Updated: 2/14/15

"When I saw your application I thought, now here's a teacher. Many of your students have attended top colleges and you come from a highly acclaimed private school. So you'll have to forgive my surprise at your appearance. Are you a teacher or a wannabe student? And trust me, Mr. Pratt; Sunnydale High has some of lowest scum on this planet. You ought to cut off your youthful ties if you want to survive here," Principal Synder said. He sat behind a desk too big for the tiny man's size and sneered at Spike, who was sitting in front of him in a metal chair meant for students getting disciplined.

"Is my hair?" Spike asked. "You hate the bleached hair, don't ya?"

It had been a little over a month since Spike and his lover, Drusilla, had been turned into humans. At first Spike pined for his immortality and planned to search the globe for a vampire who would turn him and Drusilla back, but it only took a few days for Spike's new human guilt to catch up with him. Between that and caring for Drusilla, who due to her own guilt was becoming even more insane than she once was, he resigned to live out his days as a mortal human taking care of his sick girlfriend.

Drusilla still had the sight, a curse of visions that she had been afflicted with since before she was sired. She had an odd way of explaining them, due to the whole insanity thing, but she usually led the two on the right path. She spoke of a place called Sunnydale, a place that would be their salvation, so Spike decided that's where they would live.

At first Spike thought that meant he and Drusilla be turned back into vampires but what he later learned was the Sunnydale had some of the best mental health facilities around. He took Drusilla to see a doctor a few times a week, who suggested Spike should commit her, but he refused. Some days she would look at him as if she was sanest girl in the entire world. But then she would speak and ruin the moment.

Most of the time Drusilla stayed at home playing with her dolls. She would talk to them, pretending they were real people with childlike enthusiasm. Now that she was human the line between her innocence and insane sexual deviance had blurred even more. Some days all she wanted to do was play with her toys and other days all she wanted to do was sleep with Spike. She would follow him to the edge of the apartment but never walked through the front door. She would just wait there, calling for him to come back. Occasionally she would spend all day in that doorway, not going back inside until Spike came home, who she then punished with intense ravish sex for leaving her home alone again.

Spike forged some documents and got a job using his old human name, William Pratt, at Sunnydale High School. Apparently they needed new teachers all time, which wasn't surprising seeing as the town sat on top of a Hellmouth. As a human he always had a love for literature and poetry. That love had not stopped even as a vampire. He received a job as a new English teacher at Sunnydale High without an interview. It seemed that they were that desperate as most of their English staff had been killed over the summer.

"I'm also not too fond of the British thing," Synder said, bringing Spike out of his thoughts and back to the attention of his new boss.

Spike raised his left eyebrow, which had a scar y-shaped cut through it, reminence from a fight with a Slayer during the Boxer Rebellion in 1900. "I'm sorry, I'll try to be more American in the future." His words were thick with sarcasm.

Spike kind of wanted to kill the little man. He probably wouldn't eat him, he didn't look that tasty, but he at least wanted the man dead. After having those thoughts, though, Spike's new humanity began to dig a hole in his stomach. He couldn't let himself think like that anymore.

Synder dismissed Spike and Spike headed for his new classroom. The bell for first period rang and Spike realized that he was late for his first day of class.

Great first impression, I'll make, he thought.

He opened the door to his classroom and saw that the kids were making a ruckus already. About half the kids were sitting in their seats, the other half sitting on top of desks or standing in the aisles. They were chatting loudly to each other, not paying any mind to Spike.

"I say if this new teacher doesn't show in the next ten minutes then we all leave," an overly endowed brunette cheerleader said. She looked like the kind of girl Spike would've feasted on back in the day.

Spike looked down at his own appearance. He tried to dress appropriately. He wore black slacks, a black button down and a red tie. However choice in dark clothing and his bleached blond hair probably didn't do much for the masquerade. He looked more like Billy Idol than a teacher.

"Well you're a brave one," Spike said to the cheerleader, "to ditch class and risk runnin' into that lil' troll of a man, Synder. That's either some sort of courage or some sort of idiocy you've got there. I'm leanin' towards the later, however."

Spike walked behind his new desk. It was bare. At that moment Spike realized he had no idea what he was going to teach.

"My name's Mr. Pratt. I'm gonna be your grade 'leven English teacher and if any of you comments on the irony of an Englishman teachin' you English I'm gonna smack you with a dictionary and make you look up the actually definition of irony. Now, does anyone have your old teacher's syllabus?"

The students looked around at each other with blank faces. A small red-headed girl in the back stood up, walked to the front of the class, placed two pieces of paper that were stapled together on Spike's desk and walked back to her seat. Spike picked up the papers and skimmed the list of books.

"Ah!" Spike said, "Dracula, what a ponce." Spike walked over to the side of the class where a textbook was lying on the windowsill. He flipped open to the page that Dracula was listed on. "Oh, lucky us, the condensed version. Well me faith in the American school system has been fulfilled."

Spike slammed the book shut making a few of the more skittish girls in the class jump. He couldn't suppress the smirk on his lips. He gained a little enjoyment from their fear. He placed the text book back down, walked in front of his desk and leaned against it.

"We won't be usin' the textbook this year. We'll actually be readin' the full versions of our books. And we won't be readin' the story of a poofy vampire with a good publicist. We'll skip to Shakespeare. Any questions? No? Good!"

Spikes walked behind the desk again and sat down in his chair. He looked at the clock. There was still over a half hour of class left. He sighed. "Well since I don't have anything planned I guess we can do one of those dull 'get-to-know-your-students' thingies that all the hippy liberal teachers seem to be so fond of."

"You," he pointed to the brunette cheerleader who spoke at the beginning of class, "tell me your name and something about yourself."

"Um…okay," the girl said and stood up from her seat, "My name's Cordelia Chase. I'm on the cheerleading squad and I'm going to be homecoming queen, just like I was last year and I'm the most fashionable girl in the school. I have a really great eye for style and I only buy the best brands. I'm totally a trend setter, never a follower. Oh, and my daddy just bought me a car after I passed my driver's test so I'm total road ready and stuff and—"

"I think that's enough Cordelia," Spike said, cutting her off.

Cordelia glared at Spike as she folded her arms as she sat back into her seat.

"Blondie, your turn," Spike said to the blonde sitting next to Cordelia. Her name was Harmony and she was an even bigger ditz than Cordelia, who was her "best friend and role model".

Eventually they got to the back of the class without Spike either committing murder or suicide when another blonde stood up to introduce herself. Spike had never really wanted the students to stand up but Cordelia and her overconfidence had set a precedence.

"Hi, I'm Buffy."

"Buffy?" Spike asked, "Oh, come on, what kind of bloody name is Buffy?"

"Hey!" she said, "My mother gave me that name." She sat back down before saying anything else about herself.

When they had finished there was still about three more minutes of class so Spike just dismissed them early. After the whole class left he stared out into space. "Six sodding more periods," he said to himself.