Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling owns these characters bla bla bla, you know the drill.
As I continued walking I realized I had made my way to the front of Dumbledore's office. "Licorice Wands." I muttered to the gargoyles who automatically let me pass. I knocked and heard the familiar Enter.
I walked into the room and wasn't surprised to find Petunia gone. As if Dumbledore read my mind he said, "She left shortly after you did. She left you this message. I didn't read it of course." He handed me a letter.
Dear Lily,
I blame you for their deaths. I hope you know that. If you hadn't gone of to that school none of that could have happened. Mother's will left me the house. But left you many possessions. Dumbledore told me that he'd have them shipped to you tomorrow. Also I wanted you to know that Vernon and I have decided to get married. You are not invited. Nor do I wish to have any correspondence with you after this letter. When you get out of that wretched school of yours, I hope you know that you will not be welcome back home. I'm sorry it has to be this way.
Petunia.
As I finished reading the letter, new tears started falling down my face. But embarrassed because of Dumbledore I hastily wiped them away.
"Professor, do you mind if I carry on with lessons tomorrow? I see no reason to have to fall behind in school." He looked at me with sympathy.
"Of course Lily. Whatever you wish." And bade him a farewell and left quickly. As I was on my way back to the Head's Dorm, I saw Michael in the hallway. Before he could even say a word, I had pressed my lips to his. After a few seconds I broke apart and handed him Petunia's letter. He read it quickly and then put his arms around me. I didn't feel as comfortable as I did with James. I didn't fit just right into his arms, but I shoved that thought aside and just let Michael hold me.
We stayed that way for a while and then I slowly withdrew. He looked down at me. "I'm so very sorry Lily. You didn't deserve that." I nodded and took his hand. We walked back to the head's dorm together and he kissed me gently outside of the door. I waved slightly and muttered the password to the Dragon Rider. The door swung open and I stepped inside the room. I walked slowly up to my room, not caring if James was in his or not. I walked into the bathroom and started up the huge tub. Playing with all the random dials, I finally came up with a concoction that had many bubbles and smelled like lavender, which matched my shampoo. I took off my clothes and didn't bother looking in the mirror. I knew I would look like a huge mess. I slipped into the tub and felt my body relax. Oblivious to the world, I let myself go in the water. It felt so nice, slippery and warm. I didn't know how long I spent in there but I soon fell asleep. I awoke to a slight knock on the door coming from James' room. I looked down at the tub and saw that it was still filled with bubbles, covering myself.
"You can come in." I called out hesitantly. I watched the door handle turn and saw James walk in slowly.
"I have to brush my teeth." he said instantly, like it was the first thing that had appeared in his head.
"Ok, that's fine." I replied. He walked over to the sink and pulled out his toothbrush. After brushing his teeth for a few minutes he put the toothbrush and his toothpaste away and came and conjured up a chair. He pulled it closer to the tub and sat on it. He hadn't looked at me the whole time.
"Lily, there's something I need to talk to you about. What you said, back in the passageway, do you mean we can't be friends anymore? Because I don't know if I can do that. Not be friends, I mean. You're my best friend." He finally looked me in the eye.
"No James. I just, I've been feeling some things that I shouldn't be feeling towards you and it was making me feel that I wasn't being fair to Michael. I just meant that I can't to this. The almost too good friends, the shower, you're bed. I just can't do that to Michael. Do you get that?" I looked up at him hesitantly.
"No, I do get that. But answer me this Lily. You just said that you were feeling some feelings towards me. Has that gone away now? Because if it has, then I don't know what to do. I've made it clear to you about my feelings. But your feelings come first here because I'm willing to do whatever it takes to make sure your happy. And if what makes you happy is Michael, then that's fine. But just know, that you can't get rid of me. I can hide my feelings easy. That's not the problem here. But you can't ask me to leave your life. Because I can't be that self-sacrificing. So call me selfish, but I'll be here. Through everything. Because whether you like it or not, you're my best friend. And I want to be there for you. You helped me through my parents death in ways you don't even realize. So now it's my turn. I'm here for you, right now. And I always will be. That's a promise. And I'm sorry. I never got to meet them, but I'm sure your parents were great people, after all, they raised you." he ended his monologue at that and fresh tears sprung to my eyes.
"Thank you, James. For being my best friend. And thank you for being you. And you're already helping me. Trust me. And yes, I have¾er, had feelings for you. But I'm with Michael. And that's, t-that's what I want." I couldn't meet his eyes as I said this, I didn't want to see the pain there.
"Ok then. And Lily, I can wait." With that, he got up, vanished the chair and walked out the door, leaving me more confused than ever. I got out of the tub and grabbed a towel. I looked down at my scabs and found they were going away quickly because of the cream Madame Pompfrey had been giving me. I brushed my teeth and washed my face quickly before changing into my pajamas. I walked over to my bed and saw there was a single bottle and a note laying on my pillow.
Lily, I went and got this with Sirius and Alice today. Madame Pompfrey said it should help you fall asleep. Know that we're all here for you if you need us.
Love, Remus.
P.S. Sirius says he forgives you for stunning him.
A small smile reached my lips and, shocked, I reached up and touched them. I had smiled already. I really was going to be ok.
I slipped under the covers and grabbed the bottle. I drank it quickly, hoping it wouldn't taste horribly and discovered it tasted like sugar. With the happy thoughts that I had such good friends, I drifted off to sleep.
The next thing I knew I was awake. I looked at my watch and saw that I had a whole hour before I needed to be in the Great Hall for breakfast but I knew I wouldn't be able to fall asleep. I walked into the bathroom and checked James room to see he was fast asleep. I turned the shower on quickly and stepped in while it was still cold. I washed my hair, recited the no-body hair spell and then let myself relax under the water. My new tears blended in with the shower. Today was going to be tough. But I didn't want people to think I was weak at all. I stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around myself. I brushed my teeth in the sink since I had time. After reciting a spell that made my long hair into light curls, I walked into my closet and got out a skirt, shirt, tie, stockings, shoes, and my robes. I heard the shower turn on from the bathroom and knew James was getting in. I put on my skirt, shirt, stockings, and tie. The robe would wait, because it was too hot in my room to have it on. I looked at my reflection in the mirror. I had grown, surprisingly. My skirt was a little too short on my legs.
Looking in the mirror, I saw traces of my mother and father, who were now both gone. My father, of course, had been gone for more than ten years. I'd like to think that he was happy wherever he was now that my mother had joined him. My mother's eyes, nose, and lips. My father's ears and heart-shaped face. My mother's petite build. My father's flaming red hair. I smiled at that and tucked my hair behind my ears. The shower had stopped by this point and I went and knocked on the door. He didn't answer so I walked in. James wasn't in the bathroom either, so I went and knocked on his bedroom door.
"Come in!" I heard him say and then a huge fall. I rushed in to find him on the floor amidst a pile of clothes. He seemed to have fallen in the act of putting on his clothes. Seeing him look so pathetic on the ground in just pants with his shirt tangled around his arms and head I started to laugh. Actually laugh. Tears streaming down my face, I clutched my sides and sat down on the bed laughing and laughing. After awhile, the laughing stopped. He was looking at me with contempt. "I'm glad that someone finds this situation funny. Now come help me get this shirt on right. I'm pretty sure I'm stuck.
I rushed over to him and reached up to get his shirt off. It was definitely stuck. I walked behind him and started to unbutton the shirt near his neck. "You are a struggle. Seriously. How did the buttons get all the way back here?"
"Don't ask, I have no idea." he says. I finally got all the buttons undone and pulled it off of him. I accidentally let go of it though so I leaned down to get the shirt. When I came back up he looked slightly shell shocked but I ignored him, wondering what had shocked him. I handed him the shirt. "Thanks. Are you ready to go down to breakfast? I mean, we're a little early, but I have nothing else to do." he asks.
"Sure, that's fine, just let me go get my robes." and then as I walk back to my room, I realized that my skirt had ridden up even further, making it way too short. No wonder he had reacted when I bent over. Merlin's beard that's embarrassing. I grabbed my robes and threw them on quickly, fixing my hair as I walked back to his room. He was slipping on his shoes. We departed his room together and walked down to the Great Hall. I was slightly nervous about people's reactions. I mean, the news was sure to have spread by now. It always did at Hogwarts. Not to mention it would be in the papers. I was also embarrassed about how my friends had seen me cry yesterday.
"Don't worry," James said, as if reading my mind. "No one should treat you any different. And if they do, they'll have me and Sirius to deal with." He reached out and playfully shoved me. I shoved him back but my smile fell as we reached the doors. There weren't that many people in the Great Hall yet, but still enough for me to freak out. It got slightly hushed as I walked in and I tried to ignore it by walking quickly to my seat, pulling James along with me. Our friends were already there waiting for us.
"Hey guys. Lily did you get that potion we left for you?" Remus said gently. Looking at me like a concerned friend but not full of pity, for which I was glad.
"Yes, thanks so much guys. That was a great idea." I replied, helping myself to some toast and pumpkin juice.
"My pleasure, Lilykins. Is there anything you'd like to say to me? An apology perhaps?" Sirius, of course. He looked at me jokingly but I could feel his foot tap mine lightly under the table, which I knew was his way of reassuring me it would be okay.
"Oh Snuffles. I am so sorry that I was forced to stun you. Next time, you should try for better reflexes." I winked at him and he faked being hurt by my statement.
"So Lily," Mary said grabbing my hand, "We decided that we're, the girls I mean, besides Emma, are going to go to Hogsmeade and get dresses this weekend. Are you in? I'll buy you a butterbeer at the Three Broomsticks." She raised her eyebrows up and down at me making me smile.
"Of course I'll go. I need a dress anyway. Emma, you still have to show us yours. I'm so excited to see it." she agreed half-heartedly and I knew that the idea of a school dance was horrific to her. Just then there was a tap on my back. I turned around to see Michael but not before I saw Sirius give Remus a disgusted look. I kicked him under the table quickly before turning. "Hey! How are you?" I asked.
"Just great. I was wondering if you wanted to go for a quick walk before Potions?" he asked me. I nodded and grabbed his hand before waving to my friends and walking off with him. "So, how are you doing? You look great." he said.
"Oh, I'm a lot better than yesterday. And thank you." I bumped my hip against his making him stumble then laugh.
"So I was thinking. I overheard you talking to Mary about getting dresses. Do you think afterwards you'd like to join me for a butterbeer?" he asked me.
"Oh, yes sure. As long as it's not Madame Puddifoot's. I pretended to gag which made him laugh again.
"Whatever you say Lily." We walked and had small talk the rest of the way to Potions. Slughorn greeted me at the door and offered his condolences. I thanked him in response and took my seat next to Michael. We talked about Quiddich for a while until the class filled up.
"Change of plans today class. We're switching seats. There was a nasty incident between two of you, not naming names, and they can not remain sitting next to each other so I decided to switch it all up. Will all of you please stand up and come to the front of the room?" We all got up and Michael and I shared a look of sadness mingled with annoyance from having to separate in the only class we shared.
As we were all reseated, I still hadn't been called. Michael had been called almost first to sit next to a scary girl who seemed to be bigger than Hagrid. James was sitting by Emma. Mary next to a Ravenclaw who I didn't know the name of. Alice, luckily, got to sit by her friend Sarah. My name was finally called and I sat down. Slughorn then called the next person who was going to sit by me. I crossed my fingers under the table hoping it wouldn't be someone horrid.
"Sirius Black." Sirius gave a huge grin and seemed to bound across the room to sit next to me. I rolled my eyes but couldn't hide a smile. He sat down next to me and bumped my shoulder with his.
"We're seat buddies! How exciting." wiggling his eyebrows suggestively at me he said, "I guess this means we'll have to have study dates together. I'll be able to teach you a lot Lilykins." he winked at me after drawing the emphasis on a lot.
"Oh, of course Snuffles. How could I resist your charm?" he shrugged nonchalantly at me and then we lapsed into silence as Slughorn started his lesson. Throughout the class, Sirius kept me entertained and kept the focus away from my parents. It was heavenly to not have to think about them for more than an hour. Sirius kept up a lightly banter as we mixed our potion (Hiccupping Solution), and even had me laughing a few times. This drew slightly irritated looks from Michael and I knew I would have to talk about my relationship with Sirius to him later.
Once the lesson was over, Sirius walked over to James and Remus after saying goodbye to me. Peter of course, was absent, having not gotten his O.W.L. Speaking of Peter, no one had really seen him lately. He always seemed to be rushing to be somewhere, or completely out of the conversation. Oh well. It's just Peter.
I walked over to Michael and took his hand. He walked me to my next class after shushing my protest of him being late.
"So, about this dance. You need to make sure to tell me what color your dress is. Because my tie does have to match." he laughed lightly at this and gripped my hand tighter. I thought a second before answering.
"Well you can rule out pink or red, or purple. Those clash horribly with my hair. Hmm, probably a light blue or green. It all depends what I'll find. I'll be able to tell you after this weekend when we go shopping."
"Ok, that works. And you are going with me right? I don't need to worry about that Sirius Black stealing you away from me?" He tried to look stern but failed epically.
"Of course I'm going with you. I know it looks like Sirius and I are more than friends, it's just how our friendship works. I promise, there is nothing going on there. That's just…no." he smiled at my slight grimace.
"Ok good. Because to be honest, I wouldn't have to beat him up." he flexed his biceps at me and I smiled but couldn't bring myself to laugh. By this point, we had walked all of the way to Herbology. He kissed me lightly goodbye and I walked in the door. I waited for about two minutes until the rest of my fellow Gryffindors came in. Emma, Sirius, and I joined up to tackle the plant in front of us. We were suppose to be getting the pods out from the middle, but the very large tentacles and thorns did not look inviting. James, Alice, and Mary looked just as wary of it. Herbology passed quickly though, resulting in a couple of cuts. After Herbology, the rest of the day passed quickly also. I was in the Head's dorm doing my homework in one of the comfy armchairs by the fire when two people walked in. It was James and Peter, and they appeared to be arguing.
"Look Pete. You can't just keep sneaking around. We get that something's going on but you could at least tell us. Is something wrong with your mom? Because this is getting ridiculous. And why did I see you talking to Avery and Mulciber the other morning? You shouldn't be hanging around with the likes of them."
"J-james, I just, I have some stuff going on. It's not a b-big deal. It h-has nothing to do with y-you or Sirius and the others. I j-just need some space for a while." Peter seemed to be highly intimidated but I could tell that James was just concerned.
"Look, Pete. I'm worried about you. Hanging out with the wrong crowd, lying, sneaking out of the dorms at night. Didn't know about that one did you? Sirius caught you twice now. Is it a girl or something?"
"No no James. It's not a girl. Look, I'm fine. Just leave me alone." And Peter, with a scathing glance at me which I had no idea what was about, left.
James sighed and sat down on the couch placing his head in his hands. He hadn't seem to realized I was in the room. I cleared my throat quietly and he nearly jumped out of his skin. "Merlin, Lily. You gave me quite a fright. I didn't realize you were in here." His eyes were wide and his hair was crazier than ever.
I got up from my arm chair and stood in front of him. "You're hair may be the most stubborn thing I've ever witnessed." I took my hands and tried, unsuccessfully, to pat in down. But what I hadn't realized was how soft his hair would feel. It was the perfect run-your-fingers-through kind of hair. So soft. I couldn't help but snake my fingers through the soft down and then, realizing what I was doing, pulled back. He seemed just as wide-eyed as I was, but I thought it was best to just ignore my mishap. "Well, that didn't work. Oh well. It's actually growing on me, to tell you the truth."
He smiled at that and gestured for me to sit down next to him, which I did. I made sure to leave at least an inch between our thighs so they wouldn't touch. We sat in comfortable silence for awhile.
"So, how are you doing? Is it getting.. Any easier?" I knew instantly he was talking about my parents. It didn't offend me at all like it sometimes had today with all of the other people asking questions.
"It's getting better. I'm finding myself laughing. It helps to be around you, and Sirius, and Michael. The girls are great too of course. It just, I don't know. Sometimes I feel like it was, not a good thing obviously, but at least they went down fighting you know? I mean my step dad did manage to shoot one. At least they weren't tortured to death. That would be horrible." I shuddered at the thought.
"Shoot. What does that mean?" he seemed utterly confused and it made me smile. Of course, he'd grown up in a wizarding family.
"Uhm, well it's a gun. A gun is a type of weapon that shoots bullets. They're very deadly if you hit the right spot. So like basically a wand that only kills, and hurts a lot. They're very dangerous in the wrong hands but Steve's been hunting for more than twenty years, so he is, I mean was," but I couldn't continue with the sentence. For a second it had felt like my loving step dad was still alive. Brought into my secrets by falling in love with my mother.
I started crying softly and James, always the gentleman, wrapped his arm around my shoulders and pulled me in closer to him. I cried into his shirt for a while and then lifted my head. "I keep expecting them to just pop u-up and be there. I-I don't get how they can just be g-gone. I'm trying not t-to look weak but it's so hard. They were the greatest parents anyone could ask for. And now I k-keep thinking about my wedding. I have no one to walk m-me down the isle, and that s-sounds so selfish but it's just all I can think about." he let me continue on my stuttering rant and then he pulled me in closer and began to stroke my hair.
"It'll get better, Lily. Things always have to get worse before they can get better. You've already been through the worse. So now it's time for the better. I, I promise." he fell quiet after that and his steady hand running through my hair made me slowly drift off to sleep. The last thing I heard before dropping into unconsciousness was James whispering, "You're beautiful." and pressing his lips to the top of my head.
A/N: told you it would be up fast! Please review, it might be awhile before chapter 9 is up though. I haven't started writing it and i'm kind of very busy this week. Hopefully but tuesday it will be up though. Much love!