Reflections and Dreams
I always thought I was alone in this world. When she came into my life, and she understood me better than anyone ever had, she could read my thoughts, and we could speak volumes without saying a word, I realised that she was the one thing in life I could never bear to live without. She stole my heart and changed my life.
I think I have lost her when we return to District 12. She just sits in front of the fireplace in the kitchen for days on end, eating only when Greasy Sae feeds her, occasionally crying, letting herself get worse and worse. She thinks I don't visit her, and I don't. I did at first, though. When she was asleep in that chair in front of the fire. But then I just can't bare it. I see my own pain and loss reflected in her face.
She had given up long ago, and I know that and it is just too painful for me to see the empty shell of a girl that was once the Girl on Fire, the Mockingjay, the symbol of hope for an entire nation. She is my heart, and I can't bear to see it broken. When she gave up, I did too. I drink until I can't anymore, and then I drink some more.
Then Peeta arrives back from the Capitol, and this brings her back to life. For a while I think that her act of being in love with him was not an act after all, and that I was fooling myself. But I see that he was just a reminder that life has to go on. He encourages her to get out of the house to hunt, and she does.
I begin to see her around the town again, and she is looking better than she did, but the fire in her eyes has gone out, and I realise she is just going through the motions. I know what that is like. I have had to force myself to go through the motions of living every day since my own Hunger Games, that is, until she came into my life and gave me a reason to live again. She seems to be happier now, but she is happy with Peeta, and barely even spares a thought for me. But she never smiles.
-XXX-
I am having one of those nights again, and I know that no matter how much I drink, the pain just won't go away, so I don't even bother. It is midnight and I am not even tired. I am curled up on the couch, when there is a knock at my door. I hear her voice calling my name. I ignore it because I know it is probably my imagination playing tricks on me again. I hear it every few days, a knock, my name being called, but I know I'm just dreaming it.
But this time I hear my door being pushed open, and she enters the house. I hear her go into my kitchen, and then she approaches the living room, obviously looking for me. The room is dark, but I can see her silhouette from the moonlight pouring into the room. She stands near me, and I can smell pine and cooked game. It is distinctly her smell, and I can't help but breathe deeply.
She picks up the bottle of liquor lying on the floor next the couch, and I hear her unscrew the lid and take a long drink from it, and then I hear her coughing. I watch as she sinks into the other couch, near my head. In the moonlight, her beauty is ethereal. She is no longer scarred from the burns and her skin is flawless once more. I hear her take another swig from the bottle.
"Do you plan to drink all of my liquor on your own?" I say quietly, but when she gasps, I know she heard me. She stands quickly, the bottle falling to the floor with a thud on the carpet. I sit up, and she moves to run out of the room, but I grab her arm. "Wait, don't go."
She pauses, and then sits on the couch next to me. "I'm sorry to sneak in like this, Haymitch," she says. "Sorry I woke you."
"I wasn't sleeping," I say. "I can't sleep."
"Me neither," she sighs and puts her head in her hands and presses her palms into her eyes. I cant help but to put my hand on her back.
"Nightmares?" I ask. She nods.
"I keep seeing those rose mutations killing Finnick, and that hospital being destroyed, or hearing those jabberjays in the arena." She pauses and takes a deep shaky breath. "Or the moment when Prim..." Her voice fades, but I know what she wants to say. The moment when Prim died in the explosion.
"I know, sweetheart, I know." I pause, not wanting to bring it up, but knowing I have to. "Where's Peeta?"
She laughs weakly and looks at me. Her grey eyes are sad. "He is having another episode. Besides, he doesn't understand me. Not like you do. He may have experienced things in the arena, but he doesn't understand what it's like to lose absolutely everything, to be used for others' gain, to be manipulated. You were there with me through it all. You have always been the only one I could ever rely on."
This startles me. So it was an act, her love for Peeta. Again, she understands me and knows me.
"You can always rely on me," I say. I put my arm around her shoulder and she leans into me. Her hair is soft against my cheek, and I can smell her shampoo. "I'm sorry about everything," I begin, wanting to apologise for all the times I was forced to lie to her, but she cuts me off.
"I know, Haymitch," she whispers. We sit there for what feels like an hour in a comfortable silence. She has given up trying to drink. Eventually, a yawn escapes her lips. No wonder, its one o'clock in the morning.
"Try and get some sleep," I whisper.
"I can't go back there. I am alone, and the nightmares will come." I know she doesn't just mean on her own in the house. She means that she is alone in this world, just as much as I am.
"You aren't alone, sweetheart. You never were. I am with you." She looks at me again, and the spark is growing in her eyes. It could be my imagination though. She smiles, and it is the first genuine smile I have seen from her in almost two years. And I made her smile. Not Peeta, who has lost his mind, not Gale, who has betrayed and left her, but me.
She leans over and gently kisses my cheek, and it tingles. The feeling spreads through my body and the flame returns, stronger than ever.
"You can sleep here. I'll sit right there the whole time, sweetheart." I move to get off the couch but she stops me.
"Don't leave me, Haymitch," she says quietly. "Please."
"I will never leave you," I say, and I mean it.
She lies down on her side, her head resting on her arm, and I lie behind her. I don't know what else to do with my own arm, so I place my hand on her waist. She takes it and pulls it up to her face. Our fingers interlock. She yawns again and I return the kiss to her cheek. She smiles, and closes her eyes. We lie like that, for the rest of the evening, taking comfort in each other.
She sleeps soundly, and gives no sign of having a nightmare, but I can't sleep, and now it's not because of nightmares, but because I am so afraid that if I close my eyes, she will vanish and this will have all just been a dream.
Her breathing becomes deep and slow very quickly, and I know she has fallen asleep. I decide to take the risk and I kiss her again on the cheek.
"I love you," I whisper in her ear. I think she hasn't heard me, but then she squeezes my hand, and I know. She loves me too.
A/N: My first Hunger Games fic. This is just a little one shot I felt like writing. It's not the most fantastic thing I have ever written, I don't think, but there it is. There is a possibility of a second short chapter after this, but I somehow doubt it. Anyway please R&R