Dear Sempai

Disclaimer: I do not own SkipBeat! or any of the characters from the Manga.

Summary: Lory has conceived yet another devious scheme, wrapped in the guise of a LoveMe assignment. All the girls have to do is to write at least one letter a week to the person they respect the most. Simple… right?

Letter 18

Dear Tsuruga-Sempai,

I would prefer to address this letter properly, as you once insisted, to my "Dear Friend," but at the moment I am deeply ashamed after my previous actions towards you. I admit that I behaved poorly after you tried to encourage me to work on my low self-esteem problems. I should not have sent you that abrupt letter, nor should I have purposely avoided you for the next several days. I feel mortified by my childish actions.

You were right: I spend entirely too much time putting myself down. You are not the only person who seems to feel that way either. Mo [scratched out] Kanae-chan and Chiori-chan have both told me the same thing. The friend from my childhood, the one I recently heard from again, also seems to agree. This should have been enough, but it took the dual-efforts of Otou-san and Okaa-san to finally make me understand.

What Julie-san told me made the most sense. She told me that my mother probably had self-esteem issues that she projected onto me, and that I have believed a lie. Okaa-san made me list out everything that I considered to be the most important in a person, in a daughter, and in a friend. Then she pointed out that I had most of those traits (I can't help but feel that she might have exaggerated, but perhaps that is more of my bad habit speaking?). She told me that I would be shackled by my mother's words forever unless I chose to see myself as others (those closest to me) see me. She also told me that I would become like my mother if I didn't make a serious effort to change my bad habit.

So you were right. I will make a sincere effort to see myself as others see me, and I will make a sincere effort to allow people like you, my wonderful sempai and friend, to help me. So please forgive me for my earlier stubbornness and please continue to be the wise and kind person who always tries to help and support me.

Thank you, by the way, for what you said earlier today about already being proud of me. It meant a great deal to me even if I sort of hid from you for the rest of the day. I didn't know how to respond and I was so embarrassed by my previous actions that I needed time to think. Tomorrow I shall try to act normally again, I promise.

The topic for the week is [Kyoko's writing loses its elegance here for the next few sentences] "The type of man I want to marry someday." First of all, as my friend and advisor, you are already aware of the fact that I don't ever expect to marry, due to my other issue. Nevertheless, I will fulfill this assignment to the best of my ability.

The type of man I want to marry someday: I never knew my father, so I was not able to look to him for ideas in this; instead I have taken a look at the husbands that I do know. Truthfully, the only married men that I know well are Fuwa Chataro, Nisaki Daiichi (the Taisho of the Daruma-ya), and Hizuri Kuu. I will use each of these men to illustrate what I consider ideal.

Wisdom: I think that wisdom is important in life and in marriage. Fuwa Chataro and Taisho are both stern, taciturn men who say very little, but when they speak, they often show great wisdom. Hizuri Kuu often acts rather foolish in private, but when serious thought and sage advice is needed, he always surprises me. They say that wisdom comes with age, but working at a hotel, and then a restaurant, and also in the entertainment industry, I find that age does not necessarily guarantee wisdom. Sometimes wisdom comes early. You should understand this, since you have often given me wise counsel, even though you are still young.

Protection: Although I don't like to think of us as the weaker sex, there is comfort in knowing that there is a strong man who would do anything to protect you. I cannot imagine any person being foolish enough to offer harm to the wives of these three men. Still, some might try; Okaa-san is so beautiful that there are men out there who might behave foolishly toward her. If that were to happen, then I know that Otou-san would quickly shed his friendly-jokester façade and become… frightening. I believe that there is a time for such a change… and it is nice to know that there is a person nearby who is more than able to protect himself and me. [there is a small ink-blot here, suggesting that Kyoko allowed her fountain pen to sit on the paper while deep in thought]

Industry: For a man to be a worthy husband, he should be hard-working. The world is full of lazy people who do as they please, lay around on the couch watching comedy shows, and try to avoid hard work. But a husband has responsibilities that he should never shirk. I deeply admire each of the three men I described because they have worked hard throughout their adult lives. I cannot imagine any one of them lazing about or hiding from work. If I were to ever marry, I would want to marry someone who I could idolize as a man who uses his day well and who makes the most of every waking hour.

Devotion: This might sound odd coming from someone who has foresworn that other emotion forever, but when I think of each of the three men, I cannot help but think about the way that they adore and devote themselves to their wives. Hizuri Kuu, of course, is the most effusive and over-the-top in his actions toward Julie-san. I believe that he would spend every moment of his life with her, if he could. When I see the way that he looks at her sometimes, it makes something inside of me ache. Neither Fuwa Chataro nor Taisho are as demonstrative (I have to giggle at the image of Taisho acting like Otou-san. The image is too funny), but I have seen the same look on both of their faces as they look at their wives when they didn't think that anyone was looking. If I were ever married… [the rest of this sentence was left unfinished]

A Good Father: This is a little embarrassing to write about, but I suppose that it shouldn't be. One of the main reasons for marriage is to raise healthy and happy children. This is very personal with me. I never even knew my father. I also wouldn't want my children to have a father like Maria-chan's, who put his own grief over the loss of his wife as more important than his responsibilities toward his daughter. I cannot imagine any father who would not want to spend time with such a precious daughter. I realize that Otou-san is a little oyou-baka about his son, but I think that is better than to not care at all. Even though his son is not around (for some reason that I still can't decipher), Otou-san never stops thinking about him. I believe that the same is true with Fuwa Chataro; though father and son may have fought, I have to believe that he still loves him. [once again there is a drifting line across the page, suggesting that Kyoko was lost in thought]

Now that I truly think about it, I realize that the reason that I chose the three men as the ideal is that each of them, in their own way, has been like a father to me. Fuwa-san raised me when my father abandoned me. He taught me to cook and he taught me the value of hard work. Taisho, though he is my landlord and my former employer, has also given me strength and support. He is the reason that I stopped pitying myself and went back to LME after I failed the audition, and he has continued to push me and support me ever since. And as amazing as it all seems, Hizuri Kuu has all but adopted me. At first I thought he was only being kind or using me as a substitute for his missing son. Now I realize that he truly does treat me like his own dau… [The letter is smeared beyond legibility;probably from tears; making the remainder of what was written here illegible. The letter resumes on the next page]

I'm sorry for the mess that I made of this letter. I suppose that I became emotional as I finally realized that I have three fathers, all great men. If I ever had a husband, I would want him to be like them.

[The calligraphy in the previous section was a little erratic, but it resumes here in Kyoko's usual graceful and flowing hand]

I intended to end my list last evening, but after the mess I made of it, I decided to take a break and spend the rest of the evening visiting with Moko-san (oops, please don't tell her that I used her nickname in this letter?). We talked about the issue of an ideal husband, and agreed that my list was good. For some reason, she felt that I should add one more trait. I listened to her and agreed about the importance of honesty, though I don't understand why she was so adamant that I include this in my letter:

Honesty and Openness: To quote Kanae-san: "A person who keeps deep secrets can never be trusted." I think that her words are a little strong, so I will write this instead: Even if there are secrets that need to be kept from the rest of the world, I don't believe that a husband and wife should keep secrets from each other. There should be an important bond of trust that allows the couple to share everything about each other so that there are no misunderstandings later… and so that the other person can offer strength and support if needed. I have often observed that the three couples I mentioned seem to have deep secrets that are only shared with their spouse. It is as if there is one person in the world who knows the other so well that secrets are no longer necessary. I would like to be someone who my husband trusted so much that he was willing to reveal everything to me (obviously, this won't happen, but you can understand my meaning, right?)

Do you suppose that Moko-san has known someone who is keeping some deep, dark secret? Why else do you suppose that she would be so fixated on this issue? Surely Hiou-kun is too young to have any such secrets, right?

I should end this letter here. Sawara-san asked me to come in early today so that I can review several new job offers! I hope that at least one of them isn't a bully role.

Sincerely,

Mogami Kyoko

Dear Fuwa-samas,

I do not know how you will receive this letter, but I felt that it was long overdue. If you choose not to read it, I will understand.

First of all, I am deeply remorseful for the manner in which your son and I left Kyoto. Your son had a dream to become a famous singer and musician, and I, as his friend, wanted to support him. I realize now that our actions were childish and foolish. I offer no excuses for my action. Please believe me, however, when I write that nothing untoward or dishonorable took place between your son and I. I followed him to Tokyo in order to support his dream, nothing more.

You have every right to despise me. I only now understand how much you did for me after my mother abandoned me. You had no obligation to take me in, yet you not only took me in but you treated me like your own daughter and you taught me valuable skills that I still cherish today. I am sorry if it seems that I spit on all that you did for me. It was never my intention to dishonor your kindness toward me.

You are almost certainly already aware of the fact that your son achieved his dreams? He is currently the most popular singer/songwriter/musician in Japan, and his music has topped the charts for almost a year now. He was signed by Akitoki Entertainment, Inc. shortly after we arrived in Tokyo. He quickly rose to fame and he has been at the top ever since.

I should inform you that he and I are no longer [several words are blotted out here] associated with each other. I will write his contact information at the bottom of this letter, in case you need to After he was successful, I joined another entertainment company, LME, and began acting. It is a struggle at times, but I try to do my best with any work that is given to me. Thankfully I have close and dear friends who are here to help and advise me. Someday I hope to become a full-fledged actress with many, many roles. I realize that it is too much to expect, after the precipitous and inappropriate way that I left you, but if I could, I would like to make you proud of me.

Whatever you may feel towards me now, please know this: you have been like parents to me, though I did not understand it in that perspective at the time. You took care of me, cared for me, taught me, and disciplined me. I can never thank you enough for all that you have done.

Sincerely,

Mogami Kyoko

Dear Chiori-chan,

We share similar circumstances in growing up without fathers, though I envy you for having known your father for the first part of your childhood. I can definitely understand why he is your ideal for what you want in a husband. It sounds like he was a very kind and wonderful father and husband.

I agree that there is something special in the way that a husband hugs and kisses and cuddles with his wife… though I left that particular trait off of my own list to Tsuruga-san… It wouldn't have been appropriate to write such things to a man. Still, I honestly liked seeing Otou-san and Okaa-san together. Their affection for each other made me feel secure somehow and it made me long for something that I probably will never have.

But I'm confident that you will find your ideal. You are a wonderful person and you deserve a good husband.

Thanks for sharing this with me,

Sincerely,

Mogami Kyoko