The doctor's appointment confirms Chuck's fears. They are going to have a baby. The doctor spends an inordinate amount of time assuring Serena that Blair his healthy, that the baby appears to be healthy and that there is no reason that the accident that caused Blair to lose her last baby would cause any harm to this one. Chuck was going to cut Serena off from her endless questions, but he couldn't help but notice that Blair was becoming less pinched in the face as Serena's questions were being asked by the doctor. So he sat and listened for nearly half an hour as the doctor assured everyone that the interloper was most likely to remain in their midst.
When the Doctor and Serena are done, Chuck excuses himself to walk the doctor to the elevator. His assistant with all the equipment for the tests has already left. "Not to worry Mr. Bass." The Doctor says. "Your wife is health, the baby is healthy and there is no reason that marital relations can't continue." When Chuck frowns at him the Doctor apologises. "I'm sorry, that the most frequent question I'm asked by the father's when they get me alone. I meant no offence." "None taken. My sexual proclivities are well known. I suppose the real question is how vigorous." "Pardon?" the Doctor asks. "Don't play dumb. Any hard limits I need to keep in mind during the pregnancy?" Chuck demands. This hadn't even entered his mind until the doctor raised it, but now he was thinking about it he had plenty of questions. "I'll ride the elevator down with you and we can go into detail." That conversation took a lot longer than Chuck anticipated and far longer than the Doctor was comfortable with.
When he arrived back up to the apartment Serena and Nate were in the hall whispering and Blair was not to be seen. "Where's Blair?" He asks "She was tired and went to bed." Serena says. She hesitates but goes on "Chuck, whatever your feeling right now? Can it hold until tomorrow? Just give her tonight okay? She needs it." She stares at him for a while and seeing the confirmation in his eyes takes her coat from Nate and leads him off into the night.
Chuck goes into the living room and pours himself a finger of scotch. Making that silent promise to Serena hadn't been easy. He wants to rail at the world, to beat something, to tear apart the universe and he's not even fully sure why. He just knows that there is this hollow sinking feeling in his stomach and that sometimes it feels like he can't breathe. Downing the scotch he does what Chuck Bass does best, he shoves his fears deep inside him.
Finding his way upstairs he undresses and slips into the bed behind Blair. Putting his arms around her careful not to put them anywhere near that thing, he presses a kiss to her temple. When she stirs, he prevents her from turning around. "Just sleep," He growls softly "It will all wait until tomorrow." The truth is he doesn't want her to turn around now. If she does, she will see it's all a lie. That she might see right inside him. He's not ready for that yet. He needs this night as much as she does. And so they sleep. His arms around her. When he wakes he finds his hands have betrayed him. They are splayed across her belly and gently stroking it.
He quickly gets up, showers, dresses and leaves for work with orders to Darota that she is to see to Miss Blair's comfort. He ignores the judgemental look he gets from the maid. Once at work he calls Nate. "I want to negotiate a baby treaty" is his opening line. The "Hughhhh?" he gets from the other side of the line has him glancing at the clock in frustration. "Archibald, I waited until 9am before calling you. Your my second. You need to call Serena and make arrangements." He can hear Nate practically shaking his head to wake up and get his mind around what Chuck is asking. "Wait, what? I mean can't you just talk?" "Nathaniel!" Chuck growls in frustration. "Right, forgot for a moment who I was talking to." Nate says. "Okay, I'll call Serena and get this all set up. Where do you want it? And do you want stenographer like last time?" "In the dining room at the apartment. It's practically a boardroom anyway. No stenographer. I don't want any details of this pregnancy to get out." Chuck knows Blair is worried about losing the baby and he doesn't want her under more stress from baby bump watching public. "You or Serena will just have to take notes and I'll have it drafted later." Nate agrees and hangs up. Chuck knows everything will be set up for when he comes home from work. Nate is good at these things.
Chuck has a list. He spent most of his day thinking about what it is he wants and doesn't want. Its pages long. He knows really that most of them are nonsense. He couldn't stop listing them anyway. There are a few that are not negotiable. A few that if Blair fights him on, and then he will know that it's true. He has so many fears he's not even sure how to address them all without falling apart. He knows that he and Blair are in a place where he should be able to just lay his fears on the table and deal with them, but this thing...this baby, it just makes him feel so uncertain. So he wrote the list.
He has a second list. It's not written down. It's in his head, in his stomach it's in his heart. It starts with the fact he killed his mother or at least scared her off by being born. To this day he's still not sure which. But the doctor has been certain that Blair is fine and will stay that way. So really it's the fear she will walk away. God even after all these years and all this work he has done on himself it always comes back to this. People leave him and walk away. He knows he can live without her. He's done that. He just doesn't want to ever have to again. The baby is part his though. His mother left him. Blair could leave them. It would be the babies fault! No..no.. .He wasn't his father, if Blair left, it would be because the baby was too like him, or he was bad parent or worse, she could love the baby more than him. The resentment he has been carrying about the baby flares up. It will take her away from him one way or another. She will leave because of him and the baby or she will stay and leave him behind because she loves the baby.
Breathing through his nose several times, he brings his temper under control. He has to be calm. Needs to put all his demands to her, get her to agree to as many as possible. He wants every moment with her that he can get. While she is still his, he wants to eke out every second. So that when she leaves him behind it's difficult for her and so that he has memories. For now, she is still his. Part of him knows that he is not being rational about this, but he just doesn't care. He adjusts his tie and fixes his hair before heading home to face the proverbial music.