A week had passed and Jane still had no knowledge of the divorce papers. Maura wasn't having second thoughts and their relationship hadn't improved; it was merely a matter of logistics. She couldn't just hand the papers over to Jane. Jane had to be served and Maura knew of nobody to serve her with the divorce papers. Everyone Maura associated with had ties to Jane, stronger ties than they had to her. Although Maura wasn't at fault for their divorce, she wanted the details to remain private. Asking people to serve Jane would be accompanied by questions that Maura wasn't ready or willing to answer. Yes, Jane cheated on her but she didn't exactly know why and, even if she were to divulge that bit of information, nobody would believe her because Jane Rizzoli wasn't a cheater or a liar in the eyes of everyone they knew.
Hiring someone to serve her with the papers was always an option, but Maura still couldn't bring herself to do so. Her heart was breaking and she was still deeply in love with her wife. A divorce wasn't what Maura wanted, but she felt it was necessary if she were ever going to get on with her life and get past the heartache she was experiencing every day.
Ever since Jane had gone back to work, Maura was noticing something different about her. She was now more dedicated—if that was even possible—and she was much more determined—again, if that was even possible. Maura couldn't help wondering if this was because Jane had something to prove. Her wife was a proud woman—it was one of the reasons she fell in love with her—but, for the first time, she wanted Jane to not have so much pride. She wanted Jane to hurt just as much as she was hurting, especially because her heartache intensified when they worked together. Jane's passion for her job was what first attracted Maura to her and what still attracted Maura to Jane although they were separated. The day before, she saw Jane at her desk looking intently at some files and she had to suppress every urge in her body that was telling her to go over to Jane. There is no need to talk to her, Maura told herself. You don't have any information for her and you're not bringing her dinner although she probably hasn't eaten.
Outside of work, the two of them hardly spoke to each other. They ate all of their meals separately and avoided spending time together in the living room. The only words they spoke to each other in their house were the obligatory greetings and "good morning," and "good night." Maura spent the majority of her time in her room using her dreaded laptop—or at least that's how she was now referring to it. Every place her broker had shown her just wasn't the right fit, so Maura decided to take matters into her own hands and search for a place herself. It would take longer, but she would rather stay at their house for a while longer than move into a place that didn't suit her needs.
As Maura lied in the guest bed that night, she couldn't stop tossing and turning. Her mind was on Jane's infidelity—her mind was always on Jane's infidelity. She wondered what attracted Jane to this woman. This stranger now knew her wife so intimately and, although Maura wasn't Jane's first, Jane had promised she would be her last. Jane had promised Maura would be her one and only for the rest of their lives. Throughout their marriage, sex had never been about getting off; it was always passionate and emotional. It was yet another way they showed their love for each other. Jane always took her time with Maura to the point where Maura felt as if she were worshipping her body. Was she the same way with this other woman? Was she attentive? Was this woman any good? Maura wasn't sure if she wanted to find out.
When Maura turned around, she was surprised to see her wife standing in the doorway. Unlike the nights they spent in bed together, Jane was fully clothed in pajama pants and a long sleeve shirt. Her eyes were puffy and Maura could sense that she had been crying. The always strong Jane Rizzoli was a pathetic sight and, if this were different circumstances, Maura would have wanted nothing more than to hold her.
"I miss you," Jane said softly.
"Oh?" Maura said, not quite sure if that simple word had come out as a question.
"Can I lie down with you?" Jane asked.
It was against her better judgment, but there was something about the way she asked that question. It was as if Jane were pleading with her. "Only for awhile," Maura said and tried not to smile.
When Jane got underneath the covers with Maura, there was no more hiding the tears. She broke down without a single care that Maura was witnessing this.
"Maura, I love you," Jane sobbed. "I didn't mean for this to happen. We're better than this. We can get through anything, remember?"
"Then get through this," Maura said coldly. "I'm not taking you back, Jane."
"Maura Dorothea Isles Rizzoli," Jane said as she touched Maura's cheek. "If I have to spend the rest of my life making it up to you, I'll do it. I will do anything to prove my love for you. You're my wife and my best friend. There is nobody in this world that I love as much as I love you."
"You had me," Maura said angrily. "You had all of me and then you betrayed me. You were intimate with another woman, Jane. Answer something for me?"
"Anything," Jane responded with a look of hopelessness on her face.
"Could she fuck you the way I do?" Maura asked, expressionless.
Jane was taken by surprise. "What?" Her wife's question had caused her to move further away.
"Could she fuck you the way I do?" Maura repeated. "Does she get as wet as I do? I know how much that turns you on."
"Maura!" Jane said in disbelief.
"Was she any good?" Maura asked.
Jane sat up and stared at her wife. Was she any good? Was she? Jane honestly had no idea. She could barely remember going to this woman's place, let alone whether or not she was any good. Jane wondered if she was into it or if she just went through the motions. She knew she couldn't have been into it. How could she have been? This woman wasn't Maura. For all she knew, she might have even moaned Maura's name. There were so many things she wanted to tell Maura—so many things she should tell Maura—but she didn't know how to make sense of anything that had happened.
"I should go," Jane said almost to herself.
"You should," Maura agreed.
When she knew Jane had returned to their bedroom, Maura allowed herself to cry into her pillow. That simple touch on the cheek from Jane during their conversation was the most affection she had received in days. Jane's touches were still so gentle and loving. Memories of the two of them began to flood her mind. Maura desperately wanted her wife, the wife she had just weeks ago who would never dream of being unfaithful to her.