Dear Sempai
Disclaimer: I do not own SkipBeat! or any of the characters from the Manga.
Summary: Lory has conceived yet another devious scheme, wrapped in the guise of a LoveMe assignment. All the girls have to do is to write at least one letter a week to the person they respect the most. Simple… right?
Letter 21 – What If?
Dear Moko-san,
I was excited to receive your letter from Milan, though I must confess to a certain amount of confusion and concern. You know that I have absolute faith in you… so I know that the article concerning a confrontation between you and Hizuri Julie-san was manufactured… though the photograph of you glaring at her does seem to imply that something happened. But now neither you nor Okaa-san will answer any of my questions. Please tell me if anything is wrong, Moko-san? It would break my heart if two of my most favorite people in the world were somehow fighting with each other.
I will not press any further on that matter. I will, however, take the opportunity to tell you how beautiful you were in all of those dresses. I was so pleased to see you on television walking down the runway. You were prettier than all of the other models and I was so proud! Did you enjoy it? Will you want to do it again?
You are lucky that you are exempted from this week's letter assignment. Then again, it has given both Chiori and I a great deal of food-for-thought. Our assignment is to play "What if?" Basically, we have to list out five major events in our lives and examine how those events shaped our future. That part is actually interesting, but Takarada-Shacho didn't stop there; we also have to examine how those events impacted our "relationships" with the person to whom we are writing. As you might imagine, that is more embarrassing. How exactly am I supposed to tie my experiences to Tsuruga-san? True, everything led me to the moment that I joined LME, but if I write about him specifically, won't that seem like I am suggesting that we are tied together by fate? Won't that make me sound like one of those fawning fan-girls?
So count yourself lucky that you don't have to write a letter like that to Hiou-kun. Imagine what he might make of that? It is fun to tease you about having to write your letters to him, but even Chiori and I agree that this subject would be taking things a bit too far.
Anyway, though I don't understand what is happening between you and Okaa-san, I hope that all is well. She is a wonderful and gracious woman if you take the chance to truly know her.
Sincerely,
Mogami Kyoko, your Number One Best Friend
oOoOOoOo
Dear Chiori-chan,
Thank you for your letter. I fully aware of our assignment; so I also understand that our assignment requires you to find ways in which your life-experiences were impacted by the person to whom you are writing. I have also promised several people that I will no longer "denigrate or undersell" myself by being overly humble. Still, don't you think that you might have gone a little overboard? It wasn't necessary to credit (the rest of this paragraph is blotted out).
Forgive me. I am flattered by what you wrote. More importantly, I am sincere when I tell you that I hold no grudge about what happened at TBM. You were correct that it became a catalyst for our future friendship, so in a way it was a fortuitous moment. Please think about it in that way.
As to your reasons for joining LoveMe, I am pleased that you saw something in me that made you believe that donning the pink monstrosity was worth it (or should I be apologizing?) It is also gratifying to know that you feel that you have benefitted from your decision. Although I cannot know exactly what you feel that you have gained, I can definitely say that your career seems to be taking off. If I had any part in that, then it is an honor.
Now I have to sit down and write my letter to Tsuruga-sempai. For various reasons this is a difficult letter for me to write. Wish me luck?
Sincerely,
Mogami Kyoko, your friend and fellow pink-sufferer
oOoOOoOo
Dear Friend,
This letter will be posted from the airport in order to get it to you within the week-deadline. I apologize for taking so long to sit down and write this, but the subject was difficult for certain reasons. You will understand after reading this. I know that you have scolded me repeatedly for being too self-critical, but it is still difficult for me to presume to align myself with someone as distinguished as you.
But over the past few days, as I struggled with this assignment, I came to realize the truth: I owe you more than I have ever properly acknowledged. (This is very embarrassing for me to write, so please understand).
Once again I have jumped out of the starting gate before the sound of the gun. Please allow me to explain: Our letter-writing topic for this week is "What If?" Essentially, we were supposed to identify five major events in our lives and examine how those events shaped our future. That part is actually interesting, but Takarada-Shacho didn't stop there; we also have to examine how those events impacted our "relationships" with the person to whom we are writing. Perhaps now you understand my hesitancy?
Nevertheless, I will press on and ignore my own embarrassment. Before I begin, please understand that the first two "what-if's" are essential, although I know that you bear some private dislike of the other person mentioned.
What if I hadn't decided to accompany Fuwa Shotaro to Tokyo? Looking back, I realize how foolish my decision was in so many ways. But if I hadn't run away to Tokyo, I would probably still be living in Kyoto today. I would never have met Kotonami Kanae, Takarada Lory, Maria-chan, Chiori-san, [Kyoko's handwriting is a little unsteady on the next three words] or you, Sempai.
What if I hadn't sought revenge? If Fuwa Shotaro had not treated me is such a manner, I would not have sworn revenge. If I had not shamefully sworn to use acting as a means of revenge, I would never have approached LME. Despite the despicable reasons for my audition at LME, I encountered an entirely new world of possibilities. And even though you despised me from the beginning because of my reason for acting, you still gave me a chance to change and helped me to realize a passion for acting.
What if Takarada-shacho hadn't decided to make me join LoveMe? As humbling as it has been to wear the pink suit, it has given me many opportunities that I would never have had otherwise. Because of LoveMe I was able to befriend Mo… Kanae-chan. Because of a LoveMe assignment, I was able to meet Maria-chan. Due to another assignment, I met Otou-san… I mean Hizuri Kuu. There have been countless other benefits, including the fact that I understand LME and the entertainment industry much better now. There have been bad moments, but the good moments far outweigh them. It is more difficult to tie this particular "what if" to you directly. I suppose that if I were to point out anything, it would be that you have never made Kanae, Chiori, or me feel second-class because of our LoveMe status*. Thank you for that.
What if you had not encouraged me to join the cast of Dark Moon? As you know, I wanted to decline the role of Hongo Mio. I had imagined her character to be a princess-like ojou-sama. When I discovered that she was a scarred, bitter, hateful young woman I wanted to withdraw. But you encouraged me and you supported me when I was struggling to find the true Mio. And when I found her, you treated me, a rank amateur, as a professional… even an equal. And because of that, I have found the goal of someday becoming a great actress… though I know that it may take years to achieve.
What if Takarada-shacho had never given Kanae, Chiori, and me this letter writing assignment? In the past few months I have been writing letters to you as a part of another LoveMe assignment. At the beginning I was mortified that you should be burdened with correspondence from me, but you have read each letter and have replied with thoughtful honesty. These letters have accomplished two things for me, Sempai: They have enabled me to examine myself in a way that I never have before. I understand things about myself and about… other things… that I might never have otherwise. [This next part is written more erratically, as if Kyoko was struggling to write the words] And also, these letters, and your faithful responses, have helped me to get to know you better. You have asked me to call you friend and you have treated me as a friend. For this, more than anything, I thank you.
My friend, you are probably wondering why I am writing so frankly in this letter. Perhaps it is because I am about to depart on this trip to France and I feel the safety of distance… although I recognize this as cowardice. I think that the true reason for my honesty in this letter is a nagging sense of impending [the words "doom," "destiny," and "trouble" were written here and then crossed out] events that may be coming in the near future. I can't explain, exactly, because I don't understand it myself. All that I can say for certain is that I feel certain that something earth-shaking is coming soon; something that may change many things. Perhaps I am being silly, but I can't seem to shake this feeling. Therefore I felt the need to write more forthrightly than in my previous letters.
Whatever happens in the near future, Tsuruga Ren, please know that I have greatly valued your friendship and all that you have done for me. Once again, thank you.
Sincerely,
Mogami Kyoko
Notes: I have been struggling with this chapter, thus the long delay. It has been in my head since the beginning, but carrying it out and making it seem real is not as easy. Kyoko's growing awareness of Ren's impact on her life came as a shock to her… a shock with serious after-shocks as well… and she isn't sure what to think about her own reactions. Of course, if I have to explain all of that, then it means that I failed to communicate that in the story.
*Kyoko chose to forget the fact that Ren used her LoveMe status to torture her on several occasions.