The Swat team stormed into the large house like a giant uniform blob that had many feet but stepped and breathed at the same time. They walked fast and silent through the strange home and made sure to search through every room on the first and second floor before coming across the closed door they were hoping for. Inside there was a woman bloody and bleeding, tied down in a chair with open terrified eyes that blew up at the sight of the Swat. That was a good sign, she was alive. Part of the group stayed behind and took her apart while the main section moved along, searching for the culprit. They reached through another room and inside, staring at the open window, was the bastard that did this. Staring at them, trying to make his escape, was Dean.

I awoke with my hands already over my mouth to keep in the screams but that didn't stop the terror that shook through my bones and created a sweat to burn me up. I tried to calm and breathe put my heart was beating so fast that air escaped me. Sitting up wasn't an option, I already knew the new medication made my muscles into slush and every action impossible, but what could I do? I lowered my hands and tried the little trick, "Six.. Five.. Four.. Three.. Two.. One."

Finally air was begining to work its way into my lungs but still I was afraid. How could that be? My Dean? No, not my Dean! My Dean would never do that, hurt someone, a woman? She was so beaten, and so hurt, and I knew Dean would never hurt a girl unless she was a threat to innocent lives but not like that-never like that. But it was his face.

I had to calm myself. Why was I thinking so much into it, trying to justify it. It was just a dream, a nightmare. It wasn't real. But why couldn't I liet it go? Probably because this is the only reoccuring dream I've ever had in my life. I don't have reoccuring dreams...the pills are supposed to stop that. Aren't they?

I looked around the room briefly, to see if the salt lines were still intact and ofcoarse they were but along my look I found the message on my phone. It was blinking red and I tried to reach for it but my arms were too weak, my muscles were still sludge. I groaned out loud, "Uhhhhm...I hate you Nick!"

But still I couldn't do anything but lay back down and try to breathe. I rolled my eyes as I took in more six breaths but I was so tired, exhausted, but the dreams were so frightening. I sighed...knowing the thoughts were coming back.

John had left us alone the next day again, early in the morning this time. I awoke with him while Dean slept on the couch and helped him get ready for the evening. I helped him back his bag full of things he would need like, matches and salt and the shells for the shotgun, and he explained why he needed them. Salt repelled evil things-the reason why they lined it against the door and the windows-and shooting the ghost kept it away for at least a little while. I asked John how he knew about these things and he just answered, "Lots of research."

I glanced over at Dean as I heard the snore escape his throat. I tried not to make it obvious. How cute he looked all giant and sprawled over the little thing but it was almost impossible not to look.

"You have something for him, don't you?" John asked with a little smile that looked tired and sad by his discovery. But I couldn't answer. I looked downward as my face blew up with color and heat, I wasn't used to the kind of question and answer relationship this family got through. John chuckled softly at my reaction but while he looked away I made sure to sneak in a bottle of water and an energy bar in case he got hungry, "I know the look. He's shy, you know."

I couldn't help but to mumble under my breath, "Shy?"

"I know. Doesn't seem like it, but it's true. He can walk into a place and make anyone laugh but when the morning comes what's left? Nothing and he keeps it that way. He's terrifed of feeling so he doesn't," the way John talked and stared at Dean it was like he wasn't really looking at him. It was like he waslooking at and describing a completely different person. It was sad, the way his eyes got lost and fuzzy and when my touched his jacket to comfort he closed right back up again. He smiled weakly as he looked at me and nodded, "Until now."

Until now? I opened my mouth to ask, what did he mean? But the conversation was already over.

"I'll come back as soon as I can. Make sure you don't leave this room and make sure the salt lines aren't disturbed," he spoke to me like I was Dean, a little nicer of course but in the sense that there was no stopping what he was doing and if I didn't follow his instructions I would get in a lot of trouble. He opened the door but slowed his actions, not really leaving just yet. He glanced backward at me and gave me a little, anxious sigh as he commented, "And be safe."

I groaned with embaresment as I fixed the salt lines again. "Be safe." What did that mean? Of course I knew what that meant! "Be safe" with Dean. "Use protection" is what he meant. My face turned red at the thought of me and Dean...alone and in the bed, a nervous shiver ran down my spine, that wasn't even possible! Someone like Dean, so 'knowledgable' in almost every area, with someone like me? A little sheltered girl? A sick little sheltered girl? Ugh, I wanted to die.

But not really.

On the other side of the scale, if John thought it was a possibility it must be. What if this was my chance to...do it. I had ever really thought about it...what am I kidding. I thought about it all the time with anyone that would give me a second look before my aunt came in to ruin the chances. I thought about other people doing it too, I thought about bunches of people doing it, with me even! But those were times when I was really lonely and really bored and the way I felt after those thoughts...I didn't want to feel that way with Dean.

"Morning, Angel."

I snapped my head around a little too fast and instantly got dizzy but I couldn't let him see that. So instead I just waved weakly and sat down on the edge of the nearest bed I could find, "Good morning, Dean."

"What're you doin' up so early?" he asked through a yawn, making sure to sit up slowly to deliberately get my attention on his bare chest only covered my his necklace but I couldn't focus on it.

"I just can't sleep for too long, I start to feel a little sick," I answered, making sure not to look at him because looking at him would only make me feel worse.

"And we don't want that, now. I see you made the beds," he commented, forcing me to turn up and look at him. I wasn't sure how he knew that. Was it that obvious? He chuckled a little, "Don't look so surprised. These beds look like they came outa Good House Keeping. Ours always look like Sergeant Hartmen's got his hand up our ass."

A soft smile formed on my mouth, allowing me to relax and feel alittle better as I looked up at him to ask, "Full Metal Jacket?"

"You saw that movie?" he asked in an awe that made me grin.

I nodded my head slowly, very slowly, to answer, "Yeah. Not having much of a social life made it a requirement to watch all kinds of movies."

He put his hand over his heart as he obviously played up the over dramatic role to gasp, "I think I love you already."

My face turned to fire and his eyes suddenly bulged out of his face as the words left his mouth. I couldn't help but to laugh as he began to stutter his 'um's to think of a good cover but this was perfect, I thought, never in my time of knowing him had he ever been at a loss for words, "Cool down, Tiger, I think it's time you hit the showers."

"Yeah, sounds like a good idea," he stammered as he rushed for the bathroom door. I pressed my hand against my mouth to keep in the laughter but it was nearly impossible. In honesty it wouldn't have been so funny if he hadn't of reacted that way. It was something any normal person would say when developing a relationship, right? Just a joking comment but it felt so...odd. Maybe because our relationship was moving so fast and there was still the thoughts lingering sarted from John's 'Be safe' and the fact that I still didn't know what he meant by 'Until now.'

Why did he have to say that?

I groaned inwardly as I stood from the bed. I turned around to look at it, suddenly curious as to what he meant by my Good House Keeping work. I couldn't really see what he meant but then again it must have been something that only the trained I could see and boy did they have trained eyes. It made me suddenly curious as to what the missing Winchester was like, did he have the same mannerisms although he was completely different?

I couldn't think about those things. I had to do something to get my mind off of the guys that were all around me. A grumble in my stomach reminded me that breakfast was a wonderful idea but where would we get it? John said specifically not to leave the room and from the way he said it I knew there was no chance I was going to break that rule. I looked to the phone between the two beds and picked it up from the reciever. Although this was a motel I knew Lanza 86 did room service, the bare minimum sure, but anything was good right now.

"Yes, Mr. Skynyrd?"

"Ms. Skynyrd," I corrected before realizing how ridiculous the name was. I waited for the man on the other end to apologize before answering with my request, "I would like your largest breakfast platter on a roll, two scrambled egg whites with turkey bacon, two black coffees, and two cups of orange juice delievered to the room. Is that alright?"

"Got it, we'll have it over in...fifteen minutes."

"Thank you very much," I smiled before hanging up the phone. I made sure to hear the shower was still running before I let out another groan. Breakfast was always the worst. Never in my life had I ever the capacity to withstand breakfast without throwing it up entirely. I knew from experience that this would be an ordeal and after Dean had seen me throw up there would really be no chance he would want me in...anyway. But fine, that was his issue if he didn't see anything in me what did I care? Oh yeah...I cared a lot.

It wasn't long before the food came and by the time I was finish setting it up on the little table in the room Dean was finished with his shower. The surprise on his face that turned into a smile filled my stomach with little flapping wings, good or bad I wasn't sure. He took the seat in front of me as he let his stomach growl, "How did you know?"

I shrugged sheepishly, "I had a vague idea you would be hungry."

He grinned widely as he picked up the large sandwich between his even larger hands, "You know me so well."

He began to dig into his food savagely but I didn't have that luxury. Slowly I forked the eggs into my mouth but I could just feel the grease working inside of me to build up something aweful. I was so focused on trying to keep everything down that I hardly noticed how quiet the room was, and it was very quiet. The only sound I could hear was my innerworkings and Dean's mouth wrestling with the rubber bacon being grinded between his teeth. It was so nervous making I knew I had to do something.

So I spat out, "Why was John so muddy when he came back yesterday?"

As if he were bummed by the fact he had to answer the question or the silence was broken, Dean placed the sandwich down and grabbed a napkin to wipe his mouth. He looked at me with his green eyes all shades of something else before he answered, "The easiest way to kill a ghost is to dig up the bones and salt and burn them. Most likely he went to the grave and found nothing but empty rotting wood."

During his explanation I had swallowed a bad piece of turkey bacon and had nothing to drink but the orange juice I hadn't tried in over twelve years. I looked it over, holding it in my hands as if it were some kind of potion, while I answered, "That sounds like a bummer."

"Not for me," he smirked and I couldn't help but to blush widly as I tried not to look back at his face. He was too good with words and he knew exactly what he was doing with each thing he said. I had to get back at him someway. I took a sip of orange juice and thought for a second, this wasn't so bad. But that secondended quickly. Instantly everything fell down and I was caught in Dean's arms again, "Lori, are you okay?!"

"Yeah...I-I..." I tried to focus on anything but it felt like everything was drifting down to the carpet but in the middle of the drifting and spinning I saw his eyes turned with concern and his face became suddenly still as well. It was the only thing I could focus on so I grabbed it, and tried to hold onto it but it the smooth stubble made it too hard to grab and my hand was too weak and when I thought I was going to faint his hand, rough and callased, took mine and held it against his cheek. A sobering thought came to me that was thrilling and terrifying at once. He was so close. He was going to kiss me. He was going to kiss me...unfortunately now wasn't the time, "I need to go to the ba-"

I pushed past him before I could finish explaining and ran into the bathroom, making sure to slam it shut as I ran to the toilet. In a whirl of motion I let out everything that had been building in my stomach out into the toilet. I suddenly realized...maybe there was a reason my aunt never let me drink Orange Juice. I thought for a moment I was finished, but I was dead wrong.

After the third whirl I made sure I wasn't so dizzy and I stood up, only to plop back down on the closed toilet lid. This was begining of the end or so I thought. A soft rapping at the door got my attention out of the gutter and it was shortly followed by Dean's soft voice, "Lort...are you alright?"

I leaned against the sink, keeping my head propped up with my arm as I answered in a huff, "Just splended, Dean."

I could feel my heart pumping in my ears so loud it made my brain pound harder against the inside of my head. I cradled my head inside my arm and attempted the nifty new breathing trick Dr. Walcott taught me. In the middle the door opened and I knew it was Dean.

"Im okay Dean," I groaned, "...I pro-"

Before I could finish my second sentence I was back on my knees and throwing up in the toilet. At this point it was just water because there was nothing in me any more! I tried to stop it but there was nothing I could do, I was so embarresed. But then Dean did the most..romantic thing I had ever thought. He took my hair out of my face and held it in his hand while the other began to rub my back. It was the most amazing thing I had ever been through.

But I still didn't feel any better. I felt so weak and tired and in pain and it was the craziest thing because five minutes ago I had been fine. I had been so perfect. Just peachy and fine. But that stupid orange juice.

When I had finished this round I was so exhausted I was unable to get up and I could only lay my head against the toilet seat. I was too tired to even acknowlege or resist Dean pulling me gently towards him. All I could do was rest my head against his chest and focus on the beating of his calming heart as he continued to push the hair that fell into my face.

"Did you take your medicine?"

A loud sting of groans escaped my mouth. I hated my medicine; I hated all of it and never wanted to take it again. But with all the pain filling me I knew I needed to opt for the numbness instead of the agony. I shook my head weakly and sighed, "No."

"Come on...Let's get some meds in you," Dean said softly, somehow sounding comforting as he did. He helped me up to my feet but halfway through the chore it became apparent I wasn't going to get on me feet so instead he lifted me into his arms and carried me into the other room. Once there he sat me down at the now clear table where I collapsed my upperbody. He came back with the bag John had grabbed and placed the bottles on the table in the completely wrong order. If I wasn't so nausious I'd laugh. He asked with determination, "Alright...which one's it?"

I lifted my head up onto my chin and began to sift through the different bottles but even more dread came over me. I felt myself begining to whimper but I had to stop myself, I couldn't keep looking so helpless, "The one I need...it isn't here."

"...Come on...," Dean urged as he coaxed me back into his arms, "There's a Pharmacy around the corner. You can tell 'em what you need and they'll get it for you. Don't worry, it's gonna be alright."

I leaned into him and he took me up again, holding me against him like an embrace and a cradle. He grabbed his keys and pushed it into his pocket as he opened the door. But as the door went was pulled into the room the salt line was broken.

We were doomed as soon as he said 'Don't worry.'

It seemed to have taken twenty minutes before I could regain control of my body and by them I wasn't even tired anymore. The blinking on my cell phone kept reminding me of the message waiting for me but still I was terrified it would be someone else telling me of the horrible thing Dean had done. But the memories I had just been going through were a comforting reminder that Dean wouldn't do that and I'm going to be okay.

I took in six more breaths, just to be sure, and then sat up, quickly reaching for my phone.

"Hey. I know it's been a while and I'm thankful for your patients but everything's fine. We made it. Woooh. All jokes aside. Turns out it was a Wendigo that was kidnapping and killing people. After a short hiking and camping and being kidnapped and all we found it and killed it. We even managed to save Tommy! But bad news is Sam's officially obsessed now. A-class stuck in it. But then again that's just Sammy's way. He doesn't do anything half-assed so I guess that's a comfort. But I don't know how I can help him...or how I could save him. You're the one that's good at getting through to people and I-I just can't do it like you. I keep tryin' but...I don't know. I'm confused. I miss you, Lor."

I rolled my eyes and whipped them angrily, unable to stop myself from answering the message,"I miss you too Dean."

I decided then, at that point, this was the last night I would spend this way. I was not going to cry over Dean, I was not going to let this distance waste me away. Sure this was the longest time we had ever been apart but I was not going to let this kill me. In the morning I promised I was going to make a change. For better or worse I was going to live my life...until he came home.