"Sooo," Mira drew out, causally laying an arm around the Exile's shoulders, "Zez-Kai's all ready for you, so you and I are gonna head up there and talk to him."
"Right." Avery turned from her viewing of the fountain next to Visas and waved a little as the two walked off. "I'll be back."
"Thank you for the lightsaber," Visas said quietly.
"Amazing what I found on that ship," Avery called past her shoulder.
"You know the old guy found me first?" Mira started. "He hired me to watch out for you, in fact. Had to keep Goto off your back until he could meet with you."
Avery only nodded, and Mira swung her head around to look directly into the Exile's face. "Holy bantha, are you nervous? What's your problem? Did you bang this guy when you knew him or what?"
"No! Come on now…"
"Okay, okay. Good. I was worried. The guy has waayyy too much of his hair down by his lip instead of the top of his head. It must tickle when he-"
Avery shrieked and covered her ears, knocking Mira's arm off her shoulders. The bounty hunter was laughing delightedly. "I was gonna say when he kisses someone, you perv. How could you assume anything else? I am offended."
"Oh, I'm sure you are," Avery said loftily. "I'm only nervous because I haven't seen him in a long time, and he's one of the few people in my life I really respected. Respect," she corrected. "He's one of a handful of sensible Jedi. I've looked up to him for a long time."
"Ah. Is that all?" She sounded a bit disappointed. "I was hoping for some sort of forbidden mentor-student stuff. Even if he is so old." She paused. "And hairy."
"Is this it?" Avery asked loudly, gesturing toward a complex they were walking past.
"You wish. It's two blocks down. Don't think you can just drown me out and change the subject. I'm too good."
"Oh. Great."
"So who have you done it with? Any other of your Jedi people? Ooh, or somebody more recent? That pilot guy is pretty hot, I gotta admit. I mean, his personality makes me think I won't get along with him at all, but his looks could make up for it."
"Mira, what are you talking about?" Avery was exasperated. The bounty hunter had been like this since Avery woke up in her safehouse and led her through the Jekk'Jekk Tarr.
"The pilot. He checks you out all the time. I figured he's dying to take you to bed, unless you've done it already. He didn't even look at me, you know. Like, look look. I didn't know what to do. If he didn't, that means he's got it bad. So is he any good in bed? No facial hair." Her eyebrows wiggled suggestively, and Avery finally laughed.
"Aw, damn. We're here. I'll hear about this later. For now, serious Jedi stuff." Mira took a few steps back as Avery walked up to the door. "I'll be out here when you're done. Figure you need alone time."
Avery smiled gratefully and opened the door.
Zez-Kai Ell was standing expectantly. He'd obviously sensed her approach, and he bowed his head courteously. "So you've returned from exile. Kavar thought you might, if only to wander your old battlegrounds. But I didn't think you'd come to Nar Shaddaa. Still," he sighed, "you were always a difficult one to read- both when you were tied to the Force, and even more when it was lost to you."
"Why did Kavar think I'd return?"
"He thought, or hoped at least, that he understood you. He sensed some connection between you and many of the worlds touched by war."
Avery sat on the beaten couch in the room, and as Zez-Kai Ell sat next to her, she managed her next question in a somber, low pitch. "Why was I exiled?"
"We told you it was because you followed Revan to war. But you ask because you're not certain of that answer." The great Master met her eyes directly and spoke in a frank tone. "The day we cast you out was the moment I decided to leave the Order. I do not believe we truly faced the reasons you were exiled, and if we do not examine such truths, we are already lost. I think…" He hesitated. "I think it was because we were afraid. It's a difficult thing to live one's life with the Force- to see a vision of what it would be like to be severed from it. It is more frightening than you know. You, the echo of who you were, frightened us," he finished sadly.
"And why did you cut me off from the Force?" She was sitting forward now.
"We did not. What caused your loss, I fear, was different. We didn't understand it then, and only recently do I feel we may have become enlightened. But does it matter? It seems your power has returned. Perhaps the 'loss' was not a loss at all."
"But at the end of my trial, you and the other masters said something had happened to me. What was it?"
His voice was truly full of regret as he replied. "I'm afraid I have no answer for you, as much as I'd like to give one. We vowed never to speak of it- and although I would not keep promises to Jedi, I keep promises I make to others. Then again, if we were gathered as one, then the promise may be revoked. Until then, I can say nothing."
She drooped, but then she frowned a little. "Do you know anything of Force bonds?"
"Well yes. The bonds are connections formed at moments of crisis, or in the slow understanding between master and apprentice. It's something you were gifted with, as I recall, before your fall. You formed such attachments easier than most- even to those who could feel the Force only faintly. That may be one reason you were able to channel great amounts of Force power from Jedi and Sith alike- even Vrook noticed, which is saying something."
Avery nodded, then looked back up into Zez-Kai Ell's kind face. "Now," he said firmly, "I must take up the role I was ready to cast aside. This threat has finally revealed itself, and we Jedi need to stand together. Before we leave, though, I'd like to teach you a lightsaber form."
As Avery took up the familiar role of the student to a master, she tried to quell her frustration at all the Jedi riddles. This was the most direct conversation she'd had with one in years, and even it was full of unanswered questions. As she continued to learn, though, her old stubbornness came back, and she drilled and practiced with Zez-Kai Ell until she understood the form as well as possible.
"Perhaps exile has been good to you," the Master remarked as they finished. "It has certainly not dulled your instincts, nor the speed at which you learn."
"Will you join the other masters if I can gather them?" Avery asked.
"Yes. I'll go to Dantooine, to the ruins of the Enclave. If you find the others, I will meet you there."
While she walked out, he said, "And…thank you, Avery. Your returning…it is good that you are back among us."
She gave him a small smile, turned the corner, and was gone.
When she walked out into the courtyard, she was almost overrun by Mira. "How'd it go? I didn't want to overhear any big Jedi secrets so I hung back, but now at least I know you were honest about there not being a past between you and the old guy. Unless he is insanelyquick about finishing-"
Avery was practically shouting. "SO, where's everyone else?"
"Just down here." She pushed a little on the Exile's back. "Everyone's gonna meet at the ship in about thirty minutes. I was hoping…" Her voice grew hesitant, the first time Avery had heard that sort of tone from Mira. "I was hoping I could be one of those people."
"You want to join us?"
The bounty hunter shrugged. "From what I've seen, you've got quite the job to take care of, and I could help, you know. I'm good at a lot of stuff- primarily surviving. I'm sure that skill would come in handy for the kinds of things you're doing."
The Exile eyed her. "If you volunteer, you have a high risk of getting killed. I know you're a great bounty hunter, but you need to be aware of the commitment you're making by joining the group."
"Why is anyone else doing it?"
"They all have their reasons, I guess," Avery replied timidly. "They all know how insane my goals are, and for a few I truly can't tell you why they'd be willing to die for something that…well, that they might not even believe in personally."
"You didn't ask?"
"Even if I did, I doubt I'd get a straight answer from most of them. Well, except Mandalore. He's pretty up-front. Nice change from the usual." She smiled wryly. "And…I wouldn't tell anyone else this, but…I'm afraid." Her voice dropped as she forced herself to admit the truth. "If I asked them, I'm afraid…that they'd realize what they're really doing, that they have no real reason to, and they'd leave. And I don't want any of them to leave."
"Based on what I've seen from all of them, I really don't think that would happen. I'd have my reasons for joining you too; if you'd let me, at least."
"Then welcome aboard, Mira."
The bounty hunter tried not to look too pleased as the two caught up with Visas and Atton, but it was difficult to contain her excitement. She was getting out of the city, going space-knows where, and probably risking her life for shaky reasons, and it was a surprisingly great feeling.
Hoping everyone else would return to the ship soon, the four entered the Hawk, where they were promptly ambushed by a ship full of mercenaries.
"Red Eclipse!" Avery shouted. "Visas, cover the ship to the crew quarters, and Atton, get to the bridge! Mira with me- leave one alive!"
Avery's lightsabers were instantly ignited, and she began deflecting the blaster shots. It was the best offense, considering the sheer volume of rounds headed toward her.
"Avery watch it SWORD!" Atton managed to holler.
She turned to see a double vibroblade swinging at her head. She dropped to one knee and ran a saber through the attacker's stomach. "Blades too? Great!"
The team dispatched all the bounty hunters save one, who Visas eyed with a hand on her new saber. Avery glared at him and waited for him to speak.
"You trespass on the territory of the Red Eclipse," he finally gargled. "We shall not surrender it without blood." He motioned to the body of a human on the ground. "We already caught this thief. We caught him as he crawled on board, thinking to steal this ship from us. If you cross us, you will end up like him- dead."
"Then you'll join the rest of your crew as corpses," Avery spat out. She motioned to Visas, who immediately ran him through.
The rest of the crew, luckily, arrived shortly, and everyone began the tedious process of getting rid of the bodies. When they were finally done, the ship left Nar Shaddaa, and everyone settled in. Avery couldn't wait anymore, however. She sought Kreia out.
"Yes? Have you come with questions?"
"Before, when you taught me to listen, as we entered Nar Shaddaa- I want to continue that lesson." The Exile barely repressed the excitement in her voice.
If Kreia was capable of smiling, she would have. She patted the ground in front of her. "Very well. Sit with me."
The two settled into meditative positions, and Kreia began. "You have brushed the surface thoughts of another. It is a start. Calm yourself," she instructed as Avery's heart continued to beat eagerly. "This time, silence your own thoughts. Keep them still."
As the Exile became serene, Kreia's voice began to echo in her head. "Imagine the waters of the Room of a Thousand Fountains, each stream suddenly falling silent and still. Imagine the ice of Telos, cold and smooth, as it gathers upon the plateau. Now stretch out. Feel the ship around you. Strip away the metal, and see the souls and minds of those that fill its corridors, with more thoughts and dreams and worries than can fill the space of this ship."
The Exile was struggling her hardest to become aware, to send out the energy she took so much effort to build up all this time, but she was too tentative. She was afraid to lose it. How had she learned all this before…?
Revan is standing behind her, strong hands holding her upper arms, his voice in her mind. "Smooth and still, Avery. Don't be afraid to expand- it will always flow back to you, no matter how far you send it away. It may take longer than you'd expect, but the Force connects you to all that you touch. That is your gift. You plant your energy, your being, into others, and that energy will always come back twofold. So strip away the physical walls your mind set up. See the minds of others through the Force."
Avery leans back into him, always her foundation, and at his reassuring squeeze, she could see the minds of her men. They are not afraid of battle, not afraid to die for her. She is their leader, and they fight for innocent lives while the great Jedi do nothing. They are fighting for the right cause.
As though Revan stood behind her still, she allowed his encouraging words to comfort her again. With a quick burst, she expanded her senses.
…as my feet walk from the ashes of Katarr, I shall not fear, for in fear lies death…
"Visas," the Exile whispered. She moved on.
…if I upped the tibanna gas levels in the carbine that would be enough to punch a hole even in triple-durasteel…and we'll need weapons like that if the Republic discovers the camp on Dxun…
Mandalore's thoughts were weighted heavily with worry and responsibility. She continued when she sensed Mira.
Never really been in a team before. Don't know if I can get used to this group effort kind of thing. Still, where else am I gonna go? It'll be nice to smell something besides the city for once, at least.
Avery smiled to herself. Then another voice drifted along, and she listened closer.
…switch the face of the +1/-1 card, the total is nine-ten. Switch the face of the +2/-2 card, the total is eight-eleven. Switch…
Avery frowned. Pazaak? Before she could complete the thought, she felt Bao Dur's thoughts reaching out, as if they were outstretched, eager to greet her.
Your command echoes still, General. And I obey, as I did at Malachor.
Avery's eyes snapped open, though she was still seeing in, not out. He…he recognizes me…
Malachor, Bao Dur's wisp of a thought brushed through.
Now do you hear me? Kreia pushed his voice away. Truly hear me?
I hear you. This…this is incredible…
"You have taken the first steps on a much longer road, Exile."
Kreia's audible voice jolted Avery out, and she looked at the old woman. "What about T3?"
"The droid cannot be read in such a way- as for the alien who served with you in the War, its thoughts are more difficult, requiring many translations in meaning. Often it is better to read their impulses and images than their spoken thoughts. That's why he is deaf to you- I have found his impulses are cold, like a dead weight; his thoughts are black."
Avery frowned. "But I did hear something from Bao Dur."
Kreia's voice grew icy. "Indeed. It is strange that I did not."
"Maybe it's because I know him better. I served with him."
"Perhaps." She still sounded disdainful. "I would not put much weight on such things."
"There was also something wrong with Atton's thoughts."
"Of course there was. It is because Atton was not playing pazaak, yet he counts cards in his head. At times, he will list of engine sequencers, memorize the hyperspace routes on the other side of the galaxy, count the ticking in the power couplings even though they are fixed. At other times, he will imagine certain…base lusts, certain…indignities. It may Atton is far cleverer than he feigns to be. Or perhaps he is simply a fool."
Avery nodded, standing. She'd heard that part from him personally. "Thank you, Kreia. Maybe I'll go see him, and see how his pazaak game is coming."
The old woman shrugged, and Avery left for the bridge. She walked up to where Atton was sitting and tapped his shoulder.
"Hmm?" He turned.
"Atton, why do you play pazaak in your head?" she blurted out at once.
He almost laughed, then rolled his eyes to the ceiling as he stood. "Passes the time," he said on a sigh. "It's better than listing off engine sequencers, memorizing hyperspace routes, or counting ticks in the power couplings."
She replied smartly. "There are no ticks in the power coupling- it's fixed."
"Of course it's fixed. And that's why you should count the ticking in the power coupling, too."
"You're not making any sense."
He took a moment, looking hard at her. Curiously, she began to grow uncomfortable as he stared, and she folded her arms behind her back.
"Why do I play pazaak?" he finally said. "All right. I'll show you."
"I don't want to play pazaak," she objected playfully.
"But we're not playing for credits. We're playing for something else. Are you going to play or not?"
She threatened him. "This better not be using Nar Shaddaa rules."
"Nope. Our clothes are gonna stay on. Do you want to deal, or should I?"
She sat down cautiously, and he brought out his well-worn deck. After a furious match- well, it was for Avery, while Atton was cool and amused- Avery threw her cards down with a noisy exhale.
"Good match," he complimented. "Now, what are you thinking about right now?"
"Wondering if you had a skifter up your sleeve."
He laughed out loud. "Right. And that's why I play pazaak in my head. Because if you don't, you've left the door open. And anyone could walk right in."
She was watching him, and her face fell. She scooted up to sit closer across from him. "Atton," she said softly, "before, I felt your mind. With Kreia's help. I'm sorry."
He smiled, although it didn't reach his eyes. He leaned in. "Of course you did. You see, Jedi- light or dark- do it, more often than you'd think. But I never heard one say they were sorry before. That's a new house rule."
"So, you play pazaak to shield your thoughts," Avery summarized.
"No. I play pazaak in my head. But while I'm doing that, it's a lot harder for someone to walk in."
"Can you teach me to shield my thoughts?"
"No. I can only teach you to play pazaak. Do you understand what I'm saying?"
"No," she countered stubbornly. "I want to learn to shield my mind."
He loved watching the intensity on her face, how she wouldn't give up on learning something until she understood it through and through. Finally, for once, he could teach her. He could help her.
"That's not something I can teach you- you've come to the wrong guy."
She was looking carefully at the slight smile on his face, and in the next second, he witnessed first-hand the comprehension light up her face.
"Then I want to learn to play pazaak."
"Good." He nodded in approval. "Now you understand."
He picked up the deck again, fully aware of how close she was. He waggled the cards in front of her face, and she grinned and shook her head.
"All right, I'll deal then."
When he was finished dealing, he stopped short and placed both hands on either side of her face, making sure she was listening. "If you're ever fighting someone who has the power over your mind, whether light or dark, play pazaak. Start listing hyperspace routes. Recite engine sequencers. And when they try to use their powers on you, suddenly it's not as easy as they thought."
Tenderly, carefully, he brought his forehead to touch hers, eyes closed. His voice dropped. "Because you'll be right here with me, playing pazaak, where they can't reach you."
Avery's eyes fluttered open as Atton drew back a little. She was so close, so still. Atton swallowed hard. As he leaned down with agonizing slowness, his blood began to rush. If she'd just let him, just for a second…
He could smell her hair, hear her steady breathing, and her lips were parted. His mouth made the barest, softest contact with hers-
As if he snapped out of something, Atton drew back and dropped his hands. Avery didn't move, just stayed where she was as he stood and muttered something indecipherable under his breath before clumsily backing out of the room.
As Avery sat amidst the scattered cards, her eyes closed again, and she took just a second to hear. Idiot, idiot idiot…almost blew it, gotta be the right time for her…Force I can't- she's just so- you can't just jump on her when she lets you get close- if I'm going to be able to- remember what happened last time IDIOT...
There was a brief silence, a pause in his thoughts, a moment of realization, then…Shuffle the deck, switch the face of the first card, +3/-3…