Chapter 5
After the initial explosions, things had calmed down somewhat. As per standard emergency protocol, the general staff and I found ourselves herded out of the meeting room and towards a more secure area of the ship, incase the attacks were not yet over. As we were bundled through smoke laden, alarm filled corridors, I could not help but wonder aloud why the Tau had decided to attack us in such an unusual way.
"You're still not reading the briefing slates, are you?" Major Brokaw smiled as we staggered into an emergency stairwell. "Due to the tardiness of the Imperium's response, an increasing number of PDF have defected to the Tau in hopes of protection. I can only assume that as a result, the Tau view the annexation of Tarantalus as the next logical step. As for the desperate acts of underhandedness, well, maybe the fact that you're arriving on the scene has got them panicking, O' Hero of the Imperium."
"Are you ever going to let me live that down?" I replied, remembering that he probably still had a copy of that ridiculous recruiting poster with my image on it.
We were filing out three stories up and on our way to an untouched cargo bay, so I held the door open for her as a courtesy. Before we could exit however, a panicking psyker pushed his way past the people ahead of us flung himself into the stairwell, babbling incoherently as he did so. I grabbed him and managed to bring him back to his senses with a sharp slap to the cheek, which regretfully made his message more coherent.
"There've set up a bomb here! It's going to go off in two minutes, and that was three minutes ago!"
"Once we capture this bastard, I'll probably get a nice thank you from Segmentum command as well as a fat, juicy promotion. I'll be able to retire to some cushy desk job at HQ and, most importantly, rub it in Darling's face." Edmund rubbed his hands gleefully, as Percy swept the unaffected areas of the ship.
"Percy, I really must thank you for helping me with this. Why don't you do this sort of thing more often?"
"Well, Edmund, you know how command gets about me using my powers more than absolutely necessary. It's like they think I'll get possessed if I start exercising them with any regularity. That and it occasionally causes people's heads to explode."
Edmund recoiled noticeably at the last statement and hastily put Baldrick between him and Percy as the trio swept yet another hallway. This time, the hallway led past a flight of emergency stairs and ended in a cargo bay.
"Empty, but traces of emotion linger in this place." Percy announced, as they drew closer. "He panicked over something. Frustration as well. Finally… satisfaction and happiness. Odd."
"Can't hurt to have a look." Edmund suggested, punching in the access code. The doors slowly hissed open to reveal mountains of crates stacked against one another under dim, flickering lights.
As Edmund looked around, he saw that one of the crates on the left side of the room had had its side torn out. He motioned for the other two to follow him and they cautiously tread into the badly lit room.
"What do you think was in the crate, my lord?" Baldrick asked, as he shone a flashlight into the crate, revealing tarp covered object. "Was he smuggling something?"
"The answer to your questions shall soon be apparent, Baldrick, as I pull the coverings off of the lumpy thing." Edmund answered nonchalantly, uncovering it in one smooth motion.
"What is it, my lord?" Baldrick asked, seeing that it was in fact several barrels wired together with a large digital clock on top.
"This, Baldrick, is the answer to the question of why this part of the ship was not attacked," Edmund explained. "You see this area was not left untouched so that the saboteur could have a safe spot to hide. Quite the opposite: it was probably unexploded because the bomb malfunctioned and had to be repaired. This means that in less than two and a half minutes, we will be blown to bits unless we can defuse the bomb."
"Right, well best of luck to you then, goodbye Edmund, it's been nice knowing you!" Percy pushed past Baldrick and made a mad dash for the exit, leaving Edmund and Baldrick in the room.
"Right Balders, it's just you and me. Got any more bright ideas, genius?" Edmund sniped, as he drew out a Cadian army knife and unfolded the screwdriver attachment. "Don't answer that, just watch my back as I try to fix this situation brought on, as usual, by my listening to your cunning plans when I should have known better."
He quickly found a panel above the timer and started work.
"Now, seeing as we will likely not be able to outrun this thing, and since the ship will probably go down with another explosion even if we do, I submit that our only course of action is to somehow defuse this thing without any training and relying solely on the blessings of the Emperor, a man known for hating my guts."
One screw was removed, and there were three to go. The timer showed two minutes left
"All, however, is not lost, as I have picked up though association some defusing tips that may assist us in this time of need."
Two screws were off, and there were two minutes left.
"Now, to make things easier for the bomb maker, detonators often have color coded wires. The standard convention is to have the wire leading from the timer to the bomb colored red. It is vitally important that we cut the right wire, because cutting the wrong one will send off as signal to the bomb telling it to blow up in our faces. This is a bad thing."
All four screws had been removed, and Edmund hastily pried off the panel and tossed it aside.
"Now, all the wires I see in this bomb are green, which means that this thing is very poorly designed and was most defiantly not made to be user friendly. We have one-half minutes left to cut the right wire, and there are twelve of them. Just wonderful."
"Perhaps we could remove the batteries, my lord?" Baldrick suggested, peeking over Edmund's shoulder.
"And then maybe we can plug them into your head to give your brain some much needed juice?" Edmund shot back, frantically untangling the wires. "Aha! There are only three wires connecting to the timer! There is yet hope!"
"One minute, my lord." Baldrick noted nervously.
"Here goes nothing." Edmund picked the wire that looked to be the best candidate, closed his eyes and cut it. He opened them to see the timer continue its march towards detonation.
"Oh feth…" Edmund quickly put the knife to another wire, his hands trembling as he did so. "Is it this one or the other?"
"Just choose! Cut one!" Balrick shouted. "I don't want to die!"
Edmund jerked his hand upwards, and the wire fell apart, but the timer remained unchanged. Fifteen seconds to detonation.
"My lord, I am sorry for getting you into this, and I want you to know that it was the greatest honor of my life to serve with you." Baldrick saluted, as the timer dropped to ten and below.
"Balrick, I want you to know that my only regret was that I DIDN'T HATE YOU MORE!!!" Edmund yelled, wrapping his hands around Baldrick's throat. "You miserable fething piece of frak!"
Edmund continued strangling Baldrick for a long time before realizing that they were still alive, albeit barely in Baldrick's case. A quick glance at the timer revealed that, though the timer had reached zero, and the bomb had not gone off.
"Silly me," Edmund shook his head. "Of course cutting the right wire didn't turn off the timer. That only happens in holo-dramas."
At that moment, Percy rushed back in to the cargo bay, followed by several ranking officers and a techpriest, who promptly pushed his way to the bomb and began a series of ministrations to the bomb.
"Fear not Edmund, we're here to save you!" Percy announced proudly, striking what would have been a heroic poise if it hadn't been for his psychic hood.
"Good job, Percy. Instead of bringing in the cavalry so that they could defuse the bomb on time, you arrived late and could have killed several Imperial officers. Are you proud of yourself?"
"Extremely so, Edmund!" Percy responded. "But it looks like you don't need the help here at all."
"Shame," a commissar joked. "I could have used some more death-defying action today, but it looks like you've sorted out the situation just fine. By the way, why are you throttling that guardsman?"