Chapter 3

Several days flew by, and Carter was getting worried. She had not heard from John since he had rescued her from the worst date ever and she was terrified he had been hurt or killed. She quietly ran searches on her police computer looking for any incidents with the Man in the Suit. She found several, but nothing to indicate that John had been injured. There was nothing to explain his sudden silence. He had put a world of hurt on some bad guys, though; Joss heard a rumor that the US Army was sending doctors to the local trauma centers to so they could practice treating gunshot wounds.

Fusco excused himself at some odd times, and wouldn't tell her where he was going, so Joss knew he was still working with Reese and Finch. She had no idea why she had been cut out of the team. For the first few days she assumed it was because the CIA was back and following her. But the CIA did not hang around very long and John did not reappear when they left.

Her texts and calls to John went unanswered. She checked her burner phone constantly; but there was no response. She went over and over their last few conversations in her head, trying to figure out what she had done or said to cause John to cut her loose, but she could not think of a single thing.

After that wonderful dinner they had shared, the way he had looked at her, the way he had kissed her, she began to think that maybe John had cared for her beyond a professional capacity. He had even asked to see her again. She could only conclude that he had changed his mind, or just got caught up in the moment.

Her heart broke. She had been right about John's feelings for her all along. She had just been another asset and now for some reason her usefulness was over. He had her heart in his large, elegant hands, and he'd simply dropped it in the dust and walked away. She was the nerdy girl in the back of the classroom, mooning over the star quarterback, and the star quarterback didn't even know she existed. No, take that back, it was worse than that. The star quarterback did know she existed, he just didn't care. And for Joss, thinking he didn't care was the hardest part of all.

One night, about a month after her dinner with John, she gave in to the sadness for a brief time. Taylor was off with friends at the latest action movie, and she was all alone for the first time since John had inexplicably vanished from her life. She had a couple of glasses of wine and broke down crying. She missed him, missed his smirk, missed his gorgeous blue eyes, missed his teasing, and missed his very presence.

Joss had been alone for a long time after the death of her husband and she had adjusted to it, but she had never liked it, not one bit. For all her tough talk of being able to take care of herself, she missed having a partner who had her back, having someone she could count on. She had no one, she was all alone.

Then a tall, handsome ex-CIA operative saved her life in a dark alley, knelt over her as she writhed in pain on the ground, and softly told her she was not alone.

For a while he made good on his promise, she was not alone, and she liked it. For probably the first time in her police career, she had someone who would watch her back. She had someone she could trust, someone to rely on, someone who always seemed to be there when the bullets flew. Someone she had grown to love. And now that person had inexplicably removed himself from her life without so much as a good bye.

She was alone, again, and she hated it.

Only she wasn't completely alone. At Reese's directive, Finch had been monitoring Carter in case Elias came after her again. He heard her crying, and his heart sank. All that Finch had feared was coming true.

Reese had been adversely affected by his separation from Joss. He was angry and on edge all the time, and every call and text he got from Carter that he couldn't answer only made him angrier and more on edge. He missed her deeply, even more than he had thought he would. There was a dull ache in his chest that just would not go away.

Reese had walked away from Jessica, he thought he could walk away from Joss. But he discovered that walking away from the woman you loved didn't get easier each time you did it. Quite the opposite, it got harder. Much, much harder. He was unprepared to deal with how much harder it was.

With Jessica, he'd had 4 days, with Joss, he hadn't even had 4 hours. He had been able to touch Jessica, to make love to her, be part of a couple with her for a few months. With Joss all he had was one kiss. One wonderful kiss. John wanted more, but he couldn't have it and it was killing him inside.

He regressed back into the dark place he had been when Finch found him, and the good man the Finch knew was there retreated from the light again, hiding from the pain of losing someone else that he loved.

Finch was beyond despair, he had no idea how he was going to get Reese back on the road to recovery. So when he heard Joss crying, he calmly called Reese into the room. Reese walked in and heard the sound. He frowned, "What is that?"

"That is Detective Carter, crying over you, Mr Reese."

Reese didn't say anything, but Finch saw the flash of pain and uncertainty that crossed John's face. Reese turned and swiftly left the room. Out in the hallway, he leaned against the wall. He honestly had not expected the separation to affect Carter that much. Sure, they flirted back and forth, and she seemed to enjoy their date, but he had to practically beg her to let him take her to dinner. The major emotions that he seemed to evoke in her were annoyance and anger. He never thought that Carter would miss him, that she cared for him beyond what one would normally care for a rather annoying, but useful coworker.

But is seemed she did care about him, and she was hurting because of him. He hadn't wanted to hurt her, he only wanted to protect her, for her to be safe outside the reach of the ugliness that dogged his heels at every step. But he had hurt her, and he had no idea what he should do about it.

No, he knew what he should do, he would do what was best for her, regardless of how either one of them felt about it. Whatever her feelings for him were, and his for her, it didn't change the fact that his presence in her life exposed her to one of the most dangerous men in the CIA and he would not let that ruthless bastard Snow ruin her life. John knew that she was better off without him, and he would continue to stay away. She had gotten over losing a beloved husband, getting over losing a working relationship with a cold blooded killer should be a snap.

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More time passed.

Joss was a stiff upper lip type. She had a job she loved and a son she loved even more, so like the Royal Family, she kept calm and she carried on. She quit charging the burner phone, and sadly tossed it in a drawer, intending to send it a phone recycler at some point. But she never did; it was her only link to John, the only evidence that he was ever in her life at all, and she was reluctant to give it up just yet.

Finch continued to monitor her, and he was relieved to hear that she was recovering from her heartbreak, albeit slowly. He did not hear her cry again after that night, but he had no way of knowing how sad she felt inside. She put on a brave front, and those around her had no idea that alone at night she would lie in bed and wish she could see that handsome operative just one more time.

Every time Fusco snuck off with some lame excuse, Carter would look at him sadly, knowing he was going off to help John and knowing that she was not wanted or welcome. Those sad looks hurt Fusco more than he let on. He had badgered John to tell him why he had stopped calling her, but Reese had growled at him and refused to say anything.

While Carter was slowly recovering, Reese was taking longer. He was still tense and angry, still hiding his soul away from the light.

Finch was getting desperate; he had no idea how to fix the situation.