Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, its characters or storyline. These ditties are mine, as are Jake, McCallister, and the assorted OCs that slipped into this chapter. More and more of these ditties are falling under my Alliance-verse, and this one is no exception. Kind of a silly chapter, but I've had a rough couple of weeks here lately, so some silly is welcome right now.

You guys know Jake and Private McCallister by now. For those who aren't familiar with my Alliance-verse stories, Graham Nestor is a politician who has been a pain in Leon's butt for years. The two just don't get along, and personality conflict is fun to write. Enjoy!

..:-X-:..

008 – Under the Table

(For WishingDreamer5; Prompt: 'humorous misunderstanding')

"…which leads me to my next argument," The speaker paused, clearly for dramatic effect.

The air was too dead inside the board room for dramatic effect. The pause only served for Tifa's mind to register that no one was talking, and she inadvertently came back from Lala-land. It felt as though the meeting had been dragging on for hours, but a glance at the clock on the wall revealed that they had only been convened for 45 minutes. The Restoration Committee and Radiant Garden Public Council were all seated in the moderate-sized meeting chamber. All 12 or so of them looked just as bored and unenthused as Tifa felt.

The board room table was approximately 15 feet long. On either side of it were seated the members of the Restoration Committee, Graham Nestor of the Public Council, secretary of the Allied Council Bernadette Kinski, Radiant Garden Council Representative Henry Cave, and two soldiers: Lieutenant Armand Walker and Private Tabaeus McCallister.

"Poker Thursdays." Announced the speaker, resident loud mouth and self-declared ladies' man Jake Alms.

Tifa stifled a yawn against the back of her hand and gave the rest of them a cursory glance. Leon was sitting directly across from her, one elbow propped on the table, chin in his hand, eyes glazed over. Private McCallister was sitting on his left, with Jake babbling his regular nonsense from the head of the table at their right. The soldier looked equally bored as Leon, though she was feigning interest, however thin.

The bi-monthly meeting had become a staple for the Restoration Committee and the local public council. It was an open forum for anybody to come voice their opinions, their ideas, and their complaints to those with the authority to do something productive about it. The first few meetings had introduced the predicted spiel: the faults of the security system, the Heartless problem, waiting times for inter-Allied Gummi transportation, etc. The Restoration Committee and Public Council had combated those arguments as best they could and were always in the works to develop remedies, but it was a slow process.

Now that they had been conducting these meetings for a few months, however, things were becoming more…unusual. And come rain or shine, they had come to expect Jake Alms to make his appearance at every meeting…always with ideas more outlandish and nonsensical than the last. Between demands for tighter town perimeter security and complaints about military occupation in the residential districts, Jake's 15 minutes of babble had become a brief reprieve at every meeting.

Currently, however, Tifa wanted nothing more than to be out of this room and somewhere else…preferably with Leon…and preferably not around anyone else. The blank looks on everyone else's faces seemed to drain even more of her apathy toward Jake's presentation, and she let her eyes wander across the table to Leon. His eyelids were actually drooping at this point.

Feeling a spike of mischief come over her, she shifted slightly in her seat. She extended her leg under the table and tapped the toe of her shoe against his boot. He continued to nod off, so she figured that she hadn't tapped hard enough. Using more force, she popped the top of his boot with her foot. Again, she saw no response on his face, but felt his boot move away.

Ah, so he was going to play it that way, eh?

Smirking, she extended her leg farther, lifting her foot to trail her ankle up his calf. She reached his knee and he still hadn't given any response, so she frowned. What was up with him today? Sure, Jake's speeches were always boring, but that was no reason why he—

Her eyes drifted to Leon's left and saw Private McCallister sitting ramrod straight, staring across the table to Tifa, one eye severely narrowed and looking confused.

Oh God.

Tifa withdrew her leg and her hand flew to her mouth, but not before a loud snort escaped. A few of the members sitting around her looked over at the noise, and she abruptly turned to face the front of the room, shoulders trembling with amusement and embarrassment at the mishap. This got a reaction out of Leon, who blinked the daze from his eyes and lifted an eyebrow at her.

"It's not funny." Jake called her out, thinking that she was laughing at his speech. "It encourages competition and money flow. Poker Thursday would stimulate the economy!"

Tifa composed herself and waved a hand. "S-sorry. Go on, Jake."

He huffed and faced them all. "Ah, I was done anyway."

The group en masse seemed to exhale with relief as he tottered away from the podium. The next speaker was Graham Nestor—the group en masse groaned—and Jake honed in on the only open seat at the table, the one on Tifa's left. Her face was still warm at the miscommunication, and Leon was still looking at her quizzically. She looked over at him and almost burst into giggles all over again, particularly with McCallister red as a beet beside him. With the roomful of people chattering amongst themselves between presentations, Tifa leaned over and spoke quietly.

"I think I just sexually harassed your subordinate."

Leon blinked once and then turned his head toward McCallister, who snapped her neck to look the other way. He looked back to Tifa. "Huh?"

Tifa shifted again as Jake made his way over. "I was bored out of my mind, so I tried to…touch your leg with my foot under the table…but I missed."

Leon snorted and abruptly lowered his head so that he was facing the table surface. Beside him, McCallister continued to stare holes into the opposite wall.

"Well, I think my voice reached some people." Jake said, looking pleased with himself as he took the seat on Tifa's left.

Tifa sat back, folding her arms as Leon snorted into his fist. "Yeah?"

"Yeah." Jake gave a cheeky grin. "Maybe if Poker Thursday becomes a thing, then we could introduce Strip Poker Fridays, eh?" He winked at McCallister.

The soldier, for her part, looked hotly to Tifa and briefly to Leon before hunching in her seat, holding her arms to herself like an armadillo. As Nestor began to speak—none of the four of them bothered to pay attention…it was Nestor—Leon composed himself and straightened in his seat, sliding Tifa an amused look.

"Radiant Garden sits on the brink." Nestor began his time in the limelight, and by God, Tifa could already feel his hot air filling the room. "And unless we act now," he brought a fist to the top of the podium. "our world will be swallowed WHOLE by those creatures of darkness!"

Aaaaaand no longer paying attention.

Now that she had Leon's attention—though not the way that she had intended—they exchanged a few wordless looks throughout Nestor's speech. Mostly just sarcastic eyes at the politician's assertions or eyebrow raises at Nestor's more pretentious moments, but after roughly ten minutes, Leon got a weird look on his face. Contrary to popular belief, Leon had a very expressive face, as long as you had the manual to read it.

Right now, the message was: And what do you think about THAT?

Tifa squinted in confusion. What did she think about…what?

Beside her, Jake sat up straighter and looked across the table. Nonplussed, Tifa looked at him. He looked…intrigued. She moved her eyes back to Leon just as he sat bolt upright and audibly cursed.

"Shit."

Three seats down, Aerith shot him a reprimanding look, and Tifa had to physically cover her mouth with both hands to contain the laughter. Had Leon seriously just…

Leon had immediately noted his mistake and was staring hard at Nestor. Oh sweetie, Tifa inwardly teased, not a soul here believes that you are paying attention to Nestor. Especially her and Jake, whom Leon had apparently and inadvertently…played footsies with.

Jake, however, was not looking at Leon, but rather McCallister, who had slightly recovered from the first fiasco and was feigning interest in Nestor's presentation. Jake seemed to think that that had been McCallister's boot on his leg and drummed his fingers on the table top to get her attention.

Tifa was about to lose any composure that she had left as McCallister saw the motion out of the corner of her eye and turned, meeting Jake's gaze. He wiggled his eyebrows at her suggestively. His chair shifted a little as he less-than-subtly moved his leg over to return what he thought were McCallister's advances.

The soldier, for her part, tilted her head at him like he was mad. Her eyes widened as Jake's foot flirted with her leg, and her reaction was as far from subtle as possible. She jerked in her seat, no doubt kicking her foot back in retaliation. Jake yelped and pushed the swivel chair from the table, grabbing his shin.

More than a few of the members in the room looked his way at that, and Nestor paused in his long-winded pretentiousness just long enough to shoot Jake a scolding look. Even Cid, who had spent the majority of the meeting sitting back in his seat, head reclined and mouth open as he dozed, opened one eye to see what the commotion was.

Tifa's hand stayed over her mouth and she exchanged a look with Leon, who was determinedly staring at the podium, feigning obliviousness to the situation.

Jake, having recovered slightly from McCallister's attack, leaned forward and whispered harshly. "Woman, what is your problem?"

The private, turning red again from embarrassment, hissed back, "My problem is your leg in my comfort bubble!"

"Your comfort bubble?" Jake wheezed. "You can't feel up a man's leg under a table and then kick him when he reciprocates!"

"What?" McCallister's eyes widened. "I did no such thing!"

"Ahem." Aerith chided passively a few seats away.

Jake ignored her, pointing at McCallister. "If you're trying to play hard to get, you're doing it wrong! I'm not into masochism!"

On Tifa's other side, Cloud choked on the bottle of water that he'd been drinking.

"You're out of your mind!" McCallister snapped back, her voice no higher than the sound of steam escaping a kettle.

Leon shushed them both, still playing innocent. Across from him, Tifa could hear her pulse in her skull for trying to stop herself from laughing aloud.

"Am I? I think a little under the table action is the best remedy to long meetings like this." Jake said, not even bothering to whisper anymore.

"I beg your pardon." Nestor cleared his throat loudly. "Do you have something to share with the class?"

"No, he doesn't." Leon cut in. "Jake, go home."

"No! Not until McCallister mans up to trying to seduce me!" Jake pointed an accusing finger at the soldier.

Tifa looked to McCallister for her response, as did the entire room at this point.

"No one is trying to seduce anybody." Leon interrupted again. "Jake, go home, take a cold shower or something. McCallister, you too…Separately."

Tifa snorted, thinking: oh baby, you're making it worse.

McCallister seemed to agree with Tifa's thought, looking at Leon in horror.

"But, sir, I never—"

"Silence, temptress!" Jake stood melodramatically.

"What the heck is going on here?" Yuffie joined in now.

"Why is everybody touching me!" McCallister spazzed.

If she didn't have everyone's attention before, she had it now.

Leon looked like he was wishing for the ground to open up and swallow him. Tifa finally couldn't take it and burst out laughing, and out of the corner of her eye, she could see Cloud looking at her like she was insane.

"Soldier, get a hold of yourself." Leon reprimanded, but there wasn't any force behind it.

It seemed to dawn on McCallister that everyone was looking at her, and she ducked her face toward Leon, saying quietly—but not quietly enough— "Sir, please. If anyone has been instigating this…it's Lieutenant Lockhart."

A few eyes snapped to Tifa, including Jake. Leon swallowed and cleared his throat.

"That wasn't—"

McCallister looked to Jake, "I don't know who was touching you, Jake, I swear. All I know is that first Lieutenant Lockhart is touching my leg thinking that I'm Colonel Leonhart, and then you're touching me because…that's what you do…"

Tifa covered her face in her hands, still laughing, but also embarrassed.

Jake lifted a hand, "Whoa, whoa, Tifa felt you up?"

"Oh God." Leon folded his arms on the table and lowered his face into them.

"Don't phrase it like that—" McCallister argued.

"I didn't feel her up!" Tifa threw up her hands.

"Interesting." Jake smirked, looking from McCallister to Tifa.

Leon sat up, pointing at the door. "Get out, Jake."

"But who touched me?" Jake demanded.

At the far end of the table, Cid sat up. "It was me." He confessed sardonically. "There, happy, you freak? Now get."

Beside Aerith, Lieutenant Armand Walker chuckled, and Allied Secretary Bernadette Kinski looked hesitant, her fingers poised over her computer, wondering how much of this to include in the meeting minutes. Representative Henry Cave cleared his throat and stood.

"Well, Graham, I think we'll have to recess until our, uh, spirited colleagues can sort themselves out over there." He said good humoredly.

Nestor looked miffed, but wasn't going to sass the Representative directly. Instead, he sent a scornful glare toward their end of the board room. Henry looked to the others for agreement. The Restoration Committee and other attendees nodded.

"All right then." Cave said. "Let's reconvene in twenty minutes and try this again."

Immediately after he said this, Private McCallister was on her feet and out the door, looking close to humiliated tears. Jake watched her go, his smirk faltering slightly. He exchanged a look with Tifa and she gestured for him to go. As the others filtered out of the room and Jake went after McCallister, Tifa looked to Leon with a shit-eating grin.

Leon looked at her pitifully. "Oh shut up."

She cackled again and moved both of her legs under the table, firmly planting both of her feet on the tops of his boots. Nobody was sitting on either side of him or her at this point, so there was no more misunderstanding. He didn't look amused at her antics, and she felt him nudge her feet away. She persisted until they were practically kicking at each other playfully under the table.

Cid lit a cigarette as he walked past them toward the exit. "Ya'll ain't right."

..:-X-:..

A/N: As mentioned in the disclaimer, I really needed some silly this week. Hope it didn't cause any brain damage for anybody.

Keep the prompts coming! You guys are awesome!