Chapter Eight
Sitting atop his Middlesbrough bedspread, Peter absentmindedly played with a small, brown teddy bear wearing a black T-shirt and a plaid bow-tie. Bernard, being almost twenty years old, was looking rather tattered, and the fur around his ears had nearly all worn away. When Peter had first discovered the bear, during a blissful half-hour he'd spent whispering to Assumpta as she fell asleep, he had playfully teased her about it; imagine, big bad Assumpta Fitzgerald, who could make grown men quake in their boots with one ferocious glance, sleeping cuddled up to a wee brown bear...
But she had told him Bernard's story – the story of how her father had given her the bear shortly before he died, when she was not six years old. The gruff publican, rendered less burly by his illness, had known he couldn't always be there to protect his little girl. He'd promised her that Bernard would always be there for her in the scary times to come, that he'd given the bear the special job of looking after his princess until they met again in heaven. Assumpta never travelled without Bernard, though she normally kept him hidden. That she had been willing to share this story with Peter had set his heart aglow, and, as he'd leaned down to kiss a very sleepy Assumpta on the forehead, he knew that he'd been let into a part of her life which she kept safely shut away from everyone else.
Now, a small sob escaped him as he held the little bear to his own broad chest. He wondered if Assumpta would ever let him that far into her heart again... Or had he torn her trust completely?
At the faint sound of knocking, Peter threw Bernard aside and hurtled down the stairs. He threw open the door, and there she was. Exhausted, red-faced and angry, in no makeup and yesterday's clothes, she looked a mess – a beautiful mess, but a mess all the same. And it killed Peter to know that he'd made that mess. He so desperately wanted to just draw her into his arms. Surely, if he could just hold her, everything would magically be all right. But the look on her face made it very clear that this would be an unwelcome move. Still, he couldn't resist reaching for a strand of her hair as he breathed, 'Assumpta... I'm so glad you're okay.'
She pulled away from his touch, and his heart sank. Touching her hair had never, ever failed to soften her before. She barged past him, thought the door.
'Where were you?' he asked desperately, as he followed her into the kitchen, 'I was worried about you.'
Tilting her head to one side, Assumpta fixed Peter with an icy glare.
'Well, if you were that upset, I'm sure Jenny would have been only too happy to come and provide the comfort you needed.'
Peter winced. 'Assumpta -'
'Save your words for someone who'll believe them, Peter.'
She picked up the phone, and started dialling.
'What are you doing?'
'Calling a taxi.'
'You don't need a taxi.'
But she ignored him, and ordered a cab to the train station for as soon as possible.
After hanging up, Assumpta sped straight upstairs before Peter had the chance to open his mouth again. In Peter's childhood bedroom, she stuffed her things hastily into her suitcase. Lifting Bernard from the bed, she gave him a tight squeeze before throwing him into the bag. The last thing she did was change her clothes, leaving her stupid party dress crumpled on the floor by Peter's bed.
When she and her bags reached the bottom of the stairs, Peter was there waiting.
'Assumpta, don't go,' he begged, knowing, but not caring, how pathetic he sounded.
'Get out of my way.'
'You're blowing this way out of proportion.'
'You betrayed me!' She spat, her bags dropping to the floor with a crash.
'We weren't even together then!'
'Oh, and I suppose that's okay then, is it? Because we weren't 'together' then?' Assumpta dug her fingernails into the palm of her hand; she had promised herself not to let him see her cry. 'What about all those things you said about loving me from the beginning?'
'I did love you fr... Assumpta, this isn't fair! You don't see me kicking up a fuss because you slept with Leo!'
'That was different. I didn't keep that from you.'
'Oh, no, instead you flaunted it in front of my face – much kinder, thank you!'
Peter knew, of course, that firing her up was not the way to fix things between them, but the whole situation was so frustrating, and he couldn't contain his emotions any longer. Assumpta looked as if she were about to hit him. When she next spoke, she found herself shouting up at him. 'It was different, Peter, because I couldn't have you. But you could have had me any time you wanted. Just one word, one look, and I would have been yours. But you chose to have her instead.'
'I didn't choose to have her instead!' Eyes closed, Peter rubbed his temples. 'I... I had just lost me mum, Assumpta, and I was trying to hold everyone else together, because that's my job, you know? But how was I supposed to do that when I couldn't even keep myself from falling apart? Everything in my life was a grey, hazy blur. I could barely see two feet in front of my face. And I wanted you, I did,' he promised, looking down at her in tearful desperation, 'I wanted you so badly, but I didn't know what you were thinking, or what was going on with Leo, or whether this whole thing with us had only been in my head from the beginning or what. I was scared and hurt and confused...'
'So you decided to have sex with that horrible cow to make yourself feel better?'
'Assumpta, I just – wait, what? You think I slept with her?'
Assumpta rolled her eyes, folding her arms across her chest.
'Oh, please, Peter. Don't you think it's a little late to start playing dumb?'
Peter's heart raced, pumping exhilaration through his veins. He couldn't get these words, these saving words, out quickly enough.
'No, no, Assumpta; I only kissed her!'
Peter held his breath, waiting for her to speak, hoping against hope that this would be enough, that she'd simply melt into his arms, laughing that it was all a misunderstanding. But she was too far gone.
'You only kissed her?'
'Yeah. Well, I mean, she kissed me... and I kissed her back. But not for long! It couldn't have been more than twenty seconds, I swear.'
Assumpta, knowing just exactly what Peter could do to a girl in twenty seconds of kissing, did not take much comfort in this.
'So, you see?' Peter offered weakly, 'It was all just a misunderstanding.'
Scoffing indignantly, Assumpta glared at him, her icy expression returning to replace the perplexed one she had worn a moment ago. And she was shouting again. 'You think this changes anything? It doesn't change the fact that you went to her instead of me; it doesn't change the fact that you lied to me; and it doesn't change the fact that you made her think you loved her until you got bored of her and moved on to me, and that it's only a matter of time until you dump me for some blonde from a parish in frigging Cornwall.'
'If that were true, if I really were that person – which you know I'm not - don't you think I would just let you walk out of here without even trying to stop you?'
'Maybe you should.'
'I love you, Assumpta! I'm leaving the priesthood for you!'
'Is that what you told her?'
Peter slammed his fist into the door frame, making Assumpta jump.
'You are being ridiculous!'
'And on that note,' she said quietly, 'my taxi is here.'
Afraid his outburst had frightened her, Peter let Assumpta move past him toward the front door. He even reached over her to open the door, because her arms were full of luggage. But, as she went to step outside, he spoke once more.
'Don't do this, Assumpta.'
And something about the softness of his words, whispered almost into her hair as he stood behind her in the doorway, simply arrested her, and she couldn't move. She didn't have the strength.
'Don't walk out on me, on everything we have, because of this. I love you, and I know you love me. And we've been happy, haven't we? These last weeks... We've been as happy as the stars are bright, Assumpta Fitzgerald, and it's been incredible. After all that, after everything we've been through to get here, are you just gonna throw it all away because of one stupid mistake and a thing I had with a girl before I even met you? Are you gonna leave me out in the cold to freeze again?'
Assumpta bit her lip, breathing hard, staring ahead at the taxi waiting on the street. Her stubbornness and anger were at war with her ever-present longing and the truth of Peter's words...
The taxi driver honked his horn, and the harsh sound cut like a sword through Peter's shaky hold on Assumpta. She did not look back at Peter as she dragged her bags toward the cab, but she thought she heard the wind carry the sound of a defeated 'Fine' and the clicking of the lock on the front door.