A/N: I know it's taken a long time. Shh! Lol And also, please review. XD Your comments so far have been much appreciated. =)
*I own nothing. No copyright infringement intended.
DEDICATION: scarlett2u – apparently Blair flailing around on the ladder at the Hampton's house in chapter 4 was amazing? Thanks for reminding me, dear. ;)
…
Ch.8—Look Away Once
"You posed as Gossip Girl?" Serena asked, outraged.
Chuck glared.
"It was a good idea."
She laughed nervously and started to pace across the room.
Her muttered cursing did not go unnoticed by him. Finally, he stood up and crossed the room, causing her to nearly collide with him halfway to the bar.
"You'll thank me when this is over," he said, pouring scotch into a glass.
Serena froze on the near collision and now turned to him once she heard the splash of alcohol into her step-brother's glass.
"Thank-you?" she asked, flabbergasted. It was clear she was on the verge of shattering into a million pieces.
Chuck calmly took a sip of his scotch and looked at her evenly.
Serena muffled a shriek of impatience and stalked over to him, sitting roughly on the stool in front of the bar.
"Tell me one good thing that will come of this," she demanded.
"Well…my younger self now thinks he's been caught and he will be forced to choose between his feelings for Blair and for Nate."
Serena mocked him with a harsh laugh.
"And who exactly did you choose last time?" she asked bitterly, silently reminding him of the throw-down in front of the school and what followed.
Chuck's eyes narrowed.
"That was different."
"How?" she burst out.
"Settle down," he demanded, aggravated, as he brought out a bottle of vodka and poured some into a glass, shoving it in front of her. Desperate for some sort of logical solution to their current predicament, Serena brought the glass to her lips and nearly swallowed the drink whole. She slammed the glass back down on the far and he flinched.
"Last time Blair had gone back running to Nate and proceeded to torture me with the fact that she and I had meant nothing and Nate was her end all."
"And the difference this time?"
"Nate hasn't realized that losing Blair is the worst thing that could've happened to him yet. He didn't decide to fight for her again till just before Cotillion."
Serena gathered all her frayed nerves back together and forced herself to breath.
"Okay, I see you're logic," she heard herself say, "but the only immediate result I can see from you texting your younger self that Gossip Girl knows your secret is that younger Chuck and Blair will cease to exist as a secret affair."
Chuck's brows narrowed. "No one is going to find out. If anything, he'll strive to keep this relationship in tact even harder."
"Exactly," she said, staring at him in the hopes that he'd connect the dots like he was normally so prone to do.
He only frowned. She sighed.
"Younger you is going to be paranoid now." If she was not mistaken, he paled. "Before, from what I've heard between you and Blair, the only thing you were worried about up until the blast came out was losing Blair, not everything. Until Jenny told Nate it was you Gossip Girl had included in her blast, the whole thing was completely anonymous, so you wouldn't get hurt."
"I remember," he said gruffly, though it was clear that up until that moment he'd forgotten.
Serena's frustration dissolved at the sad look on her step-brother's face. She slid off the stool and walked around the bar to him. She touched his arm to snap him out of the semi-trance he'd fallen into, his eyes glued to a single drop of vodka on the countertop.
"Hey," she soothed. Finally, he turned his head to her, searching for an answer in her deep blue depths. "Maybe you should take a break from this. We could go out the back door…drive to another city…spend a night out on the town in good 'ol 2007?"
Chuck laughed on a sigh and pulled out of her grasp, walking around the bar to collapse on the couch in the middle of the room.
"If only," he murmured.
Serena frowned and followed him, hovering just behind the couch where he sat.
"This isn't something we can just put on pause, Serena. Life will keep moving and if something happens-"
She circled around and sat beside him on the couch, tucking her legs beneath her.
"Then, we'll fix it."
He turned to look at her, clearly in disbelief that she'd even suggested it. Then he turned away and shook his head.
"Chuck." She sighed and sunk back into the cushions, still facing him. "This is never going to work if you plan out all your moves based on whatever driving emotion you feel at the time."
"I'm not."
"You have to step out of the box, look at the big picture…all those crazy clichés," she said, ending on a sad laugh.
His eyes lifted to hers.
"I am."
She tilted her head to the side, clear doubt on her face. He continued to stare at her, irritated that she didn't believe him but fearful too that she might be right.
"Then why did you forget everything I just told you?"
He looked away.
She put her hand over his and squeezed gently.
"You're so stuck in the mentality of yourself pre-Cotillion that you can't see the aftermath of what actually happened."
He was silent for so long she began to get worried, but finally she felt his thumb closing over hers and he turned to her with the most heartbroken look she'd ever seen. Her lips parted as her own heart started to break. Now she knew how Blair felt years before. She'd been feeling this way for awhile.
Desperately wanting to fix the unfixable.
"Cotillion was the first time I really broke in my life, over anything. I buried the hurt in alcohol and drugs and women, and eventually revenge and blackmail, to cover the insecurity, but…" he sighed, "None of it worked." He looked up at her. "If I can prevent that first break-up from happening…who knows what could happen? Maybe everything would have turned out differently."
He sounded so hopeful she didn't want to bring up the potential downsides to his plan, even if she understood the motivation that drove it.
He let his head sink back into the cushions.
"I just want Blair to love me again," he murmured.
Serena's eyes widened in hopelessness. The inability to fix Chuck Bass was overwhelming. She didn't know how Blair did it for so long. She must have had incredible strength and…loved him so, so much.
"She still loves you, Chuck," she said softly.
He turned his face away.
"You know, I think you're right," he said, turning back to her and suddenly standing to his feet. He held out his hand to her. "Let's go out tonight. We'll fix whatever happens when we get back tomorrow."
She smiled tremulously, worried as to his sudden switch in mood, but took his hand and let him help her to her feet. At times like this she wished she had Blair's talent of knowing Chuck so well. She would have given her soul to know what he was thinking and feeling and what his plans were.
"Where are we going?" she asked instead.
He only smiled at her and then curved his arm for her to loop hers through. She looked at it questionably, but finally succumbed. If Chuck Bass needed to get away for the night, as she'd suggested, she wouldn't get in the way of how he did it.
…
He was sweating, his phone starting to slip from his fingers. He felt cold and hot. Chills rippled throughout his entire being. That simple text alone threatened to tear his entire world apart, because Blair had become his world and he couldn't control it. No matter how hard he wanted to, and how at times he would beat himself up for becoming for all intents and purposes what could be justified as whipped – something he'd cringe at under normal circumstances – now the threat of losing Blair was so much worse.
It would only be a matter of time before Gossip Girl blasted her secret, and then it would be all over. He'd lose Nate and Blair. Blair would lose everything. Because the likes of Blair Waldorf wouldn't catch herself dead hanging around Chuck Bass in a sexual manner.
That boiled the blood in his veins. It brought the fantasy to a crashing halt and reality back to the forefront.
He wasn't good enough for her. He never would be. He should just give her up now when they still had a chance to explain themselves to those around them, prove that the blast was false somehow, and go back to the lives they had lived before.
Before them. Before he'd known true happiness.
The pain lacing through him threatened to eat him alive. It was a vile disease. This horrid punishment that now hung over his head… He hadn't had a single guilty thought about this newfound development in his relationship with Blair since the moment he kissed her in the back of his limo.
But now the carefully intact plan he'd placed together with seeming ease was unraveling before his very eyes.
And just from one text.
I know your secret.
A sweet feminine moan broke the dark cloud that consumed him as he stared at his phone, barely able to hold it still in his grasp.
"Hey," she said softly, the feather-like touch of her fingers grazing the side of his face.
Finally, he set his phone down and turned to look at her. The angelic, innocent smile on her face put him at ease. The tension drifted out of him and he sat up and moved towards her, cuddling her in his arms. She rubbed her against his, nuzzling him and then nestled her head in the crook of his neck.
He wanted to scream, because this was so perfect and he couldn't bear to lose it. She was so perfect, and she was all his. She was supposed to be. How had the one person able to destroy what they had so flawlessly found out? Who in the world had known about them to begin with?
His first thought was Serena but he doubted the blonde would go to such levels out of mere disgust for him and concern for her best friend. She'd made her position well known when she'd shown up at his suite the night before. He didn't think any of her declarations and/or threats could be attributed to this kind of betrayal though. She'd almost been stuttering when she delivered them to him.
"I told Serena I didn't sleep with you because of your natural musk," she murmured.
Despite himself, he smirked.
"Why did you sleep with me then?" he asked smugly, ready for her post-coital quite pathetic denial.
She sighed contently, snuggling closer.
"As far as she knows, it's because I wanted to get revenge on Nate for how he had been treating me, needing release and all that, you know." She yawned. "Sleeping with the best friend is the best way to go, don't you think?"
He froze, every brain cell in his head completely gone, vanished. Panic took over him, and with that, insecurity. If she really thought these things, and then if she saw the Gossip Girl text he'd been sent… she'd have no trouble ending things between them. She'd blame him for everything for sure.
He gulped.
"So, why did you sleep with me?" he dared, trying his very best to keep the arrogance in his voice, as if he knew what she was going to say when for once he truly didn't and feared the worst.
She pulled back and looked at him, her eyes serious.
"I don't know," she said, searching his face for the answer she couldn't find in herself. "I think it's because you made me feel wanted." She smiled softly. "You made me feel…" She drew her finger down his chest to his stomach, watching how he clenched deliciously at the feel of her on him, almost lowering to where he was always ready for her. "Alive," she finished, her sultry eyes lifting back to his.
He hadn't the slightest what to do with himself, so he kissed her. Hard and fast and hot; and he abandoned his phone on the floor, kicking it as far away as was possible. Because she couldn't see it. He couldn't lose this. It was too damn precious to him. He didn't know when or how really he let Blair take over his life like this, but he couldn't undo the damage and he didn't want to.
He didn't want to think about the future, because that meant maybe reconsidering his reputation as notorious womanizer of the Upper East Side, certainly not one who would commit to any woman.
But in the present all he wanted was Blair. He was drunk on her. She filled his every thought, every fantasy. There was never a moment she wasn't on his mind. When he was with her, he felt happier than he had ever been. The desire to be with her was ever present. Sex never got old with her, only more exciting, especially because he was the one to teach her everything. Whenever she started to look or act insecure he was able to be there for her and cheer her up, make her feel like the most beautiful girl in the world.
On occasion he would mentally smack himself in the face for being so affectionate and attentive towards her. He certainly did not want to become clingy, god forbid. That he would never be able to live down.
Increasingly though, she was becoming more upbeat and positive, carefree and light the more time they spent together. She was bitchy, but because of pride, not scorn. And he knew he was the cause. It had only been a few weeks and he was striving to resist thinking too far in the future, but if the future was one without her in it, without moments like these and her looking at him the way she did now, he wanted to make the present last for as long as possible.
…
They didn't have sex again in the limo. They just made out again – for a long time. Then he dropped her off at home, making sure to keep his phone glued to his side during the whole transaction and giving her a kiss she'd never forget just before she exited his limo two blocks away so she wouldn't be seen with him.
Then he made a point of hanging out with Nate. He had to be on good terms with his best friend if Gossip Girl ever let the news out of what exactly he and Blair had been up to.
His mind had been Blair-Blair-Blair 24/7 since the night at Victrola, but Nate was going through hell with all things regarding the Captain, and if he came through somehow in that sector, maybe he'd forgive him eventually when he discovered his best friend had been carrying on a secret affair with his ex, beginning twenty minutes after they'd broken up from an at least five-year relationship.
So what if his way of 'helping Nate out' was getting high in his suite?
He was Chuck Bass not Mother Teresa.
"So, how are things on the parental front?" Chuck asked, dragging out every word with a thick, smug grin on his face. He'd meant it to come off as a smirk, but things were starting to get fuzzy.
"Horrible." Nate pouted, sucking in more of the drug than was probably healthy – as if this could be considered a healthy activity by any means. "I think my dad's going to jail."
"Jail?" Chuck asked, as if he'd never heard the word before.
"I think so." Nate sighed loudly.
Chuck began to worry slightly. Despite the fact that his 'high state' was coming to him quicker than normal, he'd also taken less doses than Nate and was becoming well aware that his best friend was handling the drug better than he was.
"Why don't you get some hoes?" Chuck asked, laughing.
His conscience – which hardly came out – scolded him.
You're a horrible friend.
He ignored it.
Nate joined him in his laughter.
"That would only make things worse!" He slapped his leg. "They want me to give the Vanderbuild ring to Blair!" he shouted, exasperated – and high.
Chuck's eyes widened, even as he laughed.
There was a lot at stake here.
He snorted. "You're not actually going to give it to her, are you?" he chuckled.
Nate shook his head, still laughing. "No man, I need a break from Blair." He was almost whining. "She's too much drama. And so insecure. Not what I need right now. Mm-mm."
Chuck was torn between defending Blair, half-agreeing with Nate and just falling asleep.
"I mean…" Nate sighed, clearly too exhausted to even explain himself.
Chuck was glad for that.
"Well," he smacked him, reaching for his arm, but going too far and hitting his chest. "If you ever need anything, just lemme know and I'm there." Chuck winked.
"Thanks, bro," Nate said solemnly, as if they were his parting words. "You're the best."
Chuck shrugged, sucking in more of the drugs.
"No, I mean it, dude," Nate continued, clearly deciding listing off Chuck as every male nickname was the cool thing to do. "You are really the best, man. You get me drugs…"
Chuck smirked.
"You listen…"
The smirk spread into a smile.
"You save me from the clutches of evil-doers like Carter Baizen even after I insist that I do want to play with evil-doers like Carter Baizen…"
Chuck chuckled.
"You are just…" Nate sighed dramatically, and loudly. "the best!"
Nate turned and hugged Chuck – fell on him, really; and then he fell asleep. They both did.
And Chuck's phone fell out of his pocket.
….
A/N: In case it was unclear, since a lot of you seemed to have the wrong impression after the last chapter. Future!Chuck was not making out with 17-year-old Blair last chapter. Last chapter was ALL season 1 CB. You will KNOW when & if S5 CS involve themselves with their counterparts from S1 =)
Please review. (If you're still following this fic. Again, sorry for the delay. ;))