The girl known simply as Penny emerged and greeted us warmly. She wore a colourful shirt and a skirt so short that it would have been considered indecent in our own day. All notions of modesty seemed to have vanished from Twenty first Century America, I pondered on how much the state of dress might have decayed back on our own beloved isle. After we had exchanged names she began leading us down short flights of stairs to identical landings. She chattered endlessly as we made our descent.
"So Leonard tells me that you guys are visiting from England"she asked. "I've always wanted to go there,what's it like?"
" Much like you have read I imagine," said Holmes, "Rolling grassland where crimes may be committed with impunity, gas-lit cities bathed in fog and steeped in manure from traffic."
A look of intrigue and confusion stole across her adorable features, this was clearly not an answer she had expected, "Wow, I thought it was only like that in movies, A friend from Nebraska went there for a few days last year and she loved it."
"Several weeks at sea seems like a lot to put oneself through for only a few days holiday," said Holmes.
Penny laughed heartily , "That's British humour isn't it? She flew there in a couple hours of course."
Holmes and I exchanged an incredulous look. Before our ignorance of life in this new age could be further exposed we had emerged from a well lit lobby and out into morning air. We glanced around in wonder at what we beheld. Gone was the rustic woodenness which I had previously associated with the States, great stone towers rose spectacularly into the sky. In between them rushed countless horseless carriages, fashioned entirely from brightly painted metal. I had once witnessed an exhibition of an oil propelled chariot from Germany, this rather primitive contraption must have been the great-grandfather of the magnificent beasts which now careered past me in a never ending cavalcade.
Penny led us around the side of the building to a wide open space in which several of the machines were lying empty. She crossed to one of them and inserted a key into it's door. Holmes and I entered and positioned ourselves on the comfortable fabric of the rear seats, despite the strangeness of our surroundings, we were welcomely reminded of the hansoms which we so often frequented. Holmes glanced around wildly as Penny operated controls, sending us rolling gently away to join the steady stream of metal boxes. He revelled in exotic new forms of data as we barrelled towards our mysterious destination.
" There are entirely foreign symbols and signals at work in this eclectic maze of machines Watson," he announced,thinking aloud, "The pictographs and coloured lamps which adorn this route seem deeply layered in meaning for these drivers. I must make a proper study of them while I am here, for at present much of their significance is as imperceptible to me as the subtle semaphore of a cabbie's whip might be to the people who call this era home."
"Yeah, I guess the road signs round here are bound to be a little different to what you're used to back home." said our driver, blissfully ignorant to our true nature. I theorised to myself that spending time in the company of the eccentric doctors had attuned her to hearing barely understood technical musings, so that the suspicious words of my friend might not sound all that unusual to her. Our miraculous vehicle trundled on as Penny's collection of electronic music began to fill our ears.
A few minutes later we slowed and halted in another open space much grander than the one from which we had begun our exiting journey. Hundreds of other conveyances, no two identical, stretched as far as the eye could see over the black tarmac. In the centre of this vast gathering rose a mighty cathedral of a structure.
"Here we are,"smiled Penny excitedly as we disembarked, "Welcome to the best mall in Pasadena."
As we approached this sprawling building,we saw a stream of people of all ages pouring in and out, laden down with purchases that they had no doubt made in this vast complex. We came to a glass panel which slid aside by some mechanical trickery to allow us access to a cavernous tiled hall. Lining the perimeter of this space were a multitude of colourful boutiques, giving the impression of a vibrant roofed city. Like a native sherparing two baffled explorers, our fair companion ushered us towards a wide room filled with attractive displays of clothing. Tailoring, it seemed, had all but fallen by the wayside over the years. Apparel was now manufactured in vast quantities and deposited in outlets such as the one we found ourselves in. It was then up to the common man or woman to select that which was most suited to his own stature. With invaluable aid from young Penny,we soon found ourselves in contemporary suits that would be suitable for our introduction to the university staff. In addition to this we had purchased a bundle of more casual clothing for everyday use. Thus dressed, we were about to take our leave when Holmes stopped dead in his tracks. He dropped to his knees and stared in frantic fascination at a man's shirt which was carelessly strewn on the floor.
"Oh dear me,dear dear me,"he muttered, springing to his feet. Without another word he dashed off among the racks of clothing, occasionally glancing at the floor. Within moments he was out of the door and vanished at a full run into the main complex. The young lady and I stood dumbfounded for a moment before perusing him,leaving bewildered onlookers in our wake. We saw his dashing new suit in the distance making for a higher level of the building via a set of mechanical steps,pushing through the throng we were soon close behind him.
"Holmes!"I called as we were propelled ever higher, but he seemed oblivious to my presence. We looked on as he disembarked the escalator and collared a seemingly innocent but rough looking youngster.
"You'd best hand over whatever you have just stolen or you shall be much the worse off for it my dear fellow,"he declared sternly.
"Ok fine, take it, mister, erm...crazy...Brit guy you!" spat the impudent young man he as theatrically threw a gentleman's leather wallet to the ground. This unpleasant soul then vanished into the crowd and troubled us no more.
"What the heck was that all about?" asked Penny.
"Is it not obvious my girl?"said Holmes, "Our young friend must have earlier stood in a mess such as that one,"
He gestured to a discarded paper cup from which a pink liquid oozed.
"Upon the shirt which caught my eye was a distinct stain which showed that he had strode past rather briskly. Another,more subtle mark was present, this time in ordinary dirt. These feet were pointing towards the display,suggesting that this poor man was perusing it when our thieving friend brushed right past his personal space. As any gentleman on the streets of London could tell you, when a man 'accidentally' clips you in this fashion, the contents of your pocket is most likely gone. I caught sight of small pink spatters from his beverage-covered shoes and followed them."
"That's amazing!"declared our companion, "You should have been a detective instead of a scientist!"
Holmes and I shared a knowing glance.
"That may be,"chuckled he, "But all that is of importance now is the return of this object to it's rightful owner."
He respectfully unclasped it and examined it's contents, "Hmm, Mister Howard Wolowitz."
Penny gave a sudden gasp of disbelief. It was clear from her reaction that she knew this man.