A/N: Thank you to the person who pointed out my error involving Josephine's name. It has been fixed.
"Welcome, Ms. Amelie Bethner, please have a seat so that we may conduct our... interview." Aunt Josephine did as her job interviewer had requested and seated herself. Amelie Bethner was the fake name she had chosen; the story behind that name was a long and painful one involving an entomologist and a box of crayons, so I doubt you want to hear it.
Her interviewer was a short, stout man with a rather bodacious mustache. Just then, he burst into maniacal laughter. "Yar-har-har-har-har-har! Did you wonder why I ominously paused before saying the word, 'interview?' Har-har-har-har-har-yar!"
The only thing Aunt Josephine had wondered about was why her interviewer laughed like a pirate.
The strange little man sighed happily and used a handkerchief to wipe tears of laughter from his eyes. He apologized, "I'm sorry, really. You must forgive me for my inappropriate fit of laughter. I can't help it; it runs in my family. Mr. Poe is my cousin, you see. I'm sure you've heard of him. See, he has inappropriate coughing fits, I have inappropriate laughing fits, my son has inappropriate sneezing fits, and so on and so forth. And you don't even want to know about my uncle, Danny!" After this he mouthed, "He vomits."
Good old Aunt Joe was not fazed by this silliness. She had gotten used to it after living in the recesses of Lemony Snicket's mind for so long.
Her interviewer went on, "Again, I'm terribly sorry. It won't never happen again." But he giggled a little even as he said this.
The polite smile that Josephine had been wearing fell. "Excuse me," she said, "but I believe you meant to say, 'It won't ever happen again,' not, 'It won't never happen again.' Saying the word 'never' in addition to the phrase 'will not' or 'won't' would make it a double negative, and we all know how detrimental to good grammar a double negative can be, don't we?" She grinned knowingly.
Her interviewer nodded slowly, his smile disappearing as well. "Riiiiight," he said.
'"Riiiiight,' is not a complete sentence, I'm afraid. My, my, it's a good thing I'm here to help you with your grammar, isn't it? As I always say, grammar is one of the greatest joys in life!" She exclaimed.
"Riiiiight," her interviewer answered. "Anyway, my name is Isaac Poe. I think it's about time we started this interview, don't you?" Before Josephine could answer, he threw back his head and cackled. "Alright, how much experience do you have in dangerous animal taming?"
"I have no experience, whatsoever, unless you count almost being eaten by leeches," she answered promptly.
"Very good, now, what kind of things do you like to do in your free time? Do you have any hobbies"
Josephine cleared her throat. "I believe you forgot the question mark at the end of that sentence, sir. All sentences must have an end mark!"
Isaac glared at her. "That's not my fault! The author forgot the stupid question mark!"
Aunt Josephine didn't believe him, but she answered the question he had previously proposed. "In any case, my hobbies mainly consist of ruthlessly correcting people's grammar, putting on puppet shows, and pick pocketing. I also make a mean chilled cucumber soup."
"Why do you want this job? I mean, I hate working here! Yar-har-yar-har-yar-hawrh!"
"Your spelling of the last 'har' was incorrect, I'm afraid," said Josephine. She was simply unable to stop being annoying.
Isaac was livid. He stood up on his chair, pointed at Aunt Josephine and yelled, "That's it! Stop correcting me! The author spelled the 'har' that way. And why aren't you correcting me for saying har in the first place? 'HAR' ISN"T EVEN A REAL WORD! I'm sick of this. You have no experience with dangerous animals, your hobbies are the most IDIOTIC thing I've ever heard, and you've corrected my grammar 3 times now! I have just one thing to say to you!"
"Actually, I've corrected your grammar 4 times," she interrupted.
Isaac continued, "And now you're correcting my ARITHMITEC! I have just one thing to say to you...You're hired! Welcome to the zoo! You're just the person we've been looking for!" He laughed and laughed and laughed. He was still laughing when Aunt Josephine awkwardly backed out of the room 15 minutes later. He was laughing so much that he accidentally fell out his 5th story office window. Nurses reported that he was still laughing as he was in a coma.