Author's note: WELL LOOK ATCHU! Deciding that reading a boring crossover Fanfic is more important than anything else. Seriously, don't you have anything more important to do with your time? I bet you've been staring into the computer screen for a long time, you know it's good to get outside once in a while and observe distant photonic particle reflections as they cascade through the highly concentrated rod arrangements in your eyes. What I mean is that it's best to just go outside and play, not only play for your own sake but for your neighbors as well. I bet you've been socially neglecting them, and your only escape is the internet, where you read the works of miserable writers such as me in order to boost your own confidence, creating a swindling network of constant in and out emotional constraints that cannot be suppressed by either party due to the incompetence of them both!
Naa, I'm sure you wouldn't do that.
~X~X~X~X~X~
Alan felt his knees collide with a solid wooden dock. His hands soon attained balance by doing the same.
What just happened? Where was he?
He desperately looked around to try to find an answer. His eyes took some time to adjust to the strangely soft light, and his ears had an outwardly open popping sensation similar to when they have to adjust to a higher altitude.
He slumped onto the dock, not wanting to get up like a school kid dreading the quarterly math test.
Turning on his back to face the sky, he saw a few people-shaped silhouettes projected in front of the foggy backdrop above. One of them looked particularly familiar however, very similar to one of his fellow scientists at Black Mesa.
"Dr. Rosenberg? Is that you?"
Dr. Vernon shook his head.
"Do you think that part of his brain failed to teleport over here?" Slaney asked sarcastically.
Being the Aperture know-it-all he was, Dr. Vernon felt the need to correct Slaney. "Unlikely, the fluctuations would have dropped in frequency if a —oh, right, you were joking…"
Still dazed and confused, Alan slowly sat up and began to look around in all directions. Where was he? He remembered up and going to some science facility at night. Could it have been Black Mesa? No, that wouldn't explain him suddenly finding himself in the middle of a foresty island. It was as if Alan had his mind strategically wiped of very recent events, not to mention he was just waking up which hindered his memory even further.
"Mr. Walker…" Alan felt a hand help him up. He turned to see who it was. The silhouette softly transformed into a colored figure, and Alan began to regain his senses. "Welcome to the other side." It was Dr. Vernon, the one who was with Aperture Science.
Aperture Science!
That's right, he was at Aperture Science! That would explain everything except where he was.
He saw Kent return from the far side of the dock. In his hand, he held a large metal box which most likely contained some sort of communication equipment. Both Slaney and Roni were sitting quietly on top of a natural ledge, going over with each other on bits and pieces of machinery.
Now that Alan was fully aware, he was able to come to another realization. "Where the hell are we?" He asked, trying to comprehend his newfound position.
Dr. Vernon smiled as he too gazed towards the endless stretch of water over to their right. "We're far away from Aperture, in another dimension in fact. The fluctuation field is remarkably set to a concrete position which has yet to be grasped by even the most brilliant minds in Apertu-"
"No we're not." He said, looking about and coming to the obvious conclusion that they were still on Earth. "Seriously, where the hell did Aperture just send us?"
Dr. Vernon backed away cautiously from Alan. "Mr. Walker, we've run numerous tests and analyses on the location, and I can say without a shadow of a doubt that we're not on any familiar terrestrial grounds."
Now with a horrified look on his face, Alan desperately raced towards Kent, who was still setting up Seymour's uplink. "No no no no…" He said, grabbing the man's shirt tight. "Please… please tell me this is a joke… please tell me we're somewhere in the middle of Lake Superior…"
Kent just shook his head. "I don't lie…"
Alan released his grip from Kent's shirt. "No no no no no no no…" He repeated frantically has he paced around the dock. "No no no…" He fell to his knees, raising his head so he could face the endless patch of fog surrounding the still waters. "No…" He kept peering out into the confined horizon. It was now hopeless.
Or was it? Could he really be in another dimension as Vernon said? Could he really have achieved his career-long goal without him actually having to do any real scientific work himself?
No. He didn't believe it, At least not exactly. Perhaps Aperture was testing some kind of portal printing technology and they chose to use him. No, that wouldn't explain why they needed so many test subjects, including Dr. Vernon, someone whom actually has scientific value.
But Dr. Vernon was the head of the project; surely he'd know anything and everything about this mission. Alan felt a sense of impatience creep up into his very soul. Immediately, he sprang up to his feet and grabbed Dr. Vernon, pinning him to the wall.
"Tell me old man! Where the hell are we?" He yelled, drawing the attention of the nearby test subjects.
"I already told you! The book took us to another dimension! There's really no other way to explain it!" Dr. Vernon said.
"You're lying to me, and I know it! Tell me, are we still in Michigan? Huh?"
Roni dropped down from her position and raced over to Alan. "No more of this! We're accomplishing nothing by staying here and fighting!"
Alan loosened his grip on Dr. Vernon, but drew closer to him to make his words a little more personal. "If it turns out to be no way back…" He then made a signal which was so intense, it would pain me to actually type it out in description.
Slaney dropped down from the ledge, separating Dr. Vernon and Alan from their conflict. "You two are both being idiots. You couldn't have expected to come over to the other side and not face something like this. In fact, we're lucky that the ground isn't made of a viscous mass that sucks up everything that touches it!"
The two scientists backed off from each other. "She's right; we can't just arrive here and say that it's hopeless just because there's no inter-dimensional teleportation ready with flashing lights in sight." Alan said, walking over towards the center of the dock. "I say we develop a plan of action to take next."
"Good, I say we start by exploring the island." Dr. Vernon recommended.
"Hold on…" Kent said, fiddling with Seymour to the point where it looked like it was actually doing something. "It's almost ready…" He said, detaching the keyboard and placing it upon a structure on his back.
"What's almost ready?" Alan asked, shrugging as he watched Kent put away Seymour.
"What is ready…" Kent corrected.
Everyone's focus was immediately directed towards the area where they'd all arrived. A fuzzy sound came from a pixilated image which quickly formed into a perfectly solid companion cube.
Alan looked at the cube with confusion written across his face.
Nobody said a word, until Roni said: "Someone should carry it… I guess."
Everyone looked at Kent.
"No," Kent said simply, his firm tone contrasting with the neutral expression on his face.
Just at that moment, the robotic voice of Seymour sprang to life. "The weighted companion cube is a mass-produced product made for filling warehouses and for sitting on things. It serves no other practical purpose."
The group looked at each other. "Well," Alan said, walking over to the cube. "Who wants to help me throw it?"
"I will!" Roni said eagerly.
*CHUCK DEADWEIGHT*
The companion cube made a big splash as it hit the water. A look of contentment made its way onto the group's faces as they saw it sink into the water without even slowing down.
Alan and Roni high-fived each other.
Once again, Seymour observed the situation and calculated the proper response. "Companion cubes are sentient and loving. They can feel pain, and that one was about say 'I love you'.
A horrified expression slapped itself onto the group's faces. They peered over the edge of the dock in dismay.
They all knew what they had just done.
"Oh! We're horrible people!" chorused the entire group of test subjects, along with their scientist companions.
Alan eventually gathered the strength to get up. Turning to his left, he saw something very large and very odd standing on top of a small mountain. They were giant gears; one lying on its side and one standing up off the ground. It didn't by any stretch of the imagination look Aperture like, but Alan still had his ideas.
"Alright." Kent spoke up amidst the desolate atmosphere. "Moving on, I've scanned the open sections of the island thoroughly, and while it does have some strange properties, I can surely say that none of it looks as if it were created by extra-dimensional beings. I say we start scanning the island by heading inside there." He pointed to a black door at the wall beside the dock.
The group held their mouths wide open.
"I speak long sentences when I want to." Kent said, folding his arms.
"Good enough for me." Alan said, gathering the group with a wave of his hands. "Alright, move out!"
As Alan neared the door, he shifted his fingers around the smooth black surface in order to look for a handle. It came to his surprise that the door slid open once he applied enough pressure to it.
The door opened into a dark blue stairway with soft lights making up a lower portion of the wall.
"It's clear," Slaney said once she reached the bottom. "Although I don't know why anyone would wanna hang around here." She said, noting the strange design of the room.
The walls of the circular room were dark blue and segmented with vertical wooden planks that were strategically placed at 7 foot divisions. The most noticeable aspect of the room was a circular pool which had metal linings in the middle.
"What do you suppose it is?" Roni asked, examining, the table closely.
Alan saw a piece of paper attached to the side of the wall near the stairs. "Look here." He said, showing the rest of the group the paper's content. "Settings: Dimensional Manager." He read aloud.
Everyone looked towards Vernon for an answer, but he shrugged, as he too had no idea what was going on.
Alan pressed a square button beside the paper. It opened up a panel behind the wall.
"Ah! Numbers!" Slaney cried in distress, as if she'd been caught in quicksand or a deranged cephalopod were dragging her back to his aquatic laboratory.
The panel revealed a set of two numbers which could be changed at the press of a directional arrow. Alan imputed the numbers which were beside the dimensional manager setting. He pressed another red button next to those numbers. Suddenly, a beeping sound erupted from the now flashing button.
"Ah! It's going to explode!" Roni yelled, flailing her arms about.
"NO IT'S NOT!" Alan yelled back. "Enough with the over-reacting, I don't think I can-" Alan was interrupted by a three-dimensional hologram moving in the center of the open pool. The hologram showed a pedestal rotating and moving around in all directions. The hologram suddenly disappeared, and a cascade of sparks flew from the pool's surface.
"I think we broke it…" Slaney noted.
"Damn, I bet that was our ride home." Alan said, fiddling with the numbered control panel. "But then again, a dimensional transportation device seems to be a bit too good to be believable if you ask me."
Slaney nodded her head. "True… it may be the emergency exit for Vernon to use when we have our backs turned."
The group turned to face the Aperture scientist. "Now wait a minute, I'm just as confused as you are! There must've been someone else who's been here before, surely not Aperture, but perhaps… perhaps it's BLACK MESA!
DUN DUN DUNNNN!
"What!" Alan exclaimed. "Black Mesa? Are you serious?" Alan hadn't given much thought about it, but he knew that since he was pretending to be with Aperture Science, he had to make it look as if he held Black Mesa in low regards.
"I'm afraid I am serious. Black Mesa is the only other science company that could possibly be this advanced in inter-dimensional travel." Dr. Vernon said, causing a slight uneasiness within Alan.
If anyone knew about how advanced Black Mesa was in the field, it was definitely Alan. But what he worked on was elementary compared to what Aperture was able to accomplish. Even though he knew the whole situation with the book was a set-up by Aperture, he had to carry through and see everything they had to offer.
"Alright then, let's move and see what else we can find." Alan said, motioning his hand over towards the room's entrance.
The group then decided to take a good look at the island as a whole. Alan observed the tall trees on one side of the island and the sharp mountains on the other. At the top of the tallest mountain, there was a large, cylindrical, black container, which Alan knew had to be a sign of Aperture presence.
One building that immediately caught Alan's attention was a circular building which looked similar to a small Roman temple.
"I wanna go in it!" Slaney said, practically pounding on the door until it opened. Slaney ran inside and the rest of the group was forced to follow her.
Alan was the last to enter the building; by then, everyone had observed the room's white outer walls as well as a red cushioned chair placed in the middle. Over to the left of the door, there was another button similar to the on the control panel.
Slaney sat on the chair and began to giggle. There was a large black box hanging down from the ceiling reaching down in front of the said chair.
"What are you doing?" Alan asked, walking over to see the buttons that were being mercilessly pressed by the blue-haired individual. "My god what is this, a time machine? It has dates displayed and everything."
Slaney pressed a button next to the machine's dates. It gave an electronic focusing sound which quickly faded away. "Guess it doesn't work." She noted.
Alan shook his head. "Whatever, we're wasting our time here. Let's get ou-" Alan's attempt at leadership ended when the door to the building slammed closed.
"The hell?" Alan ran towards the door and threw it open, but not before whipping out that pistol he'd been given before the mission. He kicked the door open, and with table tennis like reflexes, scanned the area for a target. Nobody was there, and with good reason since they'd most likely be staring down the barrel of a 9 millimeter pistol. "Damn it, we're not alone here!" Alan yelled as his eyes flew to every last corner of the island. He ran around the entire island to see what he who interrupted their investigation. "A rocket ship, a log cabin, a clock tower, what the hell was Aperture thinking by building something straight out of a Jules Verne novel?" Alan ran to the middle of the island, catching his breath as he met up with the rest of the group.
"Are you sure the door didn't just close on itself?" Dr. Vernon asked.
"I'm sure I saw a figure walking away from the door as soon as it closed." Alan answered, resting his palms on his bent knees. "Whoever it was, it still means someone else is on the island; so we need to have our weapons and our wits ready."
Roni retracted into an obviously fake Kung-fu position.
Dr. Vernon rolled his eyes as he held the glock pistol in his right hand. "Right, well Mr. Walker, before we move on I suggest we establish a- AGH BUTTERFLY! KILL IT!" He drew his gun at the fluttering insects and flipped the safety off.
"No no wait!" The group yelled in unison.
"What? It's a butterfly! It deserves to die!" The good doctor yelled.
"No, nobody's going to die. We're only supposed to kill it if it poses a danger to us." Alan said, softening Vernon's grip on the pistol. "It's just a harmless little butterfly…"
"So you're saying we should only kill it if it's an alien or say… a Black Mesa spy?"
"Uh…yeah… I guess." Alan replied, sealing his own possible demise.
"Fine…" Dr. Vernon reluctantly conveyed as he placed the gun onto his side holster.
Upon the doctor's action, Alan noticed a strange and sudden existence with one of his pieces of equipment. "Wait, where the hell did you get that?"
"What the holster? Oh this is merely a plot device, meant to over-simplify the complications of conventional literary expressions while still retaining the essential information needed for the minds of our readers."
"So you're saying it's a simple mechanic used with no introduction or previous mentioning designed to throw the reader off into a bout of belief that can only be stopped by the formless existence of which it is cast from?
"Exactly Mr. Walker, it is only meant to give the readers an excuse for not having to think about the process and to set their minds on the less trivial things, such as advancing with the story."
Alan smiled as he leaned his head upon his left shoulder. "Gee Dr. Vernon, thanks for the info!"
Dr. Vernon nodded. "And now you know."
~X~X~X~X~X~
Seymour OS: VERSION 1.004 STATUS UPDATE:
…Island ingression=success! Aperture established proper beacon after arrival… Subject SLANEY shows proper dislike for island's local fauna; calls it "squishy and depressing". DR. WALKER has heightened his aggression towards DR. VERNON in an attempt to… PROCCESSING… GET THE HELL OUT OF THIS PLACE. Team's discovery of features irrelevant INDENT FIGURE CONCLUSION=little science produced. Group looking for new ways to SETQUOTEMEMBER=SLANEY ("WE SHOULD REALLY FIND A WAY OFF HERE")
GROUP DISPOSITION=DYNAMIC RANGE|OXYGEN LEVELS=22.78%|FACTOR RESULT=CLEARED TO CONTINUE
~X~X~X~X~X~
Author's notes: I know what you're thinking: "What wuz dat at teh end?" Well wonder no more! That my friend was the status report given by the lovely little cutesy wutesy A.I. that was sent along with them. Aren't I smart?
Anyways, I was wondering what kind of sick fans would be reading this, and then I wondered what you people enjoy. That's why I'm throwing out the idea of… DRRUUUMROLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOL… A NEW STORY!
You: OMG YES! THAT LIKE TOTALLY WUT I WANTED!11!
Me: O…k… but you don't even know what I'm going to write abou-
You: Make a Caroline+Cave story PLZ!
ME: You know, I have had the idea floating around for a whi-
Other you: NOZE! U MUST MAKE TEH AWSUMIST TURRET STORY EVA!
Me: Ok weird… maybe I could get a vote to see which one is more liked! So just PM me or write in the review which one you'd prefer, and maybe one day I'll get to typing another piece of crap I like to call a story… hav funz!