The bright lanterns from the lawn gave enough light for the Doctor's sharp eyes to see her. Kathryn stayed frozen for a moment, then blinked as though waking. She slowly turned her hand, staring at it in horror as she stumbled back from the window.
The Doctor snapped his head back around to the dullahan, knowing what he would find.
In a Naime marriage ceremony, unlike that of humans, there is no mention of 'till death do us part.' Naime marry once, and when their spouse dies, they've lived together for so long that they've become telepathically linked and can't live without each other.
The male Naime was crumbling, ready to join his wife in death. The head was raised one last time, the black fly eyes and wide toothy mouth suddenly accusing.
"You've tied yourself to a monster, Doctor. What we did to this area will not compare to what she will do to you. It is my one comfort."
The Doctor stared at the pile of dust in the middle of the lawn. His throat was tight and his thoughts were whirling, comparing, reviewing.
"No," he finally said quietly to no one. "I won't let that happen."
Kathryn backed up from the window, staring at the dust and still-wet blood on her hand. She couldn't breathe as the last minute replayed over and over again in her mind, her words returning to mock her.
"Katie?"
Kathryn's head jerked up and she stared at Elizabeth, who had sat up in bed. The young girl looked worried, and her bandages were loose. The picture of honesty and innocence.
"Katie? What's wrong?"
It was too much. Kathryn turned and dashed from the room, down the stairs, and into the main hall. Everything seemed like it was more than it should be; objects contrasting starkly against each other, sounds ringing in her ears, the house far too warm, mind racing too fast. The handle of the main door clicked as someone turned the handle and Kathryn scampered into a shadowed alcove.
A group of servants, headed by Mr. Dixon, came inside, talking in hushed tones about what had happened. A female went up the stairs, likely to check in on Elizabeth. Kathryn didn't have a lot of time before someone was sent to look for her.
Mr. Dixon started up the stairs as the servants started drifting towards the kitchen. As soon as all the backs were turned, Kathryn slipped around the group and stumbled out of the door, running to nowhere.
After a minute at high speed, Kathryn dropped to her knees and emptied her stomach at the base of a tree. She huddled there, shivering.
"What have I done?" she whispered. "What have I become?"
The smell of the banshee's blood on her hand assailed her nostrils along with what she had last eaten, a sharp, oddly earthy smell. Kathryn swallowed thickly, trying to settle her thoughts. Only one came through.
"What happened Kathryn?"
Kathryn didn't look up at the Doctor's voice, nor did she answer him. For a long moment she stayed on the ground, facing downwards.
"Are there any asylums out there?" she abruptly asked.
"What?"
"In the universe. In time. In space. Are there any asylums?"
"Asylum as in institute or haven?"
"The first one."
"A few."
"Take me there."
"Why?"
Kathryn finally looked up. The Doctor showed next to no emotion at the strength of her gaze. "I'm not safe. A prison would be better but I might kill the other inmates. I can't…I can't be set loose Doctor. I'm not safe."
"Why aren't you safe?"
Something seemed to snap in Kathryn. She stood, holding her hand out towards him as an illustration, her voice sharp.
"You saw what I did! You know what I'll do! I have blood on my head and my hands Doctor! I killed four people two days ago in defense, and I just murdered another one! I'm escalating! Who knows what I'll do tomorrow!? It could be anyone! If I'd hugged Elizabeth, it could have been her! And it's not like I only need to suck the life from them; I killed that woman with half a UV light! I'm not safe!"
The Doctor studied Kathryn for a long moment. "You didn't answer my question; what happened?"
Kathryn wilted. "I was defending Elizabeth. It was only defense, I swear it. I was waiting for you to convince the dullahan that they needed to leave…and then she started talking about things I can't remember and I was pinned against the dresser and something…something moved. Everything went glowy and I was running on autopilot. Next moment my glove was off, her cheek was cut, and I was telling her something that made no sense. Then she screamed and died."
The Doctor's flat tone made him sound more like a bored psychoanalyst than himself. "What was it like? In the moment."
Kathryn dropped her head, staring at the dried blood on her hand. "It felt natural. It felt right. And it felt wonderful." She swallowed hard again. "I can't stay, and I can't go anywhere else. So, I either find an executioner or a cell that can hold me. I still don't want to die. But I can't…" Her voice shook slightly. "I can't be allowed to wander about the universe."
The Doctor watched Kathryn for a moment. "Were you like this before? When you thought you were human?"
"No. I was fox-clever and too proud for my own good, but I wasn't a killer. Not an intentional one."
"So this started when the energy rush did."
"Yes."
"Then it's just like any other tool you need to learn to use."
"But that's the problem!" Kathryn argued. "I'm always using it! I can't turn it off when I'm around people; it doesn't work like that. I didn't ask to for it. I didn't ask for any of this!"
"But you've got it," the Doctor said firmly. "You can either figure out how to keep a lid on it, or let it loose and end up hurting more people." His expression softened some. "I can't really give you any advice about the energy Kathryn. But you're smart enough; you just take what's happened and try and stop it if it starts again. And it'd probably be good if you avoided situations like the last one."
"And how would I do that?"
The Doctor's smile was self-depreciating. "I'll let you know when I figure it out."
"Are you as dangerous as I am?"
The Doctor locked eyes with Kathryn. Somehow he felt as though she were looking into rather than at him. "Come on," he said suddenly, answering her question. "We need to say goodbye before we leave.
The doors opened as Kathryn and the Doctor approached them. Mr. Dixon stepped out, his daughter in his arms. Something in his stance warned the two travelers not to get too close.
"Just came to pay our respects before popping off."
"Despite your help, Doctor, I can't say I'm sorry about the fact you're leaving," Mr. Dixon said. He hesitated, and then focused briefly on Kathryn. "Thank you for watching my daughter."
"I'm sorry I couldn't do the same for your son," she answered quietly.
Mr. Dixon looked away from her and back to the Doctor. "The only reason I've approached you, beyond the demanded courtesies, is that Elizabeth wanted to say goodbye to the…to your niece."
Kathryn shot a worried glance at the Doctor, who lifted an eyebrow slightly. Kathryn walked over to Mr. Dixon. Elizabeth smiled at her.
"Thank you for helping me Katie."
"Always. Just promise you won't forget the stuff I've told you." Kathryn smiled at the young girl "Ever figure out my riddles?"
To Kathryn's surprise, Elizabeth nodded eagerly. She motioned at Kathryn to lean closer and whispered in her ear. Kathryn smiled bitterly at the words.
"It's good of you to think so, but not quite."
"It's true."
Kathryn looked up into Mr. Dixon's eyes. "You have an amazing child Dixon. She's brilliant and gifted and wonderful. As you value life itself, don't ever, ever forget that."
Kathryn looked back at his daughter and tapped Elizabeth's nose with the hand that was still gloved. "Keep out of great big trouble."
Kathryn turned away and walked off in the direction of TARDIS. The Doctor nodded to Mr. Dixon and Elizabeth before starting after Kathryn.
"What were the riddles?"
"Who and what I am."
"Her answer?"
"It doesn't matter." Kathryn shook her head. "It wasn't the right one."
"Well," the Doctor said, drawing out the word, his tone slightly teasing. "Sometimes the wrong answers have part of the right one. What'd she say?"
"She thinks I'm an angel."
"Young children can be extremely perceptive."
"If I was really an angel I would have let her die from mercy!" Kathryn hissed.
The Doctor put a hand on Kathryn's shoulder, stopping her. "What are you talking about?"
Kathryn took a deep breath. "That darling child, who'd never hurt anyone…she's going to grow up and get married to a drunkard, someone who's going to beat her and her only savior is going to be her daughter." Kathryn shook her head. "She doesn't deserve that. No one does."
"How do you know this?"
Kathryn gave him a look. "Only you would be so fascinated by people you meet and not know the background figures. Elizabeth Dixon grows up to be the mother of Mary Wollstonecraft."
"Ah, the suffragette from the late 1700's." The Doctor frowned in thought, then raised an eyebrow at Kathryn. "What sort of things did you tell her while you were holed up in her room?"
"A lot of things. About America. Equal rights. That she's worth more than her father says."
The Doctor rubbed his forehead, smiling slightly. "Oh, that makes an almost unbelievable amount of sense. Kathryn, the women's movement is your fault. You planted the seeds in the mother and she gave them to her child. Only you could manage something like that."
"She shouldn't have to go through that."
The Doctor sobered. "No one should, but sometimes…sometimes history has to be obeyed rather than changed."
They started walking again and Kathryn asked another question. "How do you manage it?"
"Manage…"
"The people." Kathryn's voice cracked slightly. "How can you leave them behind, day after day for 900 years?"
"Oh Kathryn," the Doctor sighed. "I carry them with me everywhere I go."
"How can you bear that?"
The Doctor didn't answer for a few yards. "Two days ago you asked if I was running towards something or from it. You just found the answer to the riddle."
"I don't think I like riddles anymore."
"Better get used to it. You find them a lot in my line of work."
"Is it work?"
"Sometimes. Usually not. Depends on your mindset."
Kathryn mulled over the conversation during the remainder of the walk. The Doctor produced his key and unlocked TARDIS front door.
"Anywhere you'd like to go next?"
Kathryn thought for a moment. "Any good planets for first-timers?"
The Doctor grinned at Kathryn. "Thousands."
*Constructive criticism welcome, praise happily accepted, flames not wanted*
Thank you for reading this much improved version of Love of Fear. At some point in the nearish future I'll put up an improved, far more historically accurate version of my third story, "One Shot."
Best wishes!