Dear Sempai

Disclaimer: I do not own SkipBeat! or any of the characters from the Manga.

Summary: Lory has conceived yet another devious scheme, wrapped in the guise of a LoveMe assignment. All the girls have to do is to write at least one letter a week to the person they respect the most. Simple… right?

Letter 17

Dear Tsuruga-san,

As you have demanded most persistently, I have re-written my bucket-list "without {my} constant self-deprecating comments." You will find said document attached.

Good day,

Mogami Kyoko

p.s. As these are my letters, I do not see why I should not be allowed to attach my thoughts. I do, however, acknowledge that a professional cannot communicate if she is constantly putting herself down. This was not my intention. I was merely acknowledging the superiority of others. I shall try to reform.

Dear Corn,

I am so happy that your letter found me here in Tokyo! Although Amsterdam seemed like a magical dream, the fact that I haven't actually met you and the fact that I have only received that one letter made me fear that it was only a dream.

I realize that I was foolish, and I apologize if it seemed as if I did not believe in you. It is only that I so appreciate being able to talk to you and have you respond! This may sound foolish, but since you left I have told you a million things, which, of course, you never responded to. Yet somehow sharing my hopes and fears and pains and sorrow with you helped me to survive and endure. In my flights of fancy I imagined that you, being a faerie prince, could somehow hear me. Now I know that it wasn't true… and though I should feel foolish, and perhaps a little angry…

I know that it isn't fair to think ill of you when you were only trying to humor a little girl. I loved to dream of far-off, happy places where I would go someday. You probably remember why. I don't hold that against you, so please stop apologizing. But I do feel foolish about sending my words into the vapor in the hope that they would find you. And yet, I cannot regret all of the times that I held your blue stone and recited my woes… because it… you… always helped me.

And because you have written half of a page insisting that I communicate freely with you about everything, I will thank you and I will continue to do so.

I need your advice. I am currently corresponding with my sempai, Tsuruga Ren, due to an assignment given to me from my talent company president, Takarada Lory. I was reluctant to write these letters at first, but he read each one carefully and even responded, so I began to enjoy the task.

At the moment I am thinking of discontinuing the letters… which isn't possible, of course, since it is a mandatory assignment and I would only get in trouble. The problem is that Tsuruga Ren gave me back my last letter and scolded me for being too "self-deprecating." He said several nice things about me (out of kindness, of course) and then told me that a true professional actress can never succeed with my attitude. He said, specifically, "You have to learn to love yourself." But isn't that arrogance? (not that Tsuruga-sempai is arrogant, of course, I meant isn't it arrogant to love yourself?).

If I were to be totally honest, I do realize that I have a low self-esteem issue. Tsuruga-sempai is not the only person who has said this to me. Perhaps they are right. My mother never wanted me and I could never please her. My childhood prince… not you, but the jerk who was supposed to be my friend… threw me away like a smelly, used dish-rag. And until I joined LME I didn't have a friend in the world. Those things tend to hurt a person's self-esteem.

Now I have a beautiful and talented best friend. I have another growing friendship with Amamiya Chiori. I know three pop-idols, the Ishibashi's, who are like brothers to me. I know the dearest little girl, the daughter of the company president, who calls me Onee-sama and who I love dearly. There are others who have also befriended me as well. And I have Tsuruga Ren as my sempai.

I cannot explain it clearly because I do not understand, but it makes my insides hurt when he is angry at me. Even when I know that he is right… and he almost always is, it makes something hurt inside. More than anyone else I want his good opinion, and yet I always seem to make him angry. This is why I am seriously considering going to Takarada-shacho and begging him to rescind his assignment. If I don't write to him, I will have less opportunities to anger him.

Please don't misunderstand: I don't blame him. I am sure that it is my fault, and I am trying to improve, but what if I improve too slow and he becomes so disgusted that he doesn't want to be my sempai anymore?

Can you tell me what you think of this? I crave your advice.

Please take good care of yourself, wherever you are.

Sincerely,

Mogami Kyoko

Dear Kanae-san,

You start work later than I do today, so I will be gone by the time that you wake up and read this. Thank you for attending Chiori-san's sleepover and for hearing me out. I'm glad that you understand why I can't divulge the secret. I will always be just as careful with your secrets.

I never want to do anything that will jeopardize our friendship. It is too important to me. So please, please don't refuse to talk to me again.

Oh, and congratulations on your new part! I know that we celebrated with your favorite ice-cream last night, but I still wanted to give you this special breakfast this morning. A good meal is important for the start of every day,

Gambatte!

Kyoko

p.s. Takarada-shacho texted our newest theme this morning and it is [an ink blot indicates that Kyoko hesitated too long with the pen nib touching the paper]… sorry for the messy letter, I am just a little apprehensive and embarrassed about the new theme: "The type of man I want to marry someday." That isn't the type of theme I want to write about to my sempai! Surely he'll laugh!

But our president included specific instructions: even if we don't believe that we will ever marry, we must still complete this theme "fully and honestly". What should we do? At least Chiori-san will be writing to another girl!