Chapter 11
Lilith smiled thinking that she had gotten rid of Sam. It was a surprise to see Sam on the ground protecting himself but even more surprising was seeing Angela standing in front of Sam. Lilith took in the glowing orbs that she recognized from Vera and the billowing locks that had fallen loose from the tidy coil Angela had worn and the humming blade that was in the girl's right hand. What terrified Lilith the most was the look of pure rage on Angela's face which was even more scary with the blood pouring from her nose.
Angela was aware that she was angry. She was extremely angry. Lilith took Dean but she was damned if she was going to take Sam. Rule number one was most important. She reached deep down and somehow she managed to protect herself but she also detected something from Sam. No matter since two against one were better odds anyway.
When the light died down, Angela saw Lilith looking startled. She said unaware that her voice sounded slightly warped, "You look surprised Lilith."
Sam slowly lowered his hands when he realized that he wasn't dead. He looked up to see Angela standing in front of him holding Absolution and Lilith looking confused at what happened. Did Angela do something to protect him? Or was something up? It was disconcerting though to find that he was on the ground and Angela was standing straight up. He listened to her voice and frowned a bit at having never heard it sound like that before.
He stood up and gently put a hand on Angela's shoulder. It was a relief that she didn't attack him but it was disturbing that she seemed to have eyes only for Lilith. A glance told Sam that Lilith was in shock and surprise. He moved to stand beside Angela who was just looking at Lilith. "Angie?"
"Bet the bitch was expecting me to kill myself again," Angela replied.
There was less warping of her voice but it was enough to have Sam be a little alarmed. He took a step forward to get her to focus but was nearly stopped when Lilith motioned with her hand and said, "Back."
When nothing happened, Sam took a few more steps. Angela was beside him, moving with him. She had Absolution. They were covered even though Ruby's knife was on the ground. He just had to bend over and pick it up.
"I said, back," Lilith repeated as she stepped back and tried to use her powers. She was confused as to why they weren't working. There was no way that Absolution was able to do that. She didn't have the juice for it. Something was up with Sam too.
"I don't think so," Sam and Angela said at the same time. Sam raised the knife and Angela stood ready to thrust Absolution into Lilith's gut.
Before they could do that, Lilith smoked out. There was no way she was going to stay where she was vulnerable. Absolution and that little knife had the ability to hurt her. Besides she had seen the look in Angela's eyes. It was a look that said she was going in for the kill and that there would be no mercy no matter what. She had to get out.
Angela raised her free arm to shield her eyes and Sam was doing the same. As she watched the smoke disappear into the vent, she felt her rage die. It was like since the cause was leaving, there was no reason for it. She calmed herself down as the last of the smoke cleared out and slowly turned to look at the corpse that was Dean on the ground. She didn't move at first as the image soaked in and for the first time since she had started out with Absolution, she dropped him with a clang.
Sam was already making his way towards his brother. His lip was quivering and the tears were coming. He kneeled and slowly raised his brother to hold him. "No." The tears were pouring out of his eyes.
Angela was more silent in her tears. They were pouring as she walked, stepping around the body that housed Lilith and Ruby, and kneeled beside Dean. It had been a long shot when she came up with the idea of a doppelganger to get in and check to see if Lilith made changes to the contract but it worked in that she was still standing and she tried. She just wasn't fast enough and it was little comfort that she had been able to get in without Lilith noticing. It just didn't matter now that Dean was dead.
She kneeled and put her hands in her lap and wrung her hands as the tears flowed. She felt morbid that she knew she had one thing left and that involved her going to hell. Yet her heart wasn't into the urgency now even though she knew that she had a small window of opportunity. Her brother was taken from her just like everything else that was good. She just wanted to take her anger out on everyone that did that and tried to do and it didn't matter if it was human or not.
Sam was hurting and that made her angry too. She was hurt and angry because he was hurt. She was afraid to touch Sam as he cried over his brother's body. Instead she reached out to grasp Dean's limp hand and held it as she hunched over. The tears dripped down her nose and mingled with the blood that was still dripping. Her shoulders were hunched over as she leaned over him and tried to breathe. She could hear Sam calling his brother's name as she closed her eyes as the tears leaked out.
It was still new to her in terms of tapping into the spirit realm. She rarely used her healing ability that far and the few times she tapped in, she had no idea how she did it. She did learn the power of emotions and what one could do with them in terms of tapping into the spirit realm. That was what she did as she held onto Dean in her grief. It was then she heard, "Somebody help me! Sam! Angie! SAM!"
A slight moan caught her attention and Angela saw Cerebus in his visible mode limping. His body was caked in blood as he made his way towards Dean's body. He nuzzled Sam and Dean as if that would get Dean to get up and move. He whined in sadness and tried licking Dean's face as his huge body started sinking towards the ground in weakness from loss of blood.
Sam couldn't stop the tears. He had lost his brother. He glanced over and saw Angela holding onto Dean and hunched over. When she sat up, her sides heaving as she tried to breathe, he could see the tears and the blood on her face. She was not a crier by nature and yet to see her cry, it felt like… It sort of hurt and wrung at his heart. It was a surprise when she backed away slightly when he reached to touch her hand. He knew it wasn't him but all the same…
Angela slowly and fluidly stood up and walked over to put Absolution back on her back in its sheath. She then walked over to pick up Cerebus. He wasn't going to make it back to the house they were squatting in. She patted his head and murmured that he was a good boy. She looked at Sam while giving a final pat to Cerebus' head and stood up to head towards the front door.
"Angie?" Sam managed to get out as he watched her walk to the front door.
Angela paused at the door and looked in Sam's direction before opening it. Sam thought the worst; that she was going on a kamikaze mission and kill herself. He looked at Cerebus who lifted his head and moved his body into a protective position of Dean without being told. Sam trusted the hell mutt and thought it cruel to expect him to do anything but he had to stop her from doing anything stupid.
Sam made it to the front door and saw Angela looking at the demons still being held back by the sprinklers. She was looking at them with a firm stance as if daring them to come through. She said, "It's over. Queen bitch is safe for now. Do you really want to fuck with me now?"
It would have sounded strange to outsiders but it seemed to do the trick. Sam watched as the demons paused to consider. He looked at Angela who was just standing there but her posture told him that she was ready to fight. The demons cleared out after considering everything and clearly decided that it wasn't worth it to mess with her. It was only then that she turned to look at Sam and return to get Dean and Cerebus.
Gabriel looked up at the sky as midnight came and went. It was done then. Dean had been made into dog chow and was dead. He knew that because he felt it. She was grieving and she was pissed. Angry at whom, he could guess unless it was a what and that was up for grabs. He felt it and wanted to go there but he got the feeling that she would not want it at the moment.
"I take it has happened?"
Gabriel turned to glare at Faisal who was standing there being smug about it. "Fuck off Faisal."
"I told you the elder Winchester was going to die no matter what she did. She didn't have what it took to chase her and get her before the end."
"She's not a killer Grandpa Vamp," Gabriel replied as he crossed his arms over his chest.
"It's in her blood. It's what she is. She has the blood of the vampire in her veins and she won't be able to deny her nature forever." Faisal took a few steps forward. He knew he probably deserved a proper ass kicking but he was a firm believer that everyone succumbed to their nature eventually.
"She will because it is in her nature to care," Gabriel retorted. He turned to think inwardly about what Cat's next move would be. If he knew his girl and if she really cared about something, she would do what it took to get it even if it was going to be detrimental to her state of mind.
"And look where that has gotten her. The youngest died and we all felt what happened there. The eldest made the deal and now he's dead," Faisal pointed out. It's what made him the asshole among his peers but someone had to be otherwise things wouldn't be considered and ever gotten done. "She probably wanted to exorcise Lilith from the little girl she took residence in before killing her. The bleeding heart is her weakness."
"Did you ever stop to think why she is who she is?"
"This has been a mess since day one. The pit should have taught her to be tougher and to not make attachments. She hasn't learned."
Gabriel turned to look at the vampire. He narrowed his eyes and replied, "And I hope she doesn't learn because then there will be nothing left if she does."
"You seem to have confidence her way will succeed in the end and you were the one that told the youngest that this kind of thinking leads to nothing but pain. You are such a hypocrite Gabe." Faisal shook his head as he walked around.
Gabriel paused. Maybe Faisal was right in that it was hypocritical but as far as Cat was concerned, she learned and had faced those tough choices. It's what made her try harder in many things. He replied, "She's smarter about it. It's why she tries so hard." He turned to look at Faisal and added, "That is why you can't understand her. It's why you can't understand any of the dhampirs that aren't renegades."
"Oh and you are such an expert considering that you are given orders to kill the Nephilim where you find them," Faisal spat. Oh yeah he knew about that little business that started way back when.
Gabriel knew about that. He didn't partake in the initial fear of them. At least they mellowed out except for a few that were just plain dicks on the whole. Cat though showed him differently and he helped her establish the means of protecting them. She showed them how to protect themselves and they were doing fine the last he checked. He replied, "Only the dicks do that and they have been doing pretty good with themselves."
Gabriel thought about what Cat was going to do since he figured that she was going to go to hell. There was the direct approach and that was using someone like him. It was how he got her out the last time she was in the pit; though she did most of the working getting to that point. The other option she had was the hell gate option. That meant that she would need to find a natural hot spot source, a devil's gate or create a hot spot. He had a pretty good idea what she was going to do.
The debate was whether or not he was going to do anything about it. He really didn't want her to go back. He knew what she went through in there and he still was paying the price for that. It was one of the reasons why he had stayed away for so long. He didn't want her to go through that again but knowing her, she would say something about good hearts not deserving hell. He knew that he had to talk to her. That was the plan. He just had to make sure Faisal didn't know.
"So I've heard. She has to toughen up for the fight ahead," Faisal said with a slight shrug of his shoulders. "Let her mourn and let me take her off your hands."
Gabriel turned to look at Faisal. He wouldn't do that. "She's not chattel you dick." He then left the vampire. He would talk to Cat.
Faisal looked at the empty space that the angel once occupied. He pushed buttons but he told it like it was and offered to help. The way he saw it, there was going to be no place for the bleeding heart business. He looked at the area and knew that the angel was up to something. Absolution was in a grieving state but she mustn't be allowed to do something stupid. He would find out.
Cerebus let out a slight moan as the bandage was tightened around his middle. Angela gave a sorrowful expression and said, "I'm sorry boy. I know this hurts."
Cerebus moaned again but not from the pain of his injuries. It was more out of sadness. He looked up at his alpha with sorrowful eyes.
Angela put the finishing touches on the bandage and made sure that it was firm and tight. She heard him moan and looked at him and caught a blast of the pitiful puppy look that was creepy coming from him. She rubbed his head gently and gently pulled on one of his ears. "It's okay boy. You did good. It's not your fault… It's mine."
"Do ya mean that Angie?"
Angela looked back towards Bobby. She raised her brow slightly as she tried to recall what he had been doing since they got Dean out of the house and away to leave everyone else sort things out. That was after she coached the family about what happened and it worked… at least she thought it did. No one was pestering them in this empty house. She replied, "Everything usually is. Besides it's my fault that Dean got into this mess."
Bobby watched as she gently petted the hell mutt. Cerebus looked more sad than in pain. He looked at Angela as she stared straight ahead not really looking at anything still kneeling. "Yer still blaming yourself for the choice he made back in Cold Oak? That's a load of bull and you know it. Dean knew that too. What the hell is the matter with ya?"
"You three always ask questions that you seem to know the answers to," Angela replied as she slowly stood up. She rubbed her hands together feeling the dried blood crumble through the friction. "Time is fluid Bobby. If I hadn't been so foolish, the demon that caused the boys so much pain would never have been released. Sam wouldn't have died and Dean wouldn't have made the decision he did and we wouldn't even be here."
Angela turned to look at Bobby. Her eyes were drawn in that pensive gaze that often held the mixture of emotions that she was struggling to hold in. "In the end it is my fault. I didn't fight hard enough and Ruby was right in that I was not and still not willing to cross certain lines. If I had, then it would have worked out differently."
Bobby studied his girl's expression. At least he wasn't seeing what he saw in Cold Oak. That was something he didn't want to ever see again as long as he was alive. She had started down on a spiral then but Dean's deal pulled her out. It was rather twisted in that Dena did right by her then considering the secrets he was keeping as part of his word to that goddess. She was still in mourning though but she seemed pretty well held together.
Bobby knew though that it was a façade. She admitted it as much to him in one of their talks and he didn't understand why she didn't allow the boys at least to catch her when she felt like she was falling. She was perfectly willing to fall alone and he didn't like that and he was sure that the boys didn't either. He took a step forward and replied, "And if it worked out differently would ya even be here?"
"Probably not and it would have been for the best," Angela replied even though she knew that was a total lie. If that were the case, she would never have met the boys; she would never have met Sam and to think of that was actually more painful than being stuck with a blade.
"Bullshit." Bobby realized that it came out much harder than he intended it to be and would have apologized but sometimes you needed a bit of tough love. "You would have been the same miserable bitch then as you are now."
"I'm glad somebody still sees me as a bitch," Angela replied in sarcasm.
Bobby frowned at her and was actually ready to throttle her for some of the stupid stuff she said. This was actually the worst since she was in that really bad habit of seeing herself less than human still. "Don't be a smartass. It doesn't go well with your usual emo brooding bitching self and frankly it's getting old."
"In case you haven't noticed, I am old," Angela countered. She just continued to rub her hands for the lack of anything better to do. "I warned you about damaged psyche."
"And here I was thinking that you were getting past some of that."
"Old habits die hard, Bobby," Angela replied tiredly. She took in the look of exasperation. She felt defeated and weary of everything and there was still one more thing left to do. "What do you want me to say? It seems that no matter what I try, something happens. I still ask myself why I even made more of the damn promise I made to John than I intended to."
"I don't know because you are you and you have a caring nature," Bobby replied in sarcasm. He knew that she responded better to that. "You've had plenty of chances to walk away but you didn't."
"Yeah that was my mistake."
"Why didn't ya then if ya think yer such a bad seed?"
Angela paused a moment. No one really ever asked her why she stayed. Most of the time, they asked why she tried so hard or some other question similar to her activities. Standing there though as she thought about it, there really was no difference in her response; she had the same answer now and it was really why.
Bobby watched her think about it. He could tell that she was really thinking about everything and guessed that she had been asked that question if ever. She probably gotten asked why she did things the way she did and she had a standard answer for them. This time though it seemed that something struck a nerve. "Well? Ya got an answer or you really have no clue?"
Angela replied softly, "I do but it is not right. Not for someone like me." She shook her head slightly at that.
"Now what the hell is that supposed to mean?" Bobby frowned at that.
"Exactly what it's supposed to mean," Angela replied as she turned to walk away.
Bobby saw the calm she started exhibiting. That didn't spell to be a good thing in his book. When that happened that meant that she was shutting herself off from everyone. He didn't mind if she did that to him but she better not as hell do that to Sam. He started after her, ignoring the hell mutt and he grabbed her upper arm, "Angie, what do you mean by that?"
"There is a reason vampires don't fall in love with humans Bobby," Angela replied as she looked at the grizzled hunter in the eye. She gave a slight pensive look that was on par with Sam's kicked puppy look. "And someone like me shouldn't at all."
Bobby studied the look. He listened to what she was saying. She wasn't making much sense. "That's a load of crock and you know it."
"It's why I've lived as long as I have and why people don't die when I pass by. I don't touch anything. Here I touched and I got burned and in so doing, I burned the very people that mean something to me." Angela looked in the direction where her car was. She then glanced at the sky as she thought about something. "I don't want to leave but I have to. Once I get the gate open and head in, I'm grabbing Dean and getting him back… then I'm back on the road."
"So yer gonna just leave us with our asses flapping in the breeze provided everything goes right? What idjit put that into your skull?"
"This idjit did," Angela replied motioning towards herself. "I can't explain it but ever since I was brought back from the dead, things happened. It was like it jump started my abilities to the levels that scare me. I don't know what happened in that house when Lilith tried to kill us. All I know is was that I was very, very angry and I wanted to torture the bitch before a whole bunch of other things that I am surprised I was able to think of. I find myself doing things that I don't know how…"
"We kind of solved that with your healing ability explanation," Bobby interrupted. He knew what she was getting at. He knew because the goddess mentioned who she was and he made the decision to be there for his girl to guide her as she needed it. The girl was scared and in her mind she was doing what she perceived as being the right thing.
"Bobby," Angela replied closing her eyes, trying to be patient in her explanation, "You and I and the boys know at some degree we don't know what I did. It's happened enough to be that it's not some fluke but something that I am capable of. If I know it, that means they know it too and that puts everyone at risk."
"So yer thinking that the only person you'd be hurting by leaving is you? How big an idjit can ya be?" Bobby looked at Angela incredulously. "You walked in and stayed. You left yer mark on us. That just doesn't go away. You'll be hurting us." Bobby knew it was going to be a low blow to use this card but hell if Dean could do it… "You'll be hurting him; hurting Sam."
Angela felt her lips quiver and she felt ashamed that tears were starting to fall again. She never cried and now she felt weak for doing so. She gave a slight sniff and replied, "That is a low blow Bobby even for you."
"It's the truth. I ain't blind. I know how much Sam cares about ya and if you were to go, it would be like cutting his legs out from underneath," Bobby replied. It was a surprise to see her cry and he wasn't sure what to do. "Besides do ya really think that doing rule number one from afar would cut it for Dean and you?"
Angela couldn't help but choke out a laugh even though she was blubbering like a baby. "You really know how to strike a nerve old fart."
"You do too and because I'm smart," Bobby replied with a slight smile. "Look, I'll help ya with setting up for what you are planning but ya have to say something to Sam at least."
"Get his hopes up?"
"Be honest. Isn't that what got ya into trouble before?"
Angela sighed as she wiped the tears away. "Yes. It is. It's just that it hurts to get their hopes up and then have it dashed on the ground to pieces and maybe it's because I view the world differently. I am an old broad you know."
"And still looking like yer twenty."
"Dirty old man," Angela teased. She composed herself and nodded, "Well, I guess I better get started. Once we plant the package… that's when I can start."
Bobby wasn't pleased that she hadn't said anything about telling Sam her plans. In his mind the boy ought to know. He didn't like it but he couldn't force her to say anything unless he put them together and locked the door but she was cleverer than that. He would just have to go along with it and hope for the best.
A/N: The aftermath of Dean's death. So much tears. More to come on No Rest for the Weary...