WARNING TO SENSITIVE ANTI-DBERS: There is a DB scene in this chapter that is a bit coupley, but it doesn't end well for them if that is any incentive to still read it. =)
*I own nothing. No copyright infringement intended.
…..
Ch.3—Shaking the Earthquake
The first thing that alerted her she wasn't in her own bed for the second night in the row was the fact that she was on the verge of falling off whatever piece of furniture – most likely a bed – she was on. The second was that she felt pebble-like cushions pressed against her face. When she inhaled, the scent was almost unbearable. She breathed in too hard her next breath and ended up coughing a little. Finally, she opened her eyes and, misinterpreting the toes lying against her face for an odd looking spider at first glance, screamed. The action was just enough to push her already teetering body over the edge of the bed and onto the floor.
"Monkey, shh!" a groggy Chuck called out, tossing one of his pillows across the bed after missing the invisible space on the bed where he thought his dog might be. "Some of us need our beauty sleep." He snuggled his face deeper into the pillow he lay on.
On the floor, Serena groaned. "Chuck!"
He made an indistinguishable mumbling sound. She huffed, turning her body so she was sprawled across the floor, her eyes barely opened as she looked up at the ceiling.
"My head hurts." She frowned, bringing one hand up to soothe the back of her head.
Chuck said nothing.
"And your feet smell!" She shouted.
He made a soft snoring sound.
"Looked like a spider," she muttered.
Chuck opened one eye and looked down his bed, but couldn't manage to see his step-sister.
"Serena?"
He sat up when she didn't make any more sounds.
"Are you on the floor?" he asked, confused.
She sighed loudly. "Apparently."
"Did you wake up there?" he asked, even more confused now.
She snapped up. "No. Your foot attacked me."
He laughed, still confused. "What? How?"
"It smelled!" she crawled across the floor quickly to grab the pillow he'd tossed off the bed and threw it at him.
He ducked.
"Hey! What the-" He looked down at the floor to see what she'd thrown at him then back at her fuming face. The confusion still plastered on his own face though eventually made her smile, and then she was laughing and he found himself doing it too.
Finally Serena stood to her feet and walked out of the room shaking her head. Chuck was dazed and confused for a little while more, but eventually he followed suit and called room service for breakfast while Serena showered.
…
He was pouring orange juice into his glass from the pitcher when he saw Serena come out from the hallway, a purple towel wrapping up her long blonde locks on top of her head and a silk robe wrapped around her slim form.
"What?" She stopped when she saw the look on his face. When he didn't bother to explain himself, she looked herself over. "What?" she asked again, unable to find anything conspicuous on her. "Don't tell me you're not used to seeing a half-dressed girl in your penthouse," she teased.
He forced a miniscule smile and finished pouring his orange juice, just managing to keep it from overflowing the glass, as she crossed the room and took a seat across him at the table.
"You know, at first I was surprised to find a woman's robe in your closet," she continued, now enjoying her teasing topic, "but I rationalized that since you have so many running around, or did that…"
She paused again when she realized Chuck's eyes were glued to the chest pocket on her robe. She looked down and gasped, then quickly covered the letters B.W. on the front of the pocket. Her eyes flashed to Chuck's.
"Oh my god, Chuck. I'm so sorry. I…I'll just go put the rest of my clothes back on."
She started to stand up, but he stopped her.
"Sit."
"Chuck…"
He sighed. "Sit down, Serena."
Hesitantly, she sat back down.
"I really can just change, you know."
He picked up his fork and dug into his scrambled eggs.
"It's fine."
She couldn't stand the tension in his voice.
"Okay, I'm just gonna change."
She started standing up again but he firmly grasped her wrist.
"Sit down."
They battled each other with an intense eye stare for what felt like forever. Chuck's hand tightened on her wrist.
"I'm not going to break just because you're wearing Blair's robe," he ground out. "She doesn't live here anymore-" he broke off and instantly released her as soon as the words left his mouth. He shifted in his seat and picked up his fork again. "Just…sit down."
Serena didn't resist the command anymore. She sat back down and poured herself some water. No matter what concern she might have over wearing Blair's robe right in front of Chuck, reminding him that he and Blair had once been together, his mistaken outburst shook her up even more.
Because Blair had never actually lived with Chuck. Not officially. Not even when it seemed sometimes she was more there than she actually was at home.
Whether in his dreams or during their relationship, Chuck had clearly fantasized or believed that he and Blair were living together. Or maybe even more somehow; that he…she…they…
"Chuck-"
"Serena, I'd rather not discuss it," he said firmly. It was clear that there was no room left for argument. She wondered for a moment if he had been reading her mind. They had become very in tuned to each other just in the last couple days, especially in regards to Blair.
After awhile of quiet clinking of silverware on plates and pitchers on glasses, she attempted conversation again.
"So, I was thinking…"
He looked up at her.
"Okay, I know this is going to sound crazy, but maybe should look into the…" she sighed, thinking the subject over in her mind and realizing how unbelievably ridiculous it was. "Nevermind."
"Serena. Look at me."
She turned her averted gaze to him.
"I'm a mess emotionally, and kind of mentally too. There's a bit of…physical potential," he paused, looking at his empty glass. "Though it seems I've taken a break from it this morning. So just," he sighed, "Tell me about your crazy idea."
She looked at him sympathetically and he hated it, because it looked so much like pity and he hated that. But he steeled himself, told him she was hurting just as badly and that he could probably take as much sympathy as he could get. Regardless of his insistence, seeing Blair's robe on Serena had shaken him to the core.
She strolled into his bedroom wearing a sleek, white robe wrapped around her frame.
He gave her a once over, his eyes darkening as a smirk slid onto his face.
"That better be coming off within the next 30 seconds."
She smiled mischievously as she walked towards him and sat beside him on the bed. She toyed with the sash on his own robe. His hands slid over her silk-covered curves, admiring them greedily.
"I just thought I should get my own robe to wear after showers and…"
His hand accidentally-on-purpose brushed over one of her suddenly hardened nipples. Her breath caught in her throat but by the time she'd recovered he had plastered a thickly innocent look on his and it made her want to smack him – in the most affectionate way naturally.
"…other activities?" he offered, looking too cute to be mad at.
She smirked. "Yes."
Suddenly he frowned. "But I like seeing you in my robes." He gently grabbed the lapels of her robe and pulled her in until her lips were hovering just above his. "It's hot."
She was melting.
She swallowed hard.
"I don't have to wear it all the time," she said breathlessly.
He brushed her lips briefly with his and slid the lines of her lips over with his tongue. She moaned and he pulled her roughly to him, kissing her hard. His hands slid inside her robe and pushed it off her shoulders. His kisses traveled to her neck and then he wrapped his arm around her waist, twisting her body so she was beneath him on the bed.
"Definitely not right now."
She giggled into his ear, and his heart beat faster. He loved the sound of her laugh.
"Nope." She slid her hand down his back as he unpeeled more of her robe. "Not right now." She nibbled on his earlobe.
"Chuck."
He blinked, coming back to the present and away from his precious memories. His sister was now looking at him with confusion instead of sympathy or pity. That was better, he decided.
He cleared his throat.
"So, tell me, this crazy idea?"
"Yeah…" She decided to brush aside his brief weird behavior. "I was thinking maybe we should look into the possibility of time travel."
He choked on his water. "What?"
"Well, you know, I'm sure you have more than enough money and resources to track down some sort of research scientist. They've got to have been researching this for hundreds of years. There have been tons of movies and books about it."
"Hundreds of years? Books?" He raised his eyebrows, amused.
"It's got to be true. There has to be something to it."
He took another drink of his water, not even considering the notion. He would amuse himself with this for awhile. He could use some light entertainment after the reality of his daze being from an ancient memory.
"I mean, just think, we could go back to Constance and St. Judes, fix all those mistakes we made, keep Blair and Dan for ourselves…"
He looked up at her. "You make us sound like psychopaths."
"You know what I mean."
He nodded casually. "Go on."
"Well, that was pretty much it. What do you think?" She looked at him with hopeful eyes.
He blinked. "You're serious."
She didn't say anything but her eyes told him everything he needed to know. He laughed.
"Did you drink something I didn't last night? Are you still drunk? Because I recall having a similar conversation like this after we'd got kicked out of the bar." He laughed.
She blew out a puff of air, annoyed. Some of her damp blonde strands flew up from the side of her face.
He shook his head, smiling. "I'm not the government, Serena. I don't have scientists researching time travel. And…even if I did, I doubt I'd believe anything they had to say. Time travel isn't possible. There's a reason it's only in science fiction movies and books."
"I know this sounds crazy. And I know we've both been through far worse to let this drive us over the edge, but…" She bit her bottom lip. "Don't you just wish there were some things you could do over if you had the chance?"
For some reason, he decided to take her bizarre thoughts into consideration, because there were so very many things he wished he could take back.
His eyes softened.
"I do, Serena."
Hope ignited in her eyes.
"Unfortunately, it's not possible."
He stood to his feet, took his dishes to the sink and headed to the bathroom for a shower, leaving Serena feeling very much confused with how exactly she felt about how their conversation had gone.
She'd get over it, she told herself.
I mean, time travel?
Clearly, she'd let her notions of Back to the Future "Mikey" go to her head. Chuck was right. There was a reason time travel was listed under the science fiction genre and not broadcasted on the nightly news.
…
Chuck lifted his head to see who had just entered his penthouse. Just like earlier that morning, he was pouring himself a beverage other than alcohol. Water this time. When he saw the person responsible for interrupting the steady flow of liquid from pitcher to glass however, he wondered if now was a good time to give in to the amber drink.
"To what do I owe the pleasure?" he asked casually. He would not lose his cool. He wouldn't. Their tempers had risen to the brink yesterday until he finally had to leave in order to save himself from his own self-destruction. And that was within five minutes.
He heard Dan's drawn out sigh and knew today's "conversation" wouldn't go any smoother.
"Look, if you're here to apologize about yesterday, you can save your breath. I don't plan on having any such conversation again." He took a sip of his water.
Dan stopped in his tracks.
"And if you're here to gloat about 'winning Blair'," Chuck's eyes flashed to his, "forget it. I've got bigger problems on my hands."
Dan crossed his arms across his chest. "Like what?"
Chuck shrugged. "That's my business." He took another drink.
"Right. Well…"
"Just leave, Humphrey."
He blinked. "Excuse me?" he asked, half-confused, half bordering on a building rage.
"We already addressed all possible reasons you might dare to show up here: rubbing in my face the fact that you stole Blair from me, some lame-ass apology about the other obscenities you so pathetically dished out yesterday and…well, wondering if Nate's here so you could escape this god-awful conversation, because let's face it, we both want it to be over."
Chuck finally caught Dan's eyes again. The latter's mouth was hanging wide open.
"I…" Dan managed.
Chuck raised his eyebrows.
Dan cleared his throat. "I didn't steal Blair from you."
He laughed. Of course he was going to go there. Nothing had changed since yesterday. Absolutely nothing.
"What would you call it exactly?" he asked, curious sarcasm evident in his voice.
"Her choosing me," he said bluntly.
Chuck nodded slowly, holding back the urge to throw his glass of water in Dan's face.
"Which she wouldn't have done by the way, if you hadn't intervened."
He gawked. "If I hadn't sent in the video, she would have still married Louis and neither of us would have had a chance with her. It would have been over. And just for the record, I never thought she would give me a second look after I kissed her. She made it clear Serena was her #1 priority, and denied any feelings she might have had until they apparently had a talk. Serena was okay with it."
Chuck laughed. "Is that what you think? That Serena's okay with it?"
Dan blinked, completely disoriented now that Chuck was defending Serena and not accusing him or defending himself.
"Well…yeah. Blair wouldn't be with me if she thought…" he trailed off, his mind going blank. It was very obvious now that he'd lost his footing and had no logical answer to the turn in the conversation.
"Serena wants Blair to be happy, as do I. That's why neither of us have tried to break the two of you up. That's also why I didn't send in the video, and why Serena wouldn't have either. We both tried to get her to change her mind about marrying Louis, but she refused to budge. If you knew Blair at all, you would know that even her heartfelt confession caught on camera and being blasted to everyone in that church wouldn't change her mind. She still chose Louis, even though he obviously wasn't her first choice." He scoffed and shook his head at Dan's dazed expression. "Blair didn't call you because she regretted marrying Louis because of her undying love for me or the realization that she didn't love Louis at all. She called you because she realized she was suddenly in a loveless marriage and needed to get out."
Dan found himself totally and completely speechless. His mind was spinning but he couldn't make sense of any of it.
"The love was suddenly gone on both ends and she panicked."
Dan finally managed to clear his throat and put his thoughts into some sort of logical sequence.
"I've been there for her more than you ever have," he said, finding his footing.
Chuck laughed.
"It's true, and you know it."
He fought hard not to laugh again, but a smile couldn't help but slip through.
"I think you're forgetting the first seventeen years of her life when I was the one boosting up her self-confidence when her mother disapproved or didn't notice her. I was the one who told her she was beautiful and had nothing on Serena who always got things so easy when she had to take the hard road every time. I was the one, with Serena, who helped her resurface when her eating disorder got the best of her every time Nate paid more attention to her flighty best friend than to his own girlfriend. And you know why I did that? Because I could relate. And because I cared about her, maybe even more than I cared about Nate sometimes."
"You were a dick in high school."
"On the surface, yes. But on the inside? No. Blair found the real me and she saved me. More than I could ever possibly ever save her. That's why the two of us are more connected than you two will ever be, in love or not."
"I won't hurt her, which is something you are incapable of not doing."
His brows furrowed. He forced his temper to remain below the boiling point.
"Grasping at straws, huh?" He pursed his lips tightly.
"You sold her for a hotel and then slept with my sister!"
Chuck slammed his now empty glass on the bar and started walking towards him.
"I let her go. Countless times. Believe me, I was well aware that I did not deserve her. I still don't. Because no matter the wrongs she'd done to me, it's not even close to the damage I've caused her. She took a risk getting involved with me, and I told her that many times."
"What, so it's Blair's fault you destroyed her life?"
He jaw visibly clenched. "No. Of course not. My point was that I had finally decided to let her go for good, because I knew I was no good for her. I really knew. In a desperate attempt to save myself by moving on, I eventually started going to therapy and completely turned my life around. You know that. You were there.
I didn't pursue Blair at all until she called me, and then not even until you told me where she was, so we could be together. So don't you dare accuse me of 'forcing myself' on her when I'd done so much wrong to her. I only starting fighting for her again when I knew for sure that I was good enough for her and that she wanted me more than anyone else, when she thought I could make her happy." Caught up in the memories that now seemed like another lifetime ago, he felt as though the oxygen he was breathing had suddenly become incredibly thin. "She said…"
He stopped and shook his head. "No. You don't deserve it. I've already said too much. I don't know what I was thinking opening up and actually bothering to explain myself to you and the whole god-damned situation." He walked past Dan to hit the elevator button. "You need to go. Now."
"Chuck, wait-"
"No." His fierce gaze held in any tears threatening to come to the surface. "You already stole Blair from me. I won't let you take anything else."
Dan was about to argue further about him not stealing Blair from Chuck, but the elevator doors opened. Nate stood in the shaft, his eyes widened at the confrontation he'd walked in on.
"I'll come back later," Nate said quickly, eager to escape. He pressed the button to close the doors but Chuck held up his hand and kept them from closing.
"No need. Dan was just leaving." He turned his head briefly to his best friend and forced a smile before returning to Dan's very on edge looking expression. "Weren't you?"
"Chuck-"
"Weren't you?" he demanded.
Dan sighed, shooting a side glance to Nate before nodding.
Chuck avoided his gaze as he walked into the elevator and Nate quickly exited it, making a beeline for his room. Chuck released his hold on the elevator doors and they began to close. Dan pressed the button to keep them open. Chuck looked up and glared.
"What about us?" he asked timidly. The desperation in his eyes made Chuck's rage nearly boil over, the worst it had been during the whole conversation.
"Us?" he asked through clenched teeth.
"We were friends, weren't we?"
Chuck laughed, angry sarcasm laced in the very sound. It was as if he was spitting in his face with the venom of a poisonous snake.
"As far as I'm concerned, whatever 'friendship' we had was nothing but a total and complete lie. And there's nothing you can say to change my mind about that," he spat, ripping Dan's hand away from the button in the elevator so that the doors would close.
He didn't try to keep them opened.
….
When the elevator doors chimed again, he had to fight hard to maintain his patience. Dan's whole attitude and viewpoint on the situation was driving him mad. The fact that he'd dared to come back for a follow-up argument clearly had the stamp of Waldorf written all over it. He refused to believe Dan was actually a good-natured person anymore. He didn't know when he had started thinking it, but it had been a huge mistake and he was seriously considering relocating, at least temporarily. He needed a breather from this whole mess. Dan and Blair were clearly happy, did they have to make him and Serena even more miserable by constantly drudging up their feelings on the matter?
"Humphrey," he ground out.
"It's not…"
Chuck froze. He hesitantly looked up and saw her standing in his doorway. He couldn't help the shivers that wracked through him. It pained him to look at her for all the horrible, and wonderful, memories it brought back, but it also gave him incredible relief and joy. It'd been so long since they'd been this close to each other. He ached for her as if she was his breath of life, the water to vanquish the desert inside him.
"Blair," he choked.
They stood there and just looked at each other for what felt like an eternity. As usual, when she looked at him it felt like she was peering into his very soul. Whatever expression was on her face, it served to completely immobilize him, verbally and otherwise. It was like he'd been turned to stone, except for the loud thumping inside his chest that he could hear louder than anything else, even his own breathing.
Breaking off the trance they'd been locked into, Blair slowly crossed the floor and set her purse down on the counter and walked toward him, stopping feet away at the bar.
"Make me a drink?"
He felt the same urgency he had when Eleanor walked in on him the day of Blair's wedding, and when Blair had come back to him just before the Jenny scandal had exploded in all of their faces.
"Yes, of course," he said, hurrying behind the bar to dig out the various ingredients. "What's your poison?" he finally asked, forcing himself to breathe in and out more slowly.
Blair slid onto one of the stools. "Cocktail. You know which one I like."
His eyes flickered up to her averted gaze. At least that hadn't changed. He comforted himself with the fact that he still knew her favorite drink.
"Yes, of course."
"Water?" she asked dubiously, gesturing to the clear liquid in his own glass.
"Scotch has gotten the better of me lately. I need to cut back."
She said nothing to that remark.
"I'm glad you came," he said quietly after awhile. Her eyes lifted to his questioningly. "My therapist suggested I go to see you, but…I was…unsure of how to go about it." He was silent for awhile, letting the information sink in. "So thank-you."
Her fingers traced the rim of her glass as she tried to sort her thoughts into order.
"Why did you go to see your therapist?" she asked curiously. "I thought you'd…recovered?"
He nodded once. "So did I. But…a new problem arose, and let's just say I'd rather talk it out and get advice than be left to my own devices."
She continued to trace the rim of her glass. "What problem?" she asked softly.
His eyes lifted to hers, giving her the answer she needed to know.
"I didn't know that was a new problem," she said.
"The last time my therapist saw me was right after the accident."
She closed her eyes in anguish, remembering.
"Believe me, it's pretty new," he said.
She felt this overwhelming need to cry. The tears were already surfacing behind closed lids. She'd come to see Chuck to put him in his place once more for how he'd talked to Dan after hearing how the conversation had gone down in the lobby where she'd been waiting for Dan. Now though she realized that was the last thing Chuck needed, and that maybe Serena was right. Maybe she had been ignoring how much Chuck might be hurting.
She took a deep breath. "Well, I…"
"Why did you come here, Blair?" he asked, sadness etched in his eyes and crackling through his breaking voice.
Her heart clenched. "To put you in your place," she said honestly.
"You were waiting downstairs for Dan? This whole time?" His heart broke even as he said it. The memories of when she'd waited for him, been there for him, defended him, loved him all rushed to his head. He was starting to lose it.
She nodded slowly.
"Well." He cleared his throat. "I don't mean to be harsh or rude, but the only thing I regret about what I said to Dan is giving away personal information that is mine alone to keep. Maybe Serena's."
She shook her head. "Why do you keep going to Serena?" she asked, truly confused.
"Why do you think, Blair?"
He was incredibly tempted to just pour out his heart to her, tell her how much he really was hurting and what he'd thought of doing to himself so many times within the last week.
But he wouldn't do that. Blair was happy with Dan. He wouldn't burden her with his feelings of heartbreak.
"Are you mad at me, Chuck?" she asked softly, sounding almost scared. He hated that. It wasn't fair that she should be hurting over him, not when she was clearly so happy without him. It wasn't fair how much he hurt over this. It wasn't right.
"No," he insisted. "I told you, Blair. I could never be mad at you."
"Well then, why do you hurt Dan on my account?"
"I don't-" He took another breath, willing himself not to lose his temper. "I can't…discuss that with you," he finally managed, shakily sighing afterwards.
"What did you expect we were going to talk about? Since you were planning on talking to me sometime anyways."
"I don't know," he said, fighting the desire to scream.
She blew out a puff of air; then looked at him intently, suddenly very serious. She stretched out her hand to cover his. He made no move to close his hand around hers. Her touch burned him.
"I do love you, Chuck."
"Blair, stop-" he gasped. He ripped his hand away. "I can't go through that conversation again," he said fiercely. "I just can't." He was breathing somewhat heavily now.
She was surprised to see tears in his eyes. Wow. She hadn't realized. She'd had no idea of the hurt she had inflicted.
"Can you imagine," he said very quietly after a long dreadful silence, "having someone be so in love with you, they fought for you even when you didn't fight for them, even when you'd wronged them beyond belief to what you were certain would be their or your dying breath only to wake up one day and find out they'd suddenly fallen in love with someone else when you'd finally become worthy of them?"
She shook her head slowly, tears running down her face as they ran down his.
"No," she whispered.
He swallowed hard and nodded. Then he pulled a box of tissues out from beneath the bar and set it on the countertop so she could take some. He took some as well and their fingers touched when they reached for one at the same time. It was as if they'd both been struck by electricity at the same time. Their hands suddenly jerked back.
When her face was dry again she finally looked back up at him.
"I never meant to hurt you, Chuck," she said very quietly, her voice breaking.
He nodded slowly. "I know."
She sighed and ran her hand over her forehead and then tossed the hair draped over her collarbone to her back. It felt like she had a fever. She had to get out of there.
"I think I should…"
He nodded again and gulped.
"Yes."
She was shaking slightly as she slid off the barstool and headed for the elevator. Her purse felt like a heavy weight in the crook of her elbow. She didn't have the strength to lift it to her shoulder.
"Thanks for the drink," she muttered, the words lost in the sound of the elevator chime. She avoided any gaze Chuck might have given her until the doors closed behind her.
Chuck looked down at the drink she'd left behind. Hardly two sips had been taken from it. Maybe one. He took the contents of the glass and dumped it into the sink.
…
She was quiet on the way home. Didn't say a single word. Even when he'd seen her coming out of the elevators onto the lobby floor she hadn't so much as looked at him. If he hadn't pounded on the taxi after she'd slipped inside, he doubted he'd be in the same location she was now.
Apparently her visit with Chuck had gone worse than his had. Part of him was surprised. But the other part completely saw this coming. Chuck always hurt Blair worse than anyone else. He should have never let her go up there alone.
No. She was Blair Waldorf. She could handle herself. All the problems she'd had before they got together were now nonexistent. Whatever Georgina had set out to do in Monaco had succeeded. Blair was officially no longer a Grimaldi.
Why, then, did this seem so much worse?
"So, are you going to tell me what happened?" he asked hesitantly.
Blair was cuddled up on the couch by the window, staring at the floor.
"Blair?"
She sighed quietly.
He walked over to her and pulled her into his arms. After a moment of letting herself sink into his embrace though, she untangled herself and scooted over to the other side of the couch. He watched her, nasty hot chills escalating throughout his body.
"We've done so much damage," she said, staring at the floor. She finally turned to him when he didn't say anything. Tears shimmered in her eyes. "I knew there were going to be consequences to us getting together. Lots of obstacles. But after Serena told me she was okay with it and I told Chuck that I didn't want to be with him and Georgina fixed everything with Louis, I just thought…"
"That it would be over," he finished for her. He grasped her hand as she nodded.
She turned to look at him.
"I should have known they were just keeping their mouths shut so I would be happy without feeling guilty." She sighed. "I guess I just wanted to be with you so badly I ignored the signs." She looked at him sadly.
"Hey," he said soothingly, holding her hand tightly. "You haven't done anything to intentionally hurt them. We've both kept our PDA very low key and gone to great lengths not to be around either of them while together."
She sighed, nodding. "I know. But maybe staying away from them when we're together is worse than making out right in front of them. It makes it look like we don't care about them at all."
He sighed. "Blair…"
"I told Chuck I loved him but I wasn't in love with him. The day of Cece's funeral I told him that. Can you imagine how hard that must have been for him to hear? After everything…" She shook her head, looking sadder than he'd her in a long time.
"You can't help who you have feelings for, Blair."
She didn't say anything, just sat staring down at their clasped hands.
"Hey." He turned her face so that she was looking directly into his eyes, then leaned forward and kissed her sweetly. "You haven't done anything wrong."
She tried to smile, but it was nearly impossible. Finally she stood to her feet.
"I think I'm gonna go home, try and persuade Serena to spend time with me."
His brows furrowed. "You're leaving?"
She nodded, now almost to the door.
"Blair, stop-" He pulled on her arm, making her turn toward him. "Don't let this affect us."
She looked at him sadly. "It already has."
"Are you…breaking up with me?"
"No," she said, very sure of that fact. "I'm not. That wouldn't fix anything. And besides, Chuck and Serena would feel responsible." She blew out a large puff of air, exhausted. Dan's soothing hand rubbing over her shoulder helped a little. She met his eyes. "I'm just so sick of this."
He looked at her sadly. "Why don't we get out of the city for a few days? Away to someplace where we don't have to watch our back every five seconds to make sure we're not hurting anybody."
She laughed sardonically. "It's like we're sneaking around in some forbidden relationship!" She burst out, walking away from the door. She plopped herself back on the couch and fumed.
Dan followed but she'd snapped to her feet again before he made it the full distance.
"And you know what else I hate about this? Maybe more than anything else. I'm losing Chuck completely."
"Blair."
"I'm serious!"
"You're not losing him, Blair," he insisted. He wanted to push that maybe losing Chuck wasn't such a bad idea, but he'd seen how the bad boy had changed in the last six months. He couldn't let the history he had with Blair make him turn against Chuck.
"I am." She nodded. "Because I have no idea how to be just friends with him anymore." She shook her head hopelessly. "Ever since we got together junior year, we've always been either pissed at each other or in love with each other. Even when we weren't together but were okay with each other, it was always with the intention that we would get together again sometime in the future. That was what made us okay with each other."
"Even when Louis came along?"
She nodded slowly. "I denied it completely of course, but deep down the fact that Louis was a real prince told me that I was just fooling myself. When Chuck turned all good on me, there wasn't even a question as to who I wanted to be with. I think it was more guilt than anything else that I stayed with Louis. I didn't want to think a real prince with no flaws whatsoever had come along and he was still only a stand-in for Chuck."
"And now?" he asked quietly.
She smiled sadly. "You know the answer to that."
"I'm not sure I do."
She frowned.
"I did up until this moment, but-"
"Dan," she wrapped her arms around his neck. "I told you, you have my heart. How much clearer do I need to get?"
"I know, I know…it's just all this talk of Chuck has got me thinking you're not really over him."
She dropped her arms and narrowed her eyes.
"If I wasn't over Chuck, it would be him I'd be standing with right now. Not you."
He sighed. "It is possible to like two people at the same time, Blair."
Her lips pursed and tightened into fierce determination.
"Even if that was the case, and I'm not saying it is, you would obviously be the one I loved more or, as previously stated, I wouldn't be standing here."
All his thinking processes had come to an abrupt halt halfway through her sentence.
"You love me?" he asked, shocked. He hadn't expected such a confession so soon. They'd only been together for a little over three weeks.
"Dan," she sighed, and not in a good way.
He realized then that Chuck was obviously a problem. At the beginning, it seemed like Serena would be Blair's chief concern since they were best friends, but he was starting to realize, just like he had before the accident, that losing Chuck would be even worse for Blair.
As if he could forget Blair's pact with God, he scolded himself.
"Blair, I know it's not the time, but this is a monumental moment for us, and-"
"I'm a little more concerned for losing Chuck from my life permanently than the next momentous occasion in our relationship," she interrupted, angry passion in her voice.
His eyebrows narrowed and he frowned. He was shell-shocked, stunned, and silent. Finally, he took a step away from her. And then another.
"Maybe you should go home, Blair," he said quietly, wrapping a hand around the back of his neck and rubbing the nonexistent ache.
She felt the hairs on the back of her neck lift and a nasty chill cover every inch of her skin.
"You want me to leave?" she gulped.
"And think," he said. "If we're going to be together, you've got to get your priorities straight."
And suddenly she was very much pissed again.
"If you think I'm going to suddenly dismiss Chuck from my life, think again. We've been friends since we were kids and he helped me get through a lot in high school. It's not just romantic history that I'm basing this off of."
So, he'd been right. Chuck hadn't been a total dick in high school.
Realization dawned when he said nothing. The look on his face told her everything she needed to know.
"Oh my god." She gasped. "Chuck didn't say anything against you today, did he? He defended himself and me. He poured out his heart to you and…you…you told me— Oh my god." She shook her head. "I can't believe this." Her head snapped up to his. "I think you're right. I think I do need to leave."
"Blair, wait-"
She halted in the doorway, purse in hand and a determined angry look on her face.
"You should know, Humphrey, that things started to go downhill with Louis and I only after Louis got jealous of Chuck."
She ignored his lost, regretful stare and slammed the door in his face.
…
Nate nodded down the hall to Chuck's room when she stepped through the door.
"What's going on?" she asked him.
"No idea. But he's been in there all afternoon. Hasn't come out even for a drink and I haven't gone out with Lola or anything. When you told me about the crazy text he sent you I knew something was up."
She nodded and sighed.
"Was anyone else here today?"
"It's possible that Dan was, but Chuck hasn't spoken."
Serena pursed her lips.
"Also…the ingredients for a particular cocktail were out on the bar when I came out here. I know for sure Dan and Chuck don't drink those."
"Blair," she breathed.
Nate nodded. "That's what I'm thinking."
She took a deep breath. "Alright. I'm going in."
"Good luck." He forced a smile, but worry was plain on his face. She swallowed hard and began making her way down the hall.
The door was opened a crack. She knocked lightly but the shuffling about inside blocked out the sound. She tried again, this time a little louder, but Chuck never appeared in front of her. She pushed the door open and found him rummaging through his stuff and tossing various suits in the direction of a suitcase on his bed. She had never seen him be so careless over his clothes in her life.
"Chuck? What's going on?"
He suddenly stopped and looked up at her.
"Serena."
Relief and an uncharacteristic joy colored his face. Serena felt unbelievably loved at that moment. She reminded herself though that she still needed to be concerned. His text about her running away with him for a couple weeks had been mildly disturbing, especially since he had insisted on doing it tonight.
He frowned when he saw she had come empty-handed.
"Where's your stuff?"
"Downstairs. They're holding it for me in the lobby," she said offhandedly. It wasn't a lie. She'd brought a suitcase packed two-weeks' worth, just in case there was some logic to his demand.
He nodded once and smiled briefly. "Good. I'm almost done. Then we can go."
She looked at the pile of clothes on his bed and begged to differ but said nothing. Instead she crossed the room and sank into a chair.
"So, what's going on, Chuck?" She assumed the role of a therapist.
"Just thought we could get away for awhile. It's been nice the last couple days…the two of us hanging out. If we go away, there won't be as many interruptions."
"And heartbreak?" she offered.
He stopped briefly, thumbing his way through the hung suits in his closet.
"Yes. That too."
"Chuck…" she sighed. "What happened today?"
He turned around. "What are you talking about?"
"Did Dan or Blair stop by?"
He stiffened.
She nodded. "Double duty. Okay, look." She stood to her feet and stared him down. "I know what you went through today was probably hard, but-"
"Hard?" he laughed. And just like that his guard was down. "With all due respect, Serena, you have no idea what I went through today."
She braced herself and buried every self defense and accusation that came to mind.
"What happened?" she asked. He was too much in a rage to notice how forced the question was.
"Dan came over." He tossed another suit onto the bed. "Tried to fucking apologize and then proceeded to tell me how much of an ass I've been to Blair and how I don't deserve her. Threw all my mistakes in my face, the hotel, Jenny, everything."
Overwhelming compassion suddenly struck her.
"Oh Chuck…"
"And then he dared to ask me if we could still be friends!" he fumed.
She looked at him sadly. "I'm sorry."
He cleared his throat after he'd calmed down somewhat. She saw his throat working and knew that he was thinking of the next cause to his misery. This one hurt more.
"Then Blair came to see me," he said sadly. "Apparently she'd just been waiting in the lobby to hear Dan's report on what had gone down." His throat worked again, swallowing hard. "Safe to say that conversation ended in tears, not angry yelling." His eyes looked up to hers, and she could see the tears starting to surface in his eyes. "We cried, Serena." His voice broke. "Both of us." He sighed. "She…she didn't even finish the cocktail I made her. Her favorite one, you know?"
Serena nodded sadly.
"After a while I decided to stop feeling sorry for myself and come up with a new plan. We've been sulking for too long. We need to do something about it or we're going to be stuck in this limbo forever."
She looked intrigued.
"I'm listening. What did you have in mind?"
"Time travel."
"What?" she blanched.
"Okay, hear me out." He came around the bed and walked towards her. "I know I said it was a load of crap this morning, and technically it probably is, but we can't keep reliving these memories of us with them in our heads day in and day out."
"So your solution is to go back in time and see a more solid visual?"
"No. Fix them. Like you suggested."
"Chuck, I was in my innocent place and probably still half drunk at the time." She paused. "Though, I am curious. What in the world could have made you change your mind?"
"I looked into the Bass Inc. accounts and my own personal funds, along with the income from the Empire. We have more than enough money to fund some research."
"But that could take months, Chuck. Or years! People have been researching time travel farther back than I can even imagine."
He sighed and nodded. "Yes, I know that, which is why this may be a shot in the dark, but I think we should make a go for it. We'll go to the Hamptons for a couple weeks while the research is going on. If nothing comes of it, we'll come back with some solid ground under our feet after being away from Dan and Blair for awhile. But maybe we'll get lucky."
She looked into his hopeful eyes and knew that she was going to say yes even though she was feeling more doubtful than he had that morning.
"Why me?" she asked.
"You're the only one who has even the faintest idea of what I'm going through right now, and correct me if I'm wrong, but I think I'm the same person for you."
She nodded. "Yes. You are."
"So?"
She pulled herself to her feet and smiled brightly at him.
"Let's find that time machine."
…..
A/N: That was INSANELY long. Lol. Hopefully next chapter they'll finally make the leap. Please review! ;)