Title: Love's Fool

Summary: Elena made her choice and Damon kept up his end of the deal. He left Mystic Falls more than a year ago and he hasn't looked back since. Now the Original stake has gone missing and suddenly they need him again. But Damon has no intention of playing their whipping boy anymore and this time he has a powerful ally on his side.

Spoilers: Everything through the S3 finale.

Pairings: Delena is the plan but you never know. I'm not the biggest Elena fan at the moment.

Disclaimer: If I owned Vampire Diaries there would be a lot less of Damon getting left to die heartbroken and alone. As it is, I can only hope to vent my frustration by punishing those characters responsible.

Note: This chapter kicked my butt. It's very introspective and not a lot happens. It's certainly not my favorite kind of chapter to work on. I much prefer writing dialogue and moving the plot along, but it had to be written. I needed to dig into Elena and see what I could make of her. If she goes a little OOC then I apologize in advance, but we really have no idea what she'll be like as a vampire, so I'm running with that. I hope you enjoy.

Chapter Three

Today had been one of Elena's better days, one of the days she didn't mind forcing herself out of bed and facing the world. She attended her college lit class. She even showed up on time. She paid attention to what the professor was saying and didn't fantasize about snapping his annoying neck just to make him shut up. She smiled and nodded when the girl sitting next to her said hello. She didn't attack anyone and she didn't even reach to flip the switch. If she had felt herself zone out a few times and disconnect from reality, no one seemed to notice the difference and Elena could live with that. Elena Gilbert's vampire existence had become a juggling act of bad and better days. This was a better day.

Elena smiled and tried to mean it as she lifted the mug of blood to her lips. She kept a careful leash on the demon within her as the sweet nectar slid over her tongue. She would not allow her fangs to descend. She would not lose control. She would sit on her bed, in her favorite shirt, and she would drink her dinner. The blood in the mug would be enough. It wasn't quite sweet enough and it didn't pump so delightfully toward her with the hypnotizing beat of a living heart, but it was enough. At least it wasn't Bambi. Thinking back to her failed attempt at becoming a critter killer always made the bagged blood taste sweeter. A slightly bitter smile curved Elena's lips. No animals were harmed during the filling of this mug.

Elena closed her eyes and continued to sip as she thought back over the beginning of her undead life. To say she handled the change badly would be an understatement. Everything happened so fast. She'd accepted her death, been ready to go, and then she'd woken up on that cold hard slab in the morgue. Stefan was standing over her in tears, so devastated, so sorry. She couldn't stop herself from trying to comfort him even as she struggled with an irrational anger that she was still there, that she hadn't moved on.

When Matt's truck went off the bridge Elena hadn't wanted to die. Admittedly, she'd been more concerned with saving Matt than herself, but she hadn't actually wanted to die. Then she'd seen her father, she'd watched Stefan pull Matt free, and everything had gotten so hazy. Elena had accepted that this was the end. It even made sense in a sad sort of way that the waters beneath Wickery Bridge would be her fate.

She'd woken back up to a whole new world she never wanted. Elena hadn't been able to focus on that in the morgue. She'd immediately been thrust into comforting her still somewhat emotionally unstable boyfriend. Stefan carried so many burdens on his shoulders. He willingly carried the blame for every life he'd ever taken. She couldn't allow him to carry hers as well. It had been her choice. Maybe in hindsight she'd been stunned that he would actually let her choose to die, but it was still her burden to bear. Stefan had just found his way back and Elena knew the guilt from her death would push him beyond repair.

When the doors to the morgue flew open, Elena knew they had a much more pressing concern. Damon was going to kill Stefan. She could read it on his face. Damon wasn't looking at his brother. He was looking at her killer. She'd thrown herself between them on instinct. To this day, Elena couldn't even remember the exact words that had come gushing out of her mouth at that moment, just that she'd been desperate to make him blame her and not Stefan. It was her choice. She knew she'd told him that. Stefan was only respecting her wishes. She loved Stefan.

Whatever the rest of her outburst had been, it had done the trick. Elena had forced herself to watch as the anger bled away to be replaced with betrayal and desperate pain. When she couldn't take it anymore she allowed Stefan to pull her back into his arms. He'd thanked her for her forgiveness, showered her with his comfort and love, and as the swirling storm of confusion inside her churned away, Elena had let him. Her head had been spinning, she couldn't breathe, and she'd so desperately needed something to hold onto. She'd held on to Stefan.

Elena knew she'd been debating transition when Damon barked out his final stream of obscenities and stormed his way back out of the morgue. It all seemed so selfish and petty now. Had she really expected them both to stand happily by and listen to her contemplate dying again? The brothers reacted true to form. Stefan tried to be supportive despite the desperate fear and pain in his eyes and Damon exploded into anger. Elena didn't blame the elder brother for his reaction. He'd done so much for her, fought so hard to save her and keep her whole. Her words must have seemed the ultimate slap in the face.

The hours that followed were hazy and confusing. Once Stefan had delivered her safely to her house, it seemed like everyone wanted to visit and weigh in on her decision. Elena had raged, she'd sobbed, she'd weighed every pro and con to the vampire lifestyle. It hadn't escaped her notice that Damon never showed up to make his plea, but then she'd assumed he needed time to deal with his anger. Besides, Damon's vote was never really in question. In her mind, Elena had already placed his mark in the pro category.

Elena ground her teeth together and heard the ceramic handle of the mug she was holding creak in distress. She forced her fingers to loosen and lifted the mug for another sip. She would not lose control. She'd already broken one mug this week and they really couldn't afford to lose another. Jeremy had taken to hiding his in his room. Besides, she was wearing her favorite shirt and she did not want to get blood on it.

It was just so difficult to remember how fucking stupid and petty she'd been. The joys of hindsight again. Elena knew there had never really been a choice to make. She might not have been happy about waking up on that slab, but she'd known from the moment her eyes snapped open and she realized she was in transition that she would be a vampire. Leaving Jeremy and what was left of her unconventional family of loved ones to suffer and mourn for her? Not even she was that selfish. No, Elena had known at her core there was no choice, but it sure hadn't stopped her throwing herself a fucking pity-party, had it?

And then the change, the crazed bloodlust, uncontrollable wave after wave of emotion rolling over her, consuming her, and tearing her apart. She'd clutched desperately at the pieces of herself, trying to put them back together, but nothing seemed to fit. All the lies Elena used to feed herself to make it through day by day unraveled in her hands. She was NOT okay. She'd never been okay. She was a broken jagged bleeding mess, a grotesque mass of gaping wounds inflicted by trauma after trauma as her world fell down.

And still she'd tried. She'd plastered a smile on her face and told Stefan and Jeremy that she was okay. She'd reassured them that nothing had really changed, she was still their Elena. She would not let this destroy her.

When they finally broke the news that Damon was gone, Elena felt the shaky ground beneath her feet give way and the darkness swallowed her whole. She couldn't explain it, she couldn't justify it, it simply was. No matter her choice, Elena had not been prepared to exist, especially in this new and horrifying way, without Damon. He was the rock at the center of her foundation that she never realized was holding her grounded in place.

Elena stood from her bed and walked over to examine herself in the mirror above her dresser. A rueful smile curved her lips. She had, as Caroline would say, lost her shit. Leaning closer Elena reached within and pulled the monster out. Blood filled her eyes as black veins slithered beneath the skin around them and her canines descended. This was the new face of Elena Gilbert, the face of a monster, and it wasn't just for show. Let he without sin cast the first stone? Well, Elena wouldn't be throwing any stones anytime soon.

A knock sounded from her bedroom door and Elena jumped and turned toward the sound. She'd lost herself inside her mind again. She hadn't even heard anyone approach. It was a weakness she fought daily to overcome. She couldn't afford to be off her guard. "Yes?" she asked.

"Elena, we need to talk," Caroline's perky voiced filled the air. "Can I come in?"

Once upon a time, Caroline would have barged right in without asking. These days her blonde best friend treaded more carefully. Elena the vampire had a much shorter fuse and they never knew exactly what would set her off. In a heart-to-heart slash intervention with both Bonnie and Caroline a few months after the change, they had diagnosed her as clinically depressed. All Elena knew was that her mood could fluctuate rapidly from dead calm, to utter despair or uncontrollable rage at the smallest of triggers. On her bad days it seemed like the calm periods were simply pauses for breath between outbursts.

In theory, Elena had already suffered from the illness as a human, but going through the change and the magnification of her emotions due to vampirism had stripped away her ability to hide her symptoms. The diagnosis was actually a relief. Once they had some idea of what was going on, Elena and her friends had set about creating a plan to work her through it. Unfortunately normal anti-depressants had no effect on vampires, so they had focused on mental techniques and behavioral patterns to give her back some level of control. Solitude, taking her time, and thinking things through very carefully had become Elena's way of life. It hadn't been easy, but slowly over the following months they'd begun making progress. The girls all knew that clinical depression could last for months or even years, but they were determined Elena would get through this.

"Elena?"

Elena blinked and forced her face to shift back to human. "Give me just a minute, Care. I'm not dressed." She quickly stripped off her favorite shirt and threw it into the closet, grabbing a purple V-neck with long sleeves off a hanger before closing the door. She pulled the shirt over her head and reached down to grab a pair of jeans she'd discarded earlier beside the bed. Yanking them on as well, she sped to the door and pulled it open. "Hey, what's up?"

Caroline was smiling but it didn't reach her eyes. "Can we talk? It's…important."

Elena nodded, "of course, but Jeremy…"

"I sent him on to the boarding house," Caroline interrupted. "I'll drive you over after we talk."

Elena frowned. She hadn't even heard Jeremy leave. Then she felt her stomach jump as she realized how serious this must be for Caroline to send Jeremy away. "What's going on?"

Caroline continued to smile brightly. "Let's go sit down." She walked past Elena and over to sit on the bed.

Elena hesitantly followed her. "Caroline, you're freaking me out."

Caroline nodded and threw up her hands. "I know. I know, I am, but I don't really know how to say this and I'm kinda freaking out myself here." She finally frowned and bit her lip. "Stefan wants to wait until you get there and deal with it, but Stefan lives in fantasy land where you're just struggling with a little dose of newborn rage." She turned to face Elena on the bed. "You do know your boyfriend is the king of denial, right?"

Elena smiled sadly. Stefan also had not handled her change all that well. He wanted her to be okay so badly that he refused to see anything different. Newborn rage was his favorite excuse for her many and varied indiscretions. "I'm aware."

"Well, Bonnie and I know you need some warning before just throwing crap at you so here I am," she smiled again nervously.

When she didn't move to speak again, Elena sighed. "This is the part where you have to give me the warning, Care."

Caroline grimaced, "I know, I know." She hopped to her feet and started to pace back and forth in front of Elena. "But first you have to promise me you're not going to break the house. Jeremy needs a place to live."

"I promise."

Caroline whipped her blonde head around and her eyes narrowed. She put her hands on her hips. "That was too quick. You didn't think it over seriously enough."

"Caroline!"

"Fine, okay!" She sat back down next to Elena and took the brunette's hands in hers. "You know we're all freaking out about the stake going missing."

"I know."

"And then there's the whole mess about Bonnie's ground marks," Caroline continued.

"Earth marks," Elena corrected.

"SO not the point," Caroline muttered, "but fine, Bonnie's earth marks."

"I know."

"Well, we really need all the help we can get, Elena," Caroline told her. "That stake is bad mojo and if Esther has her way and takes out Klaus…"

"Caroline, I know this," Elena was trying not to get frustrated as Caroline drew the explanation out. "I know I still have my issues, but my head isn't completely buried in the sand. I know what's going on. I know we're in trouble." She met Caroline's eyes seriously. "Cut the bullshit and spit it out."

Caroline winced and closed her eyes. "Damon's back to help and he brought Katherine with him."

Elena's world froze. She instinctively tried to pull her hands away from Caroline, but her best friend held on tightly. When she didn't hear an explosion, Caroline peaked her eyes open. "Are you okay?"

Elena blinked. "I don't know."

"But Elena…"

"I don't know, Care!" Elena jerked free and jumped to her feet. She sped to the dresser and stared hard at her reflection in the mirror. She willed away the monster, shoved it deep into its cage. "I can't even…" she spun back to look at Caroline again, "he's back?"

"With Katherine," Caroline confirmed.

Elena took a deep breath and clamped her eyes shut against the tears she could feel building. "Damon's really back?"

"With Katherine," Caroline reiterated.

"I don't care!" Elena forced out. She took a shaky step toward her best friend. "I don't care if he came back to father his love child with Rebekah, Caroline." She reached up to wipe at her watery eyes. "None of that matters anymore. I just don't care. All that matters is that Damon's back." When Caroline opened her mouth to speak again, Elena rolled her eyes and huffed. "And yes, I heard you say with Katherine."

Caroline shrugged and laughed despite herself. "Well, you took it better than I thought you would."

Elena smiled weakly back at her. "I didn't break the house?"

Caroline nodded and the two laughed together. Then Caroline's expression grew serious again. "I didn't hang around long enough to figure out the specifics, Elena, but from Stefan's reaction I think they might be involved."

Shrugging, Elena looked at the floor. "He doesn't owe me anything, Care. I'm still technically involved with his brother." She grimaced. "And after the way I behaved back then? The things I said and did? Katherine's got nothing on me."

Now Caroline rolled her eyes and snorted as she climbed to her feet. She stepped forward and pulled Elena into a hug. "Let's not get too crazy with the remorse here, Lena. We are talking about Katherine."

Elena smiled and hugged Caroline back tightly. Then she remembered something and pulled back to stare at the bubbly blonde in disbelief. "Stefan didn't want to warn me? He just wanted me to show up and find them there?"

Caroline tilted her head to the side. "King of denial."

Elena shook her head, "seriously?"

"That's what I said," Caroline agreed.

The brunette vampire continued to mutter under her breath as she moved around her room grabbing socks, shoes, and her purse. "Sometimes I worry about Stefan. I mean, I know he hasn't actually seen me break anything in a while, but does he listen at all when we talk?" She yanked on the shoes and socks and pulled her compact out of her purse to check her face. The tears were gone, thankfully. She snapped it closed. "How could he think that was going to end well?"

Caroline giggled. "Apparently you have much better control over your emotions these days."

"Tell that to the coffee mugs." Finished checking her appearance, Elena walked toward her bedroom door. She had just reached it when she gasped and covered her mouth. "Oh god, I hope he hasn't found his room yet. I have to clean that up and Stefan said he'd help me replace some things."

Following behind her, Caroline made a face. "Yea, I meant to tell you about that…"

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