AN- sorry I meant to update before I went to Kumoricon this past weekend but my Flashdrive was stolen so I had to re-write everything and then it was Day one of con and then yesterday I spent sleeping because i was sleep deprived because i hadn't slept for the 3 days before that and just yeah... if you were there and saw a black haired russia with the russian flag that was me... BECOME ONE WITH MOTHER RUSSIA, DA?

Disclaimer: I lost the custody battle, so no, i don't own hetalia. if i did there would be more yaoi...

Feli POV

Ludwig wasn't talking to me other than to scold me on my training, or to tell me I need to scold my officers. It's been this way ever since we got drunk and argued. I doubt fratello knows why we aren't speaking, but he seems happy there's a distance. And honestly, although I'm hurt and angry at Ludwig, I'm not so much so to tell my brother that his plan at keeping me away from the German isn't exactly working.

I mean honestly did he really think I was that dense? And sure a lot of Germans are scary and I'd really rather not look too many of them in the eye, but it's really not my fault that Ludwig's voice, eyes, and mannerisms hadn't changed enough to be unrecognizable to me. Though I can't say the same about anything else. Ludwig used to be just a tad bit shorter than myself, and had the lanky musculature of an ordinary teenager. Now the man was a good head taller, and had become very muscled. And though all my encounters after Ludwig had made it seem that the lankier men were my type, he was still very attractive.

"Herr Vargas?" a young German soldier approached me. I turned to acknowledge that he was speaking to me.

"Si?" I asked curious as to what he needed, many of the German officers would ignore my troops and I; Gilbert said it's because of how the Italian troops were in the second world war, and that they'd believed their grandparents stories about the troops from Italia had been cowards who hid behind Germania's troops. Sure, one of the things we had trained our troops to do was to retreat (and we did so often, but only because many of us were pacifists) but that didn't mean we were cowards who were to be ignored.

"Herr Belischmidt would like to see you in his office." the younger man turned to leave and I was going to ask which one, before I realized that many of the troops called Ludwig this while calling Gilbert by his name. Perhaps it was so that they weren't confused when told to speak with one of the commanding officers. I yelled to my troops that training would be done for the day when they finished their laps and left my fratello in charge of watching them finish.

"ANY OF YOU BASTARDS WHO DON'T FINISH IN THE NEXT 15 MINUTES IS TRAINING WITH THE GERMAN TROOPS FOR A WEEK!" Lovi yelled as soon as i handed the clipboard over to him. I shook my head making my way to Ludwig's office, wondering perhaps if he was going to explain why he left those years ago or if he was going to say that he still loved me and wanted me, that he never wanted to leave me like that. I smiled sweetly winking at the infirmary nurses as they left the building through the door I held open. Granted I had never been interested in women beyond their outfits and hair, but growing up with a Mafioso nonno who had a different woman in his bed every night of the week after his wife died, it was difficult to not grow up and flirt with every pretty lady I saw. I laughed a bit at the memories it brought up. Every time I'd start chatting up a lady, Ludwig would get jealous over it and then deny it with a bright red face that exposed his complete embarrassment whenever I would ask about it. in what seemed like no time I had reached Ludwig's office. I knocked gently and waited for a response. After a few moments I went to knock again when the door swung open to reveal a tired looking Ludwig.

"Ja, come in Herr Vargas." I narrowed my eyes a bit at that. What did I never mean anything to him? Or was this just business?

"Don't start that with me Ludwig." before he left me I can honestly say I never was like this. I can say that I was a bit naive to think that I would always be Ludwig's 'Feli' or 'Mein Liebe' never 'Herr Vargas'. No, that's what Ludwig was supposed to call nonno, and maybe even Lovino. That as well, I was never ever angry before unless someone hurt my family. But now I spent a great deal of my time trying to hide my anger, and I'd gotten good at it; the only reason I was acting like this was because I hadn't built up an immunity to him. I still love him and it makes me mad that it's like this, why can't I get over him already? It's been 10 years, and HE left me not the other way around.

I was pulled from my thoughts as a deep voice apologized. I whipped my head up from my staring at the floor. His tone sounded hurt, I wasn't expecting that.

"I apologize, Feliciano; I didn't even think you were going to recognize me. Much less want me to call you by your first name." I stared at him, his Icy blue eyes looked watery, and it was odd to see. The scene was actually kind of adorable, so I took a mental picture before logging it into the back of my mind with some of our better memories.

"Forget? Ludwig, please. I have a tattoo in fucking German on my shoulder blade. Am I really gonna forget that?" his eyes widened, what did he think I would forget that too? Or even cover it up/ remove it? No, not as long as I live. He may not love me anymore but that doesn't mean the feeling is mutual. I'm not as stupid as I seem.

"Sorr-"

"STOP SAYING SORRY! If you're really sorry, why'd you leave?" I cried, tears started running down my face. I didn't hear his approaching steps but I felt it when his hands started trying to wipe my face. I also felt it when he kissed the top of my head, he was reverting back to how he used to stop my crying. I sniffed as the tears began to subside. "I-In the note you didn't even say you L-Loved me. W-What was I supposed to think?!" I choked out between my dry sobs.

"I had to leave, I was set to turn 18 soon and I had to join the army. I couldn't just disobey my father" Ludwig told me. "It was hard enough to leave like that, that's why I gave you this. I'd hoped you would understand." He touched the silver chain around my neck.

"And you couldn't have stayed until I woke up? Or even wrote a simple 'I Love You'? I have been hurting because of this, for 10 years!" I said, my anger boiling up again. "And then you act like nothing happened! What was I just a toy? I can't-" he cut me off.

"I still Love you Feli."