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Finally I give you Edward.

Chapter 11- Incomplete

Empty spaces fill me up with holes

Distant faces with no place left to go

Without you within me I can't find no rest

Where I'm going is anybody's guess

… Without you all I'm going to be is incomplete

-Backstreet Boys

Edward POV

The sun had just set when I walked up the sidewalk to the door of my townhouse. It was the second night in a row that I had sensed and heard the thoughts of a vampire near my house. I knew Victoria was back again. I didn't search for the visitor this time. I was tiring of the games she played, and I was ready for her to make a move.

Victoria was a wily one. She would come just close enough to torture me with her thoughts. She wanted me to come after her, but I could never catch her. Victoria seemed to have an uncanny ability to evade me.

When my family and I left Forks, I made them promise they wouldn't interfere with anything they heard or saw - especially Alice. I didn't want her to look for Bella's future. We had to cut all ties for Bella's safety.

At the time, I thought it was just us we were protecting her from. I hadn't realized Victoria was a threat. I thought she was just a loose end that needed to be taken care of.

I left Forks… and Bella, in September and tracked Victoria to the southern part of the States. I came upon her and a young vampire on the Texas plains. The glints of light reflecting off her skin in the midday sun gave away her location before I could get close enough to do anything but read her mind. I was determined to destroy her, but I barely managed to escape the newborn she had with her. I took a big hit to my ego that day but gained huge insight into Victoria's mind.

I read her grief. I never realized the extent of her connection with James. I was so focused on him that I hadn't given her the attention I should have. She wanted me to pay for James' death, not with my life, but with my own grief. She was going to destroy Bella. I saw in her head the torture she had planned. It was impossible to get the thoughts out of my head, but I also read in her mind her frustration that she couldn't get close to Bella.

The Quileute wolves were my trump card. I knew before we left the wolves were back. It had been years since we'd come across their chief and made the treaty that would ultimately protect Bella.

Victoria toyed with my mind and kept me running. At least we were running away from Bella, and I would do everything I could to keep it that way. I almost called Jasper to get his help tracking her but couldn't. I couldn't face him.

I traveled not only the country, but the world, chasing Victoria and running from the memories that plagued me each day. In all my running, the one place I had avoided was the West Coast. The temptation to see Bella would have been too strong to fight if I had gotten that close. I'd resisted for four years and still struggled each day to keep the promise – that I wouldn't come back, that I wouldn't interfere with her future – I'd made to her when I left her in the woods.

The memory of the blasphemous lie I'd told her tormented me every minute of every day. I remembered her face when I told her I didn't want her anymore. It reminded me of the pain in my mother's eyes as she watched my father die.

Saying I didn't want her couldn't have been further from the truth. Many days passed where I could only curl up in a ball from the pain of being without her. I sat at night watching the night turn from a beautiful sunset to the light blue of twilight. It used to be my favorite time of day, but it wasn't the same any longer. Every day was like a moonless night, and without her brightness, I was blind. My arms were empty; my hands ached to feel her fingers laced with mine. I missed whispering in the dark, so her dad wouldn't catch us, the scent of her filling me up. My chest ached where my heart once beat.

A minute never passed without a thought of her. While the thoughts left me feeling empty and more alone, I cherished them all the same. I wondered if Bella was happy. I hoped she was. It would've been easy to find out. I could've asked Alice to call her. Alice tried to tell me something about her a few months after we left, but I cut her off. I didn't want to know. Knowing would've been worse. The jealously I felt at the thought of her loving someone else sat like a rock in my stomach, but I knew without a doubt I'd made the right decision, especially with the proof that Victoria wanted to avenge James' death. The memory of Victoria's plans to kill Bella was my source of strength and helped me fight my instinct to go back to her.

I didn't look behind me to see the vampire whose thoughts I heard. I stood on the steps reading the mail, listening to him. He was paying attention to me, when his thoughts shifted to a woman walking her dog in the park. Instantly his thoughts were of thirst. I looked around, thankful for the quiet streets, and took off after him. I headed him off only a hundred yards from the woman in the park. With his mind in extreme concentration of the hunt, I pulled him into the trees and tore his head off. The loud sound echoed through the park. The sound frightened her, and she ran away. I disposed of his body and walked back home, listening carefully for others.

Victoria had sent numerous vampires to kill me in the past week. It was her new game. So far, I had been successful in avoiding death by killing them. The problem was the newborns' inability to control their thirst. The media was speculating there was a serial killer on the loose. I needed to leave Chicago but not without leading them away. If I hadn't heard their thoughts of Victoria, I would have thought she left, but she was present in all their thoughts.

I unlocked the front door and walked down the hall to the kitchen. The emptiness of the house mirrored the loneliness that had become a significant part of who I had become. It was strange to be in this house. I'd always been unable to sell the property. I'd lived with my parents in this home, and it was a little part of my former life I couldn't lose.

I'd restored it many years ago and added modern conveniences, as necessary. With the availability of restoration pieces, the home looked more like the home in my human memories than it ever had. It was impossible not to imagine what my life would have been like if I hadn't become a vampire, if I had been a normal young man who could have found Bella then and lived a long life with her in this home; our children and grandchildren surrounding us.

It did no good to think those thoughts; if I hadn't become a vampire I never would have met Bella. I was mentally tired. I braced my forearms against the counter, my forehead almost touching the marble. My breathing was harsh. I heard my phone beep and realized I had left it at home. I pushed away from the counter and ran my hands through my hair in an attempt push the thoughts out of my head. It was impossible. Bella was a part of me, and I didn't want to go a minute without seeing her face.

I blew the air out of my lungs and picked up the phone. No one had my number except my family. I saw that Carlisle had called five times and had left a message. I pressed the call button twice without bothering to listen to my messages. It rang only once before I heard a frantic voice on the other end.

"Edward? Are you okay?" Carlisle sounded out of breath and distraught.

"Hello, Carlisle. I'm fine. Are you okay?" I could hear the relief in his voice and in the voices of my family in the background.

"I'm fine now, Son. Thank God you're okay."

I was confused by what he was saying. "Of course, I'm fine. What's wrong? Why were you worried about me?"

He paused for a minute; there was a strange silence coming from his end. I turned and leaned my back against the counter, my legs crossed at the ankles.

"We had an unexpected visit from Laurent. He told B—uh, me that Victoria had been looking for you and had succeeded in killing you. When you didn't answer, we became frantic."

I heard the slip that he made but couldn't figure out what he meant to say.

"Victoria has been stalking me off and on since we left Forks. She seems to have a new coven that she's using to try to get to me. They've been outside my house the last week. I think she is making newborns, and they are wreaking havoc here. There has been a rash of murders and missing persons reports. The media is all over it. I heard a male tonight thinking he needed to get back to her and the others before I killed him. I'm closing up the house tonight and going to go after her again."

"Where are you?"

"At the house in Chicago. I don't know where I'm headed, but I'll be catching a flight out tonight. She'll follow me. I need to lure her someplace where I have an advantage."

"Why don't you come here?" He paused. "It's been so long. Allow us to help you with Victoria."

The memories of my last visit came to mind. I roamed around the house and nothing felt right. Our family was incomplete without Bella.

I shook my head. "I can't. Nothing's changed. It's too hard."

"Edward, I understand your reasons for not coming home, but to be frank, you're needed here; it sounds like it would be safer if you were with us, as well."

Being away from my family had never accomplished what I'd hoped it would. The memories of Bella were as strong as they always had been. I knew I would mourn her as long as I existed. In a way, I almost hoped Victoria would give me a fight that I might not win. Although, appealing as taking the easy way out might sound, as long as Bella was in this world, I had to be, too.

I contemplated my answer to Carlisle for longer than necessary. The words I needed to refuse him wouldn't come to mind before he spoke again.

"Maybe I didn't emphasize what I'm trying to say to you. You need to come home as soon as possible. You're needed here." His voice was stern, almost harsh.

"Carlisle, what's going on?" I knew something was up; he never insisted I do anything. "Is everything ok?

"Everything is fine. I don't want to talk about it on the phone."

I had an uneasy feeling. It wasn't like Carlisle to be so short. I gave in.

"Ok, I'll charter a flight tonight. Can someone pick me up?"

I heard Alice in the background. "I will."

"Thank you, Edward. We'll figure out how to deal with everything when you get here."

Everything? Did he mean Victoria? What the hell was going on?

I called a cab and packed my bag. I didn't take much, but there were little things that I couldn't part with: my laptop, my journal, my iPod, and most importantly, my pictures of Bella. I didn't need a picture to recall her face. It was perfectly etched in my mind, but holding the picture of her smiling made it feel like I was near her. I heard the cab turn onto the street and with one last look around my childhood home, I locked up the house.

I smelled the scent of vampire in the air and wasn't surprised to see a tall, lanky, young one staring at me from just inside the tree line of the park across the street. His eyes were bright red, and he glared at me with a look that mirrored the thoughts I heard in his head. I searched for some thoughts of Victoria, but the only name I caught was Riley. He had to report my leaving to Riley. I read in his mind that he was frustrated by the fact he couldn't just take me out. He wondered what would happen if he did. He thought the cab driver would make a lovely snack once I was out of the way.

I fought my instincts to go after him, but I looked right at him and addressed him in a low voice. "Do what you're told and tell Riley I look forward to meeting him. We'll meet soon enough."

I casually got in the car. The driver gave me a strange look. He must have heard me. I gave him a tight smile.

"O'Hare, please. I'm headed to New Hampshire tonight to see my family." I only told him my destination for the vampire's benefit. No sense in making them search for me. I couldn't risk Victoria getting bored and heading to Forks.

The cab driver nodded his ascent and pulled away from the house. I could smell the sickness pouring from the older man. That along with his thinness and gray pallor told me he didn't have long to live. His only thoughts, once he was done thinking I was a weirdo who talked to himself, were of his wife. I could hear how much he loved her and how much he wished he were in bed with her right now.

I laid my head back against the seats, and just as he thought of his love, I thought of Bella.

We pulled up to the private hangar. I sensed the vampire as soon as I stepped out of the cab and was glad he had followed me. It would be reported exactly where I was headed. I paid the cabbie and handed him a thick envelope of cash. He was shocked into silence at the stack of bills and started to get out of the car to return it. I waved him away and gave him a big smile. He couldn't form a coherent thought.

I walked up to the ticket counter and chartered a private plane for a flight to New Hampshire. I spoke with the captain and boarded the Cessna Citation. I sank into the plush leather seats and laid my head back against it with a sigh. I felt very apprehensive about the trip. I couldn't stop worrying about what was going on with my family. Carlisle had sounded strange. I was so used to knowing exactly what he was thinking it was hard not knowing. I hoped that Victoria would follow me. The flight attendant was preparing the plane for take-off. She offered me something to drink, and when I refused she tried to converse with me. Her thoughts almost made me blush. I waved her away her and put my earbuds in my ears, turning the music up loud in an attempt to block out her thoughts.

I sent a text message to Carlisle with my arrival time. It would be nice to see Alice, but her coming to pick me up made me wonder what they were keeping from me. Maybe I was overreacting, but out of everyone Alice was the best at hiding her thoughts.

The flight was relatively short, and as I stepped off of the plane onto the tarmac. I picked up Alice's thoughts and smiled. She saw the exact time I would walk through the arrivals gate. I would see her in two minutes and fifteen seconds. I picked up my bag and walked toward the airport.

I spied her through the glass, staring at the clock, and heard her relief that she'd seen the correct time. I walked toward her with a small grin. She waited until I was within ten feet of her and the launched herself into my arms. I couldn't help but laugh at her exuberance and indulged her by swinging her around in a full circle before setting her down. She had missed me and was happy to see me. The feeling was mutual.

She leaned away from me to see my face better and frowned a bit. She was surprised at how my appearance hadn't changed, I looked older.

"Alice, I haven't been here for thirty seconds, and already you're insulting my looks?"

She laughed and stepped out of my embrace. "I was just making an observation. You look like hell. How are you?"

It was my turn to laugh, but instead of amused, it came out bitter. "I'm the same as always."

She looked at me out of the corner of her eye as we walked to the car and started reciting the Korean alphabet.

"Funny, Alice. What are you hiding?"

She gave me her most innocent look. "Hiding? Not a thing. I'm just practicing my Korean, thinking of taking Jasper on a trip."

"Yeah right, little girl. I know you better than that, but I'll let it go for now."

I chose to ride it out and be amused by Alice's antics, well aware that her excuse of a trip to Korea was bullshit. The slight smile I gave her reminded her of happier times. A memory of me with Bella the summer before her birthday slipped into her thoughts, and although she wiped it away quickly, it was too late. The amusement changed to pain.

She gasped. I couldn't believe she'd done that.

"I'm sorry, Edward. I'll be more careful. It's very difficult not to remember the past when it obviously still affects you so much."

I nodded, my jaw clenched with tension. "It does, and I'll thank you not to make it harder."

The mood changed quickly. I tried to control it, but I could feel the anger roiling off me. Alice took a deep breath and started thinking of Korea again. I got a hold of myself and slowly the anger shifted into sadness. I felt destroyed. I knew it was a mistake to come back to my family. They wouldn't be able to stop their thoughts of Bella. They would constantly be making comparisons of the old, happy me, and the shell I felt like now, without her.

We came to the car, and I insisted on driving. She almost argued but then thought she needed to concentrate. She couldn't believe she'd slipped so easily after I arrived. I actually couldn't either; she didn't even make it five minutes.

She switched from Korean to movie quotes. We'd played this game many times, and she hoped it would lighten the mood. We would throw out quotes, and the other would have to guess the movie. I pulled onto the interstate and drove out of the city, where I could drive way faster than the speed limit through the winding roads surrounded by forests.

I listened to her thoughts but didn't indulge her in the game until she got silly, and I couldn't resist any longer.

"Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming, swimming. What do we do? We swim."

The side of my mouth rose in a small smile I couldn't control, and I rolled my eyes at her.

"Easy, Alice. Finding Nemo." I waited for the next quote.

"Houston, we have a problem."

She looked over at me and raised my eyebrows, waiting for my answer.

"Apollo 13, but that quote is incorrect. Jim Lovell actually said 'Houston, we've had a problem'." I grinned at her.

"Yes, Mr. Know-it-all, I remember." She stuck her tongue out at me and continued.

"I'm not bad. I'm just drawn that way."

"Who Framed Roger Rabbit – Stupid movie."

"Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who tells you any different is selling something."

I snorted as I took the curves of the road to the house effortlessly. I wouldn't even give that quote an answer. Why she and Rosalie loved that movie so much I would never understand.

"I do not approve of your methods."

I laughed at her. Now there was a good movie! I finished the quote.

"Yeah, well…you're not from Chicago."

We both laughed. It felt good to be with her. I hadn't realized how much I missed her. I had closed myself off for so long I forgot the feeling I had a lot of the time was a yearning for the connection I had with my family. They knew me.

"I have one for you." I didn't look away from the dark road, but I hoped to break the ice and get some answers before we arrived.

"What we've got here is a failure to communicate."

She brushed me away with her hand and looked away, out the window.

"Cool Hand Luke."

She knew what I was getting at and started listing quotes over and over in her head as a distraction from what she really wanted to think about. I tried to interrupt her thoughts.

"Alice, what are you hiding?"

"Nothing." She snapped at me. "It's personal. Just stay out." She furrowed her brows and concentrated even harder."

I felt my jaw clenching again. I hated not knowing what was going on. I knew I would find out soon, but I had a feeling I wasn't going to like it. I wondered if it was news about Bella. I bet it was. Alice probably found an announcement in the paper of her engagement, or marriage, or a birth of her first child. My stomach churned. That was it. They wanted to tell me together that she was finally out of my reach. It had been my choice to leave her and let her have a chance at a normal life, but the thought of her actually doing it made me want to curl up and die.

We pulled into the long drive that led to the house. Alice clasped my hand and gave it a squeeze. I tried to smile at her, but I saw in her thoughts that I only looked sad. I hesitated, laid my head back on the seat, because I suddenly felt exhausted and stuttered before I could get the words out. My voice was small and quiet.

"Do you see her, Alice?"

She played dumb in an attempt to not think her name, but it was too late. Just as the car pulled to a stop in front of the home, she showed me a vision of Bella, panicked, screaming in pain for me. She tried to wipe it away quickly, but I caught it and narrowed my eyes. I felt my whole body go rigid, my hands gripping the steering wheel hard enough to snap it in half if I hadn't let go. I was panicked.

"Alice—Alice? Please tell me she's not here."

I was out of the car and at her side in less than a blink of an eye. I pulled her out of the car. The panic inside of me was quickly replaced by anger. I grabbed the tops of her arms, and she let out a yell in surprise. Jasper was at our side in an instant. The look on his face was frightening.

"Welcome home, Edward. I would be obliged if you would let go of my lovely wife." His voice was cold as he spoke through his clenched teeth.

I looked down at my hands and released her slowly. I didn't even realize I'd grabbed her or had been holding her. I'd never put my hands on her before, but the urge to shake her was overwhelming.

Alice's thoughts were making me crazy.

I can't believe how devastated he looks. Maybe Carlisle calling him home wasn't the right thing for him.

I pulled at my hair. No- this could not be happening.

Alice wondered what my reaction to actually seeing her would be.

If just knowing Bella is in the house is causing this amount of pain, what will happen when he finds out what she's gone through?

I stood there clenching my fists. I could feel the veins in my neck standing out. Alice put her hands out to me, but Jasper stepped in between us and spoke softly.

"You need to calm down, so we can talk, Edward." I felt the calmness emanating from Jasper.

I squeezed my eyes shut. I leaned down and put my fisted hands on my knees, breathing hard and trying to fight against Jasper's calming effects. I wanted to hold on to the anger. The other emotions were too much and threatened to drown me. I stood and pulled my hair in frustration.

"Is she here?" I let go of my hair and put my hands out to him, pleading.

"Please tell me she isn't here." I was begging. Jasper kept trying to suppress my anger and panic, causing me to feel lost. I couldn't make sense of anything.

"Jasper, stop! I need to think."

Jasper apologized to me and slowed his manipulations but didn't stop them completely.

"She's here, but she's not well." Jasper put his hands out to stop me from coming at them. I felt violent, the fear overwhelming me. I left her to keep her safe. They promised me they wouldn't interfere!

I felt my fury bubble up, and I roared at them, bringing the rest of the family to the front porch.

"You don't know what you have done!"

I looked at Carlisle and paced in circles pulling at my face and hair. My voice became more frantic and loud. My vision was clouded red with rage. Esme moved to comfort me, but Carlisle stopped her from coming to me and approached cautiously.

"Edward—" I interrupted him. I could feel the stress in my tight shoulders and in my jaw. I started out quietly, trying to control myself, but by the time I finished my sentence I was yelling.

"I have spent the last four years separated from Bella, living each day aching for her. All to keep her safe, and now she's not only here in the midst of vampires, but I have lured Victoria and her little coven straight to her!"

Before they could stop me, I raced past Carlisle and slipped away before Emmett could get his arms around me. I jerked the door open so hard it came off the frame. It crashed to the ground with a loud bang.

The smell of Bella instantly came to me and almost drove me to the ground with longing. I followed the scent frantically and slammed the door open into the room she was in.

There she was. I couldn't believe it was her. I wanted to gather her in my arms and hold her forever. I wanted to tell her how much I loved her. I wanted to snatch her up and run as far away as possible; my need to protect her was engulfing every thought I had, until the anger came back when I felt my family's presence in the room.

Bella was on her knees reaching for me from the bed, a look of utter confusion on her face. Alice slipped around me and went to her side.

"E—E—E—Edward, you're here." Bella's eyes were filling with tears, and her face was transformed into a bright smile. "You're alive."

I almost went to her, but Jasper stepped in between us, and I saw red.

How dare he get close to her! This was his fault! I could smell her wonderful scent, and it made me unbearably thirsty. I knew he could smell her, too.

I turned from her and smashed the chair from the desk against the mirror above the dresser, shattering it. Bella screamed. Alice grabbed Bella to protect her, and Jasper put his arms around them both.

I felt crazed. "I don't want her here!" I yelled.

I couldn't express what I was feeling coherently. I yelled and yelled. The words too jumbled to make out.

"She can't be here!"

I pushed past Carlisle, Esme, Rosalie, and Emmett. I had to get out of there. How could this be? How could she be with them? I wanted her in Forks where she was safe. I ran past them all. I slammed through a glass door to the outside, smashing it into pieces. I grabbed the furniture and destroyed it with my hands. Anger was choking me. I vaulted over the deck and took off into the woods, demolishing everything in my path.

xoxoxo

I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Poor Edward :( Please please keep in mind that this story is labeled as angst. It's not ever going to be a fluffy story. That being said I will let you in on a secret- I'm a happily ever after kinda girl.

As always I have to thank Jessypt, not only for fixing my writing but for asking the necessary questions. How do vampires go through a body scanner in an airport without detection? The answer we liked best was chartering a private jet. Thanks to my husband for insisting it be a Cessna Citation. Someday when I am rich I will buy you one, my dear.

And seriously! Thank you for the reviews! I adore them. I haven't responded to all of them yet, but I will. I thought you would like Edward's chapter four days sooner. Thank you for putting my story on alert! Let me know what you are thinking!

I am on twitter- RachelMFZ follow me- I'll follow you and we can figure the thing out together.

And finally- Please go read the story note on my profile.

See you with Chapter 12 next Thursday!