Chapter 7
"Well Baldrick, I think we may safely call this one a success after all," Edmund commented jovially as they climbed out of the fighters.
"Indeed it can be, my lord, though I must wonder why you saw it necessary to chase the man down given your usual penchant for staying out of the way when bad things happen."
"Baldrick, let's just say that I am a complex character with many motivations in life, and that the only sure lesson to be learned here is to not make me angry."
Edmund stepped through the hanger bay doors to be greeted by a glorious cheer.
"Hip hip hooray!" the crowd roared. "Three cheers for Commissar Cain! He shot down the traitor!"
Edmund sputtered incoherently as someone pulled out a guitar and started singing a hymn in praise of "the heroic deeds of Commissar Cain, Hero of the Imperium."*
"That's who that was? The tall git! He stole my kill and my credit!" Edmund fumed. "I get shot and while he presses a button on an automated weapons battery! That's all he did, press a damn button on a console – a heroic task, I'm sure, perilous in the extreme, with the change of a painful and burny death omnipresent. What do you think of that, Balders?"
"Hooray for the Commissar!" Balrick yelled as he made his way over to an impromptu beer stand.
"Emperor sod it all."
"Just keep scanning for that box," I told the gunner, patting her on the back as I let her back onto her seat. "If you'll excuse me, I think our superiors will want to hear of this – we've just lost our main lead on the case."
Out in the hallway, I was met with a grateful crowd, of the type that I had become greatly familiar with in my years as commissar. Knowing that any attempts to dissuade them from the idea that I had single-handedly saved the day somehow - I merely pushed a button after the gunner had figured out how to reroute power to the weapons array – I stood around awkwardly and endured their praises the best I could. However, the second time they decided to parade me about on their shoulders I felt I had to put a stop to their gratitude before the higher ups caught wind of what was going on.
Fortunately, help arrived in the form of a fellow commissar, whose presence I would learn to dread in the following months.
"Off, off, we need to get him off don't you know?" Commissar George barked, as he cleared a path with his swagger stick.
"Nice to meet you sir, what a smashing piece of work back there," he congratulated as he finally made his way over and liberated me. "Positively corking."
"Thanks?" I ventured cautiously, assuming that he was paying me a compliment. "Did you say something about getting off of here?"
"Oh yes, well quite, you see we're going to have to abandon this ship for now, and General Melchett has insisted that you fly in our shuttle, seeing as your regiment is on a different ship. If you'll just follow me to the hanger bay?"
"Well done Cain!" General Melchett greeted me as I climbed aboard his private shuttle. "Damn inspiring bit, blowing up the heretic. Best part of the day, isn't it?"
"Of course, sir. Nothing brings one more joy than seeing the enemies of the Imperium undergo explosive decompression," I agreed, casting my eyes out for Amberly. "Although I must point out that two guardsmen risked their lives keeping him in range until we were able to get the weapons online again. Guardsman Baldrick and his colonel, I believe. Perhaps some commendations are in order?"
"Blackadder?" The general's aid snapped in surprise, barely managing to suppress a burst of hostility. "What was he doing out there?"
"Evidently he knew how to fly," I shrugged, taking a seat opposite to the general.
"And damn fortunate it was, otherwise our man would have gotten away," General Melchett blathered on, in his usual self satisfied manner. "A round of commendations all around! Darling, make a note of it."
The sour faced aid scribbled something down in his dataslate, clearly unhappy with the recent turn of events, as the general dictated his plans for a speech and award ceremony.
"Pardon me," I asked, interrupting his thoughts on confetti, "But where is the Inquisition? I was hoping to report this matter to the Inquisitors as well."
"They requisitioned a shuttle and left as soon as the chaos had settled, on some Inquisitional business." Melchett replied. "Pity, wish they'd have stayed. The Whiteadders were so enlightening, with their many ways of roasting heretics and whatnot."
I nodded, glad that Amberly was safe. "And my aid?"
"Oh, well – he's with your regimental officers. I though that his… hygene issues may not have been appropriate for the General's shuttle," Darling explained. "Just settle in and relax, we'll be planetside and back together in no time."
"Hear hear!" George cheered, raising a flask. "Bottoms up to killing xenos for the glory of the Emperor. Time to show the insidious Tau and the villainous Ork that none can resist the armies of Man! Let's kick their differently colored arses from here to the old Bailey and then drop by for a drink, some darts, and a nice, piping hot potato!"
"Baa!" Melchett agreed.
*Ode to the Heroes of the Imperium, the main theme of the Commissar Cain holoseries. I had the misfortune to hear it sung about no matter where I went for the next day or so.