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Chapter 5

Carter left the warehouse fighting back tears. She didn't look back because she didn't want John to see her crying over him. She stumbled to her car and took off as quickly as she could. She needed to get away from him. She was so hurt and angry, and then he went and kissed her, like she was some sort of amusing toy to him.

She got home and miraculously there was a parking space right in front of her building. Her unsteady legs got her out of the car, into the building and up to her apartment before they gave out on her in her entryway. She sat on the floor, finally allowing herself to let out all the rage and hurt she had been feeling for months over John's abandonment.

She had known and accepted that Reese could never love someone like her. She was bossy, and by-the-book, she was a stick the mud, she wasn't a girlie girl, she wasn't anything special at all. But she thought he respected her, considered her a valued colleague. Now she knew he really thought of her as a child who needed to be taken care of. The worst part was that she had proved him right by walking into a trap and he'd had to rescue her.

Then he kissed her. God knows she had dreamed of that moment so often; she had wanted him to kiss her so badly, and for so long. But she couldn't accept his gesture of affection after he'd told her that she couldn't hack working with him. It made her feel so… disrespected. That was hard to take from someone she wanted as badly as she wanted him.

She cried and screamed herself out, on the floor of her entryway, then went inside, took a long hot bath and went to bed. But she couldn't sleep. For some reason she kept thinking about how cold and empty her bed was. She had felt like this for a year or so after her husband died, but she'd slowly moved past it and she hadn't allowed herself to think too much about it since. Tonight the loneliness punched her in the gut and she curled up in tight, miserable ball in the middle of bed.

The next morning she still felt like shit, but she had to go to work because she and Fusco had an early appointment with an important witness in their latest case. She dutifully dragged herself out of bed and into the shower. Fortunately her morning routine was so automatic that she could do it while she was more asleep than awake. Taylor was down south with her mother visiting relatives, so she did not have to get him to school.

She got to work only a little late. To her surprise, she found a large cup from the coffee shop down the street sitting on her desk, containing her favorite drink, done exactly the way she liked it, still piping hot. She looked around puzzled, who left that there? She asked Fusco if he had brought it, but he denied it; nor had he seen who had left it there. "Just enjoy it, Joss," he grumbled at her, frowning over the top of his reading glasses.

Taking a sip, Carter sat down in her chair and unlocked her file drawer. She pulled it open and extracted the file she needed to review before she and Fusco met with their witness. She opened the file, and sitting on top of the papers there was a post-it note with neatly printed writing, Forgive me.

Joss stared at it, stunned. There was only one person this note could have come from. She looked around the room quickly, but she didn't see Reese. How had he gotten into the precinct? She briefly considered that he might have enlisted Fusco's help, but dismissed that idea since it would have required Fusco to pick the lock on her desk, and she knew Fusco did not have those skills. Reese himself must have snuck into the precinct to leave the note and the coffee. Her heart felt a bit lighter for the first time in months.

Fusco and she left to interview their witness a few minutes later, deciding to take her car, since she was more familiar with the particular neighborhood where the witness lived. Joss went to get the car started, while Fusco took a side trip to the men's room. As soon as she got to the car, she saw another post-it on her steering wheel that read: I never meant to hurt you. She smiled, and put the note in her pocket.

The interview with the witness went well. The woman, a housewife in her thirties, was as smart as a whip and willing to testify in court. All Carter and Fusco had to do was wait for the Tox Screen to come back from the lab, and they had the case locked up for the DA.

They got back to the precinct around lunch time, and Fusco left her in the parking lot to go meet one of his CI's about another case. Joss walked back to her desk alone, where she found a bag from her favorite deli containing her favorite sandwich, a large soda and another post-it, this one read: I wanted you to be safe.

Joss sighed. She had always had a hard time staying mad at John, but he was really making it extra tough today. She hit CTRL+ALT+DELETE to unlock her computer, intending to eat while she typed up her notes on their conversation with the witness. Her computer screen sprang to life and the first thing she saw when she typed her password was a text file on the screen: I wanted the CIA to leave you alone. Snow is dangerous and I don't want him near you. He will hurt you to get at me. I couldn't live with myself if you got hurt because of me.

"Oh, John." Carter actually said out loud, getting a bit teary eyed. She finally understood that he had done the wrong thing, but for the right reasons. She wished the damn burner phone wasn't at home in a drawer. She needed to hear his voice, to tell him that she forgave him, to welcome him back into her life.

After printing out the note, she stashed it with the post-its in a folder and put them in her desk. She knew she was acting like a silly schoolgirl, but she was going to keep those notes forever.

She ate her lunch and typed up her notes, made some phone calls, read a coroner's report and generally went about her day for the next couple of hours. Fusco returned from his meeting with the CI with what looked like a good tip, so they decided to follow up. Once again they took Joss's car, and once again there was a post it waiting for her on the steering wheel: I wanted you to have your life back.

Joss stuck the note in her pocket before Fusco could see it, she would it add to the others later.

They returned to the precinct a short time later since the tip turned out not to be as good as they had hoped. Joss returned to her desk and opened the folder where she had put all the notes from John so she could add the latest one, and found yet another note: I should have asked you what you wanted.

Joss blushed; he had caught her keeping the notes! Now would be a very good time to die of embarrassment. But she had to smile; she should have known he would find out, he obviously was watching her very closely today.

Carter had trouble concentrating for the rest of the day; all she could think about was getting home and getting the burner phone plugged in.

She went to the Ladies Room right before she left work, and yet another note was stuck to the mirror: What do you want?

"John," she said out loud, "I appreciate what you are doing, but the Ladies Room is off limits, OK?"

She left and walked to her car, and she was a bit disappointed to find that there was no note on her steering wheel. "I guess he said everything he wanted to say." She thought.

She drove home, parked, and checked her mail on her way into the building. She almost squealed with delight when she unlocked her mailbox and saw another post-it on top of her mail: Call me, please.

Her feet barely touched the steps as she walked up the stairs to her apartment. John had lifted a huge burden off her today, not only did she know why she had been cut out of his life for the past several months, but now she knew that he did it because he cared about her.

She got to her apartment, unlocked the door and went inside. Quickly she took off her holster, and put her keys in the usual spot on the table by the door. She wanted to get to the burner phone in the drawer, to her link to John.

She hurried into her kitchen and stopped dead. There was bouquet of flowers on her table the size of a compact car. She put a hand to her mouth and got teary eyed for the second time that day. Stuck to the vase was another post-it: Have dinner with me?

She tore open the drawer where she had put the phone and dug frantically through all the odds and ends until she found it and its charger. She plugged it in with trembling fingers. She turned it on and punched the first preset.

"Hello, Detective. I take it you got my notes?" The familiar silky voice had its usual effect on her. She closed her eyes and smiled as her body tingled with happiness.

"Yeah, and the coffee, and the sandwich, and the flowers. I'll forgive you, this time, but don't ever treat me like a child again, John."

"I have learned my lesson, I promise. From now on I will treat you as the adult woman you are."

"Good. Then you may take me to dinner."

"I'm glad you said yes, because this could have been awkward if you said no," said a voice from behind her.

Joss snapped the phone shut and turned to see John standing there smiling at her. Smiling, not smirking, with a twinkle in his gorgeous eyes that made her knees weak.

She set the phone down on the counter and crossed her arms, trying to look severe, but failing because the corners of her mouth just could not help rising up and her eyes could not hold back their answering twinkle.

"You broke into my apartment. You're lucky I didn't shoot you."

"I thought I would take the chance. We did agree to a second date, if I recall correctly."

Carter looked Reese up and down. He wasn't wearing his usual suit, he was in dark jeans and a light blue polo shirt that made his gorgeous blue eyes stand out even more intensely than they usually did. Carter had to keep her arms firmly crossed to keep from touching him.

"So where are we going to dinner?" she asked with one eyebrow raised.

"Some place very special, and intimate and, as you can see, casual. Go change out of that Authority Suit, and grab a light jacket. Wear flat shoes, too."

Carter looked puzzled. John just grinned at her like the proverbial cat that ate the canary. Carter decided that since this was the man she trusted with her life and that of her son, she would just do as he asked. She had a feeling this was going to be something very special.

One more chapter to go!