Sorry for the long wait! Spring Break kicked my booty! I had no time to sleep let alone write.
Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer. I own the plot and a Breaking Dawn cover for my iPhone.
Chapter 20- Just a Kiss
Just a kiss on your lips in the moonlight
Just a touch of the fire burning so bright
No, I don't wanna mess this thing up
I don't wanna push too far
Just a shot in the dark that you just might
Be the one I've been waiting for my whole life
So baby I'm alright
With just a kiss goodnight
I know that if we give this a little time
It'll only bring us closer to the love we wanna find
It's never felt so real
No it's never felt so right
- Lady Antebellum
Bella POV
My feelings toward Edward had softened after we talked in my room, and more than anything I was excited to hunt with him. I stepped out of the house into the open yard and walked next to him into the trees.
The darkness of the night was slowly fading in the East, turning the sky from blue to purple. The forest was the prettiest just before dawn. The scents around me—the earthy smell of dirt and moss, the clean smell of the river, the tree pollen floating on the breeze—filled my nose with pleasure. It was all magnificent to me. My new senses delighted me, and no matter what had happened or why, I was glad to be so alive in that moment.
Edward walked with me, allowing me to lead and set our pace. I was content to stroll slowly through the forest. The leaves were so green and soft to the touch. The rough bark of the trees didn't scrape my new skin like it would have my fragile human skin.
I glanced over at him and took his hand. I let the past fade. I let the drama float away with the gentle wind that caressed my face. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, tasting the air like Rosalie had taught me. I caught the unappealing scent of deer. Edward must have smelled it, too. We followed it, the scent leading us down a familiar path. We quieted our footsteps and changed directions to be downwind from the herd.
The deer broke into a clearing in my meadow. I let go of Edward's hand and broke through the vegetation to pounce on the largest of the deer. He grabbed a doe close to me, and we drank from them. I didn't close my eyes, even though they became heavy with pleasure as the blood flowed down my throat. Instead, I watched Edward, impressed by how he fed.
His head was thrown back, his eyes closed. The deer didn't suffer. He soothed her with his hands and a flash of unfamiliar heat burst through me. I was feeling things for Edward I wasn't prepared for.
I pushed the buck off me, embarrassed by my train of thought and more than grateful Edward couldn't read my mind. His eyes met mine, and he gave me this huge smile. He walked over to me, and I felt the heat of his body as he came closer.
He swiped his thumb down the edge of my lower lip. "You have a little bit of…" My mouth went dry when he touched me, and I wanted to lick the blood off his thumb. I leaned toward him, staring at his mouth. His mouth opened slightly, and he reached behind my head to pull me into a kiss. He was so close I could feel his warm breath against my lips.
There were no thoughts in my brain. My body ruled me. I wanted him.
I closed my eyes as his lips touched mine. I leaned into his kiss and moaned at the rush of pleasure. I ran my hands up his back and pulled him closer. This is what I needed.
Him.
We kissed until I was ready to throw him down on the grass and have my way with him. He slowed us down and placed soft little kisses on my lips and along my jawline to my ear.
"I love you, Bella, so much, but we need to slow down." His whispers sent shivers up my spine.
I nodded and took a deep breath to calm my senses. With that breath I caught the scent of something unfamiliar. It didn't smell like the deer, but it was still too off to be human. I turned away from Edward. My need for blood quickly replaced my need for him.
I crouched down and followed the appetizing aroma through the trees. I jumped over a fallen tree and came across my first bear. It reared up on its back legs in front of me and let out a fearsome growl. I lunged for the bear's neck, the predator in me taking over, just as Edward jumped in front of me pushing me out of the way, scaring the bear away. He turned to me and looked like he was about to have a heart attack.
"I'm sorry. I didn't think. I only saw the bear coming at you, and I freaked out."
The venom was pooling in my mouth and if he hadn't moved quickly, I would have caught him in the head with my fist. I was so pissed off I didn't even go after the bear. He apologized over and over again as he followed me, but I just stomped back to the house and buried myself in my blanket.
After that I only hunted with Rosalie. She was graceful and stealthy, and when I watched her I wanted to be just like her. Not just as a hunter but as a person. She had an inner strength that I'd never had. I hunted my first bear with her and hoped for a mountain lion after hearing that carnivorous animals tasted better.
It took me a couple of days to get over being mad at Edward. I knew his faults well, but in the four years that we were apart, I had raised him up and placed him on a pedestal. I had made him a saint in my mind, and the blame for that rested solely on my shoulders. I thought he was perfect and would never have left me if I had been the same, but Rosalie wouldn't let me think that way anymore. She and I had spent a lot of time together talking about Edward and the reasons he had left me in Forks.
Rosalie was direct and didn't mince words. She never spoke badly of Edward. She stated the facts and helped me realize that he was scared. His overly protective ways were because he wanted me safe. He didn't want to lose me.
"Bella, men don't think rationally. It took me a long time to figure this out, but as much as they'll deny it, they think with their hearts first, not their heads. He loves you and is stupid because of it."
We sat by the river in the shade of a tree. The flowing water was soothing, and the grass felt like velvet as I ran my fingers through it.
"So, do I just accept that he's like that and be happy about it?"
Rosalie shrugged. "I don't know. How can you change him? I think it will lessen in time as he is more assured of your strength. Sometimes it's even hard for me to remember you're a vampire now. I'm sure it's even harder for him to see and accept you as such."
She paused. "I have to be honest with you. This plan of yours to go after Victoria on your own is ridiculous. The thought of you going up against her is driving him crazy."
I tensed up immediately and turned to face her. "I will ki—"
"I know you want to kill her, but she's strong. It's better that she comes to us and we help you take her out," she said, interrupting me.
"I told Edward we would do it together. I agreed to that, but it's been a week and we haven't heard anything. I want this finished. My father deserves to be at peace."
"Your father would be at peace if you were. He wouldn't have wanted you to risk your life to avenge him. He would want what Edward wants: for you to be safe and happy."
"No matter what happens, I won't be happy until she is destroyed."
"I know."
She did know. Rosalie understood my need for revenge more than Edward did. He wasn't willing to go looking for Victoria. He wanted her to come to us. I was antsy to end the whole scenario. Add to that the confusion and apprehension everyone felt about Irina's relationship with her, and it was easy to understand why everyone was on edge. Irina was a part their family, and her possible betrayal hurt. Victoria had proven herself a master manipulator, and Edward was sure Irina would lead her right to us.
"Has Tanya heard from Irina yet?"
Rosalie shook her head. "Carlisle spoke to her this morning, but they still haven't heard from Irina. She won't take or return their calls. She'll come soon enough. Alice will see it and we'll be prepared."
I nodded.
We sat there in the grass watching the darkness fall over us. I loved this time of night-twilight. I enjoyed the peace I felt next to Rosalie. Our friendship was something I'm sure even Alice couldn't have predicted. I lay back in the grass and closed my eyes, relishing the sounds around me.
I had made peace with Carlisle. After hunting with Rosalie late one night, I came back and both he and Esme were in the great room under the pretense of reading, but I knew they had been waiting for us when they set aside their unopened books. The sun was starting to peek over the horizon and as it lit the gold in Esme's eyes it was as if she had tears welling in them.
I moved right into her arms. She held me and kept whispering she was sorry, but I was the one who was sorry. They had taken me in, and I had done nothing but resent and hurt them.
"I'm sorry. I should be thanking you, but I haven't."
She rocked me in his arms and brushed my hair away from my face. "My dear, you don't need to thank me."
I allowed her to hold me, and I stayed that way until I gained enough courage to look at Carlisle. It was he who had truly saved me. He had worried over me for months, and I had paid him back by trying to kill myself. I reached for his hand. Edward was watching us from across the room. Carlisle sat next to me on the couch and took my hand.
I tightened my fingers around his. "Thank you for saving me."
He kissed my forehead. "I didn't save you, Bella. Edward did, but if he hadn't I would have. I couldn't let you die that way either. You are a part of my heart and have been since we found you, maybe even longer than that. I would never have forgiven myself if I'd let you die."
I felt my throat get full and knew that tears were one of the human things I would miss most. These would have been a mixture of happiness and grief; Happiness because I understood why they saved me. They loved me as much as I loved them. And grief because it had taken me this long to figure it out.
A new lightness settled on me after I talked to them. It should have been a perfect time to approach Alice, but I didn't. She and Jasper were spending their time with Bree and Diego, teaching them to hunt and our way of life. It truly was our way of life. I had no thoughts of living any other way. I watched her spend time with Bree and let jealousy delay my speaking with her even longer. I avoided her. It was hard to do with the relatively small size of the house, but she seemed to understand that I wasn't ready.
The tension in the house had become unbearable. She and Jasper decided to take a short trip taking Diego and Bree with them. She left me a note before they departed telling me she hoped the time apart would allow me the chance to settle things with Edward without worrying about her. She told me she loved me, and I knew without a doubt she did.
I looked up at the stars, watching them twinkle and shimmer against the inky black sky. I expected them back any day, and I would settle things as soon as she came back. The longer I waited the harder it was to work up the courage to confront her. I knew deep down I needed to understand how she could have left me, how she could have let Edward leave me the way he had. She had seen our future. She told me she had, but she still let him make the decision that irrevocably changed us both. I wanted to know why.
Just thinking about it again brought the hurt and anger back to the surface. I truly hated the new intensity of the feelings I experienced. I had a new capacity for feeling that was hard to understand and manage. Out of the blue I would be hit with jealousy so deep I could feel it rolling through my body. I wanted to rip Bree away from Alice. I wanted to reclaim her as my friend, but then anger would smother me and I would stomp away to kick a rock.
Edward was always near me, and he laughed as I kicked rocks across the river, only making me madder. He was safe, the one person it seemed, besides Rosalie, to whom I could express all my confusion. I could be angry with him or frustrated, but he was always there and unerringly patient with me. My feelings for him were hard to control as well.
We had spent a lot of time together. It was almost as if we had picked up where we left off in Forks. He would read to me while I lay in his lap. We would walk and talk about everything except the cloud of distrust hanging over our heads. I had taken to going into my room and locking the door. I needed that time to process what I was feeling. I wanted him in a way that I was incredibly unsure of, and more than anything I was deathly afraid of him rejecting any overtures I made. I was afraid to give him everything again.
I heard him walking toward me and Rosalie and sat up to greet him. Rosalie patted my leg and left us alone. He sat down in the grass next to me.
"What are you two out here talking about?"
I smiled at him. "Wouldn't you like to know?"
"That's ok. I read Rosalie's mind. Did she really call me stupid?"
"That's rude," I teased him with a laugh and bumped his shoulder with mine. "She always thinks you're stupid."
He snorted at that, causing me to laugh even harder, but then he became more serious. "I know she does, but do you think I'm stupid for wanting to keep you safe."
I had to think about it for a minute. This conversation had deeper roots than the bear.
"No, I get why the bear freaked you out, but…" I hesitated, trying to decide if I wanted to have this discussion yet again. "I still don't understand why you thought leaving me would protect me."
He had a very pained look on his face. "I was stupid."
He moved closer to me, draped his arm around my shoulder and pulled me close to him. "I only left in the first place because I wanted you to have a chance at a normal life. I could see how being with me constantly put you in danger. I thought I was protecting you by taking the danger inherent to who I am away. Instead, I condemned you to a life I never wanted for you, not immortality, but the pain and devastation you faced when we were apart. I wanted to spare you pain, not cause it. I don't think I ever truly accepted how much you loved me. I am a monster who never deserved someone as good as you are, and I will forever regret hurting you."
He tilted my chin up gently with his hand and placed a soft kiss on my lips. "I want to keep you safe now because I love you so much. You are my life. I know how hard it was to live without you, and I can't live that way again. Please be patient with me and try to understand."
Hearing him say he loved me made me feel so good. I nodded and took in everything he said. I pulled away from him and stood up. I brushed the grass off of my jeans and changed the subject. It was too beautiful a night to sit here rehashing things that couldn't be changed. We walked along the river, skipping rocks, just enjoying each other's company.
We ended our night as he escorted me to the door of my bedroom. He pulled me close and kissed me deeply, the caress of his lips expressing his love. Part of me wanted to invite him in, but I was too afraid to say the words, too scared to take the next step. I had to protect myself.
I closed my door and leaned against it. It was just a kiss, but it felt so right.
xoxoxo
I can't ever be able to thank Jessypt enough for her help and guidance. I know she's just a tweet away all the time to help me. She adds little things here and there that make the story better than what I have written. Thanks Jess. xoxo
Thank you so much to everyone who reviewed last chapter! I'm over 300 reviews and am so grateful you take the time to tell me how you feel about what I write. Each review warms my heart! I really tried to catch up on some replies and hope I didn't miss anyone.
I have entered the Hope Springs Eternal one-shot contest and I know it's short notice,, but please head over there and check out the fantastce entries. It's anonymous so I can't tell you which one is mine, but read them, leave a review and most importantly vote for your favorites! http : / www. fanfiction. net /~ hopespringseternalcontest I adore my story and can't wait for the contest to end so I can post it on my profile! Voting ends tomorrow so head over and check it out please!
No promises but chapter 21 is half written. I will post it as soon as it's done!