As school approaches, there will be plenty of opportunities (I hope anyway) to write new and pointless cracktastic chapters that won't send an angry mob of hobbits after me. I'm doing this for studying purposes, so whatever the chapter is about, is probably what I'm learning about in my history class (or not). By the way, I keep forgetting to put disclaimers about not owning a story- but is it really necessary? I mean this is FAN- fiction! If I owned Hetalia, Prussia and Hungary would be canon (and so would CzechUK, Ablex, Frailey, etc).
"Great. I can't believe you talked me into this." I groan. England is going to teach English (who knew? By the way, I mean Brit Lit.) to the Next Generation class starting this year. He told me that if I taught history (excluding American history, which is pretty boring if you ask me) he would give me Slovakia back.
"Hey, think of it this way. You get to see all your old classmates again, not to mention a few new chaps that you will meet, and I will give you back your land." He actually has a point, other than the fact that Abby has graduated as London, and Hailey as Ireland. Maybe they will become teachers too.
"Alright, we can humiliate the student's lives together, but we have to take care of some unfinished business first."
"No, you don't mean?!" Abby enters our conversation. She's been working on her British spy skills lately, and can disappear as well as Canada when she wants.
"Yes. France will no longer be teaching Sex Ed classes."
I search around England's living room to find a stray piece of paper, only to find that the room is extremely clean. Too clean. "Is this what you're looking for?" he tosses me a notebook and a pen. I jot down the current staff at Hetalia High and a few notes next to each name:
Homeroom Teacher- Russia (the ten worst minutes of my life- every morning)
Literacy Teacher- Germany (Arghhhh you grammar Nazis kill me)
Math Teacher- Italy (x will always equal pasta, and y will always equal pizza. This class usually has good food)
Science Teacher- Switzerland (you will get a gun to your head if you even miss one element of the periodic table)
P.E. Teacher- Germany (Replace unless you feel up for boot camp)
Music Teacher- America (Have you ever heard of the British invasion? It puts Americas crap music to shame.)
Art Teacher- Japan (I love manga, but he makes the "innocent" students draw inappropriate things, like France in a maid outfit *shudders*)
Sex Ed. Teacher- France (REPLACE ASAP)
Counselor- England (will rant about some absurdity the entire time.)
World History: America (so that would be American History, which is as boring as heck because it's America centered.)
Tutor- Greece (Zzzzzz)
Janitor- Romano (Extremely lazy. Grow a mustache and he can also be a plumber!)
Lunch lady/lunch dude- England (STAY OUT OF THE KITCHEN!)
There is no school nurse.
Abby skims the notes and starts to laugh. "How are we going to do this?! This school is hopeless, and there's no way we're going to change the staff of an entire school!"
"Well..." England says. "I believe I have a few ideas."
Eventually, the three of us scribble out a list of the new staff (If you're wondering where Hailey is, she's playing 'darts' with France). What we end up with surprises us all:
Homeroom Teacher- Turkey (Ten minutes of looking at tall, dark, and handsome is a good way to start the day)
Literacy Teacher- England (just imagine him reading Shakespeare with that accent...OHMYROWLING he so does not belong in the kitchen!)
Math Teacher- Estonia (*for people who actually want to learn math.)
Science Teacher- Prussia (the science of AWESOME is something only he is able to teach- well him and Clint Eastwood)
P.E. Teacher- Greece (some days he will take a nap and let us do whatever we want, others he might teach us some Spartan stuff)
Music Teacher(s) - a collaboration of Austria and England (Austria teaches the classical, England teaches from the Beatles to present. This is just pure amazingness)
Art Teacher- Italy (Italian art is World famous after all)
Sex Ed. Teacher- Hungary (if anybody should teach this class, it would be her)
Counselor- Canada (He's a good listener, other than the other 99% of nations)
Tutor- Estonia (Thank you!)
Janitor- Germany (Did you see how clean his house is- even with Italy there!)
World History- ME!
Lunch lady/lunch dude- France (yes, he can be good for something. Too bad he will have to wear a hair net... Hahahahaha)
There is still no school nurse
"This looks good, other than the fact there is no school nurse. I like the fact that you'd enjoy hearing me read Shakespeare in my charming accent."
England says, his cheeks turning the slightest shade of rose. I slap him in his face.
"Originally I was going to volunteer as the Drama and speech teacher too, but I didn't want to deal with those idiots." Abby says to England, disregarding the crimson handprint forming on her father's face.
"I volunteer!" I jump up out of my seat. "We can do A Very Potter Senior Year for the school play!"
"I'm afraid that Starkid productions were banned at the school after last year's production of 'Holy Musical Batman'." England sighs in disappointment. "Too bad you already signed up for the job." he chuckles. I now have to see those annoying kids twice a day. This is going to be a very interesting year.
"Class, listen up!" I shout over the chatter. "I am your History teacher!" the class becomes silent. "Before I go over the rules, let me take attendance." I go down the list:
Brooke- not present (Belarusian)
Amanda- not present (Finnish) [Speaking of which, Austin recently graduated, becoming Austin, Texas and is on the case.]
Colin- (American) present
Rich- (Polish) present
Matt- (Canadian) present
Ethan- (Dane) present
Peter- The Sealand we all know and scoff of at [yes, Sealand is in the class] present
Other Brooke- (Lithuanian) present
Mackenzie- (Country unknown) present
*note- more people may be mentioned later.
"Listen up! You will have to follow the typical rules that are on the board! If you fail to do so, you will be punished- yes, Sealand?"
"What types of punishment?" he raises his hand and asks politely. He is a really nice kid, despite being raised by England. Abby and I ended up as skilled fighters, but Sealand is still a little micro-nation with a big heart.
"Well, I have three methods. For small offenses, idiots will get a Dummkopf Rock to the head. Secondly, I could push them out of the window. Third, you get to spend the rest of the class in the YAOI* PIT OF DOOM!" Sealand gets nervous, but the others in the class have no idea what yaoi is... For now.
"First of all, we're required to take Civics for First Quarter, but I was never a girl to follow the rules."
"Then like, why are you like our teacher?" Rich asks. I pull out a Dummkopf Rock and and throw it at him.
"As I was saying, you're going to learn a few interesting things this year, and I will also be your Drama teacher. Unfortunately, there was a ban on Starkid productions and Redvines, so I will tell you what we are doing once we get there."
Ethan makes some stupid comment. Without hesitation, I call Sadiq (my sexy Turkish ex-boyfriend) and he comes out of a secret door in the wall, throwing Ethan out of the window. Speaking of that, the yaoi pit of doom is directly outside the window... Maybe I only have two methods of punishment after all.
"NO. Dear Jesus! Make it stop! He cries out in terror. He'll be back in class the next time I see him... Probably...
"Take out your notes and a neon colored pen. Today we will be learning about Canadian government." Matt cringes as I say it. "For whatever reason, Canada's army is exceptional, better than many other forces...
Told from Matthew's P.O.V. (Aka, Canada Sr.)
The UN wants to create world peace, that's why I'm doing this. Yeah, there would be no other reason to get involved than to keep the conflict from growing in Croatia. Maybe then I will get some recognition for my country! I won't be mistaken by America if I do this!
"WHY DON'T YOU JUST GET YOUR JERKFACE SELF OUT OF HERE SERBIA, SO WE CAN END THIS!" Croatia scream is distinguishable out of the crowd of civilians.
"Nope. I'm staying." Serbia.
"DIDN'T YOU HEAR ME JERKFACE?!"
"Ummm... Yeah. I'm not going anywhere."
"H-hey t-there..." I stutter. Confrontation always makes me a bit nervous. "I'm f-from t-the United N-nations, and I'm h-here to s-stop the fighting!"
"GET THE CRAP OUT OF THIS YOU JERKFACE AMERICA! YOU JUST WANT TO RUIN EVERYTHING JERKFACE!"
"I'm Canada!" my voice is raised at this point. This is the last time
I will be called America! I take out my hockey stick and-
"This isn't the story he told me!" Matt calls out.
"Well, I was getting to that part. Too bad you won't be able to hear the rest. Sadiq?" My sexy Turkish ex throws Matt into the yaoi pit of doom. "As I was saying. The battle ended with no casualties on Canada's side, but his boss wanted to keep it a secret. What would the people say if they knew Canada was a bloodthirsty warrior deep down inside? They want the image of the nation to be a peace loving hippie, even if it meant him to be invisible. Now, there will not be a quiz on this because I know you will all forget about Canada and fail."
The bell rings and the class leaves the room.
*(pronounced YA-OH-EYE) a Japanese term for 'boys love', but for Hetalia fans, this is either heaven or your worst nightmare. I'm actually surprised that I'm mentioning this now.
Yeah! I'm back baby! If anybody wants a special history class on a certain event, request it and I will do it 99% of the time. See ya! By the way, this chapter is dedicated to all the deaths Abby has caused via dancing