Notes: Here I am. I've got it! Here it is! Your chapter, fresh off the presses.
Behind Blue Lies – Part 10
"She wants you to what?"
As much as Vriska wanted to roll her eyes, she held back, knowing there was a chance that Sollux would take it wrong. Better that he not think even for a moment that she was joking. Of course, he did understand the seriousness of things in the very fact that they weren't doing this over normal Trollian. Sollux preferred that the most serious of business be done face to face, and had done some serious reprogramming on their systems to create an interface between Trollian and a video subroutine. It wasn't something they'd done in a while, and so when she'd gotten on Trollian after setting up the video grub and done the video request, Sollux had gotten all sorts of solemn.
After the conversation she'd had with Veruna, though, Vriska had needed the advice of her number one conspirator. Only he knew what was going on, only he could really guide her in this sort of thing. Except she wasn't quite sure just what sort of guidance she needed.
"You heard me, Sollux. Don't pretend that you didn't."
"I'm just trying to get this through my pan," he admitted, shaking his head. "Hold on, this sounds like a long conversation. I've got to do a few things first."
Vriska lowered her head, resting it on her crossed arms as Sollux disappeared from the frame of the video. She was tired, so tired, from all of this. The second Veruna had released them, which had been several hours after she had pulled Vriska aside, she'd started the long trek home as fast as she could manage. By the time she had gotten back and set up the husktop Vriska had trouble keeping her eyes open. Yet, as tired as she was, there were things too important to be left up to chance, too important to wait.
Still, here she was now, waiting for Sollux to get his act together.
Okay, no, she totally shouldn't give him grief over this. There were precautions that had to happen before they could have any longer conversations like this. After all, Sollux wasn't alone in his hive. There was his old guardian Cyclos, and more importantly, Karkat. Apparently that kismesitude was strong enough that Karkat was likely to just burst into Sollux's respite block just to piss him off, and letting him know that Vriska was in contact with Sollux was probably a bad idea. Which was only made more dangerous by him knowing Vriska's voice well enough to pick it out even from the hall.
So they'd set up a system for the times when there was no other alternative but to do one of these video conversations. The preparations ranged from the simple locking the door and using headphones to keep Vriska's voice to Sollux, to the more complex setting up a backup white noise generator so Karkat and Cyclos wouldn't hear Sollux talking to himself in his room. The things they spoke about when on a video conversation were too important to risk letting anyone at all hear.
At last Sollux came back into the range of the video, and he plopped down in his seat. Familiar half black, half white headphones marked with Sollux's sign—a gift from Vriska—were soon covering his aural spongeclots, and with a far more tired look around his red and blue eyes than there'd been when the video had started, Sollux nodded to the video.
"Okay, tell me what happened. All of it."
"When I came in, Veruna had a 'gift' for me. Turned out they'd caught a maroon girl and..."
"Fuck. Please, Vriska, tell me you didn't..."
"Of course I did," she snapped. "She was dead either way. Veruna was testing me. If I let her live I would have been dead. I had to..."
She shook her head, trying to get the vision of the blood on her hands out of her mind. Trying to forget the psychic struggle. Getting her first taste of the corrupting part of her power, and enjoying it so much. Those were the kinds of things she'd never admit, even to Sollux. If he didn't know about her abilities, it wasn't like she was going to let them slip now.
"Shit. I'm sorry."
"Don't be sorry for me. Be sorry for her," she snapped, glaring at him. "I don't need your pity. I don't fucking want it. So can we just move on?"
Sollux made a little gesture, acknowledging her request.
"Afterwards she told me it was time to prove myself to her. To prove my loyalty. She said she was going to make use of my mind. Then she told me what she wanted and... Well, you know the rest."
"Fuck. This isn't what we wanted."
"Not even in the slightest," she sighed, lifting her head and leaning back in her chair. "What the fuck am I supposed to do?"
"Obviously this is the time to pull the fuck out. You can't do what she wants. We're talking about killing countless trolls here."
"It's not that simple, Sollux, and you know it."
And it wasn't. Failing to do this would be worse than never showing up at a meeting again. Never mind her friends being killed. They would be tortured first, in front of her eyes.
"I don't even want to imagine what happens if I don't do this for her. Someone else will, and it will be far worse if they plan it. Everyone I know will be killed, including you because of your connection to Karkat. Once you're dead they'll have your system, and imagine just what they'll be able to do with that, Sollux. Everyone in the Web will be at risk, all their friends, all their families, all their quads. It's a chain reaction that we can't afford."
"And on the other hand, if you do this, they'll be far more than two troll's blood on your hands. You know that, right? Hundreds, thousands if you're unlucky, will die for your misguided attempts to protect people."
"Misguided? What's the cost if I don't do this, Sollux? Is the blood price any less?"
"Is a life less valuable if the ones you kill aren't ones you know?"
She hated him, sometimes. Hated him bordering on pitch. Hated him for being right, for being so fucking right about this. The cost seemed so much different when it was her friends on the line instead of strangers. Yet there was another cost that wasn't even being considered. If she wasn't among the hierarchists after what was going to happen, wouldn't it be worse? If she was one of them, if Veruna trusted her, Vriska could work to make sure that future attacks were hinted at for the Empress to act against. She could feed information to the royals once Veruna had finally revealed herself. Fuck, if she planned this one, wouldn't it mean she would be in a better position to make sure help was going to be quickly available for those trolls injured in the attack?
"They're valuable. Dammit, Sollux, you know they're valuable. Those trolls are as important to me as Karkat or Kanaya or you. But more than just them will die if we aren't the ones planning this. We owe them everything we can give them to make their deaths worth something. If I abandon this now, who will be there to tell the Empress what needs to be said once Veruna's in the open? She hasn't believed us before that she was alive, maybe refuses to admit it. She'll have to once Veruna strikes. She intends to use this as an announcement. To... Oh fuck."
"What?"
"Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck."
"Vriska, what in the name of Beforus is going on?"
"It's an announcement. She's coming out and claiming responsibility after. And she told me that she'll have me at her side. I'm..."
"Going to become one of Beforus's most wanted for acts of terrorism. Vriska, you can't do this."
What would Kanaya do, watching her standing there by the head of the hemohierarchists. Knowing that her matesprit had killed so many trolls... it would break her sweet jade troll. Equius would feel justified, she wouldn't lose her quad there. Terezi would feel triumphant, knowing she'd always been right about Vriska. Karkat... He'd be disappointed in her. There was no doubt of that one. After doing so much for him, to have her betray him like that would be a pain he couldn't handle. Remium, and the members of the Web, would understand. Would judge her, but they'd understand. And the Empress and Heiress, would never take her seriously.
"Except I have to," she said, all but in a whisper. "I have to do this, Sollux."
"The price..."
"Someone has to pay it, Sollux. And I'm in the only one who is in place to handle the price."
"The question is, can you really?"
"What?"
"Vriska, just... Listen to me for a few minutes, okay? I know you said you didn't want this from me, but since you've decided that you don't want a moirail and you obviously need one, you're going to shut up and listen to me, got it?"
"Sollux, don't you even..."
"I will mute you. I swear, Vriska, I will mute you so fast that your horns will spin. So shut the fuck up and listen. If you have to, put your head down and close your eyes and pretend I'm Tavros or something. Okay?"
She didn't want to. Didn't want to hear him, or Tavros, or let him talk her down. This was something she had to do. Why couldn't he just accept that? Still, she did what he asked, lowering her head to her crossed arms, and closing her eyes.
"This is serious, Vriska. You know that. Sure, what we've been doing until now has been worth it. We've helped people. You know that just as much as I do. Cyclos would be dead without your ideas. Tavros too from what I understand. Who knows what would have happened with the case with your guardian. But there is a point where you have to step back and admit that you can't handle it. That the price isn't worth it. Is it?
"Think of just what this is going to do. Your whole life, left behind you. Even if we can then use the Empress and Heiress to deal with Veruna, in the end you have to pay for what you did. You'll be chased until the end of your days. They won't let you go just because you give them Veruna. And if they take Veruna alive, they'll have you for Calgor and the maroon too. What then? Dammit, Vriska, what then?
"We've put the work in for a long time, Vriska, but I think it's time to step back and let someone else do it. After all the good I've seen you do, I don't want to see you pay for it like this. I can take care of myself, and Karkat, and the Web. Leave all of that to me. If this Equius is really the kind of troll you've told me, he'll protect himself and Tavros. As for Kanaya, don't you owe her something more? Something better than seeing you on the screen declared a traitor to our people? See you hunted down and put to death?
"You owe her more, and this price, maybe this isn't one you should pay. Pack up, now, and take Kanaya and hide. Come here if you must. We'll fight to protect you. I'll fight, Karkat's moirail will fight. We can even bring Tavros here and get his help. We'll survive. But you have to let this go."
With her eyes closed, it was almost like Tavros was talking to her. Like they were his words in Sollux's mouth. Except for the fact that she was pretty sure that Tavros wouldn't tell her to run. He'd understand why she had to do this. He'd mourn the cost with her, but he'd admit it was needed. What would it take to convince Sollux that this had to happen? That she needed him working with her to make sure this didn't go the worst possible way.
"I have to do this, Sollux. I need to."
He sighed, she could hear it faintly through her husktop speakers.
"I knew that. But I had to try and make you see the full price. Maybe you already did, but I had to be sure. What we're talking about here is giving up everything. I need you to realize that cost."
"I already know it, Sollux," she said, lifting her head at last. "I know it more than you could even imagine. You don't even know how much it costs, can't understand. But I have to do this. Far more people will die if it's not us planning this. And you know it."
"I do. I get it Vriska, I really do. It's just, this isn't the kind of thing I ever wanted to do, you know?"
"I know, Sollux, Trust me. I know."
He sighed again, the sound a hissing kind of whistle, and shook his head. "Come on, we better start working on this now. The more time we take to plan this, the better we can figure out how to work against it. Your night is mine."
"I'd have it no other way, Sollux. Let's deal with these irons."