It's later than usual, but it's still Tuesday! Happy Valentines Day! "I got nuttin' but love for you, baby" -Heavy D
Chapter 15 Untitled 2
I open my eyes
I try to see but I'm blinded by the white light
I can't remember how
I can't remember why
I'm lying here tonight
And I can't stand the pain
And I can't make it go away
No I can't stand the pain
-Simple Plan
.
Bella POV
Pain… hot… hotter…burning!
Screams. Were they coming from me?
I am in hell.
This must be hell.
I couldn't move my body, but then I guess you can't bring your body through to death.
Only your soul.
My soul was burning, and would burn forever for taking my own life.
The invisible flames licked at my skin, dragging screams from my lips. The demons called my name and tried to pull me in, but I wasn't ready to submit. I fought them with everything I had.
Time stopped existing.
I burned and burned and burned.
At some point the pain changed. I was able to focus on it. I tried to understand what was happening, but I couldn't.
My heart pounded out a furious beat.
Boom. Boom. Boom.
My heart?
That made no sense.
Wasn't my heart with my body?
The flames intensified again, and I heard screams. They were mine. Screaming didn't change the pain, so I stopped.
I pulled a deep breath into my lungs.
Breath. Breathing?
Maybe my body was here. I mentally took an inventory, but the pain was so intense I was afraid to move—afraid to draw the devil's attention to me. I couldn't help it, it hurt so bad I moved my finger, and searing pain whipped through me.
"She moved." The voice was familiar, female, but I couldn't place it. "It won't be long now."
What won't be long now?
Nothing made sense. I guess that was what hell was about – total mental and physical torture. It wasn't supposed to be picnics and rainbows.
My heart pounded louder, the noise deafening in my ears.
The pain in my chest burned hotter but began to slowly move away from the tips of my fingers and toes.
I found a new ability to set aside the pain and instead focused on a memory of the life I'd given up.
My dad. Even in the afterlife, I wouldn't get to see him again. He was too good for hell. I was sorry I would never avenge his death.
My mom. Would they tell her I was gone or let her wonder forever?
Edward. With each heartbeat, his beautiful face flashed before me.
And I felt nothing.
Finally nothing.
At least in hell I couldn't torture myself with the stupid hope he would love me. His brand of pain couldn't touch me here.
I made a fist. I moved my foot.
"Ahhhhh!" I heard the screams ripped from my throat. More pain. Intense pain.
My stomach.
My neck.
My ribs.
Burning.
My Heart!
Pound – Pound – Pound.
The beating became faster and faster, like a helicopter taking off. The harder it beat the more it hurt.
I felt my chest rising as if my heart was being pulled out.
I arched away from the pain, but there was no escape.
And then… nothing.
It all stopped.
No pain. No heartbeat.
I could hear a buzzing sound, maybe from electricity?
I heard the sound of breaths being drawn in and let out.
I heard the rustling of what sounded like leaves and birds chirping.
I instinctually knew I could move my body, but I didn't.
Who would be there to meet me when I opened my eyes?
Hell's demons? The devil prepared to sentence me to hell for taking my own life?
"Bella."
I tensed up. I knew that voice and was more confused than ever.
Why was Carlisle in hell?
I felt the touch of warm skin on my arm and jumped straight up. I spun away from the hand and flattened my palms against a hard surface. A wall?
I heard my breath coming fast in panic. I squeezed my eyes shut tighter and mentally prepared myself for the inevitable.
Don't be a coward.
I opened my eyes and met his. Edward. He reached for me, and I backed away from him and looked around. Why was he here? My brain seemed to be going in all different directions. Nothing made sense.
I looked to my left, Emmett and Jasper were standing, muscles tensed, as if prepared to defend the others.
Alice's small face peeked between their shoulders, smiling expectantly at me. Esme looked nervous, standing behind Carlisle. Her hands wrapped around his upper arms. Rosalie was there but looked bored.
I brought my eyes back to Carlisle.
"Bella, I know this feels very confusing, but you're okay. You're safe."
It was confusing. I tried to figure out what the hell was going on. I remembered cutting myself. I had felt my life slipping away. I had said goodbye!
I had burned in hell.
I looked at Edward, his eyes full of concern.
Then it hit me.
I wasn't dead.
He reached for me. "Bella-."
"Nooo!"
A scream ripped from my throat as I lost it.
I was a vampire.
I ran past Emmett, who had no chance to stop me, out the door, slamming it so hard it smashed into splinters that skidded across the floor. I slipped on the pieces trying to get as far away from Edward as I could.
I was so lost. I didn't know where I was. I found a set of stairs and followed them up to the main floor of the house. I ran past the piano and opened the door to the outside, intending to run as far away as I could, but the scents around were overwhelming. My throat burned.
I wrapped my hands around my neck and hesitated on the deck. I couldn't run. What if I came across a human? I felt like a cartoon mouse running left and right trying to find my hole. I needed safety. I turned and hesitated before I went back into the house and saw the Cullens, all watching me.
I didn't know what to say.
What could I say?
Alice came forward before Jasper pulled her back behind him. I felt my blood boiling. We'd been here before. She knew I didn't want to be saved! She knew it and had let Carlisle change me anyway.
I felt my knees go weak. I had wanted this at one point. I had begged to be changed when we were back in Forks. I had wanted nothing more than to spend my life with Edward, to be a part of this family forever, but he had never wanted me that way. I realized his reticence then was really him not being able to say he didn't want me forever. I shook the thought away.
I put my hands up and quickly ran past everyone toward my room. Edward jumped in my way. He was too close. I closed my eyes and backed away from him. I couldn't do it. I couldn't talk to him. I felt anger boiling up inside me again. He gave me everything and then took it away. He crushed me. And then he did it again.
"Bella—"
I put my hands up.
"Don't. I can't do this." Rage was pulsing through me.
I wouldn't let him tell me he didn't want me again. I didn't want him anymore.
"Bella, please you have to listen to me—"
He grabbed my arm, and a pulse of electricity shot between us. I felt a longing for him deep in my soul. I shook his hand off and jumped over the couch, momentarily shocked by my new physical abilities. Edward put his hands on the back of the couch and made like he was going to jump over it to me. I grabbed a lamp off the side table and chucked it at his head. He dodged it easily, allowing it to crash against the corner of the wall.
"Stay away from me." I said in a deathly quiet, barely restrained voice.
He came at me again, and I pushed him away as hard as I could. He stumbled backwards from the strength of the blow, falling against the wall and cracking the drywall. I put my hand up to my mouth appalled that I pushed him. I wanted to throw more things at him—to keep him away, but I couldn't destroy Esme's home. She was looking at me with fear. It broke my heart she would be frightened by me.
Edward started around the couch again, and I knew deep inside of me that if he touched me again I would be lost. I begged him again.
"Please—I can't do this right now. Leave me alone."
The look on his face was one of anguish. "Bella, let me explain."
"No!"
I found Carlisle. "Why did you do this? You knew I didn't want this!"
He shook his head and looked at me, but he didn't answer. Edward didn't give him a chance. I put my hand out to stop Edward. I wanted to escape. I needed to escape. He was within three feet of me when Rosalie stepped in front of him and Emmett put his hands on Edward's chest to keep him from coming closer.
"None of you has given any thought to what Bella wants. Back off, Edward." She was angry. "Give her some space before she loses it and does something she'll regret."
Rosalie turned back to me. I was crouched down ready to defend myself against her if necessary.
"Bella, go in your room. I'll be right there."
I blinked. Panic was clouding my thoughts even more, and I scrambled to do what she said. I skirted around Edward, keeping enough distance to avoid him touching me. Why did I still have feelings for him? Half of me wanted to rip his arms off and beat him with them. The other half wanted to throw myself into them and never let go.
I opened the door to my room and closed it hard behind me, unintentionally cracking the wood. I leaned against it to make it more secure, and clearly heard Rosalie talking.
"What the hell did you think you were doing?"
"I wanted to explain."
She must have directed her question at Edward because he answered. I wanted to hear his explanations, but I couldn't hear him say he didn't want me. Even worse, I didn't want him to think he had to be with me now.
"Yeah well, from here it looked like you were trying to get killed!" Rosalie said again.
"Rosalie's right, Edward. Forcing Bella into a corner is not the best way to handle things. I'm sure everything she's feeling right now is very overwhelming to her. She needs to hunt, and she needs to calm down." Carlisle was correct. I was overwhelmed. Even trying to wrap my mind around the fact I was a vampire now was too much.
I looked around the room. The scents surrounding me were so strong. I could smell the plasticy scent that must be from the new carpet on the floor. The smell of blood hung in the air, making me thirsty—which was totally weird as the blood had to have been mine. I held my breath, cutting off the senses. I waited to feel the burn from the lack of oxygen, but none came. I listened with my new ears, the conversation in the room as clear as if I had been standing next to them.
"I'm going to go talk to her. Then Emmett and I will take her hunting. You're going to have to wait to talk to her."
Rosalie knocked and then stepped into my room. I was sitting on the edge of the bed. It seemed vague and a bit cloudy, but I remembered she didn't like me very much. Even with the memory of her feelings toward me I was glad it was her. I thought of Carlisle and Alice and felt the rage again. It wasn't hard to remember how much I'd wanted to die and both of them knew it. I fisted my hands so tightly in the blankets it fell like my bones were going to shatter. I felt the fabric ripping in my hands and let go, trying to smooth away the damage.
Rosalie leaned against the dresser, her arms crossed over her chest and her ankles crossed, as well. The mirror was gone and a sharp pain shot through me at the memory of why. She looked so relaxed when I felt as tightly coiled as a spring. She looked at me with her usual bored expression and then held up her hand and looked at her nails.
"Interesting turn of events, huh?"
Seriously? I almost threw something at her. Then I inappropriately giggled.
Ahhh! My emotions were all over the place. I loosened my fists and turned toward her.
"I don't know what to think right now."
"That doesn't surprise me. I don't know what you were thinking when you tried to kill yourself," she answered. Her voice filled with censure and even disbelief.
I knew what I was thinking. I was thinking of Edward. The look on his face when I opened my eyes was so full of regret. He had sounded so desperate to explain himself to me, maybe I should have listened.
"Here's what's going to happen—you need to hunt." As she said that fire ripped through my throat. "Emmett and I will take you. When we get back you are going to have to sit down and hear everyone out."
I shook my head. "I can't."
Rosalie cocked hers. "You can't what?"
"Anything. I can't hunt, and I can't see them." I pointed toward the great room.
"Good Lord! When are you going to stop being pathetic, Bella. It's getting old. Aren't you sick of the whining?"
All the air whooshed out of my lungs like she had punched me in the stomach. I was pathetic. I flopped down on the bed.
"You may not have chosen it, but you have a new life and I guarantee you it's going to be too long to stay this weak. You have to decide you don't need anyone. You need to become the only thing you need to survive. I love Emmett with all my heart, but if he left me I would endure. Pull yourself together and endure."
Rosalie was right. There was no longer an easy way to escape. No drugs. No suicide. I had to become independent. I looked up and out the window. I made the decision then and there to never go back to being pathetic. Edward couldn't hurt me again if I refused to let him.
I stood up to my full height and threw my shoulders back.
"Let's go hunt."
Rosalie's lips curved into a little smile, and she walked out the door. I felt for the first time ever that maybe she was proud of me. I felt like she was the only one I could trust. Rosalie never hid her feelings from me and I couldn't help but think this was a turning point in our relationship. I followed behind her. Edward and the rest of the family were waiting in the great room. I walked past them, my head held high, but didn't meet their eyes as Rosalie motioned for me to go ahead of her.
I opened the door to the deck carefully, not wanting to break another door, and turned at the sound of a scuffle behind me. Emmett was holding Edward back. Rosalie stepped in front of the door protecting me .
"Bella, don't leave! Get the hell off of me, Emmett!" Edward yelled. Emmett had him in a headlock, and Edward was struggling to get past him
I moved away from the windows and ran down the stairs out of his line of sight.
"Come on, Edward, We're just taking her to hunt," I heard Emmett say, exasperated and grunting from the strain.
My throat squeezed shut and swallowing was impossible. "She's agreed to talk to you when we come back," Rosalie said as she started down the stairs.
But Edward was frantic and yelled after her. "I just want to tell her I love her!"
xoxoxo
All I can say to Jessypt (aka the best beta ever) is THANK YOU! She made this chapter so much better by her suggestions and fixes. She was also a life raft to me when I was lost in a sea of doubt. Thanks, Jess!
I wrote a one-shot for the Age of Edward 2012 contest- The Sultan's Wish. Go check it out! There are so many great submissions- I am awed at the talent! Voting begins Feb 16 and ends Feb 22
http : / www . fanfiction . net / community / Age_Of_Edward_2011 /95685/
Come play with me on Facebook. Get teasers and look at sexy pictures of Rob.
https : / www . facebook . com / #! / pages / My-Life-with-a-Twilight-Obsession / 110477031932 (remove the spaces)
See you next week- Edward and Bella kiss and make-up. No- not yet, but maybe just a kiss. ;) I do promise they will talk!