Chapter 36: the inner thoughts of Remus Lupin

RPOV

I still couldn't figure out if she fainted because of the stress on her body or the news she had received...maybe it was both.

Dumbledore left us in his office; I was still just sitting there on his floor staring at my beautiful love. She had turned onto her side and bent her legs up a little bit. She looked tiny in my shirt, despite the fact that she thinks she's getting fat with all the food she eats here. I think she's mental; she's still barely bigger then Hermione. The fact that she borrows clothes from both Ginny and Hermione should be proof enough that she's...well small.

It was hard to believe that this beautiful fragile woman in front of me that looked like she couldn't hurt a fly...was the same thing I was now...a monster.

Everything just seemed to happen way to fast, since yesterday morning.

I had let her into my life...this was the inevitable outcome, how could I have let it get this far? My whole life there has been no one who has gotten in, the only other person I had tried briefly to have a relationship with...was Tonks. Yeah there had been a lot of other girls, but they were just one night stands. They didn't care about me, they're the ones that liked the fact that I was a monster, they didn't think of me as a man.

Tonks, she was the one who saw me as a man...but nothing else. She was never around for the full moon, and she never talked about it. I had tried to ask her many times...on what she thinks of me, and why she never stays with me. At least in the same house, because I would never let anyone in the same room as me when I'm transformed.

Piper had changed that, I had let her and her sister be with me...just because she said so.

She was the first woman to see me as both man and beast...but the strange thing that I didn't understand was...she didn't think of my wolf as a monster. She also didn't really distinguish between the two, to her I was both man and wolf or rather that's what she's been trying to get me to do.

Truthfully my transformation had been a lot less painful these last two times than ever. Since I had stopped taking my potions though Mooney is stronger...so am I. All these years I've been trying to suppress him. Little did I know all I needed was for Piper to come along and change that?

Though, I guess Mooney had told her that it would take awhile for me and him to fully connect again. Both Piper and I have done extensive research on it, and we found out that I should be relatively okay with her here. I won't be any harm to the children as long as Piper was ok

My sense of smell was still heighted from my transformation, so I could smell her, my mate. It made me afraid of what might happen when we're both turned. Next month, I don't want to hurt her. And it's not like Piper to take the submissive role...so to speak.

I was worried Mooney wouldn't like that.

Lifting my hand I moved a stray piece of her hair behind her ear, I leaned in and I kissed her forehead. Even though my energy was drained from the full moon...or maybe it was because it was just the full moon...but all I wanted to do, was lavish my mate in kisses.

I stood to pick her up; she would be more comfortable on our bed. My heart warmed when she wrapped her arms around my neck and snuggled into me, I walked back towards the fireplace and brought us to our room. For years I had thought I would never find my mate, I had accepted that fact. But now with Piper here...I know I could never live without her in my life, and if she hadn't come along...I would've surely died.

After I laid her on the bed I stood there for a second longer just looking at her, I would've stayed there all day...but I had things to do. I had to go organize things; Piper won't be able to be seen around the castle for a few weeks. I need to make an excuse as to why.

I walked back to our fireplace; I had called a meeting for the Order to get together after the full moon. I truly wasn't sure what was going to happen but I knew I would have to talk to them either way.

Sirius was waiting for me when I stepped into the living room of Number 12. As far as I could tell no one else was there yet. It was silent between us, until he stepped forward...

He pulled his fist back, and before I could move it connected with my face. I fell backwards knocking over some books with me. I knew I deserved that...and I completely understood

"How could you?" those three words had been going through my mind all day, hearing them out loud finally broke whatever I had left standing in me. I didn't bother getting up from the floor; I just put my elbows on my knees and covered my face with my hands.

"I don't know...I can't live without her...and now I've damned her to this life" I could feel the lump in my throat, and the hot tears gathering in my eyes.

I felt my friend kneel in front of me, he put his hand on my shoulder and I just had to look at him. I had to see if he truly thought of me as a horrible thing after what I've done...

My nose was bleeding, but really it was the only thing that was truly reminding me that this was real. I really did this.

"Get up; we'll deal with you later. The rest of the Order should be here soon." He said standing and holding out his hand for me.

"Why didn't you tell us this was going to happen, Remus? Certainly you knew long before last night." McGonagall said she was one of the only teachers that Piper had gotten close to.

"Simply telling us we need to have a meeting after this full moon definitely wasn't enough." Molly said as she put some cookies on the table.

"Molly that's enough, sit down" Arthur said, and I looked at the cookies and other desserts set across the table. As soon as she got here she started baking. Arthur said it calmed her.

Word had already gotten out this morning, I don't know how...but it did. Not that it mattered anyway, they know. I chanced a look around the table...they were all looking right back at me, and probably my black eye. Which they all knew Sirius gave me.

"I wasn't completely sure...it was her idea. Well it was Mooney's idea, he made Piper choose it. I tried to convince her not to...but she wouldn't listen. I knew though, that no matter what happened I'd need to talk to all of you. To make a plan, she can't be around the castle for the first month at least. Her eyes are white, and her first change will be the worst. We can't chance having her there with the kids." I hated having to explain this to them. But they have no idea how it really is. We had been sitting there talking for almost two hours now, and the pull in my heart for my mate was starting to hurt.

"I have to get back, she'll be waking up soon" I said standing. Well...I at least hoped she'd wake up when I got there.

"When she wakes, bring her here." Albus said. I hadn't spent any time alone with her since the full moon...

"It wasn't a question Remus" he said before I could protest. I could tell they were all mad at me, but if they knew...if they knew I would've died if she didn't do it, then I'm sure they would think different.

Though I still had another month or two...I would've waited years for her to be ready. She only did it because Mooney told her I only had a month...now that she's a wolf also; I just hope that she understands why Mooney did it now.

so yeah...its prolly been over or possibly under a year since i've last updated...lol...but oh well...

:P :D

XOXOXOXO