He's pretty sure they're at the mall because he's had this one before.
He's wearing his white Lacoste polo and a lime green bowtie, and they've just left the massage chairs as per Kurt's request. Blaine's a little unhappy because they haven't gone to a single store of his choosing yet.
It's stupid to be angry about something so small, he knows the mall is Kurt's second home; he just really wants to check out that new record shop thats opened and see if they have the re-released Bryan Ferry collection there.
They walk by the store on their way to the food court, and Blaine decides he can't pass up the opportunity. He stops Kurt in front of a fountain, conveniently placed next to the escalators. Here we go.
"I'm going in there really quick, okay?"
Kurt turns around- just like he always does in this one- and when he faces Blaine he isn't Kurt anymore. He isn't even human. He's- he's- Blaine stumbles backwards and edges over the concrete barrier of the fountain. There's a splash and Kurt's faceless form is hovering over him, holding him down.
Boney claws grow slow and sharp from his fingertips, scratching into Blaine's sides. "Hurry up!" Kurt screams, pushing him down, filling his lungs with liquid death.
The water is staining red from the blood leaking out of his flesh and very quickly the fountain starts spinning, shooting, and sputtering, coming to life with every ounce of 'Blaine' that he loses in blood.
"Kurt! Help!" He opens his mouth, but there's silence. No ones listening. He's going to die in here. Kurt's killing him. He's going to die!
Blaine forces himself to open his eyes and stare at the faceless figure. Even in death he'll get it right this time. He spots a hand, strong, wrist deep in the water to his left. It looks as if it's been waiting there forever. Patient and gentle it calls to him, slowly moving it's fingers back and forth, back and forth.
He reaches at it, grabbing desperately as the fountain threatens to steal his life. He's lifted from the haze, and suddenly the monster is gone. He's alone.
Blaine looks down at his clothes. They're white again, pristine. Dry.
He looks up- and this part is new, Blaine's never made it through the drowning part- Blaine sees…. Blaine sees Sebastian. He's standing there with an eyebrow raised, wearing Blaine's Dalton bowtie with a wide grin and a low laugh.
"I'm afraid."
Sebastian steps in and grabs Blaine's waist. Right before their lips meet Blaine is sitting upright in bed panting across the room , and trying to calm down his restless heart.
He thinks he's starting to understand his dreams.
Blaine doesn't get to see Sebastian after the game.
The team has successfully swept him away for setting up their winning goal, so he's not sure where he's supposed to be. Blaine fidgets in the bleachers with Wes and David while Puck checks in with the lacrosse team, deciding on a victory venue.
"Can't we just call it a night?" Blaine says half-heartedly, knowing his idea will be rejected immediately.
"C'mon! Live a little Anderson!" Wes wiggles his eyebrows and Blaine lets out a tiny chuckle at the absurdity of his appearance. Wes is right. That's exactly what he's been trying to do lately, so why push it back any longer?
Live a little.
He inhales, focusing on his abdomen, and lets everything go. In a matter of seconds he feels freer than he has in ages. No one has mentioned his slip up, his friends are encouraging him to live, and he feels like a rock star.
When Puck approaches he's beaming, completely immersed in the comradery of team spirit. Blaine tries his hand at taking incentive. "Where to, boys?" he directs his question at Puck.
"Breadstix!" He shouts.
They all cheer. Blaine's not sure why- he's never been to Breadstix before- but it feels nice to be accepted so he joins in, glad to be part of something again. He cheers once more, throwing his fist in the air, this time with Nick and Jeff.
Puck makes eye contact with Wes and they share a non-conversive moment, Blaine's become their little brother. He's quickly grabbed and stuck under Puck's arm. "Lets go, bro. We have a team to support, and specific members have specific needs. I think I know someone who could use the likes of your hair product."
"Shut up." Blaine punches, struggling free. "He's not interested."
"Yeah," Puck snorts, "and I'm not a Jew."
The drive goes by in a flash, and Blaine's surprised to find out that it'd actually taken over an hour to reach their destination. "Is it really that good?" He marvels, staring up at the giant crossing breadsticks that decorate the exterior entrance.
"Dude. Manna of heaven, but better." Puck's mouth is visibly watering, and Blaine's insides flip at the insinuation of fun. He's excited.
"Hey stranger."
Blaine feels his blood temperature rise and trickle through his limbs. "H-hey Bas." It's like nothing ever happened between them. All the tension is gone, just the way Blaine likes it, so he walks a little taller-not by much- and enjoys the present.
"We've got a lot to catch up on, huh?" Sebastian guides his arm around Blaine's back and Blaine nods before he leaves it there. He wants to scream he's so happy, but all he does is duck his head and blush as the Warblers cat call from behind.
"Settle down," Sebastian replies, "He hasn't said yes yet."
"OoooooohHH!"
Blaine blushes harder, thinking of all the things he might say 'yes' to…
Breadstix is packed.
Dalton takes up a third of their space, and Blaine's comfortably nestled between Puck's girlfriend and Sebastian's arm.
"So, catch up time?" Blaine settles on green and finishes speaking through his mouthful of pasta.
"Slow down, killer, it's not going anywhere." Sebastian wipes away some rogue sauce from Blaine's cheek and pauses. "Yeah. Catch up." He pulls his napkin around his finger, and focuses his full attention on Blaine. Even though it's horribly loud in there. "Want to do this outside? It's more private."
"Mhm." Blaine feels dreamy.
Puck winks at him as they stand to go outside. Blaine flips him off, and the table echoes laughter. Puck holds out his hands in presentation, "Ladies and gentlemen, Blaine Anderson." They all clap.
"Lets get out of here before I die of humiliation."
Sebastian does a once over, as Blaine turns pink. "Cute."
The two of them step out into the fingertips of a cool March night. Blaine covers his shoulders and shivers, causing Sebastian to run his arm up and over his shoulder.
Blaine feels fireworks.
It's like Sebastian's in his head, always in his head, and he knows exactly how and when to be there for him.
"Are you okay with being alone for a sec? I'll go get you my jacket."
He doesn't tell Sebastian that he finds all the warmth he needs in his touch, "Yeah. Thanks."
He watches Sebastian try to move through the pack of students inside the restaurant. Blaine figures it's going to be a while so he sits on a bench under a street light. He's alone and he's not taking any chances. Visibility is key to staying safe.
He stares up at the stars for a little while, piecing together his life since his transfer to Dalton. He feels like a separate person now, his heart's so full it might burst, and he relaxes into a dopey grin.
"-told Finn it wasn't shampoo, but what does he do, Tina? What does he do-"
Blaine whips his head down so quickly he cracks his neck. The other does the same thing, stopping and stumbling mis-step.
"Ohmygod."
He opens his mouth, but he can't form words.
Just like in his dreams Kurt renders him speechless.
"Blaine?"
He waves stupidly, "Hi."
So he dreamt about Kurt. Big deal. He didn't mean to subconsciously summon him to Dalton's victory dinner! Shit he looked good. Blaine runs his fingers over his wristwatch and waits for their conversation to start.
They're both rooted into place, and maybe if he doesn't move Kurt will think he's an ice sculpture and continue on? Yeah. Right.
Kurt's sad blue eyes sparkle and Blaine's heart breaks all over again. Eventually Tina and some of his other friends go inside and leave them to talk. Blaine can feel them staring from inside the restaurant. Where are you Sebastian?
"Blaine-"
"-Kurt, hey."
They both laugh nervously, not knowing what to say or how to act. Kurt shuffles his feet, just like Sebastian does when he has something important to say, and bites his lip.
"I-"
"How-"
They laugh again.
"Sorry. You first." Blaine is standing now, face to face with the first tangible reminder of his past. It's the first physical reminder of how he got here, and Blaine feels immensely helpless and scared.
It's not like he can punch Kurt and force him to disappear, and he knows he doesn't want to do that, but how is he supposed to handle this right now? He guesses part of living is learning from the past. Here's his first test. It had to be Kurt.
"I've missed you." Kurt says softly to his feet.
Blaine's not sure how to respond. He's missed Kurt to, but he can't bring himself to say it. He has to many questions for him. Why haven't you called? Why didn't you find me? Where were you when I needed you the most? Blaine balls his fingers up tightly, and pinches the bridge of his nose.
"Have you?" It comes out more sour than he had intended.
Kurt's face falls. It's ironic, he thinks, that he'd been wishing for a chance to talk to his 'boyfriend' and when he finally shows up he doesn't want to anymore.
When he looks at Kurt… he doesn't crave like he used to. Blaine thought seeing him would make him feel better. Like they would have some mutual understanding that Blaine needed help and then they would fall into a hug and kiss and- why the hell was he clinging to a notion that was clearly nonexistent?
When it comes down to it, Kurt wasn't there. He didn't even try. How long had it taken him to forget? How long had it taken for Kurt to move on, and here he was claiming to have missed him? After all this time?
All of those bruises he'd suffered through. His near miss with broken wrists, the blood, the pain... Through all of it he'd thought of Kurt, and now Blaine can feel it again and it hurts.
It hurts so badly.
Blaine doesn't fight; he just takes it in. He breathes in the pain because, maybe this time it will go away. He faced this in his dream, and now he can do it in real life.
He stares at Kurt.
Kurt reaches out, only for Blaine to flinch away from his touch. The other stiffens at Blaine's reaction, instantly plagued with a look of remorse. "I'm so sorry, Blaine."
Blaine's stomach drops, shattering into a million tiny pieces that rip through his stomach, his lungs, and his chest. He stares at the ground trying not to cry in front of someone who's obviously hardened his heart long ago.
"Me too."
Bells jingle behind them as the entrance to Breadstix comes alive, and right before Blaine's about to excuse himself he feels the weight of a warm leather jacket and feather light hands on his shoulders.
"Hey B."
Sebastian pauses to check out their company. He chooses to ignore him for the time being. The taller brings Blaine into a hug from behind, obviously gaining delight for doing so in front of their guest when Kurt clears his throat.
"Sebastian," Blaine says, blushing from their physical contact, "this is-"
Sebastian looks at Puck through the window. Puck mouths something discreet to him, and smugly he turns to acknowledge Blaine's 'friend.'
"Yeah. Carl, is it?"
"Kurt."
"Right, Kent." Sebastian sticks out his hand, keeping a coy expression on his face, "Sebastian Smythe."
"Pleasure."
Kurt rolls out the 's' with his chin up, his eyes cold as ice. Blaine feels a chill watching the frosty blue clash with forest green. He'd pictured seeing Kurt again countless times, and none of them had been like this.
Everything seems to slow down, and Blaine notices the tension climbing up through each of their shoulders. Something's different.
"Likewise- so listen, Blaine and I were just getting ready to call it a night. Is there something we can help you with?"
"Actually-" Kurt begins.
"No? Good, because between you and I-" he leans in close, whispering fiercely in Kurt's ear, "We weren't really expecting any company tonight."
He pats Kurt on the shoulder and winks, gripping tightly until he's standing completely upright and looking down on Kurt's discomfort. Blaine looks between them in confusion. He doesn't say anything because he's not sure how to feel. Although he knows what he's leaning towards.
"You coming, babe?"
"Uh-" Blaine stammers, stealing one last glance at the man he thought meant forever, "Yeah, Bas." Sebastian stops in his tracks, clearly appreciating the endearment. "Yeah, I'm coming." Blaine slips his hand into Sebastian's and stares straight ahead, missing the goofy look that's failing repression on Sebastian's face.
"Let's go then."
Sebastian nudges Blaine and looks over his shoulder. He winks at Kurt, insinuating that Blaine's moved on, and continues thriving in his victorious public display of affection. Kurt just stands with his arms crossed, signifying his defeat.
Blaine's hurried to Sebastian's car, and he runs to the grass to vomit.
"Easy, babe. You okay?"
Blaine shakes his head. "Bring me home."
He does exactly that. The entire drive, Blaine presses his forehead against the layer of condensation on his window. They drive in silence but neither of them is afraid of it this time.
Blaine's just glad he's with Sebastian, and not anyone else, because he's positive he can't climb the walls that have resurfaced tonight. Sebastian's there to help knock them down, and Blaine already feels like he's crumbling.
As soon as they're inside Sebastian moves them both to the middle of the room. "Do you need anything, B? You don't look so good. Here, let me-"
Blaine's eyes well up in tears, "I knew it was over, we haven't talked, but." He can't finish; all his energy is spent attempting to trap the emotions before they surface.
Blaine swats Sebastian's hand away from his shoulder, and grunts. "Stop it." He doubles over fighting the urge to throw up. Sebastian gives Blaine some distance, slanting his head like he doesn't know what to do. "Y-you don't have to put up with my crazy bul-"
"Shut up."
"Excuse me?"
"I said, shut up. I wasn't thinking when I said that, and you know it. You're the one who shouldn't have to put up with me."
Blaine's caught off guard. "But-" He straightens himself up, one hand on his bedpost and the tears begin to form.
"Blaine. I'm sorry. I really am. I'm sorry you've had to do all this by yourself, I'm sorry Kurt hurt you like that." he steps closer, "For the record, he's also an idiot, and I'm sorry for what I said. I didn't mean it; I was just-" he pauses, a confession at his lips, "Stupid." He mutters.
Blaine can't respond. He can barely breathe.
Why did he ever walk away?Why wasn't it Kurt with him now? Why did those men choose him? Why can't he get over this? How long until he's over this! He's so fucking sick of doing everything alone, and he doesn't want to do anything anymore. He's done. He's done with everything.
He starts to cry.
He's missed Kurt so much for nothing, and he's missed Sebastian and here he is. Sebastian is here, he hasn't given up on anything, and all of it's so elaborately screwed up that Blaine can't process any of it. His roommate cares more about him that his own boyfriend. Were they even boyfriends anymore? God.
Something in Blaine breaks.
He starts lowering his body to the floor, an action he's become accustomed to, and finds that he's settled directly above Sebastian's stain. He's quickly followed, the other kneeling close, his senses overwhelmed by the sensation of Christmas and the real Sebastian mixing together all at once.
"I- I- I-" Blaine chokes, unable to catch his breath.
"Shh," Sebastian hushes, pulling Blaine's delicate frame into his chest. "You're okay. I'm not going to hurt you, you're okay."
"God," he croaks out, sobbing violently into Sebastian, clinging and digging his fingers into the material of his shirt. "God, I- Sebastian."
"I know. It's okay. You'll be okay."
"I feel so," he gasps for a breath, "I feel so lost."
They sit like this for a long time, Sebastian offering comfort, holding Blaine to his chest. Eventually Blaine runs out of tears and just closes his eyes. He focuses on the little lines where Sebastian has been running his fingers up and down his back, and a realization falls into place.
This time instead of wishing for an end to his torment, he's thinking how lucky he is.
He wonders how long they've been sitting like this, crumpled and messy on the floor of their dorm room. "Sebastian." He says softly, just to make sure this is real. "Thanks." He sniffles.
"…Of course, babe."
Nothing else needs to be said. Blaine looks up to find green, and this time he lets himself vanish in it. It's like with one touch Sebastian gives him life, and he's afraid if he lets go he'll die. He hides his face in the others collarbone and takes a handful of deep breathes.
Sebastian holds him a little tighter.
He holds him until he falls asleep.
Somehow Blaine wakes up in his own bed, covered by the weight of blankets, alone. Immediately he turns to Sebastian's side of the room, seeking something. Comfort? Had everything been a dream?
A blinking 2:30 shines bright from Sebastian's clock, and from his bed- body lifeless from lack of sleep- the brunette shows him a barely there smile.
Has Sebastian been awake this entire time? Blaine feels a little guilty. The other senses Blaine's apprehensiveness, and mouths 'go to sleep' but Blaine doesn't want to.
He can't. He needs the added life that Sebastian brings with his touch. Without it the darkness will swallow him whole.
The room's silence is deafening. Blaine decides to put his progress to the test for the second time. He slowly peels off his blankets and walks carefully across the carpeted floor. His feet silently padding as he does so.
Tap. TAP. Tap.
His body aches for Sebastian. His chest pulls him closer, acting as an invisible tether; his adrenaline spikes tenfold and Blaine musters a weak twitch at the corners of his mouth.
He stands for a moment at the base of Sebastian's bed, second-guessing his decision. The other watches, questions written all over his face, as Blaine meticulously settles himself underneath the covers.
Blaine can tell Sebastian's not sure whether it's okay to touch so he scoots closer, curling into the warmth no one but Sebastian can provide.
He gives in to the swirl in his stomach, and when Sebastian's arm finds it's way around his body he closes his eyes and finally, he doesn't want to disappear.
He feels a ghost sensation of lips press imperceptible to the top if his head.
You're fine. You're fine. You're fine.
This time he believes it.