He hadn't gotten more than an hour or two of sleep at most, but Kakashi felt more awake than he had in quite some time. Today was going to be different. Whether for good or bad, that remained to be seen. But one thing was certain: things were about to change.
Kakashi had spent all of the night and most of the early morning hours getting things in ordered. He'd woken up quite a few people and probably owed them more than he could ever repay … but it was worth it. He finally had a plan, something more proactive than simply waiting and hoping for Sakura to come around. It felt good. It felt like he was regaining control of everything.
He got up off the couch, ignoring the protesting ache in his muscles, and went into the kitchen. There were a couple apples still and the dango from last night. That would have to do for breakfast; they didn't have time for anything more formal. He packed the items in a small travel sack and filled a couple canteens from the sink. They had a long walk ahead of them, and even if he couldn't coax Sakura into eating anything he knew she wouldn't refuse water.
Now that the food was gathered, it was time to pack and get Sakura ready to go. This time, he didn't bother knocking on the door. He simply walked in, turning on the overhead light without a care that her eyes weren't ready for the unexpected glare. As if to prove this point, her eyes scrunched reflexively against the bright invasion. She even lifted her head off the mattress, still obviously half lost in sleep and confused about what was going on.
"Get up," he ordered, adding just enough authority to let her know he wasn't messing around today. "We're getting out of here."
Sakura blinked slowly and pushed herself upright on one elbow, but that was all the reaction he got from her. She didn't make any move whatsoever to sit up completely or do what he said.
Ignoring her for the time being, Kakashi went over to the closet and pulled out two travel packs, one for her and one for him. He set the packs on top of the dresser and began pulling out clothing. Underwear, pajamas, socks… all the basic, comfortable staples they would need. Normally, he tried to make an effort to coordinate her clothes pleasingly, just as she would have when she cared about such things, but today he simply tossed in whatever he found that was clean. If she didn't like his selections, she could deal with it. Or complain. In fact, he hoped she didn't like them and said something. At least it would be something different.
He finished packing and turned to find her sitting on the edge of the bed, watching him. Some of the dullness had left her gaze and was replaced instead with a flicker of curiosity. That alone was enough to convince him this was the right course of action. He tugged the second bag closed before turning toward her, arms folded across his chest.
"Are you going to get yourself around or am I going to do it for you?" he demanded. He waited a minute or two for her to decide, and when she continued to sit there in utter silence he grabbed the clothing he'd set aside for her to wear and went about getting her dressed himself.
She smelled like stale sweat and morning breath, reminding him belatedly that he hadn't made her take a shower in a couple days. That would be fixed as soon as they reached their destination. She let him move her as needed, lifting her arms and positioning her body however he needed to get the job done. He ran a brush through her tangled hair before weaving the pink strands into a braid down her back to keep it out of the way.
When he was done, he pulled her up onto her booted feet, noticing how the clothing hung loosely around her shoulders and hips. At one time, those clothes had hugged her body comfortably, detailing her curves while leaving some to the imagination. Now … it looked like she was disappearing. In a way, she was disappearing from him.
But he wasn't going to let her go without a fight.
Kakashi shouldered the heavier of the two packs and handed the second to her. She stared at it, as if unsure what to do. "I can't carry this all on my own, Sakura," he said, and the double meaning behind those words wasn't lost on him.
Very slowly, Sakura reached out and took the pack from him, fitting her thin arms through the loops so that it settled on her back. She waited, eyes fixated on the floor as if hoping it would open up and swallow her whole. Letting out a low breath that bordered on a sigh, Kakashi took her hand and said, "Come on. We've got a lot of road to cover."
She followed after him, just as docile and pliant as she'd been while he'd gotten her dressed. He grabbed the food bag off the table and stuffed it into the top of her pack before fishing out the apartment key from his pocket. They left and he locked the door behind them. There was a sense of finality to the movement that was very satisfying, almost like he was locking away all the pain from the last two months and starting fresh. One look at her, however, told him it wasn't as easy as all that.
They exited the building, stepping out onto a street that was just barely colored with daylight. There were only a handful of people about at that hour, mostly vendors getting ready to open up their shops or ninja returning from missions, but it was enough to make her body tense. Kakashi looked over his shoulder at her, saw the panic in her eyes, the pallor to her skin, and knew she was two seconds away from bolting back inside.
He gave her hand a tug and smiled in what he hoped was reassurance. "Let's go, Sakura."
It took another, harder pull on her hand before she stumbled after him, and even then he had to practically drag her down the street. People were watching them, either because of the obvious fact he was forcing her to walk or else because this was the first time in over two months that Sakura had ventured out onto the streets of Konoha. He wasn't sure. But all it took was a hard glance from him and those eyes were quickly occupied with something else entirely. This was hard enough on Sakura; he didn't need gawkers to make it even more so.
Every so often as they walked, he turned back to check on how she was doing. At first, she'd carefully kept her head bowed, eyes trained strictly on her feet, but the closer they drew to the main gate the more he caught her gaze flickering briefly upward. It was the first time in months she'd shown any interest in her surroundings. A smile crept across his masked lips and he said a silent prayer of thanks that the plan seemed to be working.
She grew even more bold as they left the village entirely, stepping out onto the main road that cut through the forest that gave Konohagakure its name. All around them, enormous oaks, maples, pines, and even a few delicate sakura trees rose upward, shrouding the sky so completely it was quite literally like walking through a tunnel made of leaves and branches. Only a few early morning birds were up and singing to each other throughout the forest, melding perfectly with the faint whisper of a breeze through the foliage. Sakura's eyes swept over the scenery, tracking the bird calls through the branches overhead, turning toward a squirrel cracking twigs somewhere deeper in the shaded areas. That curiosity which had always appealed to him was starting to surface again, letting him know for certain that the old Sakura was still in there somewhere.
It was only about six in the morning, but already the humidity beneath the tree canopy made drawing breath a labor. He knew it was only going to get hotter, but hopefully they would be at their destination before the worst of it hit. They weren't going very far from the village, just enough to put them outside familiar terrain. He would have preferred leaving Fire Country altogether, maybe travel further north to visit some long estranged relatives in Kumogakure, but he doubted Tsunade would have granted them both travel leave for that. She had already bent enough rules for them both.
The sun was approaching the nine position when they came to the split in the road that would either take them to Suna or deeper into the Fire Country terrain. Kakashi started down the latter, but stopped when Sakura remained rooted at the intersection. She was staring back toward the village and he didn't need to be a mind reader to know what she was thinking: all it would take was a quick surge of chakra to break his hold and then she could sprint back to the bedroom, retreat like she always did.
Kakashi's grip tightened around her fingers, not enough to harm but just to let her know that wasn't an option. She either walked with him or he slung her over his shoulder and carried her. Sakura glanced down at their joined hands, but when he took another step she didn't rebel. She fell in just slightly behind him and they continued on their way.
They didn't break until about ten in the morning to take some food and water. Kakashi used a kunai to slice up the apples, holding the pieces out on his open palm for her to take. He didn't say anything to her like he normally did at mealtimes, not because he didn't want to but because she always seemed to shut down whenever he opened his mouth. She hadn't eaten more than a mouthful or two over the last couple days. He would rather she do that than participate in small talk.
It seemed like he was finally starting to do the right thing in regards to Sakura because she ate more than half the apple wedges he offered her. She even reached for her canteen without him prompting her to. If things kept progressing like they were, he was confident she would return to being at least self functioning by the end of the month. The hope that rose inside him felt more real than it had in a very long time. Less like he was trying to convince himself that things would get better and more like they actually were. But he wasn't quite able to trust fully in it, not after daring so many times to believe only to have it crash and burn.
Once they finished their quick meal, Kakashi packed everything up and they were on their way again. This time, he didn't need to take her hand; she followed him willingly down the road, always keeping just close enough that he could tell it was really her and not a Bunshin no Jutsu. He felt a little guilty for that thought, but in a way she was like a cornered animal. There was no telling what she might do. If she did suddenly decide to make a run for it … well, he'd always been faster than her, even when she'd been healthy.
It got hotter as the day progressed and the humidity that clung to the air certainly didn't help with easing it. Kakashi could feel the sweat slipping down his face, dampening his hair and mask alike. He could tell it was affecting Sakura as well by the slight drag in her feet with every step she took.
The path was starting to climb steadily upward as they entered into the forested mountain terrain of Fire Country, and the higher they climbed, the more the scenery changed. All the oaks and maples began to give way to sturdy pines, the thick covering of ferns and berry bushes turned into low lying, springy moss. Even the bird calls were different. Gone were the high trills of songbirds. Now, everything was silent save for the occasional deeper call of a predator. It was much quieter than the deciduous covering that surrounded the village. There was only a few miles between there and Konohagakure, but it felt almost like an entirely different country.
The road narrowed to barely more than a well traveled path and took a sharper incline just as the first sound of rushing water began roaring in his ears. They were still too far down and at the wrong angle to see the waterfalls, but it wouldn't be much longer now. He could still very clearly recall the first time he'd laid eyes on this place, how impressive the cascade flowing over darkened rocks had been in its raw element. Kakashi hoped she would feel that same sense of wonder as well.
He spared a look back at her, eager to see if she was still taking in her surroundings, and paused when he saw she'd fallen behind a bit. Her hair was dark with sweat, her cheeks flushed from exertion, and she was doing little more than putting one foot in front of the other. Damn it, he hadn't considered how trying the hike would be in her weakened condition. He hurried back down the slope to her and she stopped in her tracks.
Kakashi took the pack from her shoulders and swung it over one of his, leaving his hand free to take hers once more. "It's not much farther," he said encouragingly. "Not even a quarter mile ahead."
She didn't reply or nod or give any indication that she'd heard him at all, but she continued moving forward with him. Once or twice, she lost her footing and nearly collapsed to the moss-covered ground, but he kept her from falling completely. Their progress was much slower, but then there was no rush to get there anyway. He stayed by her side, pausing when she seemed short of breath and making her take sips of water as they went.
Finally, they came around an abrupt bend in the path and emerged out onto a wide stretch of green – and the waterfall was directly in front of them. Kakashi was pleased to see her eyes settle on the water rushing down over the mountain's jagged edges, splashing and winding its way through paths it had carved over centuries into the rock face. It collected in a small pond that then branched out into several smaller creeks and tributaries before connecting again to form the Shirakaba River that bisected directly through the village.
She was so caught up in staring at the waterfall that she didn't notice the enormous house tucked back against the pine forest until he started guiding her toward it. The structure was made entirely of wood and glass, with windows serving as entire walls so as to provide the best view of the surrounding area. There were three stories and easily almost one hundred rooms. It was divided into four separate quadrants, each one with its own unique feature.
Sakura's lips parted as if she was about to say something, but she seemed to decide against it and followed him mutely up the steps to the main entrance. One of the wide double doors slid open and a woman stepped out. She was pretty in a very natural sort of way with chestnut colored hair, warm brown eyes, and wearing a simple blue yukata that accentuated her smooth skin. Kakashi smiled as she approached them; she hadn't changed one bit.
She already had her arms open by the time they stepped onto the wrap around porch. Kakashi wasn't much one for hugging, but he knew from experience that there was no getting around it with her. She would hug you whether you wanted it or not. "It's good to see you again, Rei," he murmured in her ear as she pulled him down to her.
"You too, Kakashi. Still haven't done anything about that crazy hair of yours, huh?" As if to prove her point, Rei leaned back and tugged an errant strand.
He grinned back at her while simultaneously pulling her hand away from his hair. She may not have held a kunai in nearly twelve years, but she still knew how to inflict a good amount of pain. "You haven't changed either," he countered. "Would it kill you to get a few wrinkles like the rest of us?"
Rei laughed and shoved his chest playfully. "Always the charmer." Her eyes shifted to Sakura, one brow arching in question. "Who's your friend?"
Sakura's shoulders tensed at having the attention shift to her and he slid a hand around the small of her back in an attempt to reassure and coax her simultaneously. She remained rooted to the porch, her arms hugged across her midsection and her gaze firmly slanted to one side and downward. Unperturbed, he made the introduction for her. "Sakura, this is Rei. She's an old acquaintance of mine."
Their hostess snorted at his words and rolled her dark eyes, but she didn't bother to correct him.
Ignoring the interruption, he continued, "Rei, this is Sakura. My wife." He added the last part just to see her reaction.
And was it ever worth it. He hadn't seen a jaw drop so quickly since the day he'd demonstrated a Thousand Years of Pain on Naruto. Rei's eyes widened and she blinked rapidly for several seconds while she processed what he'd said. She shook her head, swept a hand back through her chin length hair, and repeated, "Sorry … but did you say wife? As in someone actually married you? Willingly, or did you have to genjutsu the poor woman?"
Any momentary triumph he'd felt in surprising her was obliterated with that one statement. Kakashi frowned hard at her (though he had a feeling it was more of a pout) and said, "Do you treat all your guests this way?"
"Only the ones who send their mutts to wake me up in the middle of the night to ask a favor," she returned even as she held the door open for them to enter. "Come on inside, it's getting nasty out here!" She smiled as Kakashi guided Sakura through the door, but he could see the lingering questions in her eyes. Despite having only just met them, she knew something wasn't right.
The interior of the resort was comfortable and exuded relaxation. There was a wide reception desk to the left, but the rest of the space was reserved for cushioned seating with a breathtaking view of the waterfall quite literally in the backyard. Although the majority of the main entryway was made of glass, the room was surprisingly soundproof.
"I'll show you to your room, let you get situated, and then if you two want to join me in the atrium for some lunch we can do some catching up," she suggested as she guided them up the flight of steps to their right.
As much as he wanted to have a talk with her, he needed to take care of Sakura and get her acclimated first. Kakashi affected his most carefree smile and replied, "I think for today we might just keep to ourselves, if that's alright with you."
The smile didn't fool Rei one bit, not that he'd been so completely foolish as to think it would. Her eyes flickered briefly to Sakura again, but she didn't say anything. Instead, she beamed right back at him and nodded. "Of course, so sorry. You guys had a long walk here and are probably dead tired. Sometime before you head back to Konohagakure though, m'kay?"
Kakashi flashed her a grateful look for her understanding and said, "Definitely."
She led them up one more flight of stairs to the third floor of the house and all the way down to the very end of a long corridor. Doors lined the walls at regular intervals, each one marked with a brass nameplate right below the peephole. These weren't the regular inn rooms; these were the luxury suites, and they were extremely expensive. Kakashi frowned and wondered if maybe this was part of Rei's revenge for contacting her so last minute. Welcome him like a long lost cousin and then rob him blind – such an underhanded thing to do. And so unlike her sister.
They stopped outside a door that was third from the end. Rei pulled a key out from the sleeve of her yukata and unlocked the door herself. She pushed it open and then held the key out to him with a little smile. "Room service stops at eight, but the kitchen is always open if you feel like whipping something up yourself. The laundry room is in the cellar. You do still remember your way around here, right?"
Kakashi nodded as he ushered Sakura by him into the room, taking the key from their hostess as he went. Typically, he knew each guest got a key … but he'd specifically requested there be only one and that he was to have it. In addition to being discreet and knowing when to not push, Rei also made certain to follow instructions to the last detail.
"Cleaners come through usually around ten in the morning with fresh towels and linens," their hostess continued. "Robes are complimentary, as is the first basic spa package. Everything else is extra … though I could be persuaded to give you a discount for old time's sake."
He gave a soft laugh at that and said, "You're so gracious."
Rei pouted and jabbed a finger into his gut. "And you're a pain in the ass. Just let me know if you two need anything."
"Will do."
"And don't forget you owe me lunch and catching up time."
"I promise."
With one final glare to impress the fact that she fully expect him to comply or else, Rei headed back down the hall, leaving them to get settled in their new home.
That was, essentially, what this room would be for the next month.
Kakashi shut the door, sliding the chain lock in place. He turned toward Sakura to find she was already curled on her side on the bed, her back to him. A low breath escaped him as he set about unpacking their belongings. He'd only brought the bare necessities for their trip, just enough clothing for each of them to last one week. He hoped. There was no doubt in his mind Rei would rake him over on laundry fees if he had to do it more often than that.
He had just finished arranging their clothing into the chest of drawers when Sakura asked, "Who is she?"
His hands paused in folding one of her shirts and for a moment he couldn't say anything. He was too surprised that she'd even asked. Finally, he found his voice again and replied, "I first met Rei nearly twenty years ago. I was seventeen, she was twenty-two. We were at a funeral."
Kakashi finished folding the shirt and slid the drawer shut slowly as the memory of that day came back to him. He remembered how beautiful the weather had been, how angry it'd made him that the sun had dared to shine so brightly. He remembered the way the sunlight had kissed the dark wood of the coffin and how he'd wanted to erase it from the sky … until he'd heard the woman standing next to him say it was only fitting that the sun would shine extra bright for the light that was taken.
He swallowed heavily and slowly turned to face her. Sakura wasn't looking at him, but he could tell she was listening. He went over to her, watched as her eyes darted briefly to him before returning to the far wall. "Rei," he continued softly, "is Rin's older sister."
This time, Sakura's eyes left the wall and met his directly. There was a flash of something in those green depths: pain maybe? Or was it sympathy? He couldn't tell and it was too quick for him to definitively pinpoint. Kakashi sat down on the bed, just close enough for her bent knees to brush across his hip.
"We stayed in touch after that for a bit," he explained, studying his hands where they rested on his thighs. "Mostly because we both couldn't deal with losing Rin, but also because we each blamed ourselves for what had happened. After she died, I joined ANBU and Rei gave up the ninja lifestyle. She came back here to help run the healing spa with her family and has been here ever since."
Kakashi fell quiet, his mind replaying everything that had happened twenty years ago as clearly as if it had happened yesterday. He still recalled the first time he and Rei had met up, how they'd simply sat together at the cenotaph: both crying, both trying to hide it from the other. Theirs wasn't as much a friendship as it was companionship. A coping mechanism for the pain. It was either turn to each other or turn somewhere else – or to something else. He was glad they chose each other, if only because the other options were much worse.
Sighing, he placed a hand on her knee and squeezed it gently. "You should probably shower. I'll see about having some food sent up."
Sakura obediently stood up and went into the bathroom. The door shut and was locked after her. Kakashi closed his eye and hoped the water would be loud enough to drown out her tears.
His plan was simple: take her away from everything that reminded her – their apartment, the hospital, the entire village – and start again. Regroup, so to speak. He'd originally picked this place because it was the closest they could get to neutral ground without actually leaving Fire Country altogether, but now that they were here … maybe it wasn't as neutral as he'd thought it would be. Maybe she would view this place and his attachment to it as a prison or something.
And yet … she was already showing signs of change. She'd been interested enough in their surroundings to look around, had even initiated conversation for the first time in months. He wasn't naïve enough to believe that this place could work miracles and that by the end of the week she'd be the smiling, happy woman he once knew – but there was hope, and it felt real.
He found the room service menu on the small side table by the door and ordered by pressing the letter and number options on a small device panel in the wall. It would print out an order form in the kitchen with the room number and selection and one of the wait staff would bring it up. Once that was done, Kakashi decided to get a more proper look around their room.
It didn't take long for him to determine that Rei had hooked them up with one of the luxury suites. The main room was where everything was located: television, enormous bed, sofa, a table with two chairs positioned near a long window with its blinds drawn back to showcase the mountain scenery. There was a set of wide, sliding glass doors on the wall with the bed that were frosted over with steam.
Kakashi went over and opened them, his eyebrows shooting up to discover the small courtyard beyond. It was enclosed with a wooden privacy fence, creating the illusion that this was their own little oasis. Potted plants were arranged nicely on the sandstone patio and vines of flowers clung to wooden beams overhead.
And right smack in the middle of it all was a natural hot spring. It was easily big enough for four people to rest in comfortably. Kakashi cringed and wondered just how much he was going to owe Rei by the end of this excursion.
He went back inside to find Sakura, her hair wet and wearing one of the thick guest robes, sitting at the foot of the bed. Kakashi slid the door shut and locked it before crossing over to her. She remained still as he combed his fingers through her damn locks, noting that she hadn't washed all of the shampoo out completely. He debated briefly about insisting she get back in the shower to finish the job, but decided against it. It wasn't like they were going anywhere.
Instead, he asked quietly, "Do you want me to brush your hair out?"
She didn't answer him, but he took her silence as a yes and retrieved her hairbrush from the dresser. He took a moment to take his shoes off before sliding onto the bed, moving so that he was kneeling at her back. Starting with the ends and working in small sections, he began combing out the wet, clinging tangles in her hair.
If anyone had told him five years ago that he would one day find peace in brushing a woman's hair, he would have laughed at them. Or walked away at a reasonably quick pace, as one should do when confronted with a crazy person. But here he was, brush in hand and reaching an almost Zen-like calm in sorting out his wife's hair. It was a darker shade of pink when wet, less candy colored and more of a deep rose. He couldn't see her face from the angle he was at, but he knew that the slicked back style from the shower left her face open, made her eyes seem wider and brighter.
Slowly, the brush began to draw its way further up her hair, stopping whenever the knots seemed almost impossible to unravel. And even when the task was done and the brush passed through those pink strands without contest, Kakashi still sat beside her. This was one of the few times she allowed him to touch her at any length and he wanted to savor it. He wanted to feel his knuckles graze across the back of her neck, feel her wet hair slide coolly between his fingers. It reminded him of the first time she'd ever handed him the brush and asked him to sort her hair out. He'd argued, but when she'd told him she liked the way his fingers felt in her hair … well, what man wouldn't cave in to that?
He hoped that was still true. He hoped when he sat behind her like this that it reminded her of that time, too. Maybe it was his imagination, but it almost seemed like she was relaxing under his ministrations. He could almost swear her back hadn't been so close to his chest before and that her next exhale was more of a sigh. Kakashi closed his eye and leaned closer to her, craving to feel something more definitive from her.
A knock came to the door and the moment broke. Sakura's back stiffened and she quickly pulled her hair over one shoulder, away from his hands.
Kakashi stared at the back of her head for a second as a sharp stab of hurt shot through his chest. She was usually a little less blatant than that in avoiding his touch. Swallowing back the ache, he stood up and mumbled, "It's just room service."
He opened the door and a woman wearing another yukata entered with a cart. She was smiling and silent as she set their food out on the table. She bowed on her way out, shutting the door after her. Leaving them alone again with a quiet tension building in the air.
Letting out a low, discouraged breath, Kakashi motioned for Sakura to precede him to the table. "No chicken today," he said as she sat down across from him. "There's a vegetarian option, some beef, and a shrimp dish. I figured we could just pick and choose what we wanted."
Sakura made no move to fix herself a plate from the offerings, so Kakashi did it for her. He made sure to give her plenty of each selection, even though he knew it'd be a lucky thing to get her to eat even a quarter of it. For himself, he stuck with the lighter vegetarian fare. His appetite had disappeared on him again.
Neither of them said anything as they ate, though he used the action loosely with her. She more or less pushed food around her plate with her chopsticks, though she did take a bite or two when she caught him watching her. The frustration was starting to creep back over him again, and that very real hope he'd felt before was starting to fracture. It was disheartening to see the usual routine was starting to reassert itself.
Well, that wasn't going to fly. Not this time, and most certainly not here.
Kakashi set aside his chopsticks and took a sip of water before saying, "Just so you know, things are going to be different here."
He saw her chopsticks still in sliding a shrimp around the rim of her plate.
"First, you will eat something. I don't care if it's the whole plate, half, just the radish … whatever. But no more leaving the table." He knew realistically there was nothing he could do short of force feeding her to guarantee this rule, but he put enough or else in his voice to imply that he could.
"Second," he continued, confident now that he had her full attention. "As you can see, there's a bed and a couch. I'm not sleeping on the couch. And neither are you. Third, I – where are you going?"
"The bathroom," she replied as she pushed her chair back into place at the table. She paused, her hands resting on the back of it, and added, "Unless rule number three is that I can't use the bathroom."
He flinched at her wording and felt a pang of regret for even trying to establish ground rules. But then it occurred to him that perhaps that was exactly what she'd been hoping for, and suddenly his resolve was back and stronger than ever. His jaw muscles tensed as he answered curtly, "Ten minutes. No more than that."
She hesitated a moment before nodding and disappearing once again behind the door. Kakashi waited to hear her muffled sobs. There was nothing. He didn't know if he was relieved by the silence or if it worried him even more than he already was. He returned to his meal, his attention split between the food and the door as he waited out what was roughly ten minutes.
Just as he was thinking he might have to go and retrieve her, she emerged. He'd been expecting puffy eyes and a reddened nose; her face was just as pale and vacant as when she'd gone in. Kakashi studied her closely, his eye narrowing in suspicion, as she reclaimed her seat across from him. She picked up her chopsticks once again and went back to pushing the various samplings of meat and vegetables around her plate. He watched her a moment longer, but didn't push the issue of eating any further. It was foolish to expect an immediate change or compliance.
Once he was satisfied with the portion that she ate, he cleared up the table, placing the leftovers in the small refrigerator in the corner of the room. There was enough for dinner later and a microwave on the counter space to warm it up. While he was cleaning up, Sakura curled up once more on the bed: directly in the middle, on top of the covers, and with her back to him.
"There's a hot spring outside, if you're interested," he suggested casually. "It'd an enclosed space, exclusively for us. You should take a look at it."
The only response he got was her knees shifting closer to her stomach. Very well then. Kakashi tugged his gloves off one by one and placed them on the dresser. The flak vest came off next, as did the hitae-ate. He unbound his ankles, shaking his legs out to free up the pant legs, and tugged his mask down around his neck. His belt came off as well, along with the hip pouch. He could feel Sakura's eyes on him as he removed Icha Icha Tactics from the pouch and crossed over to the bed.
Without once looking at her, he claimed the spot directly next to her and stretched out so that her fisted hands and bent legs were touching his side. If she wouldn't look at him, then he would make her. Even if she turned over, it was at least a candid response. He continued to ignore her as he opened to a random spot in the book and let his eye scan the page, making it appear like he was reading when in fact he was waiting to see what she did.
Sakura stayed where she was for a few seconds before rolling away from him, putting her back and a scant few inches of distance between them. Kakashi closed his eye and tried not to let her reaction tear another piece from his heart. He'd wanted her to take action and she'd done that. He took a deep breath and released it slowly to regain control of his composure and returned to his book, this time making an effort to try and read it. The words were nothing but a blur, the meaning as empty as if they weren't even there. But he kept up the pretense; he had to. If he gave in now, she would always expect him to.
Time passed slowly in that silent room, marked only by the deepening slant of shadows as the sun continued its path across the sky. Outside, the waterfall was a dull roar of white noise that was occasionally interrupted by a bird chirping in the flowering vines on the patio. He listened to Sakura's breathing as it slowly began to even out, shifting from soft, trembling sounds to ones that were steadier and smoother. She shifted every so often next to him, usually to find a better position though there were a couple times where the motions were quick and harsh. Every so often, she mumbled snatches of words he couldn't quite make out, but other than that she was dead to the world.
The minute those words entered his head, he stopped even trying to read. His gaze shifted to her sleeping form, still wrapped in nothing more than a robe, and his throat tightened at the thought of not having her beside him. Of not being able to slide his fingers into her hair, feel the softness of her skin. Even of not listening to her cry alone in the darkness, refusing comfort.
Of seeing her name carved forever in stone.
Something warm made its way down his cheek and he rubbed it away roughly with the back of his hand. He couldn't lose her. He couldn't. He wouldn't survive it if he did. There were so many people he'd lost in his life, so many faces he wouldn't see this side of the grave again. Sakura couldn't join their ranks. It would destroy him.
Careful so as not to wake her, Kakashi reached out and traced a fingertip across the skin just behind her ear. She shifted at the feather light touch, an unintelligible murmur slipping from between her lips. It'd been such a long time since he'd been this close to her. He'd forgotten how beautiful she looked when she was asleep, how peaceful. Even now with the heaviness under her eyes and her shallow cheeks, she was still beautiful to him.
He remembered the first time that thought had crossed into his head. It'd been after a training session in the middle of summer. She'd just finished hurling Sai over her shoulder. As the other man had relearned how to breathe, she'd stood up, covered in dust and sweat and dirt, and grinned proudly at what she had done. That smile, the way it lit up her eyes, combined with the sight of her standing over her downed target … it'd frozen him.
And Naruto had used that momentary paralysis to take him down in what was still one of the most embarrassing moments of his life, right after losing bells over Icha Icha. He'd found himself backside down on the dirt with an orange clad groin dangerously close to plopping itself directly on his face. The kyuubi had gone and overestimated his leap, resulting in them entwined in a very suggestive position.
A faint smile touched his lips at the memory, but it also brought back the sadness. He wondered if he would ever get that woman back, the one who used to smile so sweetly at him, who could break the ground right under his feet with a stamp of her foot. He didn't love the woman sleeping next to him any less … but he missed the person she used to be.
Tentatively, Kakashi shifted lower on the bed so that his head was cushioned by a pillow and his body ran the length of hers. It was late afternoon now, bordering close to evening. The light streaming unimpeded through the window was duller now with soft tints of sunset slipping in. He didn't try to spoon her. He didn't even touch her more than he already was. All he wanted was to lie down next to his wife and remember what it felt like to fall asleep with her. It used to bring him so much comfort having her close by at night, knowing she was safe and not going anywhere. He wanted to feel that again.
He settled in next to her, closed his eye, and listened again to her even breaths. Without recognizing it, his own breathing began to align with hers: inhale, exhale. Slow and complete. His hands folded together across his stomach as each deep breath made him relax further into the mattress. Slowly, his mind followed suit and soon he was asleep altogether.
When Kakashi woke, it was much later. The room was completely dark save for the barest amount of moonlight coming through the window. He was still half asleep and his body wanted the other half to join it, but something had woken him up. Kakashi shifted across the bed toward Sakura … and found her spot empty, the sheets still warm from her body. He sat up, the panic that came with her disappearance snapping him fully awake in an instant. His heart was hammering as he searched the room, the sharingan coming to life as he scanned for any sign of her.
His gaze fell on the patio door – more accurately, on the nearly microscopic gap between it and the frame.
Kakashi got up and approached the door, his stomach churning in fear at what he might find. Cautiously, he peered out into the darkness … and nearly fell to his knees with relief to find Sakura curled up on the patio, well away from the hot springs. And very much alive. He could see her shoulders tremble with each raking sob.
She didn't hear the door slide open, didn't notice his presence until he attempted to pull her to him. Sakura jerked away from his touch, drawing her knees even tighter to her chest as the tears continued to fall. He tried again to draw her into his arms and this time she actually swung at him.
His jaw clenched. Again, he reached for her and again she struck back, batting his hand away with a ferocity he hadn't seen in ages. Kakashi took hold of her and forcibly dragged her onto her knees. She struggled and fought as he hauled her to his chest, his hands gripping her upper arms tightly. He absorbed her blows easily, grabbing her wrists when she sought to claw her way free, twisting her around so her back was to his chest and he had total control of her upper body. She continued to fight him, continued to resist, but for some reason he had the feeling it was more herself she was fighting – not him.
It didn't take much to subdue her, to make her accept his embrace. There'd been a time where she could have easily broken free, but not now. Even when fully healthy, she wasn't as strong as he was physically, not without the use of chakra. But she refused to use it, was afraid to use it, and so the fight ended with him victorious and her firmly caged between his raised knees.
He could feel how wound up she was in the tight play of muscle in her back, the way she hardly dared to breathe, how she struggled to reel the tears back in. She wasn't fighting him any longer, but he wasn't sure if it was for better or worse. He was afraid that by forcing her he'd actually fractured her further.
Kakashi held her to him, one hand smoothing back through her mussed hair while his other arm kept her torso in check against him, willing her to understand through touch what he couldn't convey in words. Her cheek was resting on his shoulder, her face turned away toward the surrounding fence. He heard her sniffle and felt the moisture from her tears soaking into his shirt.
"Third," he murmured into her hair, his lips brushing across her ear, "no more falling apart alone."
And that was when she broke. The tears fell unchecked, ripping through her entire body as she came undone in his arms. Kakashi held on to her tightly and didn't say another word, simply held her like he'd wanted desperately to from the beginning. He was right there with her, had been all along – and always would be, no matter what.
He'd made that vow three years ago and he never went against his word.
Sooo... took a little liberty with Rin's backstory and all that. I'm pretty sure it doesn't disrupt canon too badly. Anyway, thank you everyone for reading, commenting, and just generally being very supportive with this. I appreciate it more than words can express.