on his face. "And I figured if they saw me crying, they'd never, ever see or feel those things for me."

Serah's heart clenches and she squirms. His words strike too true and she yearns to escape the small confines of the car. The truth is too real for her, but he keeps going despite her obvious discomfort.

And because of it.

"But, seeing you, I think I get what Lightning meant that time. What the lecture was supposed to mean." He smiles and grabs her hand, and she's startled again by how warm it is. "This isn't weakness. And being near the people who can help; showing them you need help. That isn't weakness either. It shows you love and admire them enough for them to see you at your lowest, so that they can help you." His hand reaches for her cheek, rubbing away a tear stain. "This is a sign of respect."

Serah's eyes well with fresh tears, but she chokes them back. "How do-do you do that?" She rubs her nose, taking a long and shuddering breath. "How do you always know what to say to me?"

Hope shrugs, grabbing her hand again. "If I always knew what to say to you, I would have thought of that right away. Not while I was digging in my couch for my wallet."

Serah tilts her head to the side and Hope grins, pulling out the thin, black wallet. "Well, you see, I'm going to need money to take you out to dinner. And maybe the movies. Or the park? Which sounds more like the cliché date destination to you?"

Serah's eyes widen, a hand flying to her mouth. "Hope, you can't be serious."

"Of course I am! How else am I supposed to show you a good time? I mean, I know my house is pretty on the outside, but trust me, that's where it ends."

"You know what I mean!" Serah pinches the bridge of her nose. "We're supposed to help you prepare for that exam, not go out and have a-a-"

"A good time. I know. I wanted to spend time studying myself, but you know, there's just something about not studying that sounds appealing too." Hope places the wallet back, humming to himself. "Besides, I have your keys. And the money. And a hostage." His eyes shift to her, a smirk on his face. "I'm afraid you've been kidnapped. Have as much fun as possible and nobody gets hurt."

Serah chuckles, but tries to hold back, snorting instead. Hope grins wider, buckling back up and starting the car. "I'll take that as a noise of approval. Now, where do you want to go first?"

Serah sighs, rubbing beneath her eyes and glancing out the window. "Well, I know this really nice sushi place..."

"Hope," Serah whispers, flinching at the brightness of the large screen in the dark theater. "Hope, are you scared or something?"

Hope swallows, shaking his head but sinking into the soft, velvet seat. "No way! I've faced way worse than that before-Ah!" A roar rumbles through the theater, shaking the cores of its inhabitants. Several shrieks follow Hope's as a spider lunges from beneath the ground, swiping a long, furry leg at the nearest person. There's another roar and the spider sinks its fangs into a hapless woman, making her scream as blood spurts from the wound on her neck.

"Holy crap," Hope mutters, gripping his popcorn bucket. "I'm killing every spider I see from now on."

Serah chuckles, narrowing her eyes. "I didn't think you'd get this jumpy. Maybe we should have seen that dog movie after all."

"No. I know what happens. I know I'll cry. I'd rather piss my pants than see that movie." A second spider falls from the trees, landing on the first spider and crushing several legs. Green blood spurts from the mangled limb, spraying the dead and alive alike with green, bubbling blood. "Oh my-"

"I think you'll get your wish," Serah whispers, jumping herself when someone shushes her. She waves apologetically at the man before turning back to the screen. Hope's hand creeps toward the rim of the bucket, but his fingers reach in vain with the container half empty. He does not tear his eyes away from the screen, even as a third victim is claimed by the spiders. He winces and shakes his head, squirming in his seat.

Serah watches him, blinking slowly at his constant wiggling.

"Why do you watch if it bothers you?"

"I don't know. It's like this weird pu..." Hope stops when an axe goes flying through the air, landing squarely in one of the spiders' heads. Serah stifles a giggle at his awed face, relaxing and leaning tiredly on his arm. Her stomach is full to bursting after pigging out at the sushi restaurant, and the food blasts exhaustion through her. The darkness of the theater doesn't help, and Hope's body heat acts like a blanket.

I can't believe I'm here, watching this bloody movie with Hope, after just crying my eyes out a few hours ago. She smiles, shoulders sagging. Sure knows how to cheer you up though. She winds her arms around him, sighing again as he eyes droop.

For the first time since the movie began, Hope pulls his eyes away and looks down on Serah's tired and lined face. He swallows, and she blinks at the concern in his voice. "You want to clear out early? You look ready to pass out."

Serah shakes her head, suppressing a yawn that makes tears prick her eyes. "Don't you wanna finish?"

Hope blinks, glancing at the screen as yet a third spider pops out of nowhere, throwing two legs into the air as if to shriek. "I think I can handle not seeing the rest. If I want blood and gore, I'll just dare Snow to hold Lightning's hand or something."

"Don't do that! Sending my husband to his death!" Serah swats him as he pulls her up, but there is no true vigor behind it. She sways on standing and Hope steadies her, his breath hitching. "I'm fine," she mumbles. "Just tired."

He nods, but his eyes stay trained on her as he leads the way out, scooping up her purse but leaving the popcorn. Serah stares at her feet, eyes focusing on the lights that mean to lead them out, until the light of the door blinds her. Movie patrons hiss at them as the door closes, and Serah fights a chuckle.

"I mean it, you know," Serah says as start down the long, red carpet hall. "Don't kill my husband."

"I won't, I won't." Serah turns away to glimpse a poster before she can see Hope's eyes darken, and a brief sneer flashes on his lips. They make their way out of the building, the cold air hitting them like whips once they step onto the streets. Hope steers her toward the car, and Serah does not argue when he ushers her into the passenger seat. Her muscles are liquid and she flops inside.

"So," Hope says as he joins her in the car. "Feel any better?"

Serah blinks, then blinks again, stretching out her arms and buckling herself. "Yes...yes, I think this was what I needed. To get out of-of-"

"Routine?" He smiles easily, nodding his head as he starts the car. "I think that has a lot to do with some of this. You're always in that house or helping me. Of course we'd need to branch out. I'm sorry I didn't think of this sooner." He lowers his eyes, and she sees shame and guilt mar his face. The sight tightens her heart, anger bubbling in her stomach.

Serah sits straighter, her eyes narrowing. "Why are you sorry?"

Hope gulps, eyes flickering from her to the road. "For not noticing this sooner. I should have realized that this...I mean, that just helping me wouldn't be enough. It was stupid of me to think it would-I don't know if I really did. I mean, sure, at first it was us hanging out but then-"

"Hope."

He bites his lip, tightening his grip on the wheel. "Yes?"

"Do not think, for one second, that any of my problems are your fault." Her voice is unnaturally hard, and Hope tenses with every word she grinds out. "You have been nothing but helpful and supportive since day one, and what do I do? Cry the second I realize you have a life outside of me, which was evident from the beginning!" She shakes her head and Hope looks at her in alarm.

"Serah, no, this-"

"I am the one at fault for this. I am the one who-who-coops herself up in her house and cooks and cleans and reads and waits for someone to come along and sweep her up on her feet. Like tonight!" Hope shoulders hitch but Serah misses the jerking motion, or the car slowing down and stopping on the side of the road. Her words are spilling out with hasty anger, voice straining to keep calm.

"I mean, really! This worked out so well the last time too, this whole 'damsel in distress' thing. I had to sit around and wait for Snow and my sister to come and save me and look at what that got us." Serah's voice drops and her eyes lower, dark and sad. She clenches and unclenches her hands, sighing. "I'm always waiting for someone to come around and save me. I'm never willing to do something-I just wait and let it get worse and worse and worse."

"Serah, stop."

Serah growls, whipping her head around. "No, Hope, I won't. Because it's the truth. And it sucks that it's true, but that doesn't stop-" Hope slams his hands on the steering wheel, hitting the horn and sending a long, loud beep through the air. Serah jumps at the noise, clutching her heart and blinking fast.

"Will. You. Stop." Hope hides his eyes behind his bangs, afraid of showing her his anger. Or anything else that might be hiding there, if the burn in his eyes means anything. "I get it. I get, okay? And sure, maybe there are some things that you could fix," Serah opens her mouth but Hope cuts across her, "like everyone else. But you know what? You still have a really skewed idea of the truth."

"What?"

He finally turns to her, and she bites her mouth at how hard his eyes are. The green eyes turn to glass, and Serah's heart clenches. Pain flits across his face, but his cheeks flare red and his voice rises. "I mean, I know how you feel. I know that you-you have this idea in your head that this is all your fault." Hope waves his hands before letting them fall on the steering wheel. He grits teeth. "But you never stopped and thought that maybe it's not just you. Maybe it's the people around you who are supposed to notice these things."

Hope growls when she opens her mouth, prompting it to snap shut. "I could have noticed. I should have. But no, it took me a lot longer to see, to figure out, that you'd need more help than what I was giving. And you know what? Lightning should have noticed something by now too. Maybe she has and she just hasn't told me-we..."

Hope runs his hands through his hair, picking up traction. "No, because if she had seen how bad this whole situation had become, she would have done something. You wouldn't be like this, or at least not this bad."

"H-Hope..." Serah's eyes are burning but she feels the flushing in her face. Blood pounds in her ears as Hope plunges on.

"And you know what else? Snow should have seen it too! I'm pissed off that he hasn't! Because where is he? Where is he right now, Serah? Gone. Gone, gone, gone, gone, gone." Hope practically spits it out, face darkening.

"He hardly calls you, hardly takes time off, barely does anything when it comes to you." Hope's voice laces itself with venom and Serah shudders at the acidic burn of his words. "He's too busy being the hero to see that his most precious person is suffering. And no matter what you say, Serah, I will not let that go."

He grabs her by the shoulders, pulling her towards him. "He is not beside you like he should be. There are other ways he could provide for you-ways that would let you be closer. Ways that wouldn't leave you stuck here, in the middle of the night, getting a lecture from a college student!"

Hope's grip tenses and Serah's heart skips. "So, please, get this through your head. You are responsible for some of this. It is your life, and that's all there is to it. But you know what? There are people around you, or people close to you, that are going to affect some of the outcomes of your life. That are going to change it and warp it or brighten it up, and there won't be much you can do about it." His eyes scrunch up and Serah chokes at his misted eyes. "Being a l'Cie taught me that. Taught us all that. And I thought it'd taught you that too."

The last words are a whisper, as if Serah was not meant to hear, but she catches them by leaning next to his mouth. He jerks away when her breath hits his face, and he looks out the window, fidgeting in his seat.

A loud silence thunders within the car. The engine and Hope's constant clasping and unclasping of his hands are the only noises. Serah's mind has fizzled and all she can do is stare at Hope, who makes it a point to look anywhere but her.

Serah takes a deep breath, choking at a loose sob, and Hope springs into action the second he hears the strangled sound. "I am so sorry! So, so sorry. I shouldn't have said that, I shouldn't have yelled at you. I am such an idiot. I'm sorry, I-"

Serah shakes her head, grabbing Hope's head and jerking him towards her. Traces of anger still line his face and eyes, but she sees him sinking into guilt. Her heart flips and clenches at the same time, and she mumbles, "No. No, don't do that."

"Serah," Hope says, voice quiet.

"You...you're the only one, I think. Except-except sis, you're the only one willing to-to yell at me, or tell me when I'm being stupid. Or when I need to think things through." Serah licks her lips, trying to find the right words. A stray tear rolls down her cheek and she hisses, wiping it away. "Don't be sorry for that. For this. Don't ever be sorry. You-you treat like-like more than just a doll or something."

Her hands squeeze his and she shudders. "I need that. I need you to keep treating me like a person, and not some fragile little thing." She takes a long, deep breath, bowing her head and slumping. Hope's hands are loose in hers and she feels him lean toward her. She doesn't tense, smiling when he rests his cheek on her head.

"Even when you're crying?" Hope whispers, rubbing her hands. "Even when you are fragile?"

"Yes. Maybe-maybe, especially then." Serah slowly pulls away, locking eyes with Hope. "But, for now, let's just head to my house." Hope blinks at the switch in topic, but Serah returns to her seat and sinks into the chair, fumbling with the buckle. Exhaustion seeps into her muscles and her eyes can barely stay open. "I'll think about what you said. But for now..."

"Of course." Serah closes her eyes when Hope starts driving, sighing when they pulls away. She tries to fight the doze that settles in her, reaching for Hope's coat and gripping it in her hand. Her smiles a bit, chuckling.

"And thank you for the wonderful night."

Hope pulls up to Serah's house, setting the car in park and wincing when the light turns on above his head. He glances at the digital clock, cursing at the time. One a.m., huh? Good thing it's the weekend.

His eyes move to Serah, look softening when he sees her sleeping. Her head rests on the car window, breath fogging the glass. Her eyes are puffy and red, and he can still see the tear stains on her cheeks.

Wonderful night...yeah, not sure if she can call it that. Hope smiles though, remembering the dinner and movie he had promised her. It was still fun though. Maybe...ugh, I can't-can't think right now. Too confusing. And I yelled at her! I can't believe I did that.

Lightning is going to kill me when she finds out.

Pausing when he remembers Serah's own words, he bites his lip and slips out of the car, hurrying over to Serah's side. He opens the door and presses one arm to her side, reaching to unbuckle her and catching her as she starts to fall from the seat.

He holds his breath, waiting for her to wake up, but she doesn't even flinch. Eyes narrowing in worry, he scoops her in his arms and holds her close to his chest, swallowing hard. "Sorry...but, I need-" He stops himself, shaking his head. Let her sleep. Just get her to her room, lock up for the night, and start the walk home.

Nodding to himself, Hope closes the door with his butt and locks it up. Shifting Serah in his arms, he slowly makes his way inside the house. He fumbles with the door but manages to get inside, only to sigh when darkness swallows him up.

"How is it darker in here than outside?" He tightens his hold on Serah and tiptoes through the house, stopping and starting several times as he moves one foot ahead to check that he'd not about to hit something. Serah remains asleep in his arms, although he feels her twisting a bit. He freezes, heat blooming in the back of his neck when she pushes her face to his chest.

Holding his breath until he's sure he's clear, Hope begins the trek again, grinning when he reaches Serah's room. He recognizes the the lumpy shadow of the queen-sized bed and gently places Serah on the mattress. Hope pauses, looking her up and down before easing the covers from underneath her and tucking her inside.

"Goodnight, Serah," Hope whispers, running his fingers through her hair before turning tail.

"Wait."

Hope's heart flies to his throat and he chokes. He feels a soft tug on his coat and looks down at Serah's outstretched hand. Her eyes are half open, sleep fogging her gaze.

"Serah, I'm sorry, I didn't mean-"

"Thank you for carrying me." Her words are heavy and slurred, and he sees her shake her head in a vain attempt to fight sleep. "And tucking me in."

"It was nothing, Serah," Hope says. He relaxes, grabbing her hand. "Just get some sleep."

"What time is it?"

Hope tilts his head. "Like, one. Why?"

"It's dark then, right? And really late. And you must be tired." She closes her eyes and Hope almost pulls away, but her grip moves to his hand. Her fingers curl tight around his fingers. "And I can't drive you home. So...so...mmm."

"Serah?"

"Stay the night." Serah nods, yanking him forward. Hope's eyes widen and his heart lodges itself in his throat again. All he can manage is a few choked noises as Serah slides across the bed and pulls Hope in, throwing the coves over them in one swift move.

"S-S-S-" Hope swallows, coherent thoughts gone.

"Couch is hard." Serah turns, cuddling with a bunched bit of the blanket. "Bed is better."

"B-b-but you're here too!"

"Sleepover." Her tone is final, but Hope still begins to inch out of the bed. She sighs, turning over and grabbing him by the arm. "Stay," she mumbles, holding his arm to her chest. "Don't wanna be alone right now."

Hope tenses, body heating all over and mind reeling at her words and actions. He tries to glance back at her, but all he can manage is a glimpse of her hair before his neck cracks at the strain. Her grip is strong though, and he can't shake the image of her red eyes or tear-stained cheeks.

So he sighs and resigns himself to a restless night.