Last chapter. Italics represent a dream sequence. Alternate ending! Thank you all dearly for reading and reviewing! Starting another story very soon! -K.

xxxxxx

"I love you," she says, kissing my thumb.

"I love you," she says, kissing my forefinger.

"I love you," she says, kissing my middle finger.

"I love you," she says, kissing my ring finger.

"Annnnnd, I love you!" she says, kissing my pinky finger and opening her eyes. I can't help but smile down at her. She smiles back sweetly, and turns to look at the view before us. This wasn't the first time I had taken her to my cabin in Minnesota, but it was the first time I took her in the fall. The lake spanned out below us and all of the trees were changing colors. There were some still green, but most ranged from golden yellow to a vibrant orange to a deep red.

"I love you more," I whisper in her ear, wrapping my arms around her naked body, holding her tighter against me. We are sitting in the enclosed porch I just renovated over the summer. Specifically wanted it for days like this. With a fire burning in the fireplace, we don't even need a blanket to stay warm.

"We should live here when we retire," she says softly. I study how the evening light makes her hair look as red as those leaves outside. I feel her fingers massaging the back of my hand softly. "Permanently."

I press my lips against her hair and inhale deeply. She smells like apple cider. "You know, I think you're right. I could definitely get used to this!" She laughs and I laugh and everything is wonderful.

xxxxxxxxxxx

I cough and immediately frown. I'm not ready to wake up. I'm not ready to go home.

I'm not ready to face reality.

"Sir," I hear Sam say, "heard you were up and around." Her voice is thick. I can tell she's been crying.

I sit up in my bed, pulling my shirt down. "Yeah. Still a little tender but they said I could go home." The last place I want to be.

She nods. "We're lucky that staff blast hit you where it did. That new vest inserts work well." I scoff.

"Didn't help Fraiser much." My voice catches in my throat, yet I am unable to cry.

"No, sir. It didn't help Janet much." She emphasizes her name. I look away.

I stand up and grab my overshirt. "How's Cassie? No one has told me how she's doing."

Sam looks uncomfortable. I don't blame anyone for not telling me about her, I haven't been too receptive to anyone lately. "She's a strong kid, she survives. You know."

I look away. "Yeah." Pull my shirt over my head. "You speaking at the memorial?"

"Hammond asked me to but we really all want you to do it, Sir." I can see the tears filling her eyes.

I take a deep breath. "Yeah."

"Sir, I'm-" I pull her into a hug, not ready for everyone to tell me how sorry they are. How much they are going to miss her. How things won't be the same without her. Do they not think I know how different things are going to be? Are they not aware how much I am going to miss her?

"Don't say it, Carter," I say into her hair, holding her tight.

After another moment or two, I release her. "I'm gonna go pay Teal'c a visit before I leave. You gonna be okay?"

She smiles. "Yeah. Eventually. Are you?"

I shrug and make my way out of the Infirmary.

xxxxxxxxxx

I find Teal'c in his room, preparing for his meditation. I shut the door behind me and sit on his bed.

"Hey Teal'c. General Hammond asked me to speak at the memorial service." I say. No need to beat around the bush with this guy.

"I am aware," Teal'c says, his eyes remaining closed.

"I don't know what to say, nothing seems good enough." I'm not sure how any word could wrap up the magnificence that was my wife.

"I believe you should only speak from your heart."

I nod, standing back up. "I gotta go pick up Cassie." We've never really talked about feelings before.

"Colonel O'Neill. I have pondered what I would say were I given the chance." He stands.

I nod. "Really?"

"But I believe it would be best if it came from you." He hands me a piece of paper. I can tell he's spent a lot of time on this. I read it over. I always knew Teal'c was good for something. I smile. Teal'c grips me in a hug.

Time to go console my daughter.

xxxxxxx

I'm standing here, but I'm not here. I can't keep my eyes off of her coffin. I am barely listening to the words. Sam nudges me and I realize that everyone is looking at me. It's my time.

"Janet Fraiser was an extraordinary person," I say, pausing. Collecting my thoughts. "She was kind and funny and talented. Above all, she was courageous. She was my wife," I pause again, my voice getting thicker by the minute. "Try as I might I could not find the words to honor her, to do justice to her life. Thankfully I got some help. While words alone may not be enough, there are some names that might do. We often talk about those that give their lives in the service of their country, and while Janet Fraiser did just that. That's not what her life was about. The following are the names of the men and women who did not die in service, but who are in fact alive today because of Janet." I'm crying.

"Jack!" I hear her yell, and I feel my shoulders being shaken. Hard. I am beyond confused and I open my eyes quickly.

I see Janet leaning over me, her shoulder length hair framing her face. "Sweetie," she says softly, leaning down to kiss me. "You were having a bad dream. That's all."

I let out the biggest sigh of relief. Dreaming! Thank God.

She kisses me again. Her lips are so soft. "Janet, I-" I swallow, pulling her down closer to me, "I had the dream again."

"Again?" She sighs. "That was over ten years ago, Jack."

I pull her the rest of the way on top of me and she giggles. "I know, honey, I know."

"Well, then, if you know," She says, wrapping her arms around me. "You know that Daniel was able to get me through the gate and that Dr. Warner was able to Defibrillate my heart just in time. We woke in hospital beds next to each other. Remember?" She rubs her nose against mine. I don't think I have ever appreciated the fine wrinkles on her face as much as I do now.

"I know," I smile widely. She rolls off of me and curls up to my side. We look out the windows all around us, the sun slowly rising over the lake in front of our cabin. When we retired a few years ago, we made the enclosed porch our bedroom. She wanted it so of course I agreed.

"Look at the trees, beautiful, huh?" She whispers, her hand resting over my heart. I cover her hand with my own and wrap my other arm around her shoulders. I feel so at home.

"Not as beautiful as you."