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Chapter 17

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Dave Sheppard stood at the small window gazing in as the doctor spread what he assumed was disinfectant onto his brother's back. Teyla stood beside him and he tightened his hold on her shoulder. He could hear an occasional sniff as they watched John continue to struggle against the bindings.

He had come back today after Teyla had told him what had happened yesterday. He had spent the whole day Sunday at the office making notes and arranging things so he could be free in case John needed him again. When Teyla told him about John running around trying to get someone to shoot him, he thought that was a good reason to come back.

Luckily Amy was such an understanding woman and he knew he didn't deserve her but he was so glad he had her. The kids were a bit harder to leave as it was their summer vacation and they wanted to spend some time with Dad. But they were still good kids and knew he needed to check on Uncle John although they were more than a little confused that he was alive after going to his funeral.

He was still trying to wrap his head around that one too. But he could see John in the next room though his circumstances were hard to swallow. He had heard them talk about the fact that John would be disoriented and maybe delusional for a while but he never envisioned him fighting against the people who were trying to help him. But he knew in John's mind they were trying to harm him.

"What set him off this time?" Dave asked the guard who was standing near the door into John's room.

"He seemed fine but weak as the doc let him walk around and use the bathroom though he did puke a few times. I guess he's got a pretty high fever too. But it was when the doc said to lay him face down so she could check his back that he really freaked out. But it was easier to subdue him this time apparently, probably because he's weaker today from being sick."

"He was quite warm this morning as I left to take care of Torren," Teyla commented. She and Ronon had walked down here with her son but when she saw John struggling against the guards who were attempting to strap him into the bed, she begged Ronon to take Torren away and distract him. She knew Ronon did not wish to leave but he also did not wish for the child to see John so upset and so he obeyed her command.

"They said he had a low grade fever when you brought him back," Dave reminded her. "Apparently whatever was causing that took hold and made him really sick."

"I am sure the high fever is not helping him in regards to knowing what is real and what is not," Teyla replied. She gave a deep sigh and seemed like she was going to say more but then remained silent.

Dave understood completely. What could you really say in this situation? He could just see John though scowling and saying, 'This sucks,' but unfortunately John wasn't saying too much right now. But Dave was actually relieved because it looked like his brother had either fallen asleep or passed out. He didn't think it really mattered either way.

But he knew John wouldn't want to be awake right now as the doc seemed to be working on rebandaging the pressure sores on his backside. The thought of John sitting stationary enough to actually get those boggled his mind. The man had never stayed very still growing up and he knew that alone must have been horrible while he was imprisoned.

Pretty soon Dr. Lam came out of the room and addressed David and Teyla. "At least he's stopped struggling though I think he actually just passed out again. He vomited a few times in the bathroom earlier and the dry heaves caused him to collapse right after. He has very little strength right now."

"Will you keep him in that position?" Teyla asked as she kept her gaze through the window. "It does not look very comfortable."

"No," Carolyn shook her head. "I want to transfer him to his side again and keep him propped up a bit if I can so his lungs don't get any worse. His pneumonia started out as a mild case but I don't like the looks of this new stomach bug that's caught him up. If it moves to his lungs as well we could have some problems. He's already very weak and disoriented. He doesn't have any stores left to combat this and antibiotics will only help in some areas. I did want to ask if you would come in while we were removing the restraints and changing his position. He seems to respond to you best and in a much less violent way."

"Of course," Teyla quickly agreed and followed Carolyn back into the room, David close behind.

The guard moved to the door and stood ready but Dave wasn't sure John had the energy to get out of the bed let alone attack anyone. With little fuss Carolyn, Teyla, Denise and even Dave managed to get the straps undone, John shifted so the head of the bed was raised a bit and he was on his side. But they had to straps both hands to the lowered railing on the left side of the bed to accommodate this. They also bent his right leg underneath his left and only strapped the left to the end of the bed. Pillows were added to his front and back to help him stay in position.

Carolyn figured both hands were restrained so having one leg undone would be fine. She hoped her father wouldn't freak out at that fact. She had a whole pile of medical facts to back up why he needed to be positioned this way, his scarred and wounded back not the first of them.

Teyla stared at a still unconscious John and commented sadly, "He did not awaken while we moved him."

"I know," Carolyn sighed. "Which is good because we didn't need to calm him down but it also means he's pretty weak and doesn't have the energy to even stir at something so physical. But he does need the rest so I'm hoping you can keep him calm and relaxed during the rest of the day. I'll be in to check on him occasionally and Denise will be checking his vitals every half hour. We shouldn't need to change the bandages again until tomorrow."

Carolyn placed the back of her hand against his forehead and frowned. "I'm going to add something to his IV to help get that fever down though the fever itself will help get rid of the virus. But I need you to let whichever nurse is on duty know if anything seems out of whack. And the research I did shows that the virus he has spreads by body fluid so you should be okay touching him but if he vomits or coughs up anything you want to get the nurse right away."

"Of course," Teyla said and nodded. "But we may sit with him?"

Carolyn nodded also and smiled. "I think it would be a good thing for you to sit with him. And soon we do need to start adding more people that he's comfortable with so Mr. Sheppard it would be good for you to be here as well. He seemed to trust you with Teyla the other day so hopefully that's still the case."

Carolyn sighed again, one of too many today she thought, and said, "Good luck. Just keep him resting as best you can. He said he was cold earlier, from the fever I'm sure. But if he seems chilly there are a few extra blankets on the shelf against the wall. Cover him up if he needs it."

"We will," Dave promised and moved the chairs close to the bed again and sat in the one further away allowing Teyla the one right next to John's hands. Teyla smiled her thanks but got a blanket first and covered John right up to his shoulders then sat down and picked up John's hand that did not contain the IV.

"I am here, John," Teyla spoke softly but certainly loud enough for John to hear if he could. "I will be right here if you need me. Your brother, David is also here. We are both concerned for you as you have been ill. We will be right here to assist you in any way we can."

She sat back but kept hold of his hand and smiled at Dave. "I truly believe that in his subconscious he can hear me. I like to let him know he is not alone anymore and that there are people here who care for him greatly."

"That's nice," Dave nodded solemnly. "And I think you're right. He needs to know we're here for him even in his confused state."

"Especially in his confused state," Teyla emphasized.

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The afternoon passed with John sleeping on and off though when he was awake he was unaware of where he was and very disoriented. His fever had risen higher and Teyla took to running a cool cloth over his face, neck and arms to try and relive the discomfort. All the while she kept up a steady stream of peaceful one sided dialogue to keep him calm. It seemed to work for the most part.

But too often he cried out in what could only be agony or horror or fear and she was afraid he was reliving some of the monstrosities that had been carried out on him during his abduction.

But when she began to speak softly to him he would usually calm down and even whisper her name or Torren's name and almost smile. She made sure to touch him often and run her fingers through his hair and let him feel that she was truly there.

She kept hoping for him to get better but over the course of the next few days he only seemed to get worse. She and David began taking turns sitting with him four hours at a time. Ronon had even taken a turn saying that John seemed unaware of who was with him so it shouldn't matter. And maybe his voice would help their friend be used to and trust him better once he recovered.

But it took several days for him to recover just from whatever viral mess was storming through his system and by the end he had been put on oxygen just to assist his overtaxed respiratory system. He didn't seem to like the mask on his face and tried to shake it off if he was coherent enough but with his hands still strapped to the bed he couldn't get it very far. Carolyn was glad of that anyway as she knew the oxygen was helping him, though she hated that the restraints were still necessary. But with the raging fever he was more disoriented than ever.

On Thursday morning Teyla came in and shooed Dave to go get some sleep. He gave her a tiny kiss on her cheek and said, "His fever finally broke a few hours ago and Doc says it's already come down a few points. Hopefully that's the end of the worst of it. I'm going to try and get some sleep but I'd really love to see him if he wakes up and is fairly lucid. Will you send someone for me?"

"Yes," she promised. "But you do need to make sure you get some rest. And hopefully now that he is out of the woods, as your people say, you will feel more comfortable about leaving him so you may go back to your family."

David nodded. "Yeah, I would like to spend the weekend with them. Amy's been so good and she's been really worried about John, too. I know she'd like to come see him but I don't think John is quite ready for that yet, not to mention I'm sure General Landry wouldn't be real thrilled about another unauthorized person coming here."

Teyla merely smiled and watched as he left the room. She took her usual position by John's side and reached for his hand. She brushed the hair away from his face and as the backs of her fingers touched his forehead she was happy to feel he did seem much cooler than before.

She sat this way for a while just watching as John slept. She thought about her dreams the last few days while she had slept and they had been much more turbulent. She still seemed to share John's dreams but during his fevered state many of his dreams were of his torture and previous instances of pain. She had needed to relive his time with The Trust, the Wraith feeding, changing into an Iratus bug and even fighting himself while inhabited by the crystal entity. She had attempted to relieve some of his discomfort through these dreams but she did not think she had been all that successful.

But he was so much more peaceful now and his body truly seemed to be at rest. She was thankful for this as she knew his emotional recovery would be hard enough without the physical hardship added on top. But at least they had gotten him away from his captors and he actually had the chance to recover. And perhaps now Torren would be calmer. He too had seemed to be upset that John was so ill even though they had kept him away from the room. She wondered if he had sensed John's stressful dreams as she had.

After another hour of sitting with him and chatting idly about Torren and their other friends on Atlantis, Teyla heard what sounded like a sigh. She looked closer and saw John's eyes begin to flutter. They opened briefly then closed but soon opened again more fully. She moved her head closer and continued her soft words of encouragement and saw a tiny smile play about his lips.

"Tey ..la," they whispered as though his voice hadn't been used in a while. Teyla reached for the cup and inserted the straw near his lips.

"Take a few sips, John, but drink slowly so you do not choke."

John did as instructed then smiled again, until he tried to move and realized his hands were in restraints. His eyes grew confused and Teyla knew she had begun to hate that expression on him. "What …? Where … where am I?"

She immediately ran her hands through his hair to calm him and replied, "You are in the SGC, John. You have been ill with a high fever and have been delusional and very confused. But you are safe here. The restraints are merely a precaution as you attempted to leave a few days ago and you are not well enough to do that yet. They do not wish for you to hurt yourself or anyone else. Soon, though I am sure you will not need them."

John listened to her words but Teyla wasn't sure he believed her. She leaned over and pressed her lips to his forehead and asked, "Is there anything you need me to get you? More water?"

John looked around the room and then focused inward assessing the damage to his body. The back was a bit sore and he could feel a tightness in his chest. But he really wanted to stretch out. As he attempted to move he realized he had one leg that was free while the other obviously had a restraint on it. He moved the free leg and looked curiously at Teyla.

"Dr. Lam wished for you to be on your side and it was not possible to do that with both legs in restraints. As both your hands were she thought it would be okay."

John pulled on his hands and looked pleadingly at Teyla. "Can you release them just for a few minutes, Teyla, please? I think my hands are numb."

Teyla glanced at the door then looked back sorrowfully at him. "I do not think I can at the moment but I will send for the doctor and perhaps she will allow it."

She took a few steps to the door and instructed the nurse to alert Dr. Lam to the fact that the Colonel was awake. She came back and sat next to him and allowed him to sip some more water as she started chatting mindlessly again, this time to keep his mind off the restraints.

"Your brother is here," Teyla said and ran her fingers over his to try and get his circulation moving. "He was sitting with you for much of the night so I sent him to get some rest. He asked that he be alerted when you wake up. Would you like me to get him?"

John looked thoughtful for a second then shook his head. "No, let him sleep. I hate to say it, but I feel like I could go back to sleep myself." His eyes drifted closed for a moment then opened again. "Wasn't I just sleeping for a while?"

"Yes, but as I said you have been quite ill with a high fever brought on by a virus or perhaps the pneumonia. Dr. Lam says there is no cure for a virus; you just have to let it run its course. But your immune system has been weakened and it may take some time before you are back to feeling yourself again."

"I couldn't have said it better myself," Carolyn piped in as she walked into the room. "It's good to see you awake, Colonel. You've had us a little worried the last few days. I'm going to check your temperature right now, if that's okay."

John nodded but gave a little snort like he had any choice with his hands bound the way they were. A minute later she gave a satisfied smile and reported, "Looks much better. It's still 100.2 but it's on its way down and that's what's important. I want to take a quick look at your back too, Colonel. I promise I'm not going to hurt you."

She moved to the other side of the bed and opened the back of the hospital gown they had put on him a few days ago. John tensed up and began to breath heavier but Teyla pressed her face closer to his and whispered, "It will be fine, John. I am right here. She will not hurt you. I will not allow anyone to harm you anymore. You must believe me."

John gazed into Teyla's trusting eyes and relaxed slightly then more so when Carolyn retied the top of the gown and moved back to where he could see her again.

"There's definite healing going on and I'm encouraged by it. How does the back feel, Colonel? Is there still a lot of pain?"

John thought about it for a second then replied, "It's a little sore but for some reason it was worse than that, wasn't it?"

"Yes, Colonel, it was." Carolyn was feeling brave and so asked, "Do you know where you are and what happened?"

His face crumpled for a second as memories rushed through his mind but he tried to concentrate and make sense of what was flashing past. The thing he grabbed and held onto was Teyla and her solid presence.

"I'm in the SGC," he repeated what Teyla had just told him a few minutes earlier. His mind focused again and he saw Athena and her thugs but then he saw the hole in her neck spouting blood and a bullet going into Guido. And Teyla was standing right by him then too. He grasped Teyla's hand tighter as he answered her question.

"One of those slimy snakeheads had me, right?" He looked for confirmation and when both the doc and Teyla smiled encouragingly, he continued. "They kept me in a small cell and had a little … playtime every day." He looked away and tried to keep his eyes away from both women as he muttered, "I didn't really like the way they played."

Teyla squeezed his hand in assurance though he could see her eyes well up with moisture. He hated to see Teyla sad though and he gave her a crooked smile and sighed, "Then you came and got me. Thank you, Teyla."

"I only wish that it were sooner," Teyla lamented softly. "But we did not realize that you were alive until Athena tried to blackmail David into giving up control of his company."

"Wait, she what …" John cried weakly, attempting to get up. "He didn't do it, right? That company … is everything to him."

"No, John," Teyla reassured him and eased him back to reclining on the pillows. "He contacted General O'Neill immediately and we were able to locate you using the sensors of the Daedalus. We retrieved you prior to the meeting where David would sign over his company to The Trust."

"He wouldn't have … done it," John muttered under his breath as his lids began to feel heavy again.

"He would have," Teyla contradicted him. "He was planning on doing it and wanted us to get you once he got your coordinates from Athena. He did not realize we had a way of tracking you. But he did not hesitate in agreeing to sign his companies over to her."

John's eyes looked at her as if to say 'Really?' and so she nodded in affirmation. "Your brother has been very concerned about you and very relieved that you were still alive. And he would have done anything to bring you back to him."

"He's been here most of the time since you were rescued, Colonel," Carolyn confirmed. "Do you remember who I am?"

John hesitated for a second as flashes of many doctors and nurses whizzed past his eyes but recognition came and he gave a small grin. "Landry's daughter."

"Yes," she chuckled. "Though I do usually like to go by my name, Dr. Carolyn Lam. You look like you're ready to crash again, Colonel. Are you tired? You've been pretty out of it for a few days."

"Yeah, but …" his eyes closed and he shook his head to try and keep them open. "I really could use the bathroom. Any possibility you could get your Dad to …" he shook his hands, "loosen up on his rules about these. Please."

The word was said as an afterthought Carolyn could tell but she could also tell that Sheppard seemed pretty with-it at the moment. But he had been okay before and managed to go off with the right trigger. She looked around and noticed the man staring at Teyla with trust and something she might even call love, though she had never heard of these two being an item. It would explain why she was able to keep him so calm.

Carolyn let out a breath and answered, "You're pretty weak so I'd prefer if someone went in with you. You can take your pick; me, Teyla or one of the guards."

John grimaced but knew if he wanted to go in instead of using the portable plastic container, he needed to give in a little. But his choice of who was easy.

"Okay," he said to Lam but then turned his face to Teyla. "Do you mind, Teyla?"

Teyla looked to Carolyn who nodded and then she said, "Not at all, John. I would be happy to assist you."

"Thank you, Teyla," Carolyn said and moved to the IV stand to adjust it. "I'm going to unhook your IV just until you come back. It'll make it easier to get in and out of the bathroom. Teyla, you can undo the restraints. Colonel, you have to promise me good behavior."

She stopped the flow of the medicine and then pulled out the tube, leaving the needle still in his hand. "If you start feeling uncomfortable with something, let us know. We don't want to hurt you but you've been through a lot and much of it we aren't fully aware of so if we do something that makes you at all uneasy, please tell us, okay?"

"Sure," John replied though still looked cautious. "Just … keep the whips and bats away and we should be all set."

Teyla finished releasing John's hands and ankle and he rubbed at the spot where they had been for the last few days. He clenched and unclenched his fists to get circulation going again then attempted to sit up further. Carolyn and Teyla assisted him and soon they had him leaning against the side of the bed.

"Would you like me to get you a wheelchair, Colonel?" Carolyn asked as she narrowed her eyes. The man was still very wobbly.

"No," he shook his head swiftly. "I can do this. I might just need a little help to make sure I don't fall flat on my face."

Carolyn and Teyla moved on either side of him and helped him stand. He took a few moments to allow his legs to stop quivering then nodded and Teyla took a small step forward with him. Carolyn went along until they got to the bathroom door and then she let them continue.

"Leave the door open just a crack so I can hear if you need anything. I'll be putting some fresh sheets on your bed."

Teyla nodded as John grasped the counter inside and leaned to catch his breath, her hands on his waist. He nodded and took a few more steps and Teyla closed the door most of the way behind her. John gazed at her awkwardly and Teyla rolled her eyes.

"This is no time to be bashful, John. Do you require assistance with your pants?"

John shook his head and smirked. "I guess you've seen it all anyway."

Teyla turned away to allow him some privacy and wondered at what he had just said. She had seen it all. Was he referring to the dreams they had shared? Was he still of the impression that they had been intimate or was he referring to something else?

She heard the toilet flush and turned to see John struggling to get his pants over his hips. She reached out and adjusted them for him then stood behind him while he turned on the water to wash his hands.

"I'm just gonna brush my teeth while I'm in here, okay?" he asked as he took the toothbrush and reached for the paste. But releasing both hands wasn't the smartest thing to do and Teyla needed to prop him up again then apply the paste on the brush for him. He spent a few minutes with the brush scrubbing circles on his teeth then he rinsed it off and filled the cup to rinse his mouth.

John turned to lean back against the sink and let out a big breath. "Kissing fresh again. Want to test it out?"

Teyla just laughed and caressed the side of his face with her hand. John took that as a yes and slipped his hand into her hair and tugged gently until his lips were pressed against hers. She had kissed him briefly the other day but this time was equally as pleasant and Teyla closed her eyes and leaned into his slim body.

"God, I missed you, Teyla!" John whispered into her mouth as his lips nipped along her cheek and he held her close. Teyla felt her arms surround him and she argued it was only to keep him from falling. But his arms around her felt wonderful and she knew it was even better than the dreams they had shared.

"I thought of you every second I was in that hell hole," he continued and Teyla was confused by his words. He remembered the abduction but he also still thought they were together. But she knew she would not be the one to tell him otherwise at the moment. Perhaps later when he was feeling better. Perhaps much later, perhaps even never.

She did not want to ever go back to the way they had been before he was taken. They had been best friends and she had cherished his friendship but this closeness, this feeling she got when his arms gathered her close, it was what she had always wanted. After sharing John's dreams for so long, she had a feeling it was what he wanted too. Maybe it was the reason he still believed it to be so.

Teyla allowed her lips to touch his once more then reluctantly eased back. "Dr. Lam will be wondering what we are doing in here and I am sure you are exhausted. Let me assist you in getting back in bed and perhaps we can convince her you do not require the restraints any longer."

Teyla saw John start to shake a bit and his eyes grew almost frightened. "Yeah, I don't like having those on. I don't like not having any control. Especially when you're not here with me."

"I will stay with you, John, for a while. I will need to get Torren at some point but either David or Ronon will come sit with you. Would that be all right while I spend some time with Torren."

John seemed hesitant but nodded his head. "Do you think they'll let TJ come and see me? But I don't want him to see me all tied up. That might scare him if I couldn't hold him."

"I will discuss it with Dr. Lam and hopefully if you continue to cooperate they will allow it. But you must tell me or someone else if you are feeling overwhelmed or anxious about anything so we can figure out the best way to relieve your stress."

"Okay, Teyla," John said and lowered his head for another prolonged kiss. "Keep giving me those and I won't have a problem with anything."

Teyla gazed into his eyes solemnly and promised, "I will be more than happy to, John." And she closed her eyes for one more, lengthy kiss. Then she opened the door and assisted him back to his bed.

John shifted so he was lying on his other side and looked to Carolyn. "Can we switch it up, Doc. I'm getting flat on one side."

Carolyn chuckled and agreed. Then John stared at Teyla, pleading in his eyes and she asked, "Do you think it would be permissible to leave the restraints off for now? John is extremely tired and it appears he will simply be sleeping for a while. He will most likely be more comfortable if he is not strapped in one place."

Carolyn looked back at the guard who was standing tense in the doorway then at Sheppard whose eyes had closed already. She nodded sagely. "Yeah, I think it'll be okay. You have a very calming effect on him, Teyla and it looks like he trusts you implicitly." She looked down at him again. "He's already asleep and didn't even try fighting it. I think if he knows you're here, he'll be okay. But the guards still need to stay outside the door."

Teyla nodded. "Yes, of course. Thank you, Dr. Lam. I know John appreciates it too. And I believe he will rest more peacefully knowing he is not restrained."

Carolyn rolled her eyes as she reattached his IV and replied, "I think you're right but I have to follow orders, to a certain degree. I'll be in the infirmary if you need anything and one of the nurses will be next door with some paper work."

"Dr. Lam," Teyla softly called out as the woman began to walk away. "Do you think perhaps Torren could come to visit for a while once John wakes up? He asked to see the child but he did not wish it if he were still secured to the bed."

Carolyn looked thoughtful for a moment then answered, "Well, he did respond well to when he visited before so as long as things stay calm then I don't see why not. But check with me first and I'll do a little evaluation. I wouldn't want Torren to be nearby if Colonel Sheppard had another episode."

"Thank you," Teyla smiled at her then moved her chair to the other side so she could watch John's face as he slept. She was torn in many ways. She was happy that he appeared to be healing physically and she loved the way he held her and kissed her. But she wondered how good it was for him to believe that things had been this way before he was taken; if that was indeed what he was thinking. She did not want to probe too deeply at this point in case something set him off again.

She knew he needed to allow his body to heal in many ways. She also knew she would be here for him for as long as that took.

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