Dear Sempai
Disclaimer: I do not own SkipBeat! or any of the characters from the Manga.
Summary: Lory has conceived yet another devious scheme, wrapped in the guise of a LoveMe assignment. All the girls have to do is to write at least one letter a week to the person they respect the most. Simple… right?
Letter 19
Dear Friend,
I apologize if the last item on my list caused you personal distress. While I agree with you that most of the traits I listed are also important traits in a friend, that doesn't mean that I presume that you should reveal all of your deepest and darkest secrets to me. I (a small blob suggests that Kyoko's pen lingered too long) As your friend (the word "friend" is a little sloppy) I want to support you in any way that I can, but that does not mean that I would presume to expect you to share your darkest secrets with me.
However, if you did wish (the remainder of this line was scribbled out). Forgive me, I was overstepping.
Our topic for this week was "My greatest disappointment." It is odd, but although I have experienced many disappointments, I have had difficulty in actually choosing the greatest one. Perhaps I should explain this in more detail:
Before I write this next statement, please forgive me and do not become angry. I don't know exactly what your history with Fuwa Sho was before we met, but I do know that the barest mention of his name seems to irritate you. It was a surprise to me to discover that someone could despise him as deeply as I do, and yet… Once again, I hesitated to mention his name, but it is necessary in treating this subject honestly:
If I had been posed with the subject of greatest disappointment even six months ago… and if I had answered with absolute honesty, I would have said that he was my greatest disappointment. You see, Sempai, I think that what hurt the most was discovering that he was different than I believed him to be. You know the story, so I will not burden either of us with the repetition. But recently, with the help of Julie-san, I have come to realize that I was holding onto the false image of what I wanted in a friend… not in anything that I believed to be reality. That sounds confusing; allow me to put it a different way: I already knew what Shotaro was like… but I was still clinging to what I wanted him to be.
I have recently come to realize that he was my substitute prince. The "real" prince in my imagination was the boy I met in the clearing. When he left, I assigned all of his characteristics to my imaginary Shotaro. I had liked him as a friend before and I did think him wonderful, but he was never all of the things that I tried to make him. What Okaa-san helped me to understand is that what happened was partially my fault (I hope that you don't think that it is wrong for me to call such a famous person that, but she asked me to… and I have come to think of her as "Okaa-san"). Essentially, what she helped me to see is that Fuwa Sho was not and could never have been my ideal prince. He is just an immature, self-obsessed, but very talented person who I used to know.
Actually, that realization was somewhat freeing. Please believe me now, Sempai, when I restate that I have completely given up on the idea of revenge. Instead I want to act because I love it and because I want to create a Mogami Kyoko that I can be proud of. Please continue to support me in this?
My other great disappointment honestly doesn't feel like a great disappointment either, though it probably should be. Somebody who I once thought was… (the pen drifted here) supernatural… has recently turned out to be very human… though I haven't actually seen or spoken to him yet. I am not at liberty to write more about his because this is his personal information. But what I meant to write is that my friend is quite human… and that this should have come as a great disappointment to me… and yet, oddly, it hasn't. I suppose that the reason is this: I would rather know my friend in any normal form than to not know him in some spectacular form.
He is a little like you, I suppose (please forgive me if what I write here is too much). When I first met you you were the "Great Tsuruga Ren." As I came to know you better, you actually grew in my estimation and my respect for your skills as an actor and a professional also grew. Then, after working closely with you as the Heel siblings, my respect for you continues, but I feel that you are more approachable. Now you even allow me to think of you as my friend. So even though I know you as a human rather than just a great actor, my respect for you has increased. This is all very embarrassing to write, but I thought about this all night and I truly wanted to approach this subject as honestly as possible.
So then, perhaps my greatest disappointments were also my greatest moments of truth: One boy who I thought was a prince turned out to be a frog. Another boy who I thought to be a true faerie prince turned out to be human… And one man who I thought to be an unapproachable icon in the world of acting has turned out to be a friend.
Which brings me back to the beginning of this letter: I know that you have a secret which haunts you, but I also know that it is something that you choose to keep to yourself. Although I have come to accept and even cherish the friendship you have offered (despite my early stubbornness) I am not offended or distressed that you choose to keep your secret.
Although, as your friend, your kohai, and your pretend-sister I do wish that there was something that I could do for you to share the terrible burden of that secret.
This is the most freely that I have ever written to you. If this is too much, then please be honest with me. Perhaps it has been all of the other recent surprise revelations in my life that have made this possible?
Or perhaps it is the fact that we are in the final week of filming, which will mean the end of Cain and Setsuka Heel… Which makes me feel both sad and relieved. I have enjoyed being your little sister, but as to what being Cain Heel has done to you (this portion of the letter has several scribbled-out attempts at sentences, none of which are decipherable. Only one word: "talisman" is partially legible).
So please forgive me for this rather forward and personal letter. I will try to be more circumspect in the future,
Sincerely,
Mogami Kyoko
oOoOOoOo
Dear Chiori,
Please don't apologize when you feel the need to revisit the same time in your childhood over and over. When Moko-san and I went to acting school one of our teachers talked about "defining moments" in a person's life. Everyone experiences moments in his or her life that seem to be definitive.
She told us that what we think, how we think, and how we interpret new experiences are all filtered through our perceptions based upon those defining moments. Hizuri Julie-san told me "You don't shouldn't try to avoid, forget, or ignore those moments, but you also can't allow them to taint the rest of your experiences." She told me that if I recognized the influence those painful memories had on me, they can make me strong, but if I allowed them to control me, then they would make me weak.
It is only natural that the pain of rejection you felt when your childhood career fell apart would be your greatest disappointment. Then again, it can also be your strength. Those people may have stolen your first dream, but they can't take away your talent. I love acting with you, Chiori-chan, because you roll your experiences into your character and she becomes more real because of that.
I just forced myself to put Tsuruga Ren's letter into the mailbox. I was hesitant because I was more forthright than usual. I hope that he isn't offended.
I still have two other letters to write, so I will stop here for now. I also need to stop in and see Sawara-san. Have you heard back from the writing contest?
Sincerely,
Mogami Kyoko
oOoOOoOo
Dear Otou-san and Okaa-san,
How are things in sunny California? I know that we spoke on the phone three days ago, but I still wanted to thank you again for bringing me there to spend time with you. Over a month has passed since that visit ended but the pleasure of that my time there with you has not worn off.
I also wanted to thank you for your sound advice about forgiving the past and moving on. I have been trying very hard to do exactly that. I was even more open in my correspondence than I ever could have been before. That does worry me, though, because American culture is much different from Japanese culture. What if my attempts at honesty and openness cause offense?
Still, I promised Okaa-san that I would try… and I am trying.
I have received several new job offers since returning, including my first overseas offer! I only received that offer this morning. It is to play the daughter of an ambassador to France. The character is kidnapped in an attempt to force the ambassador to carry out certain actions during negotiations. The male lead is a federal investigator charged with locating and rescuing me. It is an action romance… a new genre for me.
I promised Otou-san that I wouldn't reject offers, but this offer concerns me. I think that I could carry off the action portion of the film, but have my concerns about the romance. I am also concerned about how this project will pull me away from other commitments. Your advice would be appreciated.
Sincerely,
Mogami Kyoko
oOoOOoOo
Dear Corn,
In your last letter you wrote "If you receive an offer for a film overseas, please don't turn it down." Was this a random request or did you know about the offer I was about to receive? I was surprised… even shocked when I was handed the offer this morning.
And yes, I would be very, very pleased to actually meet you in person. Does this also have anything to do with this job offer? If I went to France would I be able to meet you there?
I apologize for the brevity of this letter, but I only have a week to accept or reject this offer. All of your previous replies have reached me in four days, so hopefully this one will do the same.
Sincerely,
Mogami Kyoko