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Chapter 16
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When John finally started to stir, Ronon squeezed Teyla's shoulder and cocked his head in the direction of the other room. Then he left.
Teyla stood and adjusted the small pillow that was still wedged so he wasn't lying directly on his back, pulled the covers up a bit more then settled herself next to John's legs. She kept her eyes on his face and leaned forward to press a kiss to his hair roughened cheek.
"I am here, John" she said for what felt like the fiftieth time. But she wanted to be sure he didn't panic and thought getting ahead of it was better than trying to talk him down from it.
His eyes flickered a few times and then landed on her with a smile on his face. When his eyes moved around the room and he saw where he was they grew suspicious. Then she saw confusion warring with fear and she hated that he had been treated so poorly that he felt this way.
"I know you are confused, John," Teyla acknowledged then pushed aside a long strand from his brow. "But I will be here with you and help you in any way I can. I will not leave you again. I am sorry I was not here when you woke before."
"Before?" The words came out of John's mouth echoing his bewilderment. He paused and looked around again then stared at Teyla longingly. It took a while before he said anything more but Teyla gave him the time he needed to process. She rested her hand on the sheet that covered his chest, gave him a comforting smile and waited.
John closed his eyes and Teyla thought he seemed exhausted but then he opened them again and attempted to sit up. That's when he felt the restraints on his arms. His eyes filled with horror and his breathing picked up and Teyla could see that he was starting to struggle against the bindings.
She leaned closer and whispered, "John, you must not struggle. You will harm yourself further. Please stop and I will explain."
John lay back but Teyla knew he did so reluctantly. He gazed at her cautiously but Teyla could see the trust he had for her and was thankful for that.
"John, you are in the SGC in a private room," Teyla began gently wondering how much he would truly begin to understand and believe after all the trickery that had gone on for over three months. But she knew it was time to tell him the truth, as least part of it.
"Our team, as well as Colonel Mitchell's team, were able to locate you using your transmitter. However the signal was jammed often and it was not possible to beam you out. We came in on foot and managed to rescue you as well as destroy the facility in which you were held for so long."
"Wait, so …" John rushed in with the words then paused and looked confused. Teyla hated that he had looked this way so often since they had found him. "Athena, … did I shoot her? I have this memory of holding a gun and she was bleeding … from her neck?"
"Yes, John, you did. And the parasite inside her was killed. You need not worry about her again. She will not harm you anymore."
"And Guido and Bruno …"
"The entire complex and all who resided inside are no longer," Teyla assured him and she saw his face relax but only slightly. Confusion still remained in his eyes.
John pulled on the straps again and took a deep breath. "If I'm really in the SGC then why am I being restrained? And why were soldiers trying to kill me earlier?"
Teyla closed her eyes and sighed. "No one was attempting to hurt you earlier, John," she shook her head gently. "I believe you were confused when you awoke and I was not here. I am sorry for that. The nurse simply wished to get you back in bed. You are not in good health at the moment due to your capture and imprisonment. The guards were also only attempting to get you back in bed."
"They had their guns out and pointed at me," John said as his eyes narrowed in remembrance. His face crumpled in regret, "Did I shoot someone? I remember shooting a gun, there was blood … I pulled the trigger a few times, didn't I?"
John squeezed his eyes shut and his breath became uneven and his bottom lip trembled. When he opened his eyes and saw Teyla gazing at him with such love and caring he thought he'd lose it.
"What am I doing, Teyla? My memories are all screwed up." He pulled on the restraints again and she could see his feet move as he realized his ankles were bound as well. More panic set in and his face screwed up in turmoil. "Are you even here? Am I just pulling you into my imagination so I can forget all this crap that's going on around me? I don't even know if you're real."
The last words were said so softly Teyla almost missed them. But she didn't miss the slight sheen in John's eyes as he tried to muddle through fantasy and reality. Teyla's heart twisted that John, who had always been so strong and solid in the control of his emotions had been turned into someone with such emotional disarray.
"I am real," Teyla said with conviction as she cradled John's face with her hands. She leaned closer and said, "I am not sure how I will prove it to you, but I assure you I am real."
She then pressed her lips gently to his and saw his eyes close in relief though she was not sure he did believe or was simply enjoying the sensation. She continued to kiss him and she felt the pressure of John's lips return and his mouth open and close in rhythm with hers.
"I am here, John, and I am real," she whispered in between kisses and she knew she was doing this as much for herself as she was for John. She had been dreaming of his kisses for so long and they had been very real at the time. But now, these kisses were more real than she had ever dreamed and she did not wish to stop. But she knew in her heart she should not keep John believing that they had consummated their relationship intimately.
She pulled back only fractionally and gazed at his rapt face. And she knew, she knew she could not tell him the absolute truth now, not after having kissed him as she did. If she said they were nothing but friends after their lips had just met the way they had, she knew his bewilderment would increase exponentially and it would be even more difficult to distinguish fantasy from reality. She would have to give him information a little at a time.
And perhaps they could begin a relationship that entailed more than being friends and teammates as she helped him to heal. And she would be here to help him heal, both physically and mentally. She did know that the physical, though hardly minor, would be the easier of the two.
"Is this real enough?" Teyla asked as she nipped at his lips one more time.
"Yeah," John almost choked out and she could see his emotions riding high and that he truly wanted to believe that this was real. "I just wish I could touch you the way you're touching me. It's been so wonderful all the time we've spent together lately and I just want to hold you in my arms again. You've always been able to make everything better and all the nastiness go away."
Teyla could see John's eyes begin to droop and she knew that even though he had only been awake for a short time, he was still exhausted and could use more rest. Once his body was healed they could concentrate more fully on his mind. She gave him one last kiss then sat back, her hand still resting on his chest.
"You should rest, John," she told him sweetly and again pushed his long locks away from his eyes. "You are still very weak and need to allow your body to heal. I will sit here with you until you fall asleep and stay for some time after that."
John looked panicked for a few seconds and his eyes darted around the room again as if looking for monsters. And Teyla knew he had seen plenty of monsters since he had been captured only they had not been a manifestation of his mind.
"Please don't go, Teyla," John whispered and Teyla could hear his voice tremble slightly. He shifted over in the bed as much as he could with the small pillow tucked behind his back and the restraints that held him. "You can stay right here. You'll fit, right?"
Teyla glanced toward the door and then looked at the reflective glass though she knew she could not see through to the other side. There was no sound and John's fear was very apparent. She knew for now she would do whatever was needed to make him feel safe so she slid onto the bed in between his body and arm so she was on her side facing him. She tucked her head onto his shoulder and rested her hand on his chest.
A huge sigh escaped from John's mouth and Teyla allowed one to leave her mouth as well. The sensation of her body snuggled so close to his was even better than it had been in her dreams. The feel of his lean hard body, even as thin as it had become, saturated her awareness and every sense came alive and alert. She could see him up close, feel his skin beneath her cheek, hear his breathing become even and relaxed and smell the musky scent that managed to come through the antiseptic aroma of the room. She took a small risk and turned her head a tiny bit and allowed her lips and tongue to taste the saltiness of his skin.
John had wondered if she was real. She understood completely how he felt. She too still had trouble comprehending that he was truly alive and with her. Every morning for the last fourteen weeks, she had woken alone after a night filled with passion and loving and family time spent with John. Now she could begin to make this a reality.
Unfortunately she needed to return to her room soon to be with Torren. But Vala had assured her she would be able to watch him for several hours. As long as she had the Shopping Channel she would be fine. So Teyla allowed herself to relax and just enjoy the sensation of being close to John. She would stay for a little longer and leave once she was convinced he was asleep.
"Thank you, Teyla," John's voice drifted to her ears and she felt his mouth pressed against her hair. She expected it to leave but it didn't, it stayed there. Perhaps he was ensuring she was real also.
Several minutes later she thought he had dozed off but she suddenly felt something against her back between her top and bottom. When she turned her head to check she realized it was John's fingers trying to touch her even while strapped to the bed. She shifted slightly allowing his fingers to have better access and almost shivered at the feeling of his warm hand resting on the skin of her back. Another minute of exploration and he found that he could slide his hand inside the waistband of her pants just a tiny bit. Teyla did not object. The feeling was quite nice.
She could feel the effects of anxiety and the long day finally overcome her, though she tried to keep herself awake. She knew John had fallen asleep due to the rhythm of his chest rising and falling underneath her head. And his hand had stayed neatly tucked inside her clothes. She kept her eyes closed and tried to absorb every last minute of his closeness. She knew she must leave soon but wished she did not need to.
Those were the last thoughts she had before sleep claimed her, too.
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Ronon watched as the nurse got up and peeked through the observation window. She had only done it every half hour or so since she knew she would have heard if anything was happening in the other room.
But stuff was happening and he had seen it all. But he thought it was good stuff. Sheppard had seemed freaked by the restraints and he truthfully couldn't blame him. But then he knew Landry was just protecting his people. Sheppard had gone off with a loaded weapon through the halls, after all.
But Teyla had calmed him down and he had listened to whatever it was she had told him. Ronon could tell Sheppard was still really confused and upset by the situation but Teyla had a way with their friend and he was glad she was here. He wasn't sure Sheppard would survive this if she wasn't.
Then about twenty minutes ago Teyla had crawled right up next to John and settled in beside him. He had seen the immediate effect it had on their friend. He was much more at ease and relaxed and it seemed like he had managed to fall into a peaceful sleep.
Now the nurse saw this and started to go toward the door with a frown on her face. Ronon moved to intercept her and growled softly. "They're fine. Leave 'em alone."
"But …" she began and Ronon just shook his head.
"You know lots about medicine for the body," he said then pointed to the next room. "She knows all about medicine for the soul. Sheppard needs that just as much."
The nurse looked back through the window and noticed her patient was asleep and resting very comfortably. She gave a smile and a nod. "You're right. Though he may need that even more than my kind of medicine."
Ronon grinned that she had finally understood and saw her go sit back at her little desk to look through her laptop for more paperwork.
Ronon stayed for a few more minutes then meandered back to Teyla's guest room to relieve Vala. He hoped Teyla didn't wake until morning. Both she and Sheppard could use the uninterrupted sleep. And he knew that having Teyla by his side when he woke up would be the best cure yet.
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John could smell the scent of Teyla's shampoo and knew she was still snuggled up next to him. The feel of her head on his shoulder and her hand resting on his chest was so familiar yet this was so much better than he ever remembered. He loved waking up holding her and knew he'd be a happy man if he could do this for the rest of his life.
But as he took inventory, he realized he wasn't actually holding her. The fingers on his right hand moved back and forth and the silky skin of Teyla's back felt unbelievable. But as he tried to move his left hand he knew something was wrong.
First, his hand wouldn't move. Second, his body ached in every location. Why was he so sore? His back and a few spots on his butt felt tender, breathing in deep hurt his chest and he felt weak and tired. What in the world had happened?
He racked his memory and an image of he, Teyla and TJ taking a hike came to mind. Then Teyla telling him he had fallen trying to get a toy that TJ had dropped. Is that why he ached so much? But he couldn't actually remember falling though he remembered the hike.
Then images of a woman with glowing eyes assaulted his mind and memories of extreme pain and degradation crossed his vision. Nightmares or reality? Darkness and chains and foul smelling water also flashed past as he attempted to figure out exactly where he was and how he had gotten here.
He finally pried his eyes open and saw the gray cinder block surrounding him. This wasn't a typical hospital, that he could tell. But he moved his head slightly and saw the russet color of Teyla's hair spread across his shoulder and her beautiful face sleeping peacefully against him. He pressed his lips to her forehead and kissed her skin and knew this was real. Teyla was here and resting against him.
He remembered vaguely waking in the night and feeling her against him as well. But then he had many memories of being in bed beside her and they had been doing much more than resting. A grin lit his face as he thought of touching and kissing and licking every inch of her toned skin and Teyla reciprocating the pleasure. His thoughts drifted in that direction but then he knew he wouldn't be able to carry through in the condition he was in.
His stomach was empty but the thought of actually putting food in it nauseated him. As he looked around the room he felt a bit lightheaded and the aches and pains seemed to cry out even louder the more he became fully awake.
He felt Teyla shift beside him and her eyes fluttered open and a smile grew on her face. But within seconds her eyes grew wider and she sat up quickly.
She looked around then down at her watch and a startled cry slipped from her lips.
"I fell asleep here last night," she moaned. "I did not mean to."
"I kind of liked it," John croaked out and felt the dryness in his throat. He wanted to say more but he began to cough and it took several moments to get that under control.
Teyla adjusted her position, offered him some water and looked at him concerned. "I need to check on Torren and find out who watched him throughout the night. But I am worried about you. You do not sound good and your color is very pale. How are you feeling, John?"
Like crap, he wanted to say, but he didn't. It wasn't in him to confess to weakness, at least not often. But a memory niggled at the back of his mind that maybe he had recently. He just gave a forced smile and said, "I'm fine, Teyla. Go check on TJ. He'll be worried if he doesn't see one of us."
Teyla nodded and slipped from the bed. She leaned over to kiss his forehead and her eyes narrowed with more anxiety. "You feel very warm. I think I will have one of the nurses check your temperature. Please do not give them a hard time, okay, John? They are only here to help you. I will be back very soon, I promise."
"I'm fine, Teyla," John repeated though the more he thought about it the more he realized he really didn't feel fine. "Bring TJ back later so I can see him, okay?"
"Yes, I will," she promised then gave him one last kiss and left the room.
John could hear her speaking with someone in the next room and soon a young pony-tailed brunette entered with a stethoscope around her neck. John stiffened when he saw her but knew he had told Teyla he would be good. And he would have been except a uniformed man appeared in the doorway behind her with his hand resting on the weapon at his hip.
"He's not here to hurt you, Colonel Sheppard," the nurse explained calmly. "But you were a bit erratic yesterday and General Landry feels the need to be prepared in case you become confused again. I just need to check your vitals, okay?"
John's jaw clenched but he gave a short nod and kept his eyes trained on the soldier by the door as the woman wrapped a cuff around his upper arm and slipped the end of the stethoscope inside the cuff. John tensed when she started squeezing the bulb to inflate the device but he allowed it and didn't struggle. She next felt for his pulse then inserted something in his ear and frowned when she took it out.
"Your temp is up past 102, Colonel. That's not a good sign. I'll need to let Dr. Lam know immediately. Is there anything you need before I go call her?"
John still stared at the guard by the door but asked politely, "Can I use the bathroom?"
She smiled at him indulgently but John could tell right away that she would say no. And sure enough she answered, "I can't undo your restraints until I get authorization but I can bring you a container to use."
She moved past the bed and reached onto a shelf and returned with a plastic container with a long neck. John knew what it was for. He'd been subjected to them often enough while in the Atlantis infirmary. But with his arms bound he wouldn't even have the privacy of doing it himself.
John finally looked at the nurse and attempted his charmingly sad face. "Can you just undo one hand so I can do it myself?"
The nurse grimaced and looked back at the guard who firmly shook his head in the negative. She turned back and apologized. "I'm sorry, Colonel, no. But I can have him help you if you'd feel less self-conscious that way."
An image of large masculine hands groping and fondling him privately flashed through his mind and his eyes grew wide and his breathing picked up. "No!" he cried out fiercely then he attempted to calm himself and repeat, "No, please."
John averted his eyes as she reached for the covers and he hated that he was degraded again for such a basic need. It didn't take long though it wasn't easy to relax enough to actually relieve himself. But his bladder was fairly full and he tried to convince himself it was better than when he just had to go in his clothes because he was chained to a wall.
She carefully rearranged his pants and then covered him with the sheet again before she walked to the bathroom to clean up. John's eyes flew right back to the man in the doorway with his hand resting on his gun. He never moved or took his eyes off John and John began to feel nervousness creep into the pit of his stomach. And when the nurse walked out and the guard stayed, he got even more nervous.
He pulled at the restraints wondering why they had a guard stationed if he was tied to the bed. He thought of other guards and people who had come and gone through his memory and he pulled even harder. He couldn't let them touch him again. He couldn't let them bring him to Athena. After all, today was Monday.
That thought alone sent chills down his spine and he began to struggle in earnest. He knew Teyla had said he had shot her but had he really? Had Teyla really been here? Where was she now? She said she was going to check on TJ but when he looked around he didn't see any sign that she had ever been here.
"Sir, you need to stop, please," the guard said firmly and John's head snapped up. He hadn't even heard him cross the room but he was now standing right next to the bed. "The nurse just called the doc and she'll be here in a minute to help you feel better. You need to just relax and calm down."
"Relax, right," John snorted as he twisted his feet to see if those straps were any looser. "Restraints always make me feel so relaxed."
A petite dark haired woman strolled in and John glared at her. Was she the one who would release him only to be dragged to the torture room yet again? He took in a deep breath but started coughing half way through the breath.
"Colonel," the woman said, "I'm Dr. Lam, do you remember me? I've been in the SCG for a while now. I've dealt with you a few times when you came through the gate from Atlantis. Do you remember?"
John knew she looked familiar but then so did Guido and Bruno. And with the most recent coughing fit his head had begun to pound and he was feeling a little dizzy. He stared at the IV wondering what the nurse had put in there when she'd adjusted it earlier. He turned back to the doc and humored her.
"Sure, yeah, I remember."
Carolyn sighed and saw that the Colonel wasn't really sure at all. But this fever he had developed probably wasn't helping his ability to focus especially topped off with the sensory deprivation and the dehydration. They'd been giving him fluids for two days now and he'd definitely improved but he'd been deprived for so long that she knew it would take a while to get all his systems back in perfect working order.
"Colonel," she started out slowly as she cautiously approached his bedside. "I need to check some of your wounds and put clean bandages on your wrists and back. I need you to cooperate as I'll have to unfasten the restraints. Do you remember why we put those on?"
She could see his face grow more puzzled but then his jaw clenched and his breathing picked up. "I … I had a gun. I … shot someone."
Carolyn saw how confused he was and really hated to have to disturb him but she needed to change his bandages especially now with whatever virus was running through him. It wouldn't do for his wounds to become grossly infected. But they would be if she couldn't clean them and reapply sterile dressing.
"No, Colonel, you didn't shoot anyone here. But you were having some hallucinations and thought someone was trying to hurt you. We have no desire to hurt you but we can't have you wandering the halls with a gun. You understand that no one here wants to hurt you. You're safe here."
John gave a tiny snort. "So everyone keeps telling me." His eyebrows rose. "No one's gonna hurt me. Everything's gonna be fine."
His words were sing-songy and obviously sarcastic and she saw him tug on the straps again and he looked like he was about to panic. She hated this, hated that he felt this way and there was nothing she could say to make him feel more comfortable with what she was doing. But it had to be done and soon so she could address his fever and what was causing it.
"I'll start right here with your wrist, okay, Colonel Sheppard," the doc explained hoping he wouldn't fight her on this. She turned to motion for Denise, the nurse, to bring in the supplies she'd need. Then she cut the old bandages off and returned the scissors to the tray behind her.
"Colonel, I'm going to undo the restraint but I need you to promise me you'll cooperate, otherwise I'll have to give you another sedative and just do this while you're asleep. I'd really prefer not to do that."
John stared hard at the hand that she was about to release from its bindings as if waiting for his chance. But he also didn't want to be sedated again. Lord knew what they could do to him while he was asleep. Who knew what they might have already done. That thought really freaked him out and he began taking inventory again as the memories of Guido giving him a bath crossed through his mind.
But the soldier on duty wasn't Guido and the doc in front of him wasn't Athena so he took as deep a breath as he could without coughing again and nodded. But his eyes followed every move she made as she cleaned the wound, swabbed it with a gel and rebandaged it. Then she moved to the other side of the bed with the nurse following along behind.
"Ma'am," the soldier at the door said as she walked. He cocked his head at Sheppard's first hand with a question in his eyes.
Carolyn nodded at him but then smiled a pleasant smile at Sheppard. "Colonel Sheppard was very cooperative with the first and I'm assuming he'll continue. Am I correct, Colonel? I'm guessing you'd like a few minutes without the restraints so you can move your arm."
John listened to her polite words and it reminded him of how Medusa used to talk to him whenever she wanted something. Or sometimes it was the sweetest tone just before she struck him with the whip or the bat or that damn Rod of Anguish.
That thought brought another shudder to his body and he felt his breath leave him and he had a hard time getting it back he was so panicked by his thoughts. But he looked around the room and only saw the doctor, nurse and guard and so far they hadn't made any move to bring him anywhere else. He swallowed hard and tried to get his fear under control but it was getting harder as time went on. His head was pounding and he could feel sweat bead on his face even as he tried to calm himself.
"Colonel," Carolyn addressed him softly but with concern, "are you all right? Are you experiencing more pain than usual?"
John paused at her words. Did she want to know how much pain he was in so she could get some sort of enjoyment from it? He sure as hell wouldn't give her that satisfaction so he just grunted, "Fine."
Carolyn just chuckled knowing that even in his highly befuddled state the Colonel still threw out his pat answers. "Maybe when Teyla comes back, you'll let her know if you need some pain meds or if anything different hurts. For now, will you allow me to clean the other wrist without needing to reattach the other one?"
"Yeah," he said with a wry grin. "I'll be good."
As she began to unstrap his left wrist and cut the old bandages off, John lifted the right arm and the guard immediately stepped closer and gripped his weapon tighter and higher. Carolyn put up her hand to stop him as she saw that Sheppard was just stretching his arm above his head and moving it around.
"It's a little stiff, huh, Colonel?" she asked in way of trying to make conversation. She saw him nod and clench and unclench his fist while turning his arm in several directions, most likely trying to get the circulation flowing again.
John grunted as he continued to move it. "Yeah, and Teyla slept on part of it last night so I couldn't even wiggle it around."
Carolyn flashed him a mischievous look as she finished the second wrist. "Yes, I heard you had a little impromptu slumber party last night. We better make sure my father doesn't hear about it. I don't imagine he would take too kindly to the notion."
"Your father?" John questioned confused at first then smiled a bit. "General Landry, right? You'd keep a secret from him for me? He could throw you in the brig, you know. I don't think it would matter that you're his daughter. He's a bit of a hard ass."
Carolyn actually giggled at that comment especially as it came from the mouth of a soldier. But she knew Sheppard wasn't really himself at the moment. "You're telling me. I grew up with the man."
"I'm sorry," John answered sincerely and Carolyn laughed again.
She put the remnants of the bandages on the tray behind her and reached down to raise the head of the bed. "Let's sit you up for a few minutes. Do you feel like eating? I had one of the airmen go and get you something. It's right outside the door."
John grimaced as his stomach protested. The aches were getting worse and he felt a little chilly. "Not really hungry right now."
"You should try and eat something, Colonel," Carolyn encouraged. "There's some toast and fruit, that's pretty light. Just a little. I'll let you keep your arms undone while you do it and if you're really good I might go to bat for you with the hard ass."
John rolled his eyes but actually smiled at her comment regarding her father. "Okay, but only if you undo the ankles too. My feet have totally gone to sleep."
Carolyn pursed her lips and said, "This isn't the bargaining table but … I guess so. Just remember, Colonel, no shenanigans."
John nodded and Carolyn waved at the nurse who left then appeared moments later with a tray full of breakfast food. John's stomach roiled at the thought of putting anything in it but he knew he needed strength and food would help him to gain that. And this stuff looked much more appetizing than the typical bowl of gruel he usually got.
A rolling table was pushed over his now free legs and he tentatively picked up a piece of toast and began nibbling at it. It had real butter on it and everything. When he looked at the tray he saw a small packet of jam, picked it up then looked for the knife to spread it with. Carolyn saw his question and she turned to the guard at the door who had obviously removed the butter knife for safety reasons.
"I can put the jam on it if you want, Colonel," the doctor offered and when John nodded took the knife from the guard and spread the jam on the other three slices for him while the guard stood tensely behind her. She knew Sheppard had freaked out yesterday but he seemed like he was okay now. She also knew it didn't mean he would stay that way.
She handed the knife back and watched as Sheppard took a bite of the covered piece. She almost cried at the look on his face and the fact that he very nearly had tears in his eyes. He tried to choke them back and grinned, "I almost forgot what real food tasted like."
She knew now was a good time to perhaps get some much needed information from him. "Colonel, I was wondering what exactly you have been eating. Obviously they gave you enough to keep you alive but your blood work shows you deficient in just about everything."
He took another bite and chewed slow then looked at her with eyes that were filled with horror and sadness. "I got a small bowl of a watery oatmeal-like food each day. That is when I was conscious enough to actually remember to eat it. Some days I … well, … I might have passed out and didn't get a chance before they came and dragged me back."
John looked around again and wondered if this was all just in his imagination. But he thought if he did imagine rescue, he'd be in the infirmary on Atlantis. Or it could just be that his imagination had died with all his hope and resistance and dignity. Or this could just be hell. Strapped to a bed with Teyla coming in for a short time to tempt him then leaving him all alone again to miss her and long for her.
But he didn't think hell had strawberry jam that tasted so good. He picked up the next piece and ate it quickly, part of him wondering if someone would come along and take it away like they did his mush when he wasn't well enough to eat it. He then started on the fruit that Dr. Lam had promised. It, too tasted like ambrosia and he finished every bite, no matter that his stomach grumbled at the intrusion.
He looked at the eggs lying soggy and cold on the plate though and grimaced. "Can't manage those, sorry."
Carolyn chuckled. "I usually can't manage those when I'm feeling fine, Colonel, so no need to apologize. Now I was wondering if you wanted to try and walk around a little before we change the dressing on your back? You've got pneumonia and it isn't helping that you're so stationary. And I know that certainly isn't your fault. Just don't tell the General that I'm allowing you such privileges."
"Not a word," John said and winked as he pulled the sheet from his legs. He shivered a little as he slid his legs over the edge and so he asked, "Anyway I can get a top, doc, it's a little cold in here."
Carolyn frowned because the temperature in the room was well modulated but she did know he had a fever and figured that was the cause. "It'll have to be a johnnie since we'll need to check your back every so often. But if you're really cold we can probably scrounge up a robe or something."
Sheppard nodded and took a moment to get on his feet, holding the edge of the bed firmly. Carolyn saw him close his eyes and then look up and sway slightly. "Colonel?"
Sheppard's eyes closed and opened and he leaned back against the bed. "Just a little dizzy. Give me a minute. I don't really want to lie back down again yet. I would really love to brush my teeth."
"Understandable, Colonel," Carolyn said. She quickly unhooked the IV and offered her arm for him to balance on.
He gave a wry smile but pushed himself off the bed and put a hand on her shoulder for support. He looked at her questioningly. "Didn't I do better than this yesterday? Why am I suddenly worse than before?"
"When you were captive I'm sure you were running on adrenaline most of the time. Now that you're here and getting a little food and rest, your body is paying the price. Your immune system is compromised and the virus and bacteria inside you are grabbing hold and charging ahead full steam. The fever that you've got is a result, I'm sure."
Carolyn walked with him to the bathroom and put a dab of toothpaste on the brush for him as he leaned against the sink with both hands. He reluctantly let go with his right and took the brush. Carolyn turned the water on for him and he proceeded to scrub. She kept her hands ready in case he fell. She could see just the short walk into the bathroom had taken a lot out of him.
As he rinsed the toothbrush she saw him grimace and a familiar look cross his face. He was obviously nauseas and sure enough within seconds the small breakfast he had eaten had come back up and landed in the sink. She immediately put her hands on his waist to steady him and she felt him flinch.
"I'm just helping you stay upright, Colonel, I'm not going to hurt you."
She kept her hands there as he leaned over and heaved a few more times. But at the end they were dry heaves and she knew they were probably taking more strength out of him than he actually had right now.
"Why don't we get you back in bed now, Colonel," she suggested and tried to steer him away from the bathroom but he shook his head and reached for the water faucet.
He coughed a few times as he rinsed his mouth then the energy completely drained from him and his legs folded under him. Carolyn tried to catch him but only managed to slow his descent to the floor.
"Denise," she called to the nurse who had been changing the sheets on Sheppard's bed. "I need some help."
Denise rushed over followed by the guard who still had his hand on his sidearm. "Ma'am, just so you know he got a hold of Corporal Meyers' weapon yesterday by pretending to fall."
"I appreciate your concern but I don't think that's the case right now. I think he passed out from exhaustion. He's very weak and has a high temp. We need to get him back in bed and clean his back wounds again."
Carolyn got a face cloth and rinsed it in cold water then ran it across Sheppard's face. He began to rouse and Carolyn quickly assured him, "It's okay, Colonel, you're a little weak right now. We're going to try and get you back in bed. Just lean on us."
John glanced at the doctor then looked around him. When he saw the guard standing there he took in a deep breath that Carolyn would almost call fearful and actually pulled against them for a second. She didn't know he'd have enough strength to even get up on his feet.
Carolyn nodded at the guard who immediately backed up toward the doorway and Sheppard kept his eyes on him the whole way back. They sat him on the edge of the bed and when he started to lean sideways Carolyn cautioned him, "No, Colonel, we need you to lie down on your stomach so we can do your back."
Sheppard gazed back at her with glassy eyes and she realized he wasn't really understanding her. She moved her face closer and repeated, "We need to do your back."
His eyes opened wide and then grew dark and intense when he heard the word back and he began to shake his head back and forth and breathe heavier with a few coughs interspersed.
"No!" he roared and tried to push past her. He staggered along the bed to the end and looked around frantically. "Back … Monday … NO! No more!"
His eyes grew wild and kept darting around the room trying to figure out how to get out. Carolyn gave a deep sigh and tried again knowing her father would have her hide if he knew she'd let Sheppard roam freely in the room.
"Colonel, we don't want to hurt you. I'm Dr. Lam remember, from Stargate Command. I just want to put some cream on your back to make it heal quicker. Please, Colonel, let me help you."
He didn't seem to hear what she was saying though he was plenty aware of her presence and that of the other two people in the room. He looked like a caged animal about to be slaughtered and her stomach clenched thinking about what had been done to the poor man to make him react this way.
He finally darted toward the soldier at the door but never actually made it. He took a few stumbling steps then grabbed for anything to hold him up but when nothing was within reach, his legs buckled and he ended up kneeling on the floor. The guard turned and handed his sidearm to the soldier who had come in behind him and crouched to assist Sheppard back up.
But John didn't want back up as was apparent when he saw the guard come toward him. He started kicking and swinging his arms wildly and attempting to get up on his own but it was obvious that vertigo had made him unable to stand on his own. Carolyn and Denise started to come nearer but the guard shook them off.
"Ma'am, we need to get him restrained again and I don't want either of you getting hurt. Let us do it."
Carolyn then looked up and realized two more airmen had arrived, without their side arms and slowly wrestled with the uncooperative Colonel. She quickly instructed them to get him face down so she could clean his back wounds and within a few minutes they had managed to subdue him enough and fasten the straps to both arms and ankles.
Carolyn actually felt tears in her eyes when she saw that he was still struggling against his bindings and muttering incoherent words. She looked at Denise and instructed her to get the needed supplies from the next room.
She returned a few seconds later with a tray she placed on the rolling table and said, "Teyla and Colonel Sheppard's brother are in the other room. They seem pretty upset and the guards wouldn't let them in here while they were trying to get him under control."
Carolyn sighed knowing that what John Sheppard was going through was bad enough but all the people who cared about him were having to deal with it as well. She turned back to start replacing the bandages on his back.
.