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Chapter 20

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"Is everybody here that we needed?" Landry asked as he walked into the conference room. O'Neill and Carter were sitting to his left while Jackson and Carolyn were to his right. Teyla, Ronon, McKay and Dr. Marshall rounded out the group.

Jackson looked around and nodded.

"Good, well before we get to your discovery we need to spend a minute discussing what happened with Colonel Sheppard. Carolyn, you assured me taking the restraints off would be a good thing for the Colonel."

"And it was a good decision, General. He has pneumonia and he won't get any better if we keep him chained to a bed. The human body wasn't meant to sit around and not move. And that's what he did for three and half months. I'm honestly surprised he isn't in worse shape, though he certainly isn't in great shape."

"But we can't have him becoming violent and attacking people in the hallways. We have to figure out what is causing this and stop it or keep him in restraints until we fix it."

"If I may," Dr. Marshall broke in, "we've already discussed the effects of sensory deprivation topped off with malnutrition and dehydration. That alone can cause Colonel Sheppard to act as he is. But the man was tortured almost daily for fourteen weeks. He created a fantasy world to go to whenever things got too rough and right now he is most likely trying to figure out what's real and what isn't."

Marshall opened a folder in front of him and consulted some notes. "Now the first incident occurred right after he was brought in correct?"

"Actually," Ronon grunted from his seat across from the doctor, "he kind of freaked when we first got him. He didn't want to leave his cell."

"Yes," Teyla concurred. "The larger room in which we went through was where he was tortured or so we surmised from the overhead chains and blood on the floor underneath. And John actually grabbed my sidearm to shoot one of the guards even though the guard was unconscious at the time."

"And he shot him not only in the chest but in the hand. Weird," Ronon added.

"Large, dark skinned man with long sideburns?" Marshall questioned. At Teyla's nod he continued thoughtfully, "I went through and watched all of the video footage of the Colonel's torture sessions. I thought I could perhaps get a better understanding of how to help him once he's ready for that. I know right now he isn't yet. But this guard, he was especially brutal to the Colonel and he also had a nasty habit of physically molesting Colonel Sheppard during this time, especially while they were bathing him. Shooting the man's hand that did most of this, that seems very symbolic to me."

"Which explains why he really doesn't trust any of the guards to help him in and out of the bathroom," Carolyn said. "He trusts Teyla the most."

"Right," Marshall agreed, "because Teyla was a part of the fantasy world that he created. Now the next incident happened here when he was first brought in, correct?"

"Yes, Dr. Perlutsky attempted to clean his back," Carolyn informed them. "But I can hardly blame him after what had been done to his back. It's what set him off again a few days ago. He was fine but when we tried to get him to lie down so we could change his bandages, he wouldn't allow it. Although he was pretty good when Teyla was there talking to him and assuring him he'd be fine."

"So what happened today that set him off?" O'Neill asked.

"That would be me," Rodney said his face red with guilt. "I brought in that machine and asked him to see if he could get it to work." He pointed to the device that was now on the table behind him.

"So what does it do?" Landry asked.

"I have a feeling that what it does isn't the reason Colonel Sheppard became delusional again," Marshall said. "I watched quite a few of the videos and almost every day the Goa'uld woman asked the Colonel to try and get it to work."

"I know she did," Rodney interceded. "Which is why I asked him. I figured he'd gotten it to work and just hadn't told her."

"Well, I figured something out when I looked at the time stamps on the videos," Marshall proceeded. "Even though the clips of Colonel Sheppard using the device were in a separate folder from the torture ones, I saw that each time he was unsuccessful in getting the device to work, he was subsequently tortured according to what day it was."

"Oh, God!" Rodney squealed and went pale. "And I just strolled in and asked him to get it to work. He must have thought he'd be tortured again when he couldn't do it."

"More than likely," Marshall agreed.

Carolyn cleared her throat. "Looks like he had plenty of reason to go nuts today. And Denise said he was already worn out from being awake for a while and she thought he seemed a bit lightheaded and dizzy even before Dr. McKay came in. He was trying to push himself a little further physically. I can't imagine what he must have been feeling when he saw the device."

"He felt fear," Teyla stated bluntly. "Terror, uncertainty and fear."

Everyone looked at her puzzled but Landry was the one who spoke up. "Dr. Keller said you had known that something was happening with Colonel Sheppard. How did you know this?"

Teyla shrugged. "I do not know the reason. All I know is that for the past several months I have felt John's presence with me and today I felt very clearly that he was afraid and that I must get to him to help him."

"You felt his presence?" McKay squeaked. "What do you mean and why didn't you ever tell anyone?"

"I told Dr. Keller," Teyla replied, "And I told Colonel Carter a few days ago. Dr. Keller thought I should write down my feelings and dreams and see if there were any patterns to them. And I believe I have found some."

"Dreams? What kind of dreams?" Carolyn asked curiously.

"Shortly after Colonel Sheppard disappeared I began to have dreams of him. They were not nightmares of him dying but dreams of us being together. Sometimes just he and I and often times Torren was with us too. And then during the day I would sometimes feel his presence. I discussed this with Jennifer and wondered if it could be John's spirit coming to me. I had heard many of your people's stories of ghosts and could not help but think perhaps that is what it was."

"Or Sheppard had ascended," O'Neill suggested. "It's not like we haven't seen that before." He looked pointedly at Daniel.

"I had considered that as well," Teyla said.

"But ascended people have all sorts of rules they need to follow," Daniel filled in glaring at O'Neill.

"Yes, but John has never been one for following the rules," Teyla pointed out. "But obviously that was not the case and I am confused since it seems that the dreams I experienced were similar to the fantasy world that John created."

"How do you know this?" Carolyn asked.

"In speaking with John over the past week I have ascertained that what he believes to be true line up with what I experienced in my dreams."

"And I figured out why," Daniel said smugly and tapped away at a few keys on the computer in front of him. "That machine."

They all looked at the device and Rodney scowled. "So you figured out what it did?"

"Yup," Daniel responded with a grin and Rodney narrowed his eyes hating that an archaeologist had figured this out before him.

"I found the notes Athena had written about the device and then the file that had the Ancient text she had supposedly translated. But she didn't really translate everything perfectly."

Daniel sat back and folded his arms across his chest. "Athena got the part where the device would get into the mind of your enemy to help you win battles but what she didn't realize is that it didn't work on just anybody."

"So who did it work on?" O'Neill asked.

"The Wraith," Ronon mumbled loud enough for all to hear.

"Um, yes, the Wraith," Daniel confirmed surprised that Ronon knew that. "Athena thought it would work on any enemy but she didn't take into account that this item had come from Atlantis at some point and the enemy of the Ancients there were the Wraith."

Sam smiled like she now understood. "So it only worked to get inside the mind of a Wraith."

"Or someone with Wraith DNA, like Teyla," Ronon contributed again.

"But wait," Jennifer called out confused. "Colonel Sheppard got inside Teyla's mind but how did Teyla have the same dreams?"

Jackson grinned. "Now see that's why the Ancients ditched this little experiment; because it started working both ways. They could get inside the mind of a Wraith but the Wraith could also get inside their mind as well. And it seems the effect lasted for a while even after the machine was shut off. They never figured out how to make it work only one way."

Rodney rolled his eyes. "They had a nasty habit of doing things like that."

Marshall looked very interested. "So Teyla began to see and experience the fantasy world that Colonel Sheppard had created. This could be helpful in treating him for the emotional part of his recovery …. if Teyla's willing."

Teyla nodded her head. "I will do whatever is necessary to assist John. I can truly see how very confused he is and it saddens me."

"Tell me a little about this world he created," Marshall implored. "Was it just snippets of different events and how did it relate to what he was going through? You mentioned a pattern to the dreams you had."

"The patterns were related to the day of the week that I experienced the dream. On Tuesday I found that often we were engaged in sparring with bantos rods."

"And that was the day he was beaten with a stick," Ronon threw in as the others saw the correlation.

"Friday was always somewhere outside," Teyla continued. "We went to the park or on a hike or walked through some wildflowers."

Rodney wrinkled his nose. "Sheppard imagined himself walking through wildflowers?"

"I'm sure it was better than whatever Athena was doing to him," O'Neill said as he thought of what Ba'al had done to him.

"Sunday was varied but it almost always included Torren and a very long outing to some place relaxing and fun."

Rodney made a face and asked, "How in the world did he make whipping into something good?"

Teyla blushed deep red and looked around the room uncomfortably. "I … would be … perhaps scratching his back or giving him a message."

"At a guess by your heightened color I'm assuming some of the experiences were intimate in nature,"
Marshall speculated.

Teyla gave a tiny nod.

"Did you and Colonel Sheppard have this type of relationship prior to his being abducted?"

"No," Teyla quickly denied. "We did not."

Marshall looked pensive and Ronon spoke up. "But Sheppard's had a thing for her for a while, years."

Marshall smiled at Teyla. "I don't mean to get personal Teyla, but do you return the Colonel's feelings? Because if you don't it could get a bit tricky when he begins to differentiate his fantasy world from reality."

Teyla looked apprehensively around the table. She knew Ronon was aware of how she felt and she was certain Jennifer and Sam did too. She was not sure how the others would take her revelation.

"Yes, my feelings for Colonel Sheppard are similar to his. Right before he left we had decided to speak of it when he returned. Obviously that did not happen. I do not know exactly what to do though. Should I act as though the dreams were real or should I try and let him know they were all in his imagination?"

Marshall smirked. "I'm guessing since Dr. Jackson said the device worked both ways that not all the dreams were the Colonel's imagination. Perhaps some of them were yours?"

Teyla blushed again. "Perhaps. Though I wonder if some of them were Torren's. My son also carries the Wraith gene and even though he had not seen John in the many months of his absence, he was quite overjoyed at his return and immediately wanted to play games that I only remember them playing in these dreams."

"Wow! Really?" Jackson exclaimed. "That's actually pretty neat."

"I guess that answers your question about why Torren was calling John, Dada," Sam said. "He was having some of those dreams too."

"Wait!" Rodney waved his hands frantically. "The kid thinks John is his Daddy?"

Teyla nodded awkwardly. "Yes, as the dreams progressed, John, Torren and I became more of a family. There was even a house where we lived with a park down the street that we liked to play in. Torren remembered this as well and asked John to go there just this afternoon."

Teyla looked at Dr. Marshall and asked, "What should I do?"

Marshall frowned and sighed. "For now I know Dr. Lam would like to concentrate on getting him back to good health. And I think that should be the first priority as well. I assume, Teyla, that you're willing to stick around and help us keep him calm. I think you'll be imperative in getting the Colonel back on the road to emotional recovery as well."

Teyla nodded and smiled. Ronon looked confused.

"But Sheppard mentioned being tortured when he was with me. So he remembers that stuff. But, what … he also remembers being with Teyla?"

"I'm not sure exactly how his mind has this worked out," Marshall admitted. "The physical abuse is hard to deny given the wounds on his body but I'm guessing he doesn't want to give up what he had to escape to, either. You see, Teyla was part of his life before he was captured though perhaps not in exactly the same capacity so just adding that extra feeling and emotion to it isn't all that difficult."

"Especially if that feeling and emotion was already there before," O'Neill added sagely and Teyla saw him glance wistfully at Sam.

"Well and he and Teyla were always hanging around together with the kid anyway," Rodney said. "He did a bunch of Dad-like stuff already. Not a huge leap there."

"Well, doctors," Landry addressed Carolyn and Marshall, "what are the plans for the Colonel's continued recovery?"

"Like Dr. Marshall said," Carolyn pointed to her colleague, "we get his body healthy first and to do that we need to keep him calm and happy. Teyla, I think, is the key to that. And he seems to respond really well to having the boy with him too. The two of them takes naps together. I have to admit it's awfully cute."

"I assume you're fine with that, Teyla," Landry stated and Teyla nodded. "Good, then let's see if we can keep anything that reminds him of his time in captivity as far away from him as possible. I do still want the guards outside the door but I guess I understand that today's events don't warrant complete restraint."

"Perhaps once he gets a bit stronger he may be allowed to leave the room and walk through the halls," Teyla suggested. "Just so he does not feel like a prisoner confined to the room."

Carolyn nodded. "That's a wonderful idea, Teyla. Let him see that he's really in the SGC and not some mockup that The Trust put together. We can even get him a wheelchair and take him out until he's strong enough to walk further on his own. Right now he can do a few laps around the room but he doesn't have the energy to do much more. I would like to get him up more though and see if we can move that fluid in his lungs."

"How about we move him back to Atlantis where he can actually see outside," McKay had his own suggestion. "You people don't realize how dreary and depressing this place is."

"In due time, Dr. McKay, in due time," Landry said then dismissed everyone.

Teyla moved from the room quickly wanting to get back and make sure John was okay. He had passed out earlier but she was not sure how long that would last even with him being exhausted. Carolyn followed her down the hall and soon they entered the small observation room to see Denise standing at the window looking in.

"How is he?" Teyla asked with concern in her voice.

Denise looked up. "I think he's starting to come around. I wasn't sure if I should go in there. He really hates to be in those restraints and I think it causes more confusion than anything."

"I agree," Carolyn responded. "General Landry said we could remove them. But I think maybe Teyla should go in and do it and get him calm first. I can come in maybe in a few minutes, Teyla, if you think he'd be okay with a visit."

Teyla nodded as she walked quickly into the room. She sat on the side of the bed and began to speak softly to the man lying there whose eyes were starting to flutter.

"John, I am here. There is no need to worry, I will be right here with you."

Green eyes opened to show confusion as he pulled against the straps. Teyla leaned over him and attempted to calm him.

"John, you are in restraints but I will remove them if you stay still. I will take the ones off your ankles first."

She reached down under the sheets and undid the thick, fabric straps and saw John pull against the ones attached to his arms. His face crumpled as it had so often lately and the look of uncertainty settled there again.

Teyla moved to his hands and leaned down to press a kiss to his lips. "Please stop struggling, John. I am here and I will make sure you are fine."

John shook his head back and forth and whispered, "They're not gone, Teyla. I thought they were gone, but they're not. They're still here."

His eyes darted around the room and then landed back on her face. Teyla undid the last restraint and ran her fingers down the side of his still bearded cheek. She kept her face close to his and assured him, "They are not here, John. You truly are in the SGC. The device you were asked to use was found by the team sent to rescue you and brought back. Rodney did not realize it would cause you concern. He feels very guilty that he worried you. But you must believe me, you are safe. The soldiers in the hallway were only trying to keep you and everyone else safe."

Doubt reflected deeply in John's eyes as he stared at Teyla. She could tell he was not sure of her words. And she was not sure how exactly to make him truly believe her.

She raised the head of the hospital bed and moved closer so her forehead was touching John's. His hands immediately reached for her shoulders and clung to her like a child. She could see his Adam's apple bobbing up and down as he tried to swallow and keep himself in control. And the fact that it took great effort to do that told her just how much damage his captors had done to him.

"I will stay with you, John, if you need me. There are others who will gladly watch Torren for me tonight. I do not wish for you to have any fear while you are here."

"I do need you, Teyla," John croaked his voice low and like gravel. "I need you so much. I don't want you to leave me. I have all these images that keep floating through my head and I know the only one that's real is you, right? You have to be real, you have to be. If you're not, I don't know if I can hold on any longer."

Teyla twisted her body so she was resting between John's arm and body and she swung her legs up and bent her knees so they were leaning on his legs. She felt John's arms immediately wrap around her.

"I am real, John, very real. And you can hold onto me as long as you need to. I will be right here. Always."

John's arms tightened around her and pulled her even closer, resting his nose against her hair. He inhaled and sighed in relief as her scent wafted into his nostrils. "Thank you, Teyla, thank you."

Teyla snuggled more firmly against him and soon felt his body relax even more and his breathing become even indicating he had fallen back into sleep. It was what his body needed to heal and she knew she would do whatever was needed; she would do it for John.

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"Why don't you go take a few minutes break, Nina," Sam told the nurse who was on the late shift as she and Jack walked in. "We'll stick around here and make sure everything is fine."

Nina closed the laptop she was making notes on and said, "Thanks, Colonel, they're both asleep though so hopefully you won't be needed. I do need to check in the lab for the Colonel's latest blood tests results. They should be ready and Dr. Lam will want to see them in the morning, I'm sure."

"Take your time," O'Neill added, "we'll be fine."

Nina left and Jack placed his arm around Sam's shoulder, pulling her in close to his side. Sam gazed up at him and smiled. He didn't do this often, certainly not when they were in the SGC.

Jack looked in at Sheppard and Teyla curled up together on the bed. He felt more than a little envious. Not just that they were together but that it seemed like it was okay for them to be that way. He and Sam had never had that luxury. Even now they kept their relationship fairly private, though a few people were aware.

"Who's watching Teyla's kid?"

Sam leaned further into Jack and said, "Well, Teyla put him to sleep before this whole episode happened but Teal'c and Mitchell were in with him. I think they were playing poker. Ronon went in to join them and I think he said he'd stay overnight so Teyla could stay with John. They all agreed it was a good idea to have someone with him all the time over the next few days."

"Yeah," Jack responded. "I saw a few more of those tapes. With what he went through, I'm surprised the guy didn't go completely whacko. I know he had a few … incidents … but aside from the gun one, they were fairly minor compared to what I've seen with some POW's. He seems very lucid and calm when Teyla's around. But I'm guessing he'll still need a lot of support over the next few weeks and maybe even months."

"He's got Teyla and I know she'd do anything for him. Of course he'd do anything for her too. I told you how he crawled off his death bed and was willing to give up his career to rescue her from Michael. I pretty much knew then that he had it bad for her."

"Like how bad I have it for you?" Jack teased quietly into her ear.

Sam turned in his arms and slid her hands around his neck. Her mouth twisted into a smirk and she lifted one eyebrow. "How bad do you have it for me, General?"

"Pretty bad, Colonel," Jack said his own mouth grinning. "Of course you could make it better."

Sam's grin grew. "I'm not sure that would be appropriate right here, General."

Jack looked around and saw that the guards were outside the door and turned away from the room, not really in sight of where they were standing. "I could make it an order, you know."

Sam wiggled in closer and whispered suggestively, "Well you know I have to follow orders, Sir. What exactly do you want me to do?"

"You could start with a kiss, I suppose."

Sam moved her mouth closer and licked her lips. Then she slid them along Jack's lips and allowed her tongue to trace the outline of his. She pulled his head in closer and opened her mouth to capture his. He seemed to get into the spirit of things and wrapped his arms around her back and allowed his tongue to play along the outline of her lips.

After a few minutes, things seemed to heat up a bit and O'Neill looked around. "Think we could take this somewhere a little more private, Carter?"

Sam's eyes lit up but then her face fell. "We promised Nina that we'd hang out here until she got back."

Jack made a face at her then pulled her back close. "So we can keep ourselves busy until she gets back, right?"

Sam pressed her lips to his and smiled, "Sounds good to me."

Their lips danced around each other and then met and frolicked and battled then pulled apart only to meet again. They kept doing this until they heard voices in the hall and quickly separated. But as soon as Nina had entered and asked if everything had been quiet, Jack grabbed Sam's hand and started for the door.

"Quiet as a mouse," he replied.

Then Sam added, "Have a good night."

As they swiftly moved through the doorway and down the hall, Nina chuckled and muttered. "I'm guessing you'll be having a good night too."

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