A/N: Here is chapter 7. Sorry for the huge delay again, but in my defense I just started my final year of grad school. This is the penultimate chapter of the story, and will be followed by a sort of epilogue as the next chapter so you can see how things work out a year later (which I hope to have finished and out for you all ASAP over the weekend). Now that we are so close to the premier (today!) I really can't wait to see how they wrap everything together. I am really excited! It actually makes it really hard to write sad stuff, so I hope that this season isn't as dark as the end of last season. Especially I want to see Jackson and April. Now that I have tried my hand at it, I am looking forward to writing more stories about Japril once Season 9 starts.

Math tells us that time is constant. It moves at one rate, in one direction infinitely. You can't slow it down or speed it up. You can go back to the past or jump ahead to the future. Time is time. However, if you ask just about any person on the planet whether or not time feels constant, I'm sure they'd disagree. That time seems to fly by at certain moments, and move so slowly it may have well stopped completely at other times. Perception and consciousness are what allow us to understand time. And it's different for everyone at different time. No matter what math says. Years can fly bye, gone so quickly that you blink and they are already behind you. And yet, sometimes a single second can seem as though it will stretch out into eternity. Time is what we experience, as we experience it, no matter what math tells us.

Meredith opened her weary eyes once again, uncertain as to how much time had passed since she opened them before. Looking Left, she could still see the Derek was by her side, camped out in the wheelchair beside her, snoring softly. In the right corner of the room, Cristina lay sleeping in her own bed , with Owen sitting by her side. Derek's mother must have gone somewhere. Or maybe it was night time now. Or maybe it had been the last time she was awake. Meredith didn't even really know what day it was anymore, or how long she'd been unconscious after the crash. She didn't think it was too long though, since everyone seemed to be at the hospital still. Honestly, Meredith wasn't really sure she cared.

How could she? Lexie was dead. Mark too. It didn't matter how long she'd been out. Hours or days didn't change the conclusion.

Her head was killing her and Meredith lifted her hand to her temples, wincing as the movement sent a flare of pain through her head. The accompanying his of pain, was soft enough that it didn't cause Derek or Cristina to stir, though it did attract Owen's attention. Hunt's turned his concerned gaze to Meredith.

"Do you need me to get a nurse?"

Sniffing and resisting the urge to just shake her head because she just knew that would send even more pains through er throbbing head, Meredith swallowed and whispered, "No thank you."

She had done enough neuro to know that there was always some intense pains with injuries like hers and she couldn't really use typical pain medicines anyway because she had a head injury. Meredith knew that she was just going to have to bear it. She actually felt marginally better physically than the previous two times she'd come to. That had to count for something. Even if her emotional self still felt devastated.

"Um..I brought the girls from the hotel. Zola is with your mother in law..."

"Thanks." Her daughter was still safe and cared for. Even that small sense of peace did little to bring Meredith comfort. The pain of it all was just too much to be eased.

Lexie was dead. Lexie. And Mark. But in some ways it was like the magnitude of Lexie being dead was enough to eclipse the loss of Mark. It was like she just couldn't take that much loss in at one time. Which was a terrible thing to feel. Because she liked Mark a lot. And she already missed him too. It was just, it had taken Meredith so long to accept Lexie into her life as her sister. Years. And finally finally they had made it. Meredith had felt like they'd really grown to accept and love each other. She liked having a sister. She loved it. She loved Lexie. And now...

Meredith felt the tears welling up in her eyes again, and knew she was going to sob. You think you can run out of tears, but she'd found so far that that was not the case at all. She was going to cry and it was going to make her head hurt and she desperately wished it was all just a terrible dream. And the tears did come, the kind of hiccuping, gasping, gut wrenching sort that she'd cried when she was a small child and her mother ignored her, or when her Daddy stopped being around, or when Doc died, or Derek got shot or...when her sister died.

"Lexie..."

She heard the scrape of a chair and soon Owen's pained face filled up her blurry tear filled field of vision. His face looked pained as he tentatively reached a hand to hers. She'd never really liked him much. It was true. Meredith knew it. Hunt knew it. They'd never gotten close. She'd never warmed to him. But, Cristina loved him, and so she'd tried to tolerate him. She didn't think he really understood Cristina. And then he'd cheated, and...well. Meredith wasn't a huge fan of Owen Hunt.

"I..." Owen began to speak, grimacing uncomfortably. "I'm so sorry...it...I never should have sent her with-"

Meredith huffed, partially irritated. Of course he'd go the martyr route. He was positively radiating with guilt. He was going to try to apologize for sending them all on that plane to Boise and everything. Like it was his fault somehow. Like he was that much of an influence on the world that his decisions mattered. Like the whole lot of them didn't take charter flights to other hospitals all the time.

"It's fine. It's not your fault," Meredith whispered.

Even if she did want to blame him. It would be easier. Because really it was just one of those things. An ordinary thing going horribly wrong. Meredith was sure there would be an investigation and all that eventually. They'd examine everything and determine a cause. Pilot error. Engine failure. Fluke. Something. None of it would say Owen Hunt and none of it would allow Meredith to blame anyone. It was just something that happened. Blame couldn't bring Lexie back. And she hated it.

When she absolved him, Owen seemed to relax visibly. He sighed and continued to look at her. They stared at each other for a long moment. Cristina snored away in her bed, and Derek snorted and shifted in his wheelchair. Meredith didn't know why but she found herself opening her mouth and beginning to speak.

"I never even got to say goodbye...I never got to tell her..." That was something that bothered Meredith too. She'd been so worried about Derek, understandably, and she and Cristina had arrived to find Mark devastated and Lexie already dead. The timeline was hazy enough from her head wound, but now all she could do was think that maybe she could have done something differently. Maybe saved Lexie somehow. Something. At least Meredith could have told her sister that she loved her.

"It's so...the plane crashed...it just...crashed...it's not fair."

Owen swallowed and winced, "No. It's totally unfair."

Meredith sniffed and the ache it sent through her head made her gasp. Hunt scratched his neck and sighed, "Unfair things happen to good people everyday. I saw it happen to my friends often enough..."

"In...Iraq?"

He nodded, "In Iraq. It's...you never really let it go. Because it never stops being unfair. It never will."

The turn of the conversation surprised Meredith. Owen never really was one to share his war stories. Sure, she knew enough about his PTSD, and flashbacks and the therapy he needed to get past these symptoms well enough from her friendship with Cristina. Meredith was certain that she'd never heard much about the war or his time as a solider straight from Hunt himself. And why would he tell her anything? It was painful enough for him to deal with. Painful enough for him to let Cristina help him deal with. He and Meredith never really hit it off. What reason could he possibly have to say anything at all to her? It wasn't like she'd wanted to hear any of it before.

And yet now, Owen was sharing. And Meredith was listening.

"I can't say that I know what it's like to lose a sister," he continued softly, the corners of his mouth twitching as if they weren't quite sure what to do with themselves. His brow furrowed and he paused for a moment before adding, "But I've lost friends that felt like brothers and sisters. I know what it's like to love people without really telling them how much they matter to me. I know what it's like to lose them."

Meredith stared straight ahead blankly, "Not quite the same."

"No...I just thought..."

Regretting the tone of her words, she gave a slow tentative shake of her aching head saying only, "I appreciate what you meant."

Hunt shrugged sadly, offering Meredith a humorless tight lipped smile. Derek shifted again in the wheelchair, unconsciously sliding his uninjured hand to Meredith's. She wrapped her fingers around it and held him tightly. At nearly the same moment, favoring her shoulder, Cristina groaned and turned over in her bed, turning away from Owen.

Turning her gaze to Hunt, Meredith whispered, "Does it get any better?"

Owen blinked, and his mouth fell open,"Well...no."

She almost laughed. Of course not. She'd been though loss before. She knew things didn't really get better. They just got different. And Owen was the last person she should be seeking advice from on dealing with trauma. His own, in Iraq, had cost him dearly. He had triggers and accidentally strangled people in the middle of the night, and and was willing to walk scrub mask first to face a gunman for the woman he loved, only to cheat on that same woman a couple years later. Owen, Meredith realized, was possibly as dark and twisty as her. Maybe that was why she'd asked him. Maybe that was why they'never gotten along.

When she didn't reply, Hunt shrugged and moved back to his spot next to Cristina, "Like you said. It's not quite the same."

No, Meredith mused. Their experiences of grief and loss were not the same. But the damage reaped came pretty damn close.

Carrying a tray in his hands, Alex frowned and hovered uncomfortably at the edge of the table. It was an unfamiliar cafeteria, and certainly an unfamiliar situation. It danced far to close to the realm of being domestic. Daniel and Barbara Robbins, and Carolyn Shepherd staked out in a corner with their granddaughters waiting to eat dinner. Too freakin' family like. With people who had absolutely no reason to so much has consider him a member of their family. Not when their daughter was in his freakin' seat. Not when she'd lost her leg.

But, that didn't seem to matter to them because Barbara Robbins was waving at him, and the Colonel was nodding his head, and even Mrs. Shepherd didn't look completely uninviting. Of course, none of them knew the truth, Alex supposed. And the waving did seem to carry over to Kepner and Avery too, because they stood on either side of him. And no matter how many different ways you cut it, the pair was even less 'family' than he might be considered to be. It was true. Still, Alex felt like he didn't deserve to be there. He wished Callie was here. She was the one person he kind of believed when she said that Arizona getting hurt wasn't his fault. But of course, she opted to stay buy her wife's side. Since Robbins had woken from her surgery and everything. The two of them needed time alone together to process the events of the past few days.

Maybe Alex was just reading too much into things. Maybe the older people in front of him were just being polite. It was just sitting down for eating after all. No one said anything about signing adoption papers, moving in,getting the freakin' will, and changing your last name. It didn't mean anything. And besides, it was too freakin' late now, because the little girls had already seen them, and now Sofia was turned around in her high chair, haphazardly waving what looked like a partially eaten carrot in his direction, and Zola was squealing and grinning at April of all people, and he could hardly just turn around and walk out on them when they were looking at him like that. Sofia appeared to be the crankier one today, not like the drive up, but both girls seemed to be in better spirits after having the chance to spend some time with their grandparents and parents. Well, surviving parents anyway. Alex couldn't turn his back on two little kids. No freakin' way.

So, Alex made his way to the empty spot at the table closest to Robbins' Dad, and settles into his chair. He made his funniest goober face at Sofia, while April and Jackson nervously sat across from him next to Carolyn. He supposed they felt as out of place as he did. At least minus the horrendous agony of guilt on the side. Once everyone is accounted for or whatever, Daniel gave a sort of nod and they started (or continued) to eat. Alex, Jackson and April hadn't really had a proper meal sinse leaving Seattle and it showed. They all began eagerly scooping food by the mouthful. However, it wasn't a happy meal really. Not like freakin' McDonald's where you got a toy and everything was good. The only people who seemed to be enjoying themselves were Zola and Sofia.

Suddenly, the old man Colonel cleared his throat, and started to tap the side of his water glass with a knife, making Kepner jump. His wife looked up from wiping Sofia's face and scowled, but Daniel held his head high until he had everyone's attention.

"I think...I think we should take a moment to recognize everything that's happened..." he said slowly, when the rest of the table, minus the youngest members, stopped chewing.

Daniel swallowed and let his gaze drift to Sofia, "Mourn what has happened. Appreciate what hasn't."

"Oh..." Barbara said fretfully, wringing her hands. "Now isn't really the right-"

"There never is a right time, Barb...I was never a fan of Mark Sloan. I'll admit it. I wasn't I thought...why is he around? He's a sperm donor. He doesn't always need to be here..."

Mrs. Shepherd's eyebrows approached her hairline, Jackson stared at his plate, April cleared her throat, and Alex scowled. Mrs. Robbins ducked her head and covered her face with one hand. Why did people always need to go into these huge platitudes on how they were wrong about people after someone died? And it wasn't like everyone at the table didn't already know. They'd been at the wedding. Lexie had too. It was awkward and Alex was running out of energy to care along with his own guilt and it was just all too much to handle right now.

Even so, Colonel shrugged and continued, "We never thought we'd have grandchildren. Not with...Tim gone. And then Arizona never seemed interested in having them so...we just thought...And Sloan made me afraid we'd lose that. Because as much as I accept my daughter's marriage, I know that the United States law does not and...him being there to me meant that someday I might lose my granddaughter."

Avery's eyes darted up and caught Alex's for a fraction of a second, and he shrugged. Maybe the old man just needed to get this crap off of his chest. Still, it didn't look like Jackson want to hear anymore about his recently deceased mentor, any more than Alex wanted to think about his now crippled one. He still could get over the sick sinking feeling in his stomach whenever he thought about it. Alex knew it was his leg that should be gone. Because it was his seat. He should have been there when everything thing went down.

"I misjudged Mark," Daniel Robbins continued, shaking his head sadly. "I was wrong."

"That's gotta be a first," Alex couldn't help but murmur making Mrs. Robbins snort quietly. Couldn't be that many times the Colonel had admitted to being wrong.

Ignoring the interruptions, Daniel said,"Mark wanted to be there because that's what fathers do. What good parents do. He was a good father. More than I ever gave him credit for and I am sorry. And from what I hear this young Dr. Grey was a wonderful girl too."

Jackson swallowed hard and April sniffed. Colonel Robbins raised his water glass in true military toasting fashion, and Alex and the rest of them were hard pressed not to follow suit. Even though it felt stupid to toast in the middle of a Catholic hospital cafeteria, with two little kids at the table and glasses of water for crying out loud. But never the less they all raised their drinks to the air and listened to Daniel as he spoke again.

"God speed to them both. May they find peace."

"Together," April added quietly and Jackson nodded. Alex couldn't really argue with that sentiment. "May they find peace together."

Everyone nodded and the awkwardness was back again. See, this was why Alex had been reluctant to join with this table. It was one thing if he considered Mer and Torres and Zola and Sofia to be his family or whatever, it was completely different to be around their actual family. Especially knowing that if he had only been a better student, if he'd just told Robbins about Hopkins sooner, none of this would have ever happened.

Taking a deep breath after several seconds of stilted silence, Mrs. Shepherd cleared her throat and said, "Well, that was...charming...a true sentiment. And on that note...I also really want to thank you three for taking care of my granddaughter..."

Carolyn turned to Jackson, April, and Alex and smiled wistfully, and Barbara nodded and jumped in, "You guys have really helped us out with Sofia and Zola, it's more than having the extra hands...and I mean you didn't have to drive them up here and we're just so grateful."

"It wasn't a problem," Kepner assured, shaking her head with wide eyes. "Really."

"Not at all," Jackson agreed.

The Colonel was fishing around in his pocket, muttering and grumbling to himself before he finally retrieved a well worn and taped together wallet. He opened it up on the table and looked to Alex, "What did this all run you three in gas and food and cash, I am happy too-"

That did it. Alex couldn't freakin' sit here and take money and gratitude and crap for all of this. Not from Colonel Robbins. Because Alex was the reason that Daniel and Barbara narrowly escaped losing both their children. Damned if he was going to let them think he was some...some a guy who deserved gratitude.

"I don't want your freakin' money, okay?" Alex said sharply. Daniel looked puzzled at the hint of anger in the outburst, and April kicked his foot under the table and stared at him with her brows knitted with concern. So what? He was just telling the truth. Slowly the Colonel's face turned from confused to offended.

"I can pay for my own granddaughter's care."

"No thank you," Kepner shrugged. "You don't have to."

"But you kids have been here, missing work..." Mrs. Robbins said kindly.

"Big whoop! It's two days," Alex mumbled. "April's getting let go of anyway."

He instantly regretted going there, because Avery looked like he wanted to kill Alex, and April looked like she was going to cry. It was a low blow, and he knew it. He just wanted to avoid dealing with his role in this crap. The older people at the table were also looking at him, with narrowed eyed. Alex just wanted to freakin' hide. To walk away and leave and forget all of this. Zola was bouncing up and down in her chair while she ate, looking around and moving her shoulders in a little dance to a beat that only she could hear. Hearing Alex speak, she paused and her brown eyes held his gaze and she grinned. He just couldn't walk away.

"Hey man," Jackson tried to cut in.

"Whatever," Alex shrugged. "You two take the god damn money if you want to. I'm not gonna. You did most of the childcare crap anyway...I just hung out and held hands and stuff. I don't deserve-"

"Dr. Karev," Barbara said kindly. "Arizona was always so proud of you. I know she'd appreciate your being here, even more than childcare. Callie says you were-"

"I wasn't," Alex glowered. They didn't get it. None of them. "I don't deserve anything. Not one freakin' thing."

"Alex..." April's foot tapped his shin again, and she was glancing uneasily around the cafeteria.

Daniel and Barbara looked like they were going to push the point further. Alex had to make them see. He had to admit the truth, even if it hurt like hell. Worse. They'd hate him, like he kind of hated himself, but at least they'd get it. They would understand.

"Arizona...it was my seat," he looked at his plate. "It was my seat. I should have been on the plane. Not her."

Silence descended across the table again, and even both the little girls seemed to sense that something had happened. They stopped their chattering and stared at the grown ups around them in obvious concern. Barbara and Daniel were clearly totally devastated, jaws dropping as the full ramifications of his statement settled in. Mrs. Shepherd watched closely. Jackson and April looked grim. They'd both known about the last minute swap, and now they looked sympathetically at Alex, clearly uncertain as to what to do.

The Colonel looked like he had been kicked in the gut and blinked rapidly, finally able to stammer out, "H-how...? Why?"

"I was supposed to go, but Robbins got mad at me because I kept her in the dark about my fellowship...it's my fault. I should have-"

"I bought my husband a watch," Carolyn said calmly, like she was reading a phone book and the table around her wasn't the least bit emotionally tense. The unexpected calm grabbed everyone's attention and she continued casually, pointing to an imaginary accessory on her left wrist. "One of those gold ones with a metal clasp? Large face. Roman numerals. Very distinguished."

Alex frowned and looked at his hands. What the hell?

"Robbers came into my husband's store one night. They...they took everything, and my husband gave them all the cash from the register and money we had in the safe...and...the one thing he wouldn't give up...was the watch..." She nodded sadly, "I bought my husband a watch once...and robbers killed him for it. Do you know? I almost bought him a tie. A red one with silver stripes. Silk."

Gulping hard, Alex slowly raised his eyes to hers. Of all the people, of all of them, Shepherd's Mom would be the one who got it? Alex would never have guessed. She held his gaze, giving him this look of absolute understanding. After a moment she spoke again.

"You don't know how many years I spent wishing I could go back and get him the tie," Mrs. Shepherd's eyes watered and she blinked back tears before sniffing loudly and returning to her food. "But I didn't, and no amount of guilt or remorse can change things. I had five children to raise...a life to keep living. What happened happened. Just like this. Like now. Only time will make things better. Only time will make help you see that this isn't your fault."

Daniel and Barbara seemed moved by Carolyn's words and they weren't looking at Alex like he deserved to be punished. He could almost feel the sympathy radiating from their eyes, even of he still couldn't bring himself to look at them. Slowly everyone began to eat once again, and the tension eased. The chatter resurrected, and turned to lighter things and Alex tuned most of it out. Mrs. Sheperd's words floated around in his head. There were so many scenarios he could come up with, and in the one where he told Robbins about his acceptance to Hopkins sooner she didn't get on the plane. That pretty much made it all his fault, right?

But he had to admit, Carolyn was the first person who'd said it wasn't his fault that Alex actually could let himself believe. Almost. Even more than Callie. She understood. Shepherd's mom had been where he was. So, he did let himself believe. A little bit.

None of this was his fault. Not really. And someday, he might accept that. Just not today.

Owen stood by the nurses station, patiently waiting for Cristina's discharge papers. He ran a hand down the back of his head and yawned. He couldn't remember the last time he'd felt this tired. This drained. Not even during his tours in Iraq. It was ridiculous. He was already worn down before the crash. Now he just felt as though the smallest wind could make him disintegrate into a million tiny wispy pieces.

Drumming his fingers on the counter top, Owen waited for the nuns to finish the paperwork. Cristina was the last injured of the group and he supposed he really did feel grateful for that. She'd come out on top in rank with the rest of the passengers who boarded the plane. The other end of the scale was dead. It was exceptionally lucky, and Owen did embrace that. But his relief didn't really give him any release. Because it didn't change anything.

All the problems they had before were still there. She'd still had the abortion. He'd still cheated. She'd still left him. Cristina wanted to go to Mayo before and if anything, now after the crash, she was even more determined to leave Seattle Grace behind. Not that they'd really talked about it. Or talked at all. As usual. So much had happened, and yet nothing had changed between them. He loved Cristina, and he knew that she loved him. That had never been the problem.

But now after all this, Owen was beginning to wonder whether the things he'd thought were problems really mattered in the grand scheme of things. Could he live a life that didn't include becoming a father? Before he would have said no. But now, faced with living a life without Cristina? He had to wonder. And thinking about her moving halfway across the country for her fellowship? It made Owen uncomfortable to think about.

"Um...Dr. Hunt?"

Glancing up, Owen sighed as April Kepner tentatively strode in his direction. He swallowed and quickly checked the nurses station again, not really wanting to face his former student. Where was that paperwork? It wasn't that he didn't like Kepner. He did. He thought she was a genuinely good person. More than a lot of the people he had to deal with in his career. But seeing April brought home the other thing about his life that hadn't changed. He still felt like he was failing in his job, and in a lot of ways his young would be protegee exemplified that.

"Hey April," Owen said finally, when it was clear that paper work was not going to rescue him and April was standing by his side.

The reason he felt like he was failing at Chief stemmed from a lot of things, not the least of which were wrapped up with the whole issue of Henry Burton. Which tied into some of his conflict with Cristina, and subsequent issues with Teddy. Whom he'd had to let go. Blinking belatedly, Owen realized that he couldn't remember whether anyone had told Altman that her star pupil had been injured. She deserved to know. As usual he'd gotten so wrapped up in the myriad of details that constantly seemed to overwhelmed him.

"Can I get the keys to Jackson's car? The Robbins and Mrs. Shepherd need to get the car seats switched," April asked, keeping her eyes anchored to the floor, and making illustrative gestures with her hands. "And then we're probably just going to get some sleep at the hotel, and then maybe drive back to Seattle...Since the kids are all set and cared for and...everyone is stable. We thought we'd go back. Jackson and me."

After a moment April swallowed and added, "And Alex."

Sad that things between them were so stiff that she couldn't even make eye contact with him, Owen nodded and fished around in his pocket for the car keys. Somehow over the course of things he'd ended up switching between driving Jackson's SUV, a his rental car, and briefly the Robbins rental car. Pulling the keys he did have in his pocket, Owen realized that he only had the keys for his rental car. He closed his eyes as he suddenly remembered taking the keys out and setting them on the table at Cristina's bedside. too many pointy things in his pocket.

"Sorry Kepner, I think I left them in Cristina's room," Owen apologized, turning back to the counter. He leaned forward, trying to see where the little nun was with Cristina's paper work. It took him a moment to realized that April was still standing there, hovering, rocking back and forth on the balls of her feet. He expected her to go get the keys. Instead she was just standing there, holding her phone in her hands and sending a text message.

Owen winced and asked, "Um...are you going to...?"

Her eyes widened and darted up to meet his for a split second before she blushed and looked to her feet again, "Well...Jackson's already with Alex and Callie anyway...oh, by the way Arizona woke up! She's doing okay. I mean, as good as can be expected so Alex says and...well anyway. Jackson can just stop by the other room on his way out here..."

That explanation sounded a little bit weird to Owen, but he didn't have much time to think about it as a small nun returned from the back office with Cristina's paperwork in hand. He smiled in that dutiful fake way that everyone must smile in the face of paperwork, because being rude can lead to hours of headache. As he signed the forms he noticed a rather odd exchange between April and the prim elderly nurse. The nun pursed her lips and glared, making April flush another shade of red and duck her head. When he had left his signature on the dotted lines, Owen handed them over along with the pages Cristina had filled out earlier.

Glancing between the two women he said skeptically, "That's it? Everything is set?"

"Yes," the nurse said finally, after scanning paper work carefully. "An orderly will be there to assist you and your wife shortly."

She gave April one more death glare and walked off. Owen frowned, standing uncomfortably next to his former Chief Resident, utterly uncertain as to how to head to Cristina's room. She was still standing there, and it didn't seem right to just walk away and extricate himself from the situation because his wife was ready to leave the hospital. He still had plane tickets to organize too.

"That's...Robbins waking up is good," he fumbled. "She has a long road ahead of her but..."

"It's better news that we've had..." April said quietly. She bit her lip and added earnestly, "And I don't know what Alex would do if...I mean I've seen how Jackson is...after Mark and I just don't think..."

Owen nodded. She had a point. He didn't know what Karev would do if Robbins had died. The man could be self destructive. Unpredictable. And even if he liked to act like a bad ass, Owen knew he was more good hearted than he let on. And his mentor meant a lot more to him than he would ever admit. The thought made Owen sigh. He thought about his wife's relationship with Teddy, Avery's anguish over losing Sloan, and Alex's devastation over Arizona losing her leg. He didn't really think he'd gotten that close to April. Neither of them had really made the effort. But, as Chief Resident and Chief of Surgery neither of them would really have the time. Owen wondered if he had been the one to end up in the hospital somehow, if April would care as much as Alex or Jackson.

Watching her face now, he thought that she would. Even though they weren't as close as the others. She was here now. And if Owen really thought about it, aside from Jackson and to some extent the Grey's and Karev, April's connections to the crash didn't run as deep. And yet here she was, helping out, as worn down, tearful and, tired as the rest of them, when she really didn't have to be. Mark had taken Avery under his wing both inside and outside the hospital. Teddy had taught Cristina to leave her ego at the door and given her a bucket list's worth of amazing surgeries. Arizona had helped Alex with his Africa project, confidence and bedside manner. Hell, even Torres had given Meredith Grey a study method.

And what had Owen done for Kepner? Told her her job wasn't about making friends? Solider up? She needed careful guidance as much as the rest of them, as much as she liked to be a perfectionist. Maybe she'd needed more. Obviously. She failed her boards. Obviously she'd needed more. Owen had been busy, but he wasn't totally aware of her issues as they'd cropped up over the years. Kepner excelled at the paperwork and teaching side of her job, but she seemed to have perpetually struggled with getting people to listen to her. She wasn't as technically proficient in surgeries as some of her peers, and often didn't have as much time to scrub in and practice. And he'd heard back from colleagues at various hospitals that some of her interviews had come off a little bit...over zealous. And Owen hadn't done anything about it. He hadn't had the time. Not with Cristina leaving him, and the Holly Wheeler case, and figuring out what to do about Teddy. She was a perfectionist right? So he'd assumed she would be fine. Wishful thinking. Easy thinking.

But clearly he was wrong. Or he didn't have the full picture. April had failed. And Owen felt like her failure was his failure. And so a part of him was happy that the budget was such that he'd had to let her go. Just because he wouldn't have to see it everyday. A personification of his failure. A terrible thought, but it was how he felt sometimes. Although, with the crash and everything that had happened, Owen had no idea where things stood with staffing. Still, bottom line, he regretted not being the best teacher he knew he could have been, without all the mess of his personal life this year.

"Well, Chief...you go ahead then, if you see Jackson tell him I'm waiting in the lobby," April stuttered, breaking the silence.

Owen tilted his head, "You can walk back with me, you know. Grab the keys yourself..."

"No," April mumbled. "I can't...I can't go back there without..."She gestured to one of the nun at the nurses station. "Without one of them, and I really don't want to ask again."

"What? Why?"

She sighed and winced, "I...well...moving Derek into Meredith and Cristina's room wasn't completely...approved...strictly speaking so..."

Owen blinked. When he had arrived with the children that afternoon Shepherd's wheelchair was already stationed by Meredith's bedside. He'd just assumed it was okayed by the St. John's staff, but now that he thought about it, nobody had said that to him outright. Still, he'd never have guessed Kepner would ever think to break protocol like that.

Owen's surprise must have registered on his face, because April hastily explained, "It was Cristina's idea really, but I just thought after everything...after Lexie. It's what Meredith needed. And Derek."

It would be Cristina's idea. But the explanation gave him another pang of guilt. Dr. Stark had said it once. April saw the whole patient. She saw them as a person. Not just a disease or a single organ or a fast track to publication. It was a rare enough quality in the cut throat world of surgery. One that Owen liked to think he shared with his resident. And yet, he'd done little to share that with her.

Owen cleared his throat and said, "I see."

April nodded and awkwardly moved to sit in the nearby waiting room. Owen reached a hand to her shoulder, pausing for only a second before resting it there, "Look, Kepner, about your job and boards...about everything really. I just want you to know...I let you down and I'm sorry."

April blinked back at him, clearly surprised by his words, "I-thank you, but nothing that happened is your fault sir and I-"

"I could have spent more time teaching you..." Owen ran a hand through his hair and shook his head. "I could have...I should have..."

"Hey," April said, reaching her own hand to his shoulder. She looked serious for a long moment before she said, "Listen...I'm okay. Or not exactly, but...I will be. You'll be okay too, Dr. Hunt...you're a solider. We're soldiers. We'll survive."

And with that, she gave his arm a small squeeze and then wandered off in to the living room, leaving Owen to ponder. Maybe he had taught April something after all. Maybe he wasn't a failure.

Jackson leaned forward and tightened the last buckle on Sofia's car seat, pulling back and pulling at the plastic seat, double checking that it had properly been installed in the Robbins rental car. He'd already set Mrs. Shepherd up with a seat and sent her and Zola to the hotel for the night and now his SUV was free of baby equipment. Behind him stood Daniel Robbins holding Sofia, with April by his side, playing a game of paddy cake with the baby. She beamed and Sofia giggled.

Jackson realized that there was a part of him that loved watching April be goofy with the babies. A wussy fuzzy kind of part of him that let his mind wander beyond the pain and loss of the past few days. The part of him that wanted to focus on the one good thing that had come out of all this crap. That he and April were together. She loved him. And somehow that was enough to make Jackson believe that, for the two of them at least, life would have a new beginning. And maybe someday Jackson would have lots of time to watch April be goofy with babies. And time to join her.

Barbara had opted to stay with her daughter and Callie in the hospital for the night. Arizona was finally awake and she was still having a hard time coping with the reality of the crash and the losses in addition to being an amputee. So the Colonel night would be solo mission in granddaughter wrangling. And, not surprisingly Alex had opted to stay in the hospital with them one final night. "Just swing by and grab me in the morning or whatever," was all Karev said to Jackson about the drive home, before ducking back inside Robbins's room. Jackson understood. If Mark...if Mark had made it, he would stay too.

When Jackson was sure that the car seat was completely secure, he turned around and bowed jokingly, "It's finished."

"Yay!" April cheered, grinning at Sofia and clapping her hands with the baby in a small round of applause. Daniel's somber expression softened and he played along, trying to keep the mood light for the one year old. He used one hand to give Jackson a salute before he moved to the car and strapped Sofia inside. He rounded the car and got in and April and Jackson waved as they drove out of the parking lot. When the car was out of side April yawned and rubbed her eyes.

Wrapping one arm around April's shoulder, Jackson leaned down and kissed the top of her head, "We should go to the hotel. I'll drive this time, okay?"

"Okay."

It was clear how exhausted April really was because on the whole walk back to the car and the short drive to the hotel room, she remained silent. Very uncharacteristic. At least, when they were on good terms, which Jackson was pretty sure 'dating' qualified as. He didn't push it and he let her stare out the window at Spokane's dim streets. It was hard to believe that only 3 days ago his biggest concern was how he would manage leaving her behind when he went to Tulane. Now Jackson knew he never wanted to leave April. He never wanted to experience the feeling his mentor had had about Lexie in the last moments of his life. And he didn't even want to go to Tulane anymore. The career stuff didn't matter so much. The people he cared about were the ones that really mattered.

When they arrived at the hotel, Jackson fumbled with the door lock for a second before opening the door. April went in first, making her way to the nearest bed and flopping down horizontally face first.

"I feel like I could just sleep forever, and never wake up" she said, voice muffled by the comforter. Despite her words, April sprang up, as though she's touched something hot. Sitting on the edge of the bed, holding a hand to her mouth she regarded Jackson seriously, "I didn't mean...I mean, that wasn't-"

"I gotcha," Jackson replied shaking his head fondly and settling down on the couch beside. At this point her once severe pony tail was now mostly loose from it's hair tie, and he tentatively freed the remaining curls. April watched him out of the corner of her eye. It was a fairly intimate act, considering. As her best friend he'd never just randomly touched her hair. Jackson didn't know how she was going to react.

April surprised him by leaning into his shoulder and leaning back so that they both stared at the ceiling. She rolled to her side, and rested her head on Jackson's chest, the fingers of one hand absently playing with the buttons of his shirt. They stayed that way for a long time, and Jackson was sure that April had fallen asleep when she spoke again.

"I have been thinking..." April whispered. "This is all kind of fast..."

His heart dropped.

April felt Jackson flinch and realized that her sleep deprived words were all coming out wrong. Hastily she added, "Not that I don't like...what I mean is...well it is going fast but that's not-"

She didn't really know how to explain the sense of calm and peace that had finally settled in deep within her that evening. It was weird. It didn't detract at all from the grief and sadness she felt over the loss of her friends. It also didn't really detract from the disappointment she felt in herself over failing boards and losing all her job offers. Or from her confusion over her faith. It was just a release that made her realize that it was okay to feel those feelings. Aside from knowing she loved Jackson, she still had no idea how things were going to turn out, but her pressing anxiety about it all had vanished. Knowing that Jackson loved her was somehow enough.

Twisting her fingers in Jackson's shirt again, April tried to collect her thoughts, "What I mean is, we haven't really been doing things in order. You and me. For...I mean we've gone from being friends to...having sex, to being awkward, to agreeing to date, to saying I love you in a matter of days. That's hardly a normal progression for a relationship."

Jackson's breathing made April realize that her rambling still didn't make much sense. He huffed and said, "It's not like we haven't known each other for yeas. I guess it's not normal, but normal is overrated. It wastes time and-"

"I know!" April said finding his hand and lacing his fingers together. "That's just it. I used to worry about being normal and hitting all the right milestones and having everything be perfect. But I failed and planes crashed and men come into hospitals with guns and kill my friends and..."

April lifted her chin, meeting Jackson's concerned gaze with a smile. "Jackson! Normal doesn't exist. There is no proper path. And I am okay with that. Now...I think maybe the point is finding your own path. I still don't know what I am doing about my job or anything. And three days ago that would have terrified me. It did terrify me. But it doesn't anymore."

"Why?"

"Because you said you loved me."

Jackson still looked uncertain and April bit her lip and rolled over on top of him so that she could look into his eyes, "Jackson!" she grinned.

"April!"

Knowing that she was occasionally hard to understand on good day, April assumed her addled brain on less than 5 hours asleep in 24 hours was hardly making sense, so she tried again, "Maybe I'll redo my boards next year. Maybe I'll go to into private practice. Or research. Maybe I'll start going back to church regularly again. Maybe I won't. Maybe I'll choose something completely different and become a Buddhist or something."

The confusion was even more clear on her boyfriend's face and April almost laughed, "The point is, I don't know what's going to happen! All I know that it will all be okay. I can feel it. This...this is the right thing. We are the right thing. We're going to get through this together and we are going to be okay."

A slow smile spread across Jackson's face, "You think so?"

Finally he was getting it, April rolled her eyes and slid down to lay Jackson's side again, "My mother always says when you know you just know."

"That's what she says, huh?"

April nodded, "She said that with father she just knew. And...I know, Jackson. I know. I can't imagine my life without you. I couldn't even imagine it without you before we slept together. I'm sure it won't be easy or pleasant all of the time, but...I just know that things will work out. You and me."

"So, let me see if I have got this right...we're going to be okay," Jackson murmured, chuckling softly.

"We are."

"After we sleep," he joked. But there was truth in the statement.

"After that."

April nodded, snuggling closer to Jackson, and closed her eyes. There would be time to deal with the business of life tomorrow. She felt alright with herself, all her weaknesses and strengths for the first time that she could ever remember.

Yes, she had failed her boards and lost her job offers. But through her mistakes, April had learned valuable lessons about herself. Yes, she'd lost her virginity outside of marriage. But her instincts had lead her to the right guy. She just knew it. So what did it matter? April was finally learning to be at peace with herself. Comfortable in her own skin and her own life. And surely that was something that Jackson, her parents, even Jesus or any God worth believing in could be proud of. More pride than passing any test the American Board of Surgeons could ever give. At the very least, April decided to be proud of herself. And calm. Because she knew they would be okay. Her and Jackson.

"I love you," April whispered, as they drifted off to sleep, laying the wrong way on the bed, still fully clothed.

Before she fell asleep completely she felt Jackson pull her closer, and heard his reply, "I love you too."