Aunt Josephine stared absentmindedly at the Mississippi River through the window of her rented apartment. The color of the water here was almost the exact same shade as that of Lake Lachrymose. Sometimes she missed her old home. But at other times she was just glad her new apartment building wasn't precariously perched on stilts that could easily be destroyed in a hurricane. Today she was going in for a job interview: one of the last steps in establishing her new life. She was trying to do everything the exact opposite of what she would normally do, to ensure that that nefarious Captain Sham would never find her, including dying her hair, changing her name, and wearing colored contact lenses like she'd promised.
Even now, she was doing 4 things she would have never done before in her old life. 1. She was sitting on the couch. What if it fell over and crushed her? 2. She was drinking hot tea. She'd braved the possibility of the stove catching on fire to make it, and she was still taking a risk. What if it spilled and she burned herself? 3. She was holding a newspaper. What if it gave her a paper cut? She'd heard that you could get the nastiest cuts from newsprint. 4. She was about to apply for a dangerous "dangerous animal tamer" job at the zoo. What if some kid pelted her with zoo popcorn?
Deep down, there was still a tiny morsel of fear, but she was getting braver every day. It hadn't been easy. She had to have a psychiatrist at first, but since she was afraid of psychiatrists (What if one of their pens broke and ink got in her eyes?), the psychiatrist had to tie her to her chair. When he did that, Aunt Josephine just grew more panicked because she was afraid of rope. What if she got rope burn? She said, "I won't talk to you, unless you get rid of the things I'm afraid of in here." The psychiatrist grudgingly complied, and after he got rid of all the things Josephine was afraid of, he was left with a very bare office. He'd even taken out his doorknob. He'd asked her to begin by naming all her phobias. After he'd filled up eight notebooks worth, he decided to try a new tactic: a puppet show! After becoming a master puppeteer and performing countless plays that dealt with her fears, she was practically cured! Her physiatrist gave her the hefty bill and told her never to come back... no seriously, he was getting a restraining order.
Aunt Josephine reflected on those days with a smile on her face. How great it felt to be free of all her fears! Except for realtors of course. She'd rented an apartment so she could avoid dealing with them. They were still absolutely terrifying.