NOTES: Well this chapter really had dried my brains out, that i need to pour emotions that I had, I was not able to imagine I was able to finish this, II almost cried and if only i can smash my laptop I already did good thing I have a friend that helps me out to release the emotion I need.
TO JUNE: THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR HELPING ME OUT YOU'RE SO SWEET AS ALWAYS. THIS STORY IS FOR YOU ^^
Shingyouji almost break into tears seeing Misu, wanting to know if what he is seeing is real. He held the older man's face looking at him from head to toe.
"T-this can't be true." Shingyouji mumbled to his self.
"I'm here now." Says Misu suddenly his attention turned to an unknown acquaintance, Andrew tried to smile at him, Misu only glared in return.
"Did I interrupt something?" Misu asking Shingyouji still looking at the young man's colleague.
"Oh actually I am going home already, see you at work Shingyouji," Andrew puts his hand to the young man's shoulder only to be shoved by Misu.
"Woah easy dude! I am just saying goodbye to your boyfriend no harm done." Andrew told Misu who is still giving him a dagger-eyed look.
"Don't call me dude we're not even friends." Misu said coldly. Andrew just quietly walked away leaving Misu and Shingyouji alone.
"Arata-san."
"Is this how you spend your time while I am gone?" Misu asked Shingyouji.
"What are you talking about?"
"I was just gone for a while and I did not expect you're entertaining a new guy in your life, I bet he's better than me and to think you invited him in your place, I did not know New York could turn you into…" As Misu is about to finish his statements Shingyouji slapped him out of hatred and disappointed hearing those kind of words coming from the older man.
"When you left me I almost died, you let me live on my own, you decide without asking my opinion, and worse you did not even contact me not even once! And now you seem in front of me acted arrogant on my friend and thinking I am cheating on you? So what do you expect? Pretend everything is still ok"
"That's why I came here, to make things the way they are before I set you free 5 months ago." Misu said to Shingyouji trying to get close to
"You've no idea what I have gone through."
"You really want to try to compare-"Misu telling Shingyouji as the young man finished it. "Despair, the self-loathing… All my life what I only want is to be with you, all I ever ask from you was to be with me in this place but now I am already doing fine then you're here thinking I would hug you with open arms? You are my first love but I can't do this anymore." Shingyouji told him now breaking in tears. Misu tried to comfort his lover by embracing him tightly, the young man can't find a way to hugged him back, he knows he should be happy seeing Misu but all he felt is rage, anger, hatred.
"I am so sorry." Misu whispered to the young man's ear.
"Just leave me alone for now, I really don't feel like seeing your presence." Shingyouji told him.
"I would understand the space you're asking from me now, if you already have the heart to forgive me, you can find me here I am staying at this place." Misu handed him a piece of paper and finally leaves closing the door.
As Misu stepped into his room he felt so weak. His tears filling are his eyes. He felt so useless. He felt like this world is against him completely. He tried his hard to show the guy how much he loved him but he will end up hurting him. Misu buried his face in his palms. He fell on his knees. He could not hold it any longer. Finally… he broke down. The person named Misu Arata has finally broke down.
Misu cries as hard as he can. Tears after tears and sobs after sobs. His heart is being throbbed and ripped apart. Right now he wanted nothing but warmth of embrace. He felt so weak and too weak even to stand on his feet anymore. The burden that he has held felt heavier than ever. The things that happened. The things that he chose to be happened. It's suffocating him so badly. His whole body is aching. His head is spinning. He felt like is eyes were going to pop out.
The memories…
The pain…
The angst…
The rage…
They were all overpowering him. The memories that he has chosen to bury deeply inside is being dig up one by one. The noises, the screams, the loss… They are all here. Misu lost his sense but he is still striving to get them back. He felt anger engulfs his sanity away. This is all his faults. His own faults for choosing this way. He felt so mad of himself. His whole body is shaking. His eyes turned red with rage. Misu quickly stands up on his feet and pulled his hair.
"Aaaaarrrrgggggggggg!" He screams as loud as he could.
He proceeds deeper into the room and began to throw and breaking things.
The next day, Shingyouji went to his work, and approached Andrew about the incident last night, his friend smiled at him telling him everything is fine and he understand if Misu had acted that way.
"I just wonder."
"What?"
"How did he know where you lived here?"
"Maybe his mother told him."
"You said he never contacts his mother and even if she told him about this place New York is a big place, he can't just right away find your apartment." Says Andrew in a matter-of–fact tone.
"Are you implementing that Gii-senpai might have contact with him?"
"I am not saying it's just a hunch."
Shingyouji upon hearing his friend's statement, rushed to Gii's office that is in conversation with Hayama over the phone. His former senpai was surprised when the young man entered his office and closed the door for them to talk in private.
"Shingyouji-kun, are you ok?" Gii worriedly asks his former kouhai.
"Gii-senpai I know you're an honest so you'll answer my questions truthfully."
"What are you talking about?"
"Arata-san is here in New York."
"Shouldn't that be good news for you?"
"How did he know where I live?"
"HOW!"
"Shingyouji you need to calm down." Gii approaching his former kouhai.
"No I will not calm down! now I am upset, I am furious because of some couple of things and now I can see you're both lying to me!" Shingyouji shouted at him forgetting where they are.
"We told him to contact you but does not want to, believe me Shingyouji we don't mean to hide it from you."
"So when you invite me out or when I ask about him you always avoid the topic, should I be the one to know first what had happened to him? You kept it from me for 5 freaking months, you see me depressed and lonely almost dried my eyes out from crying and you did not do anything? Screw this. I AM DONE WITH ALL OF YOU!"
"Shingyouji stormed out of the office and had bumped to Andrew, seeing what he had done he approached Gii and Hayama.
"I am so sorry I did not know he would take it to heart. If I will be fired because of this I would really accept it Mr. Saki." Says Andrew.
"I'm not mad at you all you did is what I am not brave to do, Telling him the truth. We had hurt a guy that had treated us almost like a family, Andrew can you just leave us now?"
"Sorry Mr. Saki."
At the training room Shingyouji is staring blankly at the whiteboard scribbling it with force which broke the marker in the end.
"Hey I know you're upset now, I did not meant to do anything really." Andrew told him sincerely.
"Thanks, but I can no longer handle any more stress in my life now, just leave me alone please." Andrew leave the young man alone still motionless and quiet, he feels like everyone had ganged up on him leaving him behind the shadows.
After shift, As Shingyouji is leaving the office he bumped into Gii, he only bowed to him, his former senpai called his attention to talk to him in private.
"Are you going to fire me for being disrespectful?"
"No, I was beyond surprise at what you did this morning, Takumi was also shocked."
"I occasionally have rage hormones inside me."
"A scary one if I may add." Gii chuckled sitting in his chair.
"I am really sorry I acted like a selfish spoiled brat again, I should have really control my temper, and not blame you, maybe I should have just appreciate when I saw him in my apartment but I threw him out and now I feel really, really terrible."
"You know where to go. Saying sorry is not that hard." Says Gii smiling at him.
Shingyouji smiled back to hime and hurriedly went to the address that was written on the paper. As he reached the place he looked for the room number and as he had reached the place, he knocked on the door, Misu seems to look worse than he was when the young man saw him, he lets him enter his place. Shingyouji was quite surprise, and shocked seeing his entire things trashed, broken lampshade and 3 bottles of beer on the floor.
"Oh my." Shingyouji tried to clean some mess and looks at the older man's fridge for food but it's empty.
"Sorry it's all kind of messy." Misu told him trying to open another can of beer.
Shingyouji grabbed the beer out of his lover, telling him to stop. He even noticed a mail from MHC offering him to be part of the hospital. But it was all ripped up.
"Why did you tear the letter."
"Not interested, being in a hospital makes me bored actually I was thinking of applying outside of my profession."
"You know what? I get it. Something might have happened during your stay in Korea that made you You're pissed but you're here in New York now and MHC is one of the best hospital here you could improve your practice so get over it." Shingyouji telling Misu.
"I don't want to get over it! Okay?" Misu grabbing the beer to Shingyouji again.
"The only person that you're sabotaging is yourself." Shingyouji irritatedly told the older man.
"I DON'T CARE ABOUT SOME STUPID PRACTICE; I NO LONGER WANT TO BE A DOCTOR!" Misu shouted at him. Suddenly he breaks down in tears which made Shingyouji to give him a wide-eyed look, he had never seen this side of Misu not in many years.
"Did something happen in Korea that I need to know?" Shingyouji sitting beside the older man after he fixed his things.
"When I was there, everything started out fine, I worked in a hospital near the camp I even gain friends, I became close with this soldier he knows all about you, I always tell him about my lover who is currently residing at New York, the camp is a living hell for him even for me seeing those wounded soldiers, needing to tend their wounds, all I do is when I sleep, I dream of you, and when I wake, I long to hold you in my arms. If anything, our time apart has only made me more certain that I want to spend my nights by your side; wishing time would run so fast. Tragedy struck the place we were unexpectedly attacked by rebels, my friend who had become like my brother had been injured badly, I know I can still save him, there is a chance, I was the only doctor on duty at that time, I was so confident I could perform the operation on him, but… I failed… They said it was loss of blood that caused his demise, even so he died in my hands, I became a murderer in his family's eyes."
"I am so sorry I did not know I…" the young man still shocked of what he had heard about Misu's experiences.
"All I dream is to be a doctor like my parents to save lives but, what have I done?" Misu still shaking reminiscing all of what had happen to him while he is in Korea.
"Arata-san, as hard as it was, as terrible and unfair as the way things turned out, in the end everything will be ok, you'll get on with it I am with you, I'll help you out the way you had helped me. Before we met, I was as lost as a person could be and yet you saw something in me that somehow gave me direction again." Shingyouji suddenly pulls Misu and hugged him tightly, the older man seems to enjoy the warmth of his touch which sooths and calms him now. "This time it's my turn to return those things you have done for me."
After some days, Misu decided to continue his practice, in Manhattan with Shingyouji living with him again, his nightmares seems to have lessen, but not confident yet with regards in doing operation he can only be available for Consultations and Check-ups. As Misu is busy in his office he was visited by Gii, he seems to be happy for Misu.
"I want to thank you Saki, for taking care of Shingyouji when I was gone." Misu told him.
"You're more than welcome." Answered Gii
"I just want to ask you something Saki."
"What is it?" Gii asked his rival.
"Why are you helping me out?"
"We know ever since in high school we're rivals we seems to compete or even disagree with everything, but as brilliant as irritating as you are I also admire you Misu."
"I would take that as a compliment."
"So, not yet ready to use scalpels and other hospital instruments?"
"Not yet Saki, I don't want to commit any mistake, besides there's a lot of known surgeon here so that's the least of my problem."
"Well I better go ahead I will pick up Takumi from work, you how he hates when I am late." Gii bid his rival goodbye. As Gii leaves Misu's phone beeps, he received a text from Shingyouji telling him his training will end up in an hour and asked him to wait for him so they eat outside together. Misu only wear a smile on his face back to his paper works.
Shingyouji's training ended up earlier than usual so he decides to visit Misu in the hospital, He and Andrew are still good friends who is now supporting hi renewed relationship with Misu, besides his colleague is currently dating a College Student from NYU who he had known when he attended a concert.
As Shingyouji is fixing his self in the mirror of his car. He is very irritated, at the vehicle in front of him, his mood was enlighten up a bit when he received a text from Misu asking him to hurry up. As the young man is still driving he received another text from the older man asking where he is.
He replied ON MY WAY still driving not seeing a stop sign and a truck come straight at him, it crashes into the driver's side of his car.
Second time I put Baby SHin in an accident though i don;t have intention to hurt him, I know this will make sense I promise so I hope you enjoyed it reviews are much appreciated, sorry for some grammars still improving it only end ^^ MHC is a hospital in Manhattan i abbreviated it because its kinda long for me LOL!