My head hung low as I walked up the steps to Degrassi community school. It was like I could actually hear the laughs and snickers as I passed by my fellow classmates. I felt like a one hundred pound weight was laid on my shoulders since…that night.
I shook my head at an attempt to forget the tormenting memory, and focused my attention back to my outraged feelings towards my mom. Why does she have to work this way!? I was raped..Oops..But she was out in the cold hearted world sleeping around with every guy she could get her hands on. It just is immoral and selfish!
My hands eventually found the cold handles of the place that was labeled as a school…really it was hell. I felt the warm atmosphere hit my flesh causing Goosebumps to rise on my skin. A variety of faces came into my view and I could already see the wide tormenting grins rise on their preppy cheeks. I hate my life! Every day I go through hell at degrassi just for being different and liking different things. Why can't they just accept me? What did I ever do to them? I blocked my view from the clique of despicable human beings that only crave torment and sorrow on others. I glanced at the school clock that read 9: 45 A.M. First block started at 9:50 A.M, I can just picture it right now. All of their cold hard faces laughing and torturing me, snickering behind my back as soon as I turn around. Tears welled in my blue eyes; I simply and plainly could not go to class today! I walked quickly to the women's washroom, passing the clique I saw earlier. I reached behind my back to my book sack and felt for my hand held personal bag I always kept on me. I sighed in relief when my fragile hands fell upon it; I grabbed it quickly and brought it to my chest.
I busted through the heavy door, not checking to see if anyone was in the vacant room. I paced to a stall and shut the door noisily behind me with my eyes locked on the zipper; I slowly tugged on the bag. My eyes fell on the semi- large razor that lied in the bottom of my bag. I tightly shut my eyes and rolled up my sleeves and with the sharp object in hand; I pressed it to my white skin and drug it slowly across my flesh. I flinched at the stinging sensation inflicted upon myself then felt the liquid drip down my arm, through my fingertips, and onto the cool floor. I repeated this motion at least a couple of times.
I peeked through my eyes at my wombs that were in dire need of attention and lifted my white bandages out of my kit. With the most pressure, I wrapped myself up and watched the red blood stains rise up on my arm. No one can help me. I am all alone. This is my only option. I sighed and let the pain go out with my breathe. The tears seeping through my lids felt warm and sticky.
My memory flashed back to that terrifying and utterly terrible night. I consoled my body trying to cover up where he had touched me, where he had invaded me. I was just like my mom that night, a slut! I deserved everything that came to me, everything he did to me..I deserved it. I was never a good child anyway, always disrespecting someone. Maybe this was karma and it was my turn to get disrespected back. I could feel the sob well up at the pit of my stomach and slowly creep its way through my body and out my mouth. I was nothing to the world and the last couple of weeks proved that.