Chapter 4

"We're going down!" The medicae inspecting Edmund's vital signs cried in panic and made a mad dash for the door. He flailed about wildly as the explosions wracked the ship, crashing into several carts of expensive looking equipment before finally running headfirst into the chief of the ward.

"Now calm down there, Shirley," the chief mocked. "While I sure you find it hi-i-ilarious to show the patients your hall of fame panic attack, this is a medical facility and if you wouldn't recklessly endanger the people whose lives I've been trying to save, thank you very much Wendell. Now, if you think you can stay sane enough to continue your duties while they fix this ship, Gertrude, I'd appreciate it very much if you'd stop screaming like the little girl that you are and get back to work."

What followed was perhaps the longest, coldest stare given by one man to another since the Emperor had faced off against Horus. Edmund took notes.

"Sorry," the medicae apologized sheepishly, as he walked back to Edmund's bed. "First time I've been in combat."

"Well, then maybe you should consider a darker shade of pants," Edmund advised, sitting up and stretching his arms. "Can I go now?"

"Well… yes, but don't you think it'd be safer to stay inside until they get the situation out there under control?"

"Yes, but the outside has the wonderful advantage of not being run by jerkass medical personnel, so you'll forgive me if I say that I'll take my chances with an explosion."

With that, Edmund pushed the young medicae aside and strolled out into the pandemonium of the ship's hallway.

"Percy! Percy!" Edmund yelled, banging on the psyker's door. "Open up and tell me what the Warp is going on! Are we under attack, or has the machine spirit decided to develop a particularly bad case of whooping cough? "

The door opened to reveal Percy and Baldrick, both fluttering about in a state of extreme panic. To Edmund's great misfortune, they both proceeded to cling to him for support, babbling almost incoherently about sabotage. With great effort, Edmund detached Percy from his arm and kicked Baldrick away so that he could sit down on Percy's bed.

"Sabotage, you say. Well, I guess it was to be expected. First the poisoning, and now this. Probably the same person too. Bastard is ruining my day." Edmund groaned, helping himself to a generous amount of Percy's amasec. "I tell you, the poisoning made this personal, and the bombings make this… really personal! I am going to get that traitorous traitor and do things to him with a radish that would make Slaneesh himself blush in shame and mortification."

"A wonderful plan, my lord, as always," Baldrick fawned. "Though as we are currently having somewhat of a radish shortage, may I be so bold as to suggest the use of a turnip? I have one in particular that may be of some use to you, for it is shaped exactly like a -"

"That will be all, Baldrick." Edmund cut off hastily. "I'll just keep that filed away under the things 'I never wanted to know' portion of my memory. And now, since Percy looks like he'll burst if I don't let him say what's on his mind, I think I'll just focus on the marginally less idiotic one for now."

"Edmund, Edmund, how fortunate it is that I, the Lord Percy Percy, am descended from a long line of individuals with… The Gift!" Percy pronounced proudly.

"What, you mean the possession of an Ogryn-like level of intelligence?"

"No, Edmund, the other gift, the ability to sense that which is hidden in a person's mind! To peer into the depths of their ocular orbs and divine the motivations of their behaviors! To detect falsehood and duplicity by mere presence of being! The Gift!"

"Good Emperor, do you mean to tell me that you can find out who's been inconveniencing me all day?"

"Yes, Edmund, just get me close enough to whoever it is and I can sense him out for you!"

Edmund settled back in the bed comfortably. "Tempting. Of course, it's a pretty big ship, and most of it's damaged and sealed off…"

"Fear not, my lord, for I have a cunning plan!" Baldrick announced helpfully, ducking the empty glass of amasec that was thrown at him for his efforts. "You see, as my dad always said, never sleep where you laid the train tracks, on account of my uncle having done so once and turning out very unfortunately for it. So, it strikes me that as this man has blown up parts of the ship, he won't be at those parts, but rather in the parts he did not blow up so he can continue sausagedogging the ship."

In contrast to the chaos outside, there was only silence in the room as Edmund made a note of the first genuinely good idea to come out of Baldrick's mouth since he had decided to cough up a small squig that had lodged itself in his throat fifteen years ago.